Disclaimer : I only own my Ravage-muse.
Note : I was chatting over multiple topics with Anasazi Darkmoon when this came to mind. We were talking about my story and a line that always had me laughing, and expanded on it until it turned into a muse for me. LOL
There's also a couple of lines I don't own in here. I'll list them at the end of the chapter to keep from spoiling what's coming. They belong to Anasazi Darkmoon.
This is a tag to my 'Her Twins' story, with Optimus' first repainting.
And I couldn't think of a good title or summary, so yeah, this one sucks. -.-' My muse wasn't that strong for it, but I just HAD to write it.
Summary : What if, after painting Optimus white and green the first time, Bella got bitten by a powerful prank muse? What if she wasn't the only one in the mood to prank? Would the entire base survive the biggest Christmas prank ever?
I smiled down at my little ones. The two youngest were about as tall as Mikeala now, and loved playing with the humans. As for Sunfire, she'd undergone quite the growth spurt and now came up to Jazz's knee plates, though she looked more like a feminine version of Bumblebee. Right now, all three of them were playing in the snow, marvelling at it. Ratchet had recalibrated their external sensors to help them adapt their internal temperatures to protect them from the wet and cold, though he'd done so with a grumble, and now they were attempting to follow Mikeaka's example of making a snow man.
"Momma." Sunfire pouted when she went to pat her snow ball, but hit it too hard, and it collapsed into chunks.
Laughing a litttle, I crouched down and gathered the chunks, patting and rounding them back into a ball for her. "Gently, sweetspark." Setting the ball down in front of her again, I watched as she barely touched it, and laughed again. Not that gently!
"What the slag are they doing?"
Rolling my optics, I shot a look at Barricade, who was almost sneering down at my sparklings with distaste. "It's called 'playing', 'Cade. You might wanna give it a try, sometime." He snorted and shook his head, turning to walk away from me, and I raised an optic ridge. Gathering another handful, I formed a large snowball quickly, before lobbing it at him, and nearly doubling over laughing when it hit smack on the target.
He snarled and spun. "What the pit?"
Immediately he raised a claw to the back of his head, and I choked on my laugh as he began digging at the mound of snow stuck to his head. It was stuck in just the right place, that it almost looked like a pure white Santa cap, peaked on the top of his head. "Like I said, it's called 'playing." He said nothing, shaking his head again with a warning glance before turning and continuing his walk away. "Awww! Did I hurt widdwe Cadie-Wadie's feewlings?" I mocked, causing him to flip me off.
While I was laughing, I helped Sunfire make her other two snowballs, as my little twins decided to try making snow angels, following Rika next to them Then I handed her buttons, a hat, a scarf, two small shovels, and a carrot. She placed the shovels for arms, and everything else where it belonged, then looked at the carrot dubiously.
"I'm not hungry, momma."
I spouted a laugh, collapsing to my knees from the force of it. In fact, every human in hearing range fell over laughing. Not that she could eat it, but I shook my head and waggled the carrot in her face, before gently sticking it where the snowman's nose would go. "There."
"Oh!" Her optics widened in understanding. Then she frowned. "He has a long nose."
"He lied to a lot of people." Rika mock whispered, shooting me a conspiratal look. "That used to be Pinocchio. He wanted to be a real boy, but he lied so many times, he impaled the fairy on his nose, and she cursed him to be a snowman for the rest of existence."
Giving Rika a look, I felt one optic ridge slowly rise. "Creative." I muttered with an impressed nod, before rolling my optics at Sunfire. "And Aunt Rika's just joking, sweetspark. It's human tradition to have coal or a carrot as a nose."
She nodded happily, her little antennae straightening. "Okay momma." She bounced happily, her door wings perked right up, and I couldn't help but giggle at how adorable she was.
Hearing Optimus Prime's voice, I turned and straightened, smiling at him. "Hey boss bot. What's up?"
"The sky." He tilted his head, his face completely serious.
I snorted on a laugh, and he chuckled, shaking his head. "Seriously though. I thought you were supposed to be working on setting up for Christmas. What's going on?" I looked around, seeing the base decorated to the top with wreaths and garlands. Some hung outside, being weather resistant, but others were hung in the opening, and the inside looked like something out of a Christmas fairytale.
We'd moved to Canada for a while, for the Winter Holidays, so we were really having a Christmas. A white, snowy, cold Christmas.
