Chapter 1- Lost

A/N: As much as it pains me to say this, I don't own NCIS. This all belongs to Belisarius…but the plot is of my creation and design, so that has to count for something, right? Right? Anyway, for those of you that already know me, you guys know me for Maximum Ride fan fictions (generally). I decided to try something new, and this is what I came up with. I hope you NCIS and Abby fans enjoy this new fan fiction, Too Much to Lose. I borrowed the title from an anorexic story, so the credit for that would have to go to this Bible I happen to own. Not that that matters…anyway, happy reading.

No going back now, Abby thought determinedly, struggling to forget what happened last night. Time to move on from…him. His face was a fierce stab to her heart, his smile wrenched her concentration to pieces, knocked her breathless. She was so focused on trying not to feel anything at all that she scarcely noticed how much work she had already finished, and that Gibbs had entered the lab. He quietly waited behind her, but somehow she knew he was there. She immediately started in on what she found out this morning, in an effort not to let him down.

"The sample I scanned turned out to be a type of protozoa not native to this country; in fact, it hasn't been seen by human eyes for decades. The only place these can be found are somewhere in the ice up in Greenland. As for the rest, I haven't figured it out," Luckily her voice still sounded normal, but the emotion had left it. She hoped Gibbs didn't take any notice.

"Good work, Abby," he said, his lips brushing her cheek. She stiffened at the contact. He left just moments later. As soon as he was gone, Abby collapsed into her chair and sighed. Why did she even decide to come today? There was no use. No point in anything anymore. Not even love. Gritting her teeth, she continued to plow through her assignment, using the work the old version of her used to love in order to numb all feeling remaining inside. The hours ticked by sluggishly, and at several points she had to stop and hold her breath in an effort not to start sobbing uncontrollably. It was around lunchtime that Ziva came by; who was in a good mood because she knew today was the three month anniversary of Abby's relationship with McGee.

"Hey, congrats!" she said, smiling. Abby did not respond. Ziva refused to be deterred and tried again. "Aren't you happy? Your longest relationship ever and no issues as of yet," Still no answer. Now that she thought of it, the silence was too loud. Usually, wasn't there something? Some background noise…? She turned to the CD player. It was off. Her CD player was never off. Not playing, occasionally, but never off.

"Why aren't you going to turn your CD player on?" she asked. Abby shrugged her shoulders, still not talking. Ziva walked over to it and turned it on. A song started to play, but instead of a happy Abby turning around and smiling gratefully, when she finally faced Ziva, it was one of ravaged pain.

"Don't play that one," she ordered in a hollow voice. Having finally caught onto her mood, she obeyed. She quickly left the lab, shaken by the look in her eyes. It wasn't angry, but an intense emotion quite unknown to her. What happened to Abby? She wondered, sitting at her desk and checking for messages. McGee stood nearby, looking troubled and regretful.

"You wouldn't happen to know what happened to Abby, would you, McGee?" she asked lightly, hoping that it was nothing.

"N-nothing," he stuttered. Ziva rolled her eyes.

"Stop it, I know that you're lying," she said, gazing at him levelly. McGee hesitated. After a minute, he spoke, his voice shaking slightly.

"W-well, you see…Abby had a huge fight last night, and after some time I couldn't take it anymore and just broke up with her," She leapt to her feet, just as Tony joined in the conversation.

"Hey, what's going on over here?" he asked, hanging up the phone. McGee shook his head, ignoring him.

"What?" Ziva growled. "You can't just…end a relationship when you have your first fight! That's not how it works at all!" She couldn't believe him for doing such a thing.

"It is when the girl is-" McGee chocked on his words, unable to finish. "It doesn't matter why…what's done is done. I'm not turning back because I should feel sorry about it. Like you said, regret is for the weak," He crossed his arms. Ziva snorted.

"I never said that," she argued. Gibbs strode out, looking fierce and businesslike.

"Dead Marine isn't dead, let's go," he shouted. Ziva and Tony exchanged a knowing glance. Time to go. But Gibbs pointed over at Kate.

"You're going with Agent David," he ordered, causing a slightly deflated Tony to sink back into his chair. The remainder of the afternoon passed uneventfully, except the strange moment when Abby came out in the same moment that McGee left. She spoke with the Director briefly before returning to her lab. To entertain himself, Tony tried to call Ducky.

"Mister DiNozzo, I highly suggest for you not to call me during an important autopsy lesson I am giving to these interns at the moment," he told him, which greatly disappointed Tony as he hung up. As evening approached, Ziva and the others returned, but at that point he had left to go home for the night with the thought that he wouldn't be needed for the remainder of the day.

"Well that was exciting," Kate said brightly, still full of energy despite her sprained ankle. She leaned on Ziva for support. Gibbs held her crutches from the hospital.

"Seriously, who trips over a telephone wire?" Ziva asked rhetorically. Kate laughed halfheartedly, wincing as she tried to put weight on her injured ankle. Gibbs wordlessly handed her the crutches and headed down to Abby's lab. McGee was nowhere to be seen.

"So, how are Abby and McGee?" Kate asked after a moment of silence. She readjusted her crutches and started for her desk. Ziva hesitated.

"I-well, I spoke with Abby about it…she didn't say anything, but McGee managed to admit her broke up with her. It must have been last night because just yesterday Abby was so bouncy and happy and herself. Now…" Kate nodded sympathetically.

"She must be taking it really hard," she said. Gibbs returned, looking evidently troubled about something. He ignored the two girls and headed straight for the Director's office. They looked at each other, and saw their expression mirrored in the other's face.

"I…ought to check on Abby," Ziva said faintly.

"Should I join you?" Kate offered quietly. Ziva shook her head.

"No. I'm doing this alone. Why don't you get on home? It's getting late, and it doesn't look like we have anything else to do for today." That managed to convince her. She grabbed her crutches.

"Right. See you Monday, Ziva."

Abby's lab

"Abby? Are you in here?" Stupid question, Ziva thought.

"When am I not in here?" was her response. She was lounging in a far corner in the very back. There was something off in her eyes, in the way she couldn't seem to exactly meet Ziva's gaze straight on. The CD player was still silent. Abby's night black hair seemed more dingy than cheerful, as was her expression. It was blank and unreadable. But her eyes were what said it all…Ziva stared and stared but couldn't seem to find an end to the misery she saw there. Finally, she threw herself around Abby.

"Oh, Abby, I'm so sorry about what happened!" she exclaimed. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Instead of her hugging back, she stiffened and seemed to lean away from the contact.

"Ah…no. Not at the moment," she said. "I think I just need to be alone right now," There it was again. That look. What could cause such…Ziva shook her head, clearing it.

"Are you sure? I'm not leaving for another hour, but you can contact Gibbs if you need him. He stays until long after the Director checks out, even. I'm sure he'd be happy to listen…" Abby didn't seem to be listening, rather, she turned to her computer and started going through old photos she saved on there.

"I'd rather if you just leave right now," she said softly, not sounding like herself at all. "Please. I just want to be alone," Ziva left at last, worried about her friend and how the old Abby seemed to be lost deep down somewhere. Hopefully she'd perk up by next week or so.

Abby stared long and hard at the photo in front of her. It was a picture of McGee the day before she found out the news that made him break her heart. It wasn't any news, but The News. The kind of news most guys don't want to face. Pregnant. She winced at the word. It was such an ugly, unnatural word to represent something so beautiful and natural. The miracle of birth. She sighed sadly, gazing longingly at his smile. How she wished that a smile would easily come to her again as usual. But, it seemed to be lost along with her virginity.