Pairings: Spock x Kirk (Spirk, Spork, Kock)
Warnings: Homosexuality, Mature Content, Coarse Language, Angst, Body Swap, Violence
Positions:Top!Spock x Bottom!Kirk
A/N – I was browsing through the challenges and found this one by extravaganser:
kirk/spock to be rated for adult audiences
Ok, so I would like a fic where, while kirk is out on an emergency diplomatic mission, spock dies (on a mission down on a planet or whatever). So mccoy and old spock are standing over spock's body when old spock suggests that he take his place, by transferring his katra to the younger body and somehow convinces mccoy (if even momentarily) that this is the best course of action so now only he and mccoy know of nu! Spock's death. So kirk comes back and learns of only old spock's death, and is none the wiser. Now old spock in new body seizes the chance that he never took in his universe and begins the pursuit of his t'hy'la. I want uhura confused because spock is suddenly enamored with the captian, kirk is reluctant because he isn't a home wrecker, mccoy feels guilty for using nu!spock's body for old spock, and I definitely want a possessive, toppy , spock who know what he want and what he wants is his t'hy'la.
Ps likes a bit of angst, p0rn, and happy-mildly happy endings
I thought this would be very challenging to write. I hope I do an adequate job to such a specific prompt!
Dr. McCoy stood up from the lifeless Vulcan body before him. Though the temperature felt like a summer breeze to Elder Spock, from years of watching the doctor grow, he knew that it wasn't only the heat making McCoy sweat.
The planet, which was now being called New Vulcan, was not much different from their previous homeworld. It was hot, had deserts, and had been a suitable environment for the remaining of his species. Well, most of his species. Looking down at his younger self burning in the afternoon suns, he knew deep down that this place would never be his home—and Spock's death only stood as truth to this fact.
He watched, trying to emotionally detach himself from the situation, but finding it difficult since the body lying face-up was his own. Dr. McCoy ran his tricorder over the body for the fourth time. "Cause of death?" He managed to ask when his throat didn't feel tight.
The doctor looked over his tricorder readings again. He need not say the obvious, but they knew that having someone say it would be better than keeping what they both knew quiet. "It's all the conditions of a fight. The bruising and abrasions suggest he put up one hell of one, too, but…" McCoy trialed off, looking again at the younger Vulcan. "There's no doubt that he was murdered. His brain took such a beating that I'm one-hundred percent certain it was a Vulcan. And from his track record, I'm going to say it was probably an old, childhood enemy."
"Logical." Elder Spock told him silently, barely nodding his head.
The scene was pitiful. Elder Spock had witnessed his own death and dreamt of it several times after, but never did he think that in an alternate universe his counterpart would perish so easily. The lifeless, cold Vulcan on the desert sands might have appeared serene, like he was sleeping and might wake up any moment, but the old Vulcan could not deny what his brain knew as logical.
Spock was dead.
Bones moved away from the corpse, standing beside him like a lifeline to his sanity. "We never should have come here." He breathed, anguish and regret filling him. Spock knew it would only be a few more seconds before the all-too-familiar emotional explosion. "Damnit! We never should have come here!" The doctor kicked the sand causing a few clouds to land on the body. He recoiled and cursed at himself as he wiped away the dust from his friend's very pale face. "T'Pau warned us not to come." Bones continued, standing when he was sure the deceased Spock had nothing left on his features. "She told us not to and yet, here we are! Here we fucking are!" Brown eyes peered back into his own. "Damn Jim for leaving us here like this!"
"It was of necessity that Captain Kirk respond to the call to transport Captain Damarcus to the colony." The doctor flipped around, trying not to look at him as he continued to boil.
"Some goddamn Vulcan murdered Spock! You never should have convinced those bastards to let us dock here! Then, we would all be okay and Spock wouldn't be dead!" Elder Spock took an instinctive step back, it was more from habit than from fear, from his own Dr. McCoy years ago who would constantly blame himself for the loss of a life. Though they had no knowing that his younger self was being provoked, and so much that it could lead to his death, not even Elder Spock could deny his own deep feelings that this was somehow his fault. That he should have known. The boy had been him, after all!
Silence passed between them for some time. Spock knew they couldn't remain out here much longer lest Dr. McCