I Ordered Russia Online. I Didn't Get Him.
((Joyful Note: I'm alive. School is over for the year. I'm sorry. I was doing 6 classes first semester and five the second. I was working 20 hours a week. I just didn't have time for writing, I was exhausted. Also... I'm kind of falling out of the Hetalia fandom. But luckily this story doesn't need to stay grounded in Hetalia due to the nature of Units. So do keep reading. I wish I could say another chapter will be coming out sooner, but I'm still working 25 hours a week until mid-June and then I'm excavating a Minoan palace at the Gournia site on Crete for 6 weeks. I'm a busy bee. But here it is, I hope it's okay. I haven't given up just yet.))
Chapter 15: YES I'M FINALLY REVEALING MY FUCKING NAME GOD YOU ALL WAITED LONG ENOUGH I GUESS, GOD YOU'RE IMPATIENT! But you'll have to keep reading to find out. So there.
Oh god this situation... Maybe I can blame Derek and Wes for helping me time travel illegally, but I can't rely on that! Fuck fuck fuck... well, best back up because obviously things must have happened to get to this point but... damn it I do not like the look of things at all. I wish I'd taken the map instead of giving it to England, which was a terrible idea I might add. Well we have had a guide I guess but... not what I was expecting... aw hell let's just lead right the fuck up to it then.
So basically, once the units and I (still in America's grasp mind you) managed to escape the 'deactivation room' we took off into the hallways and I don't think anyone was paying close attention to where we were going. The sirens were still blaring around us and we passed several Units of varying ages cowering into the walls with confused expressions as we hurried past.
"Blast it!" England shrieked as from around a corner in front of us three women and two men in what looked like battle suits began racing toward us holding guns.
"HOLY FUCK THEY HAVE GUNS!" I screamed as Prussia grabbed America's arm and tugged us down a side corridor. England and China followed behind us and we were off again. I was pretty much clinging to America at this point.
"Why do they have guns? We didn't even fucking do anything!" I whined while... possibly choking America in my grip.
"Well, uh, technically I did punch a security guard," America said unhelpfully, "Also we kind of broke into the building if you want to be technical... and China knocked out that one guy. Oh! And since Prussia was recalled and you were sent a replacement, this is technically stealing property by taking him back."
"This is such bullshit!" I swore. "Well, how do we get back to 2020 and my house then?"
At this point, we managed to duck into a side room which appeared to be some sort of empty classroom with a big TV at the front and about twenty half-desks facing it. I hate those half desks, can't write anything on them, not enough space and my pen would keep rolling off if I tried to put it down because the damn desk was always too low and couldn't lie flat because it would just hit my thigh and... and I'm rambling.
The point is, we ducked inside and were able to rest for a moment while guards surged down the hall after us. Of course if there were security cameras we had just blocked ourselves in since I still hadn't seen a window since we got to this place but since even Units get winded we had little choice but to stop for everyone to catch their breath.
"Aiyah! America, you idiot-aru! Why did you have to resort to violence? We're in this mess because of you!" China snapped.
"Hey!" America gasped out after putting me down on the floor. I dusted myself off, or at least made the motions as if doing so, as America tried to defend his actions to the Asian Unit. I glanced at England whose giant eyebrow was raised.
I glared. "Don't say it."
England snorted. "But-"
I grabbed the collar of his shirt and his eyes widened. "I mean it. I know you were worried about it. But we are NOT caught yet. If I were you, instead of muttering about how you 'told me so' I'd start using that superior English wit and spy skills and figure out how we're getting out of this."
"With me alive!" Prussia piped up, his grin still plastered on his stupid albino face. Damn it, why did I try to save him again? He's pissing me off already just... just by smiling! Fuck! "No plans that involve handing over the awesome me to the authorities!"
"Even though we COULD consider this your fault, I wasn't going to hand you over!" England insisted, rolling his eyes and pulling out of my grip with a fair bit of ease. Curse my lack of strength... whatever. He looked at China and America with a glare. "Both of you need to get a grip, fighting about whose fault any of this is will get us nowhere. Now then, I would say our best option at the moment is to consult the map first and figure out where we are." This said, England fished around in his pocket and pulled out the printer paper, quickly getting the 3D diagram up for us to see. He stared at it for a moment and then frowned. "Er, I'm not entirely sure how this paper operates... can I just ask it for a location, does it even have a gps function?"
"How the hell should I know?" I growled, "And you're from the future aren't you? Shouldn't you be familiar with all this?"
"Well, they don't use any kind of print out paper at Flying Mint Bunny Inc. that I've seen!" England snapped, "It's all air holograms, I don't even know why the paper is required!"
America looked curious all of a sudden and looked over England's shoulder at the paper in his hands projecting the image. "Well, holograms need a base source don't they? They need to be resting on a platform, and having a movable surface is the only way to move a hologram manually."
There was America sounding intelligent again. I am officially freaking out about this. What was even going on; did this matter in the slightest?
"What do you mean it needs a movable platform to move it?" England frowned, "I thought everywhere these days had floors and walls outfitted to show holograms programmed to react to the electromagnetic field of a human, or even a Unit?"
Nope. This did not seem important, and those guards could be back soon. What the fuck. "Hey guys..."
America looked confused. "Huh? No, dude, that's just not possible... well, probably someday, I think that technology's still a few years off, or I guess Flying Mint Bunny is using prototypes? Oh man, that's cool!" He brightened up. I scowled.
"Guys. Seriously. We need a plan!" I was being ignored. They keep this up and I will be smacking someone! I looked at Prussia, but he seemed to have gone for the door, taking it upon himself to keep watch on things.
England's eyebrows rose. "Are you sure? I was led to believe that such technology has been common for at least forty years now."
America paused, then his eyes suddenly widened. "Dude... what year did you leave Flying Mint Bunny Inc?"
"THIS IS NOT IMPORTANT!" I yelled, but STILL was being ignored! I stomped over to the two idiot Units. Honestly, the shit I deal with...
England hesitated. "W-well to be honest I'm not sure. It's set up quite differently than here; you see I've noticed Unit Co seems to be using a more physical approach in its teaching, whereas Flying Mint Bunny mostly downloads memories and lessons straight into the mind of their Units..."
America's jaw dropped, and I'll admit even I gave pause to this information. Download memories? Sounds... creepy, really.
"DUDE!" America screamed, "I THINK YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE!"
I twitched, and then took all my strength and SMACKED THAT BOY IN THE HEAD! "OBVIOUSLY he's from the goddamn future! You're ALL from the goddamn future from where I'm standing! And I'll be DAMNED if I let us get arrested because YOU TWO IDIOTS keep talking about irrelevant shit!"
"No no! I mean, like, what if Flying Mint Bunny Inc is even more futurer than this!"
England sputtered. "Th-that's not even a word!"
"Who cares?" Alfred laughed, "This is so cool! This means that all this time our competitor wasn't even in this time... oh wow, you guys might even be Unit Co in the future or something! Or maybe be the Mac to our PC or some shit like that! Oh man this is just awesome!"
"NO IT ISN'T AWESOME!" I shouted, "We seriously, SERIOUSLY, need to figure out how to get out of this situation! Yes, okay, this is clearly some kind of interesting news and if I were safe at home maybe I would react to it as such, but right now we need to actually get out of here before we get fucked!"
"Oh shit, they're coming back! Not awesome!" Prussia called from the doorway before pulling himself inside and shutting it again.
"And now we're fucked. Great," I muttered as the doorknob rattled a bit with Prussia holding the other side since it didn't seem to lock.
"Wait, not yet!" China said quickly, "Look, ventilation shafts-aru!" He pointed up to the top of the wall and I groaned.
"Oh god no. Ventilation shafts were all well and good in Toy Story 2, but have you seen 1408?" I asked the room. America yelped.
"Aw HELL no way are we going in there!" he whined, though not without reason this time. "The guy tries to escape the room through the vents and THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN THERE, only it's actually a ZOMBIE dead body and CHASED him and looks all FUCKED UP!"
"That it does," I nodded sagely.
China groaned and slapped his face having clearly not seen this movie or he'd know how legitimately freaky that scene was. "Aiyah, we do not have time for this! I will go first, and that way if there are any ghosts I can get rid of them, alright-aru?"
"And I'll travel behind, so if the ghosts try to sneak up from there Tinkerbelle can magic them away, alright?" England said gruffly, striding over to the wall and working quickly to push some desks toward it to make a way to get up there. After much scrambling, China went in first, then Prussia, I ending up with his butt in my face... what the fuck. Then there was Alfred, and England as promised bringing up the rear. It didn't help that the inside of the vent was slippery and my hand kept giving way in from of me and I had to struggle to stay on my hands and knees...
I swear we had gone all of three meters before Prussia farted in my face.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" I shouted, "THAT FUCKING STINKS!"
"HUSH-ARU!" I silenced as China reprimanded me. "Do you want them to know we're in here?!"
"Um, no, but he-!"
"Put up with it-aru!"
I whined and Prussia started laughing. I growled and pinched his ass, hard. Added bonus meant the surprise made Prussia skid in the tunnel and fall on his face a bit. I laughed.
"OW! What the fuck? Unawesome bitch!"
"Whose idea was it to come save you? Oh right, MINE, now crawl doochbag!" I snapped and we continued shuffling through the vents, albeit with Prussia muttering angrily to himself. Heh.
"Aiyah!" The cry came from ahead.
"Oh bloody... what is it?" England hissed from behind.
"The vent-aru, there's a vertical drop... and I can't seem to see the b-bottom-aru."
"Oh wonderful," I said with the most dripping sarcasm imaginable, truly. "Well in that case, I guess we'll have to go back and hope the guards have moved out of the room then."
"Well, we could have done that, but, er..."
I swiveled my head to peer behind me in the darkness. "But what Arthur? Go on; make my day better, please!"
"No need to get snippy!" England huffed, "I don't know if you've realised this, but let's say we get captured. If you are convicted of a felony, your right to own Units is revoked. Units cannot be reassigned to an owner. While you might be spending considerable time in prison for your actions, the rest of us will be deactivated. Including Matthew and Ivan at home!"
This... admittedly... stopped me in my tracks. I swallowed hard. "W-what?"
"You... didn't know that?" Prussia's voice ahead of me suddenly sounded hollow, "You didn't know what you were risking coming to save me?"
"No!" I snapped, though more out of a sense of defensiveness. I mean, what do you say to that? "Of course I didn't know- I didn't even know you guys were from the future till it was explained and I didn't know about deactivation and... fucking hell! No offense but if I'd known I'd be putting you all in- er... if I'd known I'd go to prison for this I wouldn't have come!"
"I heard that!" America chirped behind and suddenly I was left squeaking as a huge mass of American successfully glomped me from behind. "You didn't want us in danger! So you care about us! I knew you were secretly a HERO!"
"St-stop, no I'm not!" I barked and kicked out to push America off of me. "I am NOT a hero, I care about me and ONLY me and the only reason I came for Prussia is because... because he belongs to me and people shouldn't steal my shit! Now fucking get OFF!" I shouted, kicking away from America's grip successfully but the slick surface of the vent slid me forward into Prussia, who skidded forward as well.
"A-ARU! ST-AAAAAAH!" There was a scream from China, followed by a yell from Prussia and before I could figure out what had happened, the surface beneath me seemed to disappear. That was utterly terrifying. Luckily the surface returned a little not long after, but at an incredibly steep slope that sent myself, Prussia and China cascading down into the bowels of the building. In my mind it was only a stroke of the greatest luck that the slope started to lessen in incline and even out, but then China screeched and suddenly I was stopped by a blockade of flesh that groaned as my momentum suddenly ceased.
That's when I noticed a whirling noise. I shivered as Prussia pushed me upright, and all three of us gazed at a fan not 10 ft from us, ready to slice us to ribbons had us hit it. China had prevented this by pushing himself sideways and managing to wedge himself across two side passages that crossed with the one we were in, making a blockade in the slippery tunnel.
"... MOM? GILBERT? YAO?"
America's voice echoed faintly.
"WE'RE OKAY!" I screamed back, the echo making the other Units cover their ears and wince.
"Damn it, not so loud-aru!"
"Well sorry princess, they've got to hear me," I huffed.
"UH, SHOULD WE COME DOWN?" America's loud voice questioned. My eyes widened and I turned to the fan. That...
"NO! IT'S TOO RISKY, WE BARELY STOPPED IN TIME! GO BACK TO THE ROOM, TRY TO FIND THE GIRL WHO GOT US THE MAP, MAYBE SHE CAN HELP! WE'RE GOING TO TRY TO GET OUT OF THE VENT SOMEHOW!"
"OKAY!" America's voice chirped happily. "OW!"
"What?" I muttered.
"Oh," I sighed.
"YOU GITS! FALLING DOWN THE SHAFT... YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A BLOODY HEART ATTACK!"
"BLAME ALFRED! HE PUSHED ME!" I whined.
"ARG, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! BUT BE CAREFUL AND DON'T FIGHT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"
I rolled my eyes. "GET GOING!"
Some grumbling echoed and faded as I assumed England and America moved further away. I groaned softly as Prussia pulled myself and China into the side passage where we caught our breath properly.
"We can't go back the way we came," I said grimly.
"Well duh," Prussia snorted, "So what do we do? Just follow this passage and hope for the best?"
"I don't see I better plan, do you?" I snipped, only to have China whack me in the head. "Ow! The fuck, China?" I was whacked again!
"Don't call me China-aru! I wish to be called Yao and that is that! Also, no fighting! I cannot stress enough that we need to navigate this maze and escape. We cannot hope Alfred and Arthur will rescue us, and yes following this passage is our best option-aru. But I will not deal with you two and your inability to co-operate without arguing! You're as bad as England and France-aru!"
"I resent that," I sniffed, "Fine. I guess we might as well get going then, ladies first." I gestured to China who looked confused for a moment, then glared darkly before crawling off down the gradually narrowing passage until once against the ceiling barely bypassed the top of his head. I followed with Prussia behind me, noticing the albino jerk-face was snickering. Well... at least he was snickering at something that was supposed to be funny...
We continued on through the darkness for what seemed like ages, occasionally making turns and choosing from a selection of passages based solely on whatever China deemed best at the time, even though that meant backtracking from a grated or vertical dead end a couple of times. As my stomach growled, I suddenly found myself struck with a certain claustrophobic fear. Because there was a possibility, a very real, very possible possibility, that we might be completely trapped down here. And if that were so, well, we could... you know... die. In the vents. Like that guy in 1408.
... mother of God...
"I don't want to be a zombie!" I moaned softly as China took us down a sharp left turn.
"A zombie?" Prussia asked.
"When we get out of this, I think we need to watch that movie so I understand what the fuck you and Al are freaking about..." Prussia muttered and I grimaced.
