So pretty much this is my first fanfic that I'm actually trying to finish. I will apologize for the spelling errors now. Sorry about that my computer fails and doesn't have spell checker thingy. So let me know what you guys think. I got the name of this story from the song Maybe by Sick Puppies and pretty much all of the chapters are inspired by a song.

This is a SoRiku fanfic and will contain lemon later on... Well maybe. You don't like it then don't read it, Simple as that. I of course do not own any characters in this story Square Enix does.

When we got back to Destiny Islands nothing changed for me. I remember being so thrilled to be back. Both of Sora and Kairi's parents were so happy to see them. Of course my parents hugged and kissed me like the other parents but I knew better. I knew that was for show; they just wanted people to continue to think we were a great happy family.

By the second day of me being home I was back to taking care of myself while my parents were off somewhere. They never wanted me and I've known that since I was 7 years old. That's when I started taking care of myself because they were never home. After I started taking care of myself I soon became jealous of Sora and Kairi. They had everything. Parents that loved them, all the toys they could ever want and they had each other.


I was brought out of my memory by a short, tanned, spiky brunette splashing water in my face and calling my name. "Riku what's with you today? You've been kind of distant lately." Sora said.

Kairi came behind Sora looking at me with worry in her eyes. "Yeah if you didn't want to go swimming you should have said something. We could have found something else to do." The redhead said. I looked at my watch seeing that it was already 7 o'clock. "I uh should get going" I said as I walked away leaving them both looking at each other with worry.

When I walked into my house no one was there. I looked into the living room that had white walls and black furniture with white and black checkered pillows on them. That room was always clean and everything was set perfectly. My mother hated it when i came in there and ruined her perfect room. I walked to the kitchen and saw a note written by my mom saying that they wouldn't be home for 2 weeks. "Why did they even bother to write a note?" I said staring at the blue walls of the kitchen. I left the kitchen and walked upstairs to my bedroom.

When I got to my bedroom I didn't bother to turn on a light. I walked straight to the bathroom that was connected to my room and put my silver hair in a loose ponytail. Next I walked into my closet and grabbed a piece of glass. I know I shouldn't be cutting but I couldn't help it. I used to feel guilty for it and tried to stop but I felt addicted to cutting in some weird way. Like in my mind I didn't really want to stop. I like the way the pain felt and I also liked that it was the only pain that I could control. Even then no matter how much I liked it I couldn't stop thinking of what Sora and Kairi would think. Would they think I'm pathetic, would they hate me or would they try and help me? Either way I couldn't let them find out, I couldn't go through all the looks and questions. The worry. I hated it when people worried about me. So to make sure they would never find out I didn't cut myself on the arms, I cut myself on the legs.

I started making lines on my leg with the cold piece of glass. I let the warm crimson liquid glide across my leg. Before the blood fell to the floor I wiped it away. Once the cuts stopped bleeding I cleaned up the blood that accidently made it the floor, put the glass away, and then put the towel with blood on it in the washing machine. After doing all this i decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. I could feel the sting of the cuts running through my leg. It didn't bother me as it normally would. I guess getting used to the sting of the cuts. The next thing I knew my feet lead me to the beach.

The cool breeze and sound of the waves made everything peaceful, like nothing bad has ever happened. That was soon interrupted by someone calling my name.


Sora's P.O.V

I couldn't take my mind off of Riku. I was still worried about him. Lately he's been so distant and doesn't want to talk to anyone. I thought everything would be the same once we got back to Destiny Islands. It would be like none of that stuff happened but something changed; Riku changed. I used to think that we were best friends; we could tell each other everything. While I was thinking I didn't notice that I was walking to the beach. As soon as my feet hit the cold sand I saw a silver haired person sitting on the beach.

"Riku?" I couldn't help but be a little curious and a little shocked to see him here.

"Uhh hey Sora. What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing. Today you were kinda well you know."

"Oh, sorry about that. I had a lot on my mind."

When he said this I noticed he wouldn't look at me and I knew that something was wrong. I had to do something and quick. I had to figure out what was going on with Riku.

Riku's P.O.V.