"I...was. I simply do not understand the Holiday." He frowned, confused.
"It's a time for happiness and fun." I smiled at him, causing him to smile back. "We exchange presents with those we care about. Donate to the poor. We eat, drink and be merry." I knew he could google it, so I didn't bother going into details more. "Is it because it's your first Christmas? Well, the first one you've celebrated, anyways?" He nodded, and I blinked. "Huh, we really need to do something special for you guys, then."
"You do not need to do anything for us." He shook his head.
I was about to argue when a voice called out. Looking down, I watched as Will trudged over with Epps at his side, the snow coming up to their calves. "Hey, big guy, have you seen the tree?" He pointed over his shoulder, and I glanced up to see a large snow-covered pine at the edge of the forest. They weren't going to cut a tree this year. Instead, they'd just decorate an outdoor tree with lights.
But seeing the bright green needles and the pristine white snow, laying in just such a way to resemble a white tree with green flames almost, my mind flashed back, and I subtly placed a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. Oh Primus, the Cybertronian Christmas Pimp! I had to hold my breath, my chest heaving with the force of my muffled laughter as the idea expanded beyond Prime. I glanced at Bumblebee, over with his charge Sam and Sam's new wife. Santa's little helper?
My optics began to water, and I turned quickly, walking away.
"I have some things...to do!" I managed to call, my voice strained, and hiccupping every few seconds. "I'll see you...later." Optimus Pimp. I snorted loudly and cracked up, reaching down to grab Sunfire and Rika before stalking towards the base.
I was laughing so hard, their protests cut off, and they eyed each other a moment, before looking at me curiously. Sunfire was simply curious, but as her daddies walked over, along with Sam and Mikeala joining me, Rika began to smirk.
I think, by now, most of the bots recognized the downright evil look I felt crossing my features.
(An Hour Later)
I'd managed to gather most of the people I sought when Will stomped in, sopping wet, wiping the snow out of his short hair, and giving Epps a dirty look as the relatively drier man behind him smirked brighly. Then he saw my expression. "Okay, what's going on?" He narrowed his eyes at me, before reaching out to return the hug Sunfire gave him. "Heya cutie!"
I smiled at them, still unable to get over how adorable my sparkling was, despite having grown. She was taller than the humans, but they still saw her as the child she was, and spoiled her rotten at every given chance. "Well..." I paused, giggling again at the idea.
"We want to do a prank to end all pranks." Rika hissed with a grin, causing Foster to scoot away from her warily.
Epps looked at us, and shook his head. "Oh, no way. Ratchet's still after me for the bikini babe incident, and I still feel those noodles in places I'd rather not, thank you very much." Mikeala cringed, and he nodded at her vigorously. "Yeah, see? She gets it!"
"No, I don't. And thank God for that!" She shuddered, sitting in between Maggie and Sam. "So, what prank? Whose the target?"
"Targets." I smirked. I was in human form again, and sat at the table with them, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's holographic forms on either side of me. "And the Autobots are." I looked to Maggie. "Remember the Cybertronian Christmas Pimp thing?" Mikeala's eyes nearly fell out of her head, even as Maggie frowned a moment, before her own eyes widened. "I was thinking we should have Optimus Pimp pay us a visit, along with Santa's little helper and Grinchet."
Yeah, every name got me more and more confused looks, but Rika was grinning broadly and even Maggie was beginning to smirk.
"Optimus won't mind." Maggie tapped thoughtfully on the table before her. "Ratchet will, but he can't do anything to us. " Yeah, she got who 'Grinchet' was. "Whose Santa's little helper, though?"
"Oh! We're good then." She snickered a little. "What ideas did you have for them?"
"Paint for one." I pointed to Epps and Rika. "Wanna help with the prank? All you guys have do do is repaint Optimus like we did before. Same white and green." They exchanged a look before nodding. Epps seemed a lot more relaxed when he learned they were working with the gentle giant. Then I glanced to Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. "You two are a lot more daring, so I leave Ratchet's repainting to you." I grinned, explaining what I wanted, and they smirked and nodded. Then I looked to Maggie. "I...might...need you to do a voice mod for Optimus." She nodded eagerly, even though I wasn't sure yet about that part.
"What about Bumblebee?"
I grinned to Foster, Will and Mikeala. "Mikeala needs to distract him, and Sam can sedate him." Turned out sedation was remarkably simple, if you knew which line to hit, and in bot form, it was blatantly obvious once pointed out. Getting the sedative from Ratchet wouldn't be hard, either, if you told him it was for a prank before he knew he was a part of said prank. I explained all this to them, as well. "Jesse, you'll help will repaint him as Mikeala installs the nose." I smirked as she choked. "And Sam can attach the magnetic antlers."
Thank God Earth magnets weren't strong enough to mess with bots' processors.
"This is gonna be good." Epps shook his head. "And probably one of the more original pranks ever done. Cudos." He grinned at me.
"Nah. Thank Maggie. She's the one who originally helped me come up with the Optimus Pimp idea." Maggie had taken a sip of water at that comment, and coughed it up all over herself, laughing. "Geez, don't cough up a lung now." I giggled as she brushed at herself with red cheeks. "Okay, we set? Let's do this tonight, so everyone can wake up and enjoy it tomorrow. I'll gather the wreaths and garlands." I smirked at their confused looks. "You'll see."
"Shhh!" I giggled at my giggling youngling, holding her in my hands as she erupted into fresh giggles, sending me over the edge. "Sunfire!" Her little antennae were perked right up, along with her door wings, and reminded me of Bumblebee in the second movie, when Sam mentioned college.
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were watching, smiling, already done with their own part of the prank. Sunny shifted, and I could tell he was impatient, but he just couldn't be annoyed at one of his own sparklings. Especially not when she was the picture of cuteness.
After several seconds, Sunfire seemed to recover and nodded, and Sideswipe hefted the Christmas decoration box he was holding. We grinned at each other, before entering Prime's quarters, finding him laid out in mech mode, thanks to Jolt's assistance. I smiled at the bot, before handing Sunfire over while the rest of us got to work.
When I glanced at her to see how she was taking sitting in her Uncle Jolt's hands, I watched as she stared up at him with wide optics. "You have a big nose." She chirped quietly, causing me to trip over my own feet, and fall into Sunstreaker with a snort. "Are you Pinnochio? You'd better not lie then, you might impale the fairy and be cursed to be a snowman!"
I had to bury my face into Sunstreaker's chest with a dull 'clang' and struggled not to howl with laughter. That's okay though, the twins were laughing hard enough for me.
They nearly keeled over in laughter, leaning on each other, with Sideswipe shaking the box of ornaments so badly, I was sure he was going to drop it. Optimus didn't so much as twitch, though, so I prayed it was because of a really good sedative. Jolt just shook off her words with confusion, before placing her down on a desk nearby.
Without another word, we exchanged looks and got to work. I opened the box, and pulled different decorations out, telling the others where they had to go. Unfortunately, we didn't have any extra, extra, extra large cowboy hats, or fur coats, but the look still came off pretty well.
We nearly crawled out, laughing.
(The Next Morning)
I stood in the hangar, in human form. Sunfire sat leaning against me -luckily I was Cybertronian and not human, or I would have been a flat pancake under her weight- and we waited impatiently. My twins were with...well, my twins, and I giggled as the red Corvette and yellow Ferrari sat idling, holographic forms engaged to hold their sparklings. Their own eyes met mine, and they grinned sharply. Then I met Mikeala's groggy eyes, and Maggie's exhausted smirk.
Oh yeah, we were waiting. Preparation had gone off without so much as a hitch. It had been so long since we last pranked, no one was expecting it. Their guard was down, so now was the perfect time to strike. Now we were just waiting for the three particular bots to awaken.
Everyone was here. Bot, human ally, and close human ally families. That involved the Lennox family, the Witwickys, Jesse, Rika, Sam and Mikeala, Maggie... More or less everyone. No one but the hand picked humans and bots knew about the prank, but everyone knew something was up. Well, it was hard to miss. After all, I had to get the decorations from somewhere.
"Anyone know what happened to the wreaths and garlands I saw last time I was here?" Judy was frowning as she carried Mojo around, bling and all. She eyed the Christmas lights, still left in place, but all the other decorations had disappeared.
"Yeah, this place is...barer than usual." Sarah added, glancing at Will as she carried Annabelle.
"Not for long." I snickered a little, and a wave of broken, skittish laughter crept through us as we waited. However, before Sarah could ask me what I meant, there was the rumble of an all too familiar Semi engine, accompanied by the heavy, booming footfalls of Optimus Prime. All sound died as we waited, staring at the main doors.
Two seconds later, Optimus Prime stepped into the room, frowning. Any and all chatter that may have remained in the uninformed group died in an instant. I actually heard people choking on their words as they spotted him. It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse laughing. Not even Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had a comment as Prime stood before them, all tall, noble and regal, and...repainted white and green. Gold and silver garlands hung around his neck, and he wore a long silvery mane of tinsel. Bulb hanging ornaments hung off the edges of his audios, and more garlands surrounded one wrist, his fingers wearing wreaths like rings.
"Alright, whose idea was this?" We'd decided against the voice mod, last minute, and weren't regretting it for a second. His regal baritone and dry tone made it all the better. He shifted, and the 'O. Pimp' license plate belt wrapped around his waist shifted, ever so slightly.
His words and movement caused everyone to crack up laughing, and Rika made a mad dash out of the room, mumbling about three pepsi's and six hours of impatient waiting not being friendly on a bladder. Considering she was laughing her ass off, she did a fantastic imitation of Frenzy's peepee dance, and even he was laughing at it all.
"Hey, Prime! Where's your ho-ho-hos?" Epps called, and Judy shoved her face into Ron's shoulder to muffle her laughter. Mikeala collapsed against Sam, who leaned against Boomer, and even he was laughing. Hell, Soundwave looked amused! "You're taking 'Pimpin' ride' to a whole new level, y'know?"
Optimus raised an optic ridge as Bumblebee popped in behind him, causing all the girls to 'awww' at him, mixed in with giggles and squeals.
The little yellow bot was now a deep, warm, oak brown. His optics were the same, but he had a big, red nose, that actually glowed as he blinked at everyone. The magnetic antlers were stuck to his antennae, so they waved around with his mood, and his hands had been replaced with metallic hooves, and he blinked at everyone before blasting music.
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows
"It sure does!" Epps called, and Bee chuckled quietly.
There wasn't a whole lot of laughter about him. Mostly giggles and squealing female officers. Everyone just stared, going on about how adorable he was, and Prime glanced down at me with a suspicious look on his facial plates. However, with the effect of the 'earrings' and 'bling', I doubled over laughing again.
"Let me guess, your idea?"
I nodded, choking in my attempt to stop laughing. "We wanted to pull a Christmas prank. We needed the Cybertronian Christmas Pimp." I pointed to Optimus, whose other optic ridge rose. "Santa's little helper." Bee's antler antennae waved around, causing more 'awww's from the girls. "And Grinchet."
"Grinchet?" Sarah looked at Judy. "What's...or rather...who's Grinchet?"
As if to answer her question, the last bot appeared in a chorus of dark grumbles and a rather evil look on his face. He stomped into the room and snarled at everyone. "You are all..." He trailed off, a blast of static sounding over his vocals, and bots and humans alike began to laugh anew.
"Hey, Ratchet, you okay? You're looking a little green there!" Epps called, snickering as people laughed. "Or are you just green with envy?" He glanced at me briefly. "Let me guess... Grinchet?"
For a long moment, Ratchet snarled at him wordlessly. Then his optics flashed. He abruptly began subspacing confiscated candy canes, suckers and other candy with one hand, and wrenches with the other. "You think that you've won? You think all is well? Well kiss my green aft, I shall see you in hell!" He quoted, before throwing candy at several of the soldiers, missing with every shot, and whipping wrenches at the bots, actually hard enough to leave dents.
Everyone began running around, trying to dodge wrenches and candy alike, and the kids were dragged out of the room. Optimus tried to stop Ratchet, which only got odd questions, more puns, and more laughter, and I soon had to take my own leave, before Sunfire and my twins got any more caught up in the affair. What made it the best? People were getting pictures, and Maggie ran off with her own camera, howling with laughter and screaming dark promises of holiday greeting cards with the pictures as she ran, Grinchet hot on her heels.
Needless to say, that prank worked out beautifully!
Lines I don't own:
"Where's your ho-ho-hos?" That belongs to Anasazi Darkmoon.
"You think that you've won? You think all is well? Well kiss my green ass, I shall see you in hell!" That was mentioned by Anasazi Darkmoon, but I think it's copyrighted by Family Guy.
It's fairly early but... HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!
Hope you like it.