"Okay, then YOU can deal with clingy American in your bed. Because I did not like being used as a security blanket, and he has TERRIBLE morning breath."
"Kesese, well since we have England now maybe he'll go running to him instead."
I frowned, "I never liked USUK..."
"Eh? Why not-aru? I saw some doujinshi the little Japan Units made; it looks cute for the most part." Oh sure, now China becomes invested in this conversation.
"It's not cute," I attested. "It's... well... okay I don't HATE it, but I prefer England topping anyone save for France, and I NEVER see that in doujinshi! And like, a dominant top, not this switching it up crap... and also, there's just SO MUCH USUK out there that it seems to swallow up all other pairings!" I sighed. "I mean, it's not THAT great of a pairing, it's just... okay, and yet it has a MASSIVE fanbase for it! Of all the countries in the world, why do THEY get paired the most? I go down a page of Hetalia fics on a given website and half will be USUK and it's just ridiculous! I need more variety than that!"
"So if Arthur and Alfred wanted to get into a relationship, you'd forbid it then?" Prussia asked in a flat tone. I paused.
"Well..." I exhaled. "It's not like they're ACTUALLY England and America. They... might work out. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't stop it if they really wanted to."
"Hm," Prussia grunted, when suddenly China let out a triumphant gasp and hushed us. That was also around when I realised how much my knees were starting to hurt.
"I see light-aru! Perhaps that is our exit!"
"Oh god I hope so," I moaned as we continued on our path, slowing as we approached the lit grate that China had seen. He peered out carefully for a moment.
"I see no one-aru, just a dark hallway with some more doors, though... it reminds me of a prison-aru."
"Creepy," I stated before nudging China's backside, "Can we get the grate off?"
China frowned. "Er, perhaps-aru. But not quietly, and it would help if I could brace against something..." I noticed he had begun squirming in the tunnel, apparently trying to turn around so his feet were facing the grate. Eventually he succeeded and pressed his back into my front, his legs coiled and ready to spring. "Help me-aru, both you and Gilbert, press against the sides and try to be a brace, or else I'll just send myself backwards."
"Alright," I sighed, kneeling and pressing my hands to the slick sides of the vent, not certain I'd be able to help much. However, I then felt Prussia pressing up behind me. "Hey! Not so close, beer boy!" I hissed, wriggling slightly to get him to back off. Because seriously, I need my goddamn personal space and he was ALL UP IN IT. And I was feeling claustrophobic enough in this vent without someone breathing down my neck!
"Hey! As IF you can brace Yao by yourself!" Prussia snapped, pushing against me harder as if to SPITE me the little weasel...
"Look, you're just being a dick, if I-"
The noise echoed harshly and both Prussia and i let out long groaned.
"Totally not necessary..." I pouted as China got into position.
"Okay, one... two... THREE!" China shouted and kicked out. I let out a huff of air as his head hit my stomach, but hey, at least it was well padded? Anyway, there was a loud crash as the grate flew off the wall and across the hall, loudly clanging and falling to the floor. We all sat still for a few moments, not a sound leaving out mouths except for ragged breathing. But there was no sound to be heard it seemed, not even the sirens we'd heard on the upper level. I made a show of breathing in and out a few times to calm myself before nudging China forward with my hand.
"Well, let's go then, we can't just stay here now."
"Damn right! Kesese, let's go Yao!"
China slid from the vent and landed on the floor in a crouched stance easily with his martial arts training. I was significantly less graceful about it, trying to do the 'dangle and drop' method so the ground wouldn't be so far but I still managed to land on my ass. I only just managed to scoot away before Prussia leapt from the vent, slamming down with a hard echo where I had been seconds earlier. Seriously, was he TRYING to give me a heart attack?
However, as I growled and glared at the back of Prussia's head while China scolded him for the excess noise, I noticed something was missing. It took a moment to realise just what that was.
"Hey Gilbert..." I started slowly, "Where's Gilbird?"
Prussia went rather still all of a sudden. I shivered as he turned and looked me dead in the eyes, his face serious, more so than I'd ever seen it. "Dead."
My breathing quickened. "W-what?" The little guy... hell I didn't like him but I didn't want him... you know...
"Dead," Prussia repeated. "When the Unit Co guys came to collect us, they neutralized Gilbird on the scene. 'Pet accessory' Units aren't as hard to kill as a formally sold Unit. Just a needle with the right contents."
This... I never would've expected this. And I would've thought Prussia would be way more upset over this too! "You're... lying. You have to be! Why the hell are you acting so... calm about it?"
China placed a hand on my shoulder and I turned to him as he spoke. "It's not... uncommon-aru. Pet Accessory Units are often put down for one reason or another, sometimes as punishment or for showing too much loyalty to a Unit to the point of defending them..."
I ran a shaky hand through my hair. "Why is it... why is it the more I learn about you fucking Units the more MESSED UP it all gets?! I don't want to hear about this shit... let's move, where the fucks are we?"
