Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh
"Come on Bakura we really need to reply to the questions for our column." Ryou said. He was right it has been weeks since the last column and people were getting impatient.
"There is no 'our' column it's just mine." Bakura muttered.
"You said I could reply to some of the questions, we need to start typing." Ryou replied.
"Fine, whatever, let's get this over with." Bakura said as he began to read the submissions.
I'm probably going to ether take over the world or end it in darkness (come to the dark side we have cookies) or say screw it and go cause chaos.
Good for you the dark side not only has cookies but it has cake too. Considering I'm going to take over the world, if I were you I would just cause as much chaos as possible.
Dear God of all things Dark,
The massacre was a complete success! I moved so now I'm going to your school. If you have a random Chocolate-Strawberry cake on your desk, know it is from me. So, my looks are different, and now I need a new tactic of massacre. People will know who I am if I use the same stuff. Got any ideas?
From, Torture Girl
So that's where the cake came from, it was pretty good. If you are plotting to massacre the school make sure I'm not there. Maybe poison everyone's food but I suppose that isn't bloody enough. Damn I can't think of anything, I'll get back to you on this one.
What are your thoughts on a zombie apocalypse?
Would you become part of the horde and destroy all humans?
Or become a survivor and kill off zombies with your badassery?
I suppose a zombie apocalypse would be pretty cool. Hell yes I would help destroy all the pathetic mortals but if the zombies got in my way I would probably have to kill them off with my so called "badassery"
Dear my new bff,
There are 2 ubber stupid loser boyz in my class. will u kill them 4 me? i cant be caught with another murder so, yeah... oh and i thinkz u iz ubber smexy so go out with me... (yes)
p.s. u oviosy know my sis little angel cuz she was the one who showed me this colum (kill her 2)
-little devil (a.k.a needs 2 marry u)
Dear little devil,
First of all I'm not your best friend or even friend and I never will be. Yeah I suppose I could kill them and then you for lack of basic spelling and grammar. Why must you add 'z' to every word? As for your sister I need readers so I won't kill her but I might slowly torture her for showing you this column. Thanks to her my eyes have almost bled from reading this question. Lastly even if you were the last person on the planet I wouldn't go out with you. I would rather go out with Marik.
Dear Godness of Shadows (or should I call you dear Godness of good cooking, seeing as you are Ryou right now),
Actually yes, I have too much time, that gets me bored out of my mind (not that I even had one to begin), therefore I can`t think properly (or not at all), and you know the rest!^^
I am a Yaoi-fangirl, so we WILL be discussing your love life! D
Some recipe of some kind I should try out?
Melvin? Honestly, it can`t go any stupider than now, it just can`t! O_O;
Why should he care about his hikari anyway? Is there something going on? ...Well~ it`s definitely worth some snooping... XD
-TOD ZUYO, insane fan girl of Bakushipping
Dear TOD ZUYO,
Ryou is telling me that you should try out this great banana bread recipe apparently it's amazing which is-
"Bakura!" Marik exclaimed as he came walking in the room.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Bakura asked annoyed that the tomb keeper was interrupting his work.
"Whoever this 'insane fangirl of Bakushipping' is she is talking about me! I don't appreciate being talked about and neither does Melvin." Marik replied.
"Maybe you're just mad because there is something going on between you and Melvin." Bakura said with a smirk.
"There is not!"
"I bet there is." Bakura said.
"Maybe I'll just write the reply." Ryou thought to himself as he walked over to the desk and wrote the reply.
Dear TOD ZUYO,
This is Ryou Bakura replying, thanks for your question. At the moment Bakura is a bit busy so I thought I would go ahead and answer, besides his recipes usually involve blood or something. Anyways if you like banana bread I have a wonderful recipe that I enclosed in this letter. I also put a nice recipe for pie because everyone loves pie. I hope this was helpful, I look forward to any other questions you might have.
"Hikari! What are you doing?" Bakura snapped.
"All I did was reply, that's what we're supposed to do but you got distracted." Ryou replied with a tiny shrug.
"Well don't do it again unless I tell you." Bakura said sitting back down and looking at the next question.
^^ I muchly appreciate my new knife. It shall be put to good use. Believe me. (I just got done watching Sweeney Todd...so I mean...I'm in a sadistic mood...muahah XDD)
Anywayyyyy, hmm...debating as to whether or not to ask another question if i do, it'll be for Ryou XD I'm afraid Fluffy will kill me if I ask him another one...
Bah, I got nothing XD ill think of one later.
Sweeny Todd is one of my favorite movies, good choice. I wouldn't kill you if you asked a question, but slow painful torture might be involved.
How long do you think the evil spirit processing you will allow you to answer questions?
Well if everything goes well I'm hoping he will let me answer questions for this column for a while. After all I am the one who is really supposed to be doing this.
Is Ryou going to be acting like Bakura in his own seemingly innocent way or is he actually that innocent?,
Sadly he is actually that innocent. I've tried countless times to get him to join the dark side but he refuses. I have even tried to give him cake and he still denies it.
Dear, Florence, Ryou, whoever happens to be answering the letters,
Several things (sorry if it's too long):
My friend really likes Marik for some unfathomable reason. Can you insult him for me? Kthanks. Also, out of curiosity, what would your reaction be if I said that tabletop RPGs are more interesting than card games? :P And thirdly...the Millennium Puzzle has a chain on it, right? Here's what you do: ambush Yugi when he's walking home, grab the chain, and STRANGLE THE LITTLE madly
Do let me know if it works.
Dear Toaster Omlette,
Marik is a and always be a complete and utter moron who really needs to stop shopping in the women's section. If you said that anything is better than card games I would tell you that you are wrong. I like that idea; I'm going to go test it.
I would love for you to send him to the shadow realm; he made us run 2 miles! So just say what type of pie you want and I will get you one or two, I won't make it I suck at that sort of things.
OK so my question now is have you watched Black Butler? If you have do you like it?
oh and If that Miss sue keeps threatening to stop the column I could always suck her blood for you or help you make to make her "go away"
Dear Vampire Prinssess,
No problem and I'll take a cherry pie. No I have never watched Black Butler so I don't have an opinion on it. Haha yes many of the reviewers seem to hate Miss Sue as much as I do, maybe we should form a group or something. Thanks for the offer.
Reporter- "It would seem that the woman in charge of Advice Column for students has had a very life threatening heart attack. Now one is sure how it happened, but we can only hope for the best. It would also seem that Bakura Ryou will be left in charge until things can be figured out.-"
I did that for you, also, I just found out my aunt died, along with my grandmother. I was wondering how you cope with the loss of someone. *CRIES*
*in serious pain and can't breathe* Krazynkuki
Thanks for doing that although it didn't work because Miss Sue is still angrily editing the school paper. I'm sorry for your loss, I really am terrible at crap like this because I can't say oh just kill someone, and actually I guess you could to get your anger out or something. I guess if you're a having a really difficult time talk to your family and friends, they are there to support you. (No I am not giving a damn friendship speech)
I'm supposed to be writing a one-shot for my friend (Antagoshipping) but, I'm not sure what forces Bakura to check up on Kaiba... Can you help me out?
Well that's going to be an interesting story I'd love to read it. As for why Bakura checks up Kaiba hmm maybe Kaiba somehow got a Millennium Item or Bakura thought he had one since that's almost all Bakura cares about. I'm too sure, that's a tough concept. I bet whatever you come up with will be great though.
Oh, that Sue lady's goin' down. DOWN, I tell you! School's bad enough without them taking the only reading material without awesome murder-tactics. I shall not allow it!
Bet the witch's first name is Mary. That would explain everything.
P.S. Glad you enjoyed the chocolate Santa.
Many people seem to want to destroy Sue, it's hilarious. You know her first name is actually Mary and the chocolate Santa was awesome.
If you had to choose your favorite anime other than yu-gi-oh, what would you chose? Also, you don't have to answer.
P.S. i 'mistakenly' cut a few of your fan girls in half with a chainsaw.
I wondered why a lot of my fan girls were missing, it was less annoying thanks. My other favorite anime are Death Note, Bleach, and Inuyasha.
Dear, Great ruler of all things evil and cool, and sweet guy (that's my nick name for Ryo)
Okay first I want to thank you for your advice. They'll never know what hit them.
But I have a few more questions they are, Do you plan on killing Marik soon if so do you think you could do it oh ...I don't know TO DAY?
So if you haven't guessed already I am a very sweet child, How do I become at least a tiny bit evil so in other words could you grant me some of your evil powers?
This one is for sweet guy could you talk the great ruler into kill Justin Beiber?
Again for sweet guy, do you know how to be evil and be good at the same time? I mean I still want to be good but I also want some evil.
Last question I promise Do you guys like your name? If so rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.
Good luck, Little angel
Dear Little angel,
Believe me I was very close to killing Marik today but I decided that I need to kill the Pharaoh first so I locked Marik in a dark closet. You're not sweet; you were just saying I should kill someone. Also I like my name so I give it a ten.
Well I don't think killing people is right or good so I'm not going to talk to Bakura about killing Justin Beiber. I say just stay good if you do I will bake you cupcakes, that's right the dark side has cookies but the good side has Ryou Bakura's famous cupcakes. Yeah I like my name I give it a ten.
I noticed from one of your earlier replies you like death note. So who's your favorite person in it? I like L and BB.
~Fangs, Rio and Luca
P.S: Here is a flamethrower, a chocolate chip brownie cheesecake and grenade launcher. Knock yourself out. ;)
Dear Fangs, Rio and Luca,
I like BB and Mello, BB because he's a murder and epic. I also like Ryuk and L because they are made of pure awesome. Cheesecake, flamethrowers, and grenade launchers, yes you are definitely a favorite reviewer.
Dearest little fluffy,
Do you hold any romantic feelings for your darker half? If not, who do you like romantically?
I don't really feel comfortable sharing my love life with people, especially since Bakura is watching me. I think he would be extremely mad if he found out. I'm really sorry I can't be more specific.
Note to friend9810:
You're really IC when it comes to Bakura so I have to give you a huuuuuge pat on the back! I love reading your story, lovely! If I may ask, what's your OTP? Are you into tendershipping or a different kind of shipping?
"What kind of lame reply is that? You could have just said no and you forgot to reply to the note at the bottom." Bakura said.
"My reply was not that bad and the note is addressed to someone named friend9810 I'm not going to reply to it." Ryou replied confidently.
"Well then I'll reply to it." Bakura said. As the white haired teen was about to reply, a teenaged girl came skipping in.
"Wait my screen name is friend9810 I'll reply Mr. Fluffy." She said with a grin.
Thanks for the review! It means a lot, as for my shipping well I don't know. I used to not like any shipping really, then I started writing this and I kind of like tendershipping or thiefshipping.
"What does any of that mean and who are you?" Bakura growled, angry that someone wrote in his column other than him or Ryou.
"Bye!" The girl said and then ran away.
...Are you a member of the White-Haired Fiend Guild? If not you should join, its fun. (Yes I have white hair. I have the friendship freak to blame for that. She and her goons carved the word "friendship" on my leg last year for "denying the awesome power of friendship". The shame, I hate being short. And I hate the girls' uniform because you can't hide any decent weapons in it. I was in a padded room for a while. You may or may not have heard about that one. I still have a few screws loose. I couldn't even get them in trouble for it since the bastard Pharaoh *BLEGHBADWORD* threatened to send me to the Shadow Realm if I ever tried... and I'd rather keep my soul INSIDE my body.) There's an all you can eat cheesecake buffet where we exchange torture tips. I had no idea so many flavors of cheesecake even EXISTED... And there's cream puffs if Ryou wants them. I happen to like him (Not like that though... I have this issue when it comes to stuff like that.)
I enclose photographs of my infant minions making the friendship freak's life a living hell. No one ever suspects the infants... unless they're awesomely evil themselves. This is only Phase One. I will have my revenge on those bastards yet. (You can join in if you like.) I hate everyone too (that is, with certain exceptions like you and Ryou, since you're awesome and all)... for the most part they should all just go die. Or find a way to not suck so much (yeah like that's ever going to happen...)
Your fanraptors get scarier by the day...
The White-Haired fiend Guild sounds like a lot of fun, I'll join. A cheesecake buffet sounds like heaven. Alright that's it I'm going to murder all of the Pharaoh's friends and then him. I hate everyone too except some of you people because you give me things and like weaponry. I may need to borrow one of your infant minions for a plan of mine mwhahaaha.
I see the teachers saw the 'violence' in these things. But, obviously they can't read well if they think poor little Ryou is writing them.
P.S. (this has to be the most fanfic-related question on here) My friend wants to know if Yami Bakura killed your mother and sister and made it look like an accident?
(A/N nope Yami Bakura didn't do that, I would have to send crazy fan girls and Marik after him if he did.)
Exactly why Ryou is helping me this time, stupid Miss Sue will not win.
You said something about a Death Note. Where did you get it? Did you steal mine? Who is your Shinigami?
I WILL BE GOD OF THE NEW WORLD!
- TheFirstKira (You'll never know who I really am, L, mwahaha!)
Yeah I stole it from you, sorry about that. Actually I'm not sorry for anything, Ryuk is my Shinigami I just gave him a lot of apples.
Do you like waffles?
Waffles are yum. Like, really yum.
Do you like Orange Fanta? Orange Fanta is also yum, but I think that all the other flavors are just gross.
Dear Florence-Chan, King of the Fluffy Bunnies,
Thank you for the chain saw, but I'm afraid that it's...well...wet. And stained. With blood. Uh...and...The really bad thing is that it's a combo of my blood and a poor hobo persons...and...Your chainsaw is blocked up with his tummy and my right arm...so...oops...
Okay, well, biiii guysss!
P.S. Please hook up soon! You two make an awesome couple!
Yes I love waffles and Orange Fanta they are both very yummy. I tried to make waffles for Bakura the other day but he just threw them at me, the jerk.
Isn't that how chainsaws are supposed to be? I always thought they required blood in order to work properly.
I love you. You are my soul mate; I love how you are obsessed with murder, torture and card games. When Can We Hook Up? I can't wait to see how you are in bed. *winks* 3 3
Dear Mike Hawk,
I already have someone you creep.
Bakura has been saying he won't take your virginity. What's your opinion on this?
-That other person
Dear That other person,
I'm perfectly fine with this. Right now I really don't want my virginity taken from me, I just want to wait and take things slow.
Screw Ms. whatever, violence is the answer to almost every problem out there! And thank you, I would enjoy helping with that. I'll get the chainsaws~
- Signed, don't f*ck with my friends
Dear don't fuck with my friends,
I agree violence is always the answer, if only more people thought that way. Excellent, this will be fun.
A/N: YAY for me finally updating, I know it's been a while it won't happen again. Anyways please review; they are what keep the story going.