I couldn't take Sora's piercing blue eyes staring at me. For once I felt to guilty. I couldn't take it anymore. Sora was the only person that knew how to make me feel guilty without having to do anything. Just the thought of upsetting him kills me inside and that's why he can never find out. I couldn't handle it if I ever upset him. Of course I would never say this to him; he would probably think I'm a freak for having a crush on him. He would probably hate me and plus everyone knows that him and Kairi were meant to be. People could tell just by the way that they looked at each other.

Next thing I knew he came and sat by me. I tried to make it look like I was focusing on the ocean. Sora looked like he wanted to say something. In fact I knew he most defiantly wanted to say something. The question was what though and did I really want to know.

Sora's P.O.V.

I didn't know what to say or how I would even say it if I had something to say. I didn't know where to begin. All I knew was that I had to figure out what was wrong with him.

"So uh R-Riku do you want to come over? I mean well we could hang out just the two of us and if you want you can stay the night." Urgh I was rambling. I hate it when I ramble

"Yeah sure that would be fine. I should probably just run home and get some stuff."

"Ok well then how about you do that and I'll go home and order a pizza and stuff."

I quickly walked home. I didn't really know where I was gonna go with this and how I was going to get him to tell me but having him over is a good place to start right? I hate seeing Riku upset. We've been friends forever and he's always there for me so why does it seem like I'm never there for him? Cause he never lets me in, that's why. By the time I ordered the pizzas and kinda cleaned my room so you could at least see the floor Riku was knocking on my door. So I ran to let my silver haired friend in.

"Hey Riku!" I tried to sound happy but I just ended up sounding high pitched and awkward

"Hey Sora." Riku said with a giggle

After we ate a whole bunch of pizza watched a couple of movies and played loads of video games it was already 3 in the morning. We were about to go to bed when I finally decided I had to ask him. It was now or never right? I couldn't take not knowing anymore.

"R-Riku today I know that the whole you had a lot on your mind thing was a lie. You've been so distant and I'm worried about you. Riku you're my best friend, and it pains me to see you upset." It really did kill me knowing he was upset but even worse it killed me to sit here pretending like I don't have feelings for him. When really all want to do right now is kiss him and make everything he's feeling go away.

Riku's P.O.V

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him the truth. I don't think I would be able to handle it if he knew the truth. I couldn't take the chances of losing him. But yet it would kill me to lie to him. I'm tired of lying to everybody. That's all I've been doing my whole life. How is it even possible that I've managed to lie to him all these years and not go insane? I feel like I'm on edge and the simplest thing could send me crashing down. That's it I have to tell him. But should I really just come out and say it? I went to open my mouth to tell him but I couldn't make the words come out. I couldn't find the words that I need to say. So instead I did what I normally would do. "Sora you worry too much. Come on let's play Left 4 Dead some more." I quickly picked up the controller and started picking the location and my character.

Sora's P.O.V.

Riku looked like he was confused or either that just didn't want to talk about it. He quickly picked up the controller but I wouldn't let this conversation end. I had to know even if I had to bug him all night I would find out what was wrong with him.

"Riku seriously what's going on with you? We've been friends forever but now that I think about it I feel like a barely know you. You never tell me anything were as I'm usually confessing everything to you."

He quickly turned away not wanting to look me into the eyes. I don't know why he always had to change the subject whenever I asked him something. It was actually really annoying. Now that I think about the only annoying thing was how it was possible that I've been so naive all these years we've been friends. I was always thinking the world was one big happy story but now I'm starting to notice everything that I've tried to block out of my mind. Maybe Riku isn't the one who changed. I guess he's always been like this; I was just too blinded to see what was really going on.

Riku's P.O.V.

"Sora its just things haven't been totally peachy with my family. That's it just some stupid family issues. Nothing else it wrong. I promise you." Well I wasn't totally lying to him. I just wasn't giving him the full truth. I wished he would just drop the subject and let me be. I didn't need this one little conversation to push me over the edge. But then again I don't know why I'm getting so annoyed by this I mean he's just worried about me. He's being a good friend. But I still couldn't handle the questions, I never could. "Well I'm super tired so maybe it would be best to go to bed. 'Night Sora." "Goodnight Riku."

End Chapter 1

All I can really say is please review. I want to know if my first actual fanfic is a fail or not. I should be uploading soonish. I already have up to chapter 3 written, and I'm just now working on chapter 4. So I'll probably upload depending if anyone actually wants to read more. ^-^