Prussia coughed slightly and turned away before answered. "Um, I think we're in detention cells. Can't be sure since I was blindfolded the one time I was sent to one, but yeah it seems depressing enough. We're probably at least a few floors below where we were before, probably underground a level or two."
"Fine, that's something to start with," I sighed, "Let's go." I took the lead now, heading down the corridor and listening to the echoing footsteps myself and my Units made as we wandered down the hall and made a few sharp turns as the hall curved. Doors continued to line the walls with slits in them but I was too nervous to check into those slits. If I really paid attention I could hear soft muffled sounds coming from behind those doors but nothing distinguishable even in tone. It was creepy, and the lights overheard were very dim and flickered on rare occasions. There were no guards around either, which was strange to me but given that this was the future and all perhaps they had cameras watching...
My eyes immediately flicked to the walls and ceiling at this thought but I saw nothing that would be an obvious security camera. Weird, actually, if they really didn't have them. What the fuck was wrong with the future?! What happened to make this creepy torture house a reality?
Not that creepy torture houses were uncommon in the world depending on where you went. Still, it was disturbing that it would become so... accepted? Was it accepted?
Whatever. There wasn't time to think about shit like that, I had to focus on important matters. Mainly that I was starving and there wasn't much hope of finding mac and cheese down here.
Finally we reached a set of stairs heading upwards. I don't think it would take much to imagine the relief I felt on that discovery. We quickly headed up them, and even as my legs tired I persevered. I really, really wanted to see some damn sunlight after this mess let me tell you.
We reached a landing with a door and a set of stairs continuing upward. I glanced back at China who pointed to the stairs. Giving a sigh, I kept ascending. Much as I wanted to see the sun, stairs are exhausting. I wish America was still here to carry me around... that's totally his new use, my personal... carrying... person... Unit... thing... oh whatever he's super strong so it's not like I'm putting him out or anything by making him carry my places!
Anyway, at last China motioned us to stop at a landing with a door and he quietly approached it, opening it up just a sliver to peer out. I muttered about him taking too long until he finally motioned for Prussia and I to follow him out into a narrow white hallway. Why were all the hallways in this place so bland? Seriously, this was my adventure in the future and the scenery was fucking BORING.
We'd walked approximately three feet when a cough sounded behind us. We whirled around and China looked ready to attack, but I let out a shriek and grabbed him, pulling him back.
"HOLY FUCKING HOT MALES, THAT'S LOKI!" I shrieked. I mean you guys. I love Russia. I do. But fuck. I'm a woman. I have ovaries. And those CHEEKBONES. And that GIANT GOLD HELMET WITH HORNS. And the GREEN.
It was Loki in all his hot glory. Obviously a Unit. But fuck.
"Hello there," he smirked and I died in happiness. Oh fuck. Loki. Oh fuck.
"Hello. You are amazingly attractive. Did you know that? I hope you do. Also, I think my brain will be going offline in a second so if I just stand mindlessly drooling over here, please ignore me for a while, m'kay?" I then proceeded to grab China's hand perhaps a bit too tightly and let out a low whine as he struggled for my releasing of said hand. He was not succeeding.
Prussia gave me a look that seemed to express many shades of unimpressed before looking at the sexy god of mischief. How did he find his way into this adventure? How did he find his way all the fuck over my tumblr dashboard every time I glanced it over? It was Loki's way. Bitch did what he wanted. I was okay with that.
China finally shook me off and glared at Loki's smirking face. "Who are you-aru?"
"I could say the same to you. I've never seen your sort of Units on this floor before," Loki said casually, "Too close to the dungeons for pretty girls like you."
China's eyes widened and I was shook out of my gloriously revelry to laugh. "I-I AM NOT A GIRL-ARU!"
Loki frowned briefly, and then sighed. "Ah, anime characters then, I presume?"
"Your voice is hot too. Has that been mentioned to you?"
Prussia took this chance to elbow me in the side and I glared up at him, though his attention was already back on Loki. "Yeah, we're anime characters. Hetalia characters, personifications of countries. I'm Prussia, that's China."
"And this?" Loki nodded, gesturing to me. I blinked.
"Um... I'm not a Unit," I said bluntly, confused thoroughly on how anyone could make a mistake like that. Did I LOOK like I was hot enough to be a Unit? I don't think so.
"Oh? You're their master then?" Loki's eyes glanced from Prussia to China and then back at me. "So young and already in possession of two countries. You're quite the conqueror, aren't you?"
I swallowed. NO HANDS! STAY DOWN! NO BOOB GRABBING! "I uh... well I was actually going to Russia you know, but things um... yeah. So. You're Loki, from Thor and the Avengers. Nice to see you. Nice cheekbones. You don't quite look like Tom Hiddleston by the way, you're close, but I see a few differences, and I guess it's to blend in with the comics but I didn't read the comics so..."
"You seem to speak a lot, mortal," Loki said in a bored voice. I felt like swooning. "What brings you down here?"
"None of your business-aru!"
"Saving people, him mostly," I pointed at Prussia, "He was going to be deactivated so I came and saved him and yeah. Do you always dress like that? Because I wouldn't mind getting a Unit from a different fandom and you're- OW GILBERT KNOCK IT OFF!" I rubbed my side where I'd been elbowed again. Seriously. Fucking hell.
Loki's eyes flashed in a... dare I say mischievous way? I would need to work hard to contain my squeals.
"Saving a Unit from deactivation hmm? How very... heroic. Tell me, how has the rescue mission been going thus far?" Loki hummed as he strolled closer to us, his eyes locked dead on mine. I took deep breaths as China and Prussia closed ranks on either side of me, seeming ready to strike out harshly if Loki decided to do more that stop two meters from my person and raise his eyebrows in a mocking fashion. Honestly, the protective aspect was flattering, but death via Loki was on my top 10 ways to be murdered. Which is odd, I mean, I didn't want Russia to kill me with his water pipe but somehow Loki using magic to rip my flesh apart...
Yeah okay I'm starting to think there might be something wrong with me. I'm going to ignore my inner monologue for a minute here.
"It uh... it could be going better," I admitted casually.
Loki snorted softly, his eyes narrowing. "Let me guess... would you happen to be lost?"
I grimaced slightly. China winced as well, though Prussia only huffed and glanced away. Loki chuckled. God he's hot.
"Well, what are you going to do, report us?" the albino Unit growled and Loki hummed again, rocking on his heels slightly. He knew he was in power here, obviously. Even if as a Unit he didn't exactly have magic (I would assume anyway. I'm not sure how science would duplicate that skill for even a genetically altered clone) I imagined that Loki would know where we should go and how to alert authorities that we were here. Furthermore, even if the magic couldn't be duplicated, super strength could be as displayed in America and a Norse god would definitely have a dose of that. As strong as Prussia and China might be, I'd say Unit Co would have scaled Loki up a bit further. In the world of Hetalia, I'd estimate only America and Russia would give him any real trouble. Though until proven, it's only head-canon.
"Well, I likely should report you," Loki said after a moment, smirking slightly. "After all, you're here illegally. I could get into serious trouble if I didn't tell. Then again, as a villain Unit, they would expect it of me so I'd hardly be deactivated. But what is the point of suffering for random travellers down these halls?"
China frowned. "Don't dance around the subject, what do you want-aru?"
Loki chuckled. "All I want to know is, should I keep my silver tongue silent, what's in it for me?"
"A lifetime supply of good feelings for having done something nice for no reason?" I piped in suddenly. I don't even know where that came from to be honest. Loki's eyebrows rose, then he snorted and shook his head. I shrugged, it was worth a try. "I don't have anything on offer, was there something specific you'd like?"
Loki grinned brightly. It looked lovely on him, but I didn't trust it in the slightest. "Oh that's easy darling, I'd like you to take me along for the ride. These walls can get a bit, ah, dull over time you know."
"Oh no, no no NO!" Prussia snapped, glaring fiercely, "We've already got a psychopath being delivered to her house," he pointed at me angrily here, "We do NOT need another one!"
Loki shrugged. "Well, that's a shame. I suppose I'll simply have to call for help then, nothing else for it..." he turned on his heel and began walking away.
"AIYAH!" China shrieked and smacked Prussia. Good on him. "Don't make him angry! WAIT! Er, what was his name... Lo-key? LOKI!" China shouted and Loki paused, glancing back over his shoulder.
"Yes?" He asked with a soft, innocent, wide eyed expression. Cute. Very cute indeed.
China looked at me and I sighed. "Yes. You are along for the ride. Even if I have to shell out another several grand for your purchase I'll get you out of Unit Co. Please don't wreck my house later."
Loki hummed, "No promises."
I groaned. "Whatever. Now, how do we get up to the floor with the time travel... room... things?"
Loki's eyebrow rose for a moment before he seemed to understand my statement. "The departure rooms, of course. Follow me, quickly. I doubt we have much time."
Turning abruptly, Loki began walking briskly down the hall away from us and with a wide eyed glance to each of my Units we all shrugged and finally jogged to catch up to our new guide. What he was doing helping us just for the sake of living with me I have no clue. God knows my life, while fine for me, isn't really that interesting. Although all things considered, Unit Co HQ was freaky as fuck, maybe even too much for a psychopathic villain character. So any sure way out would be a good thing, I suppose. I really don't know. Nor did I care at that point. I'd had enough of trying to get out of this mess, I wanted to go home and work things out from there.
We had just about reached a stairwell the end of the hall when Loki suddenly froze and then turned to us with a wide eyed expression. "Quickly! In there!" He pointed to a door next to Prussia and the albino looked at him skeptically.
"Why should we-"
"Aiyah! Don't question it, aru!" China huffed, pulling the door open to reveal a supply closet. I peered inside and frowned at the smell of chemicals just before Loki pushed me inside, followed quickly by my Units and the door was swiftly shut behind us. I gaped as I pressed on the door and found it blocked.
