Rosco the Time-Traveling Salesman by Emachinescat
A Merlin Fan-Fiction
SUMMARY: A strange man from the year 2010 has arrived in Camelot, selling strange and wonderful things, like cell phones, computers, televisions...and books about sparkling vampires? Inspired by Merlin Children in Need 2009, what happens when one by one the residents of Camelot succumb to the forces of our modern world? And when war is upon them, will Merlin be able to stop playing Wizard 101 long enough to put an end to the madness? Crack!fic, pure and simple.
A/N: As this is a crack!fic, it is meant to be funny. Logic obviously doesn't apply here, but then again, when does it really? This story was inspired by the Merlin Children in Need 2009 special, in which technology came to Camelot. Except this time, technology isn't all that's coming – all the hottest items of 2010 are going to find themselves in Camelot… where chaos is going to ensue via cell phones, lap tops, X-Boxes, Nerf guns, Twilight, and more. Please read, review, and enjoy. This is purely for fun. :) Updates should come often as the chapters will be fairly short and easy to write and it shouldn't affect any of my other stories as this is a side-project. REVIEW! ;o)
Rosco the Time-Travelling Salesman
Prologue: Rosco's Plan
Rosco had a plan. This wasn't something strange within itself – Rosco always had a plan. But this one, this plan…it was the most devious, most ingenious, and most extreme plot he had ever concocted, and it was all thanks to his time machine.
Forget the fact that it technically wasn't his time machine. He had borrowed it – without permission – from a strange man wearing an odd, futuristic jumpsuit made of shiny blue latex and yelling, "Eureka! I've done it – my time machine actually works!"
Rosco had always wanted a time machine, but there was no way that he would have ever been able to build one of his own. After all, he wasn't a scientist – he was a salesman, and a good one at that. He could sold anything to anybody, and he had – he'd sold timeshares, watches, poodles, escargot, cell phones, books, toys, noodles, guns, sports paraphernalia, cars, helicopters… The list went on and on.
But there was one thing he hadn't done – he had never sold anything to anyone of any other era. There was only so much that the people of 2010 would buy – after all, money was tight and pockets were getting picky with what they spit out in exchange for goods. And when he had commandeered the time machine, he had had an epiphany. He was going to do something no salesman had done before – he was going to peddle his wares in other times.
Who said that people in Ancient Greece wouldn't appreciate Lady Gaga CDs? Or that the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt would object to wearing t-shirts that said "I'm with stupid," or that the mighty Romans wouldn't want to watch TV? He could sell Twilight merchandise to the young Transylvanian girls of the 1700s who wanted nothing more than to fall in love with a vampire (although he was pretty sure that Count Dracula hadn't sparkled). He could set up cell phone kiosks in ancient Asia and provide the cavemen in the time of the dinosaurs with something a bit more substantial than a club to protect themselves with. He'd introduce video games to the 1400s, iPods to the 1500s, and Facebook to the 1600s. He knew the kind of payment he'd receive wouldn't work for him in this time, but who said that he had to live in 2010? He could travel around, living wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and sell his goods until he had to make a trip to the present for some more stuff to sell.
It was fool-proof. He would be the greatest salesman ever, because he would sell to everyone. But where to start?
He pondered this as he considered the screen of the time machine, his long fingers hovering just above the buttons, ready to choose a destination. Where to sell, oh where to sell?
A thought struck him – a beautiful, insane, wonderful idea. He was going to be a legend, was he not? So why not go to a time and place where one of the greatest legends of all time had been born? Surely the medieval crowd would appreciate his vast array of merchandise. He would be a hero in their eyes, a savior to bring them out of their dark ages and into a new era, an era of peace, prosperity, and technology.
With an excited grin on his sly face, he punched in: Camelot
Then he sat back, relaxed, and listened to the rambling of the machine while it started up, shook a bit, coughed a bit of purple smoke, and then disappeared into the time-space-continuum with a flash and a bang.
Camelot had no idea what was about to hit them.
A/N: So, Rosco's off to Camelot, where he's going to be selling some of today's most bought stuff. In the next chapter, we'll see Rosco's arrival in Camelot and everyone's initial reactions. And then the real fun will begin. Heehee…
Please review! :D