President Lincoln ran into the confederate camp while solving a rubiks cube then leapt onto a guard, tore out his eyes and threw them at a medics tent, creating a smoldering crater and killing everyone inside.
"Now I will kill you, because you keep slaves and keeping slave is bad!" he yelled. Then he pulled a machine gun out but he was too badarse to shoot things so he clubbed President Davis to death with it, tore his liver out and deflected an artillery shell with the still pulsating organ so hard it travelled through time and killed Hitler.
"President Lincoln, so we meet again"
King George III came up to Lincoln in his giant mecha.
"Hey, George, I think you lost something."
"The Revolutionary War"
Then Lincoln took his hat off and threw it at the massive mecha, slicing it in half, leapt on a piece of shrapnel that came out of the ensuing explosion and rode it to safety.