"HEY! LET US OUT, ASSHOLE!" I shrieked.
"HUSH!" Loki's voice sounded just outside the door. Well, he hadn't left us. "Just stay quiet, will you?"
I frowned, but quieted. It was dark in there. I heard a muffled yelp from Prussia as apparently he stepped on something and almost fell. Then we heard footsteps and talking approaching from outside. Did Loki know someone was coming or something? I guess Asgardians... or Jotuns? Well, whichever, I guess they have better hearing than humans and nations. Or these Unit Co people decided they did anyway.
The voices approached the door and I held my breath.
"You there! Loki, isn't it?" a crisp female voice rang out.
"Yes, of course," Loki drawled, sounding rather bored if I had to name the emotion.
"Intruding Units have been spotted at upper levels, it seemed that they've convinced a staff member to help them with finding their mistress and fellow Units that fell down a ventilation shaft. We can't detect any life forms inside it now, but chemical traces saw they exited on this level. Have you seen anyone unusual down here in the last hour?"
Loki let out a loud hum before answering. "You'll have to be a bit more specific. This is where you keep villains after all, they do tend to get weird rather quickly..."
"You know what I mean! Damn it, I hate villain units... you're probably hiding them, aren't you?"
Loki scoffed. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm categorized as a villain to begin with. From what I can tell from the media I've been shown, my character has done nothing but try to claim the throne. Alright, perhaps killing Baldir in cold blood was a little harsh, but really it seems like I was under stress. I have motivation, I'm complex, I hardly deserve to be stuck here in this windowless dungeon with brainless serial killers who just think blood looks pretty."
"Which is why you're allowed look out duty while they are kept snug in cells. Now, are you hiding the intruders, have you seen them? Out with it!"
"I have not seen any intruders."
"... damn it. Well, fine, come on Cliff." There was a heavy, grunting sigh and the footsteps continued.
"Um, kesesese, can we get out yet?" Prussia hissed.
"I don't think so," I muttered back, "Just wait."
And so we waited. It seemed like at least ten minutes before the door cracked open and I had to blink hard to get used to the florescent lights again.
"Come on, we don't have much time!" Loki snapped, gesturing us out and toward the stairs again. I'll admit after his display I did feel significantly safer and more sure of escape... marginally so. Mostly I was just feeling giddy to be this close to yet another fandom character that I adored. Sure, the Avengers and Thor weren't anime, but tastes can be diverse! And HOT DAMN Loki is attractive. And a psycho. Okay, so I have a specific set of perverted tastes. Sue me.
We ran up the stairs two at a time, which is incredibly exhausting by the way, and I was well out of breath by the time I reached the level just above us. I heaved as we turned the corner to keep going up the stairs.
"... god you're fat," Prussia snorted. I flipped him off, but was tasting blood in my mouth and couldn't find words to throw at him at that moment. I'm not fat! I'm squishy! God fucking...
Loki glanced back at me. "We have to move faster than this, get your unit to carry you."
China frowned. "I... do not have the physical strength to do that when not in a rage, aru." He looked at Prussia. I glanced at Prussia.
Prussia's face suddenly turned red, likely in anger. "A-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! She's like, 2000 pounds, I'm not carrying her! You carry her!" He glared at Loki.
"I cannot," Loki said simply, "I need to be able to react quickly if we run into trouble and holding someone would be cumbersome. And I hardly think she weighs that much."
"I don't!" I managed to gasp out, "I'm only 190!"
Prussia winced, "A-anyway, like I want to touch her..."
I growled, then shouted, "LOOK ASSHOLE, I'M SAVING YOUR ASS AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU CAN LIFT ME SINCE YOU DID WELL ENOUGH WHEN YOU WERE SQUEEZING ME TO DEATH AND SPINNING ME AROUND WHEN YOU FOUND OUT I CAME BACK FOR YOU!"
Prussia's eyes widened and he actually, for a moment, looked a bit uncomfortable. Then it was gone and he rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever." Then I was abruptly charged and lifted up onto a boney shoulder, nailed right in the stomach. I wheezed as Prussia started running up the stairs, complaining that I was heavy and needed a diet or physical training or something. For some unexplained reason that made me crave cupcakes. I don't know where the thought came from, but there it was, and it distracted me pretty well until we finished stair climbing and Loki sent us out into another hallway. Honestly, all the halls looked the same in this weird ass building, but Loki insisted that it was where the time travel rooms were located.
"How can you even tell?" I grumbled.
Prussia looked at Loki suspiciously, having put me down once we were out of the stairwell. "Actually, I'd like to know that too. The building was designed specifically to make all the halls look the same, so it's harder for Units to escape or for intruders to find their way around."
China sighed. "Yes, aru, I remember when I was very young, I got separated from my class and wandered down a staircase and got lost for hours before a handler found me and brought me back. I never wanted to get lost alone again after that."
"Well, lucky for me, I am slightly... mutated... from other Loki Units," Loki chuckled and my eyebrow quirked up. "My hearing is extremely good, much better than other clones, even though their hearing is better than a human's. I could hear you three from the other side of the floor. I could hear Claudia and Cliff from three floors above us heading down... trust me, it's enough to give one quite the headache but I've gotten used to it. But, most importantly to us now, I can hear the specific frequency sound that the time portals give off. Usually it's sort of a white noise in this building, but I can still hear it if I pay attention."
"Interesting," I nodded as we walked quickly down the hall, "So are we safe, there's no one else on this floor, right?"
"Oh there is," Loki said simply, "But no one out to arrest us, I would have heard that kind of conversation."
We continued walking, and finally Loki stopped outside of one door, opened it, and we found ourselves in a white room identical to the one we got here in. I sighed in relief.
"Great, so... oh." I looked at Prussia and China. "We still need to find Arthur and Al..."
Prussia rolled his eyes. "What, can't we just ditch them? I want to get home!"
"No," I said firmly. Hell, Arthur was one of my only nearly-sane units! "You and Chi- oh FINE! You and YAO will go back now, and..." I paused and glanced at Loki, "Would you help me find my other Units?"
"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Prussia waved his hands, looking shocked, "You want us to leave without you? Are you fucking nuts? If you get captured WE ALL DIE!"
"Then go into hiding or something!" I snarled, "You aren't staying, go home!"
"GOD MOM, QUIT BOSSING ME AROUND!"
"I'M NOT YOUR GODDAMN MOTHER! MY NAME IS FUCKING RACHEL!"
We all froze and turned to see in the doorway... well... Rachel. And America and England, which was a plus there. But Rachel looked fucking ecstatic which was weird as she ran into the room and glomped me. What the hell. Apparently name-sharing is an exciting thing in the future?
"I KNEW YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR!"
"What? You... okay?" I said in confusion as Rachel continued to choke me with an iron tight embrace. "Familiar because why?"
"You're Rachel... your last name is White, right?"
"Yesssss... oh snap! Am I famous in the future? Did I drop my pen names? Have you read my books?" I brightened considerably. I had always hoped my books would get mega-popular.
"Oh no, no, you give up writing," Rachel shook her head and my smile fell. I... do? "But anyway, no! You're my great aunt! You know, the one I'm named after!"
I blinked. "That... gaaaaah what?"
"Yeah! I mean, your sister's my grandma! But she's kind of boring, I really always liked you more. Um... but I remembered her showing me pictures of when she was younger and yeah that's why you're familiar! That's so cool!"
"Is it?" I looked at my units, who were gaping at us now.
"Er, well, can we get this machine up and running? Merely escaping from this building won't be the end of our troubles, but I'm sure it will be more difficult to track us down if we're away from here, yes?" England coughed slightly, then noticed Loki. "Who the bloody hell is this?"
"OH SHOOT I KNOW YOU! YOU'RE THOR'S BRO FROM ANOTHER HOE!" America laughed gleefully and Loki sighed.
"You do realise we're all clones so blood relations mean nothing really, right?"
Prussia's gaze snapped to Loki, then. "Wait... you believe that too? I mean, I've never met another Unit who-"
"ENOUGH, ARU!" China wailed, "We don't have time for this!"
"Right," I said, "Okay Rachel, you need to send us home. I swear I'll leave every yaoi related thing I own to you in my will if you can stop us getting arrested."
"I'll do my best, aunty Rach," Rachel saluted. I smiled back, but unfortunately got a glimpse of Loki out of the corner of my eye and turned to see him looking rather petrified.
"Um... are you okay?" I asked with a frown.
"The... hum from the room. It's getting louder." He said this cryptically and we all fell silent. There was indeed a hum, we could hear it and... it was getting louder.
"What... what does that mean?" I asked softly. Then there was a brightening of light.
"Oh shit," Rachel muttered, "Um... shit. I hope you have a good lawyer."
I whined as the light blinded me and tingling flooded my body. When the light died down we were in a new, equally white room. We face the glass separating us for the controls. A bunch of people in hazard suits were pointing guns our way. The door opened and a tall woman with red hair strode out, looking at us coldly, a small smile on her lips but not in her eyes.
"As if we would believe the clone of the God of Lies," she snorted, "We tracked your movements the moment we left you." Loki winced hard, and I shivered. "You two," she pointed at myself and Rachel, my great niece what the fuck was up with that? "Are under arrest. The rest of you will be deactivated at earliest convenience."
Here I am. This situation... I did not expect. At all. We are all so fucked. So very, very fucked. If I'd known ordering online merchandise would lead to this... this moment... how could this happen?
"Hey, um, Rachel?" America suddenly asks softly, barely a whisper.
"What?" Rachel and I hiss that at the same time and glance at each other.
"Mom," America clarifies and I let out a sigh.
"You're still a hero."
I swear to god I am not going to cry.
((Joyful Note: I know. More cliffhangers. You all hate me. Also, congrats on 3R15UK0UM31 for guessing my oc's name... ages and ages ago. Now I will work on your one shot some more. It's like, half done. It's fluffy. But it's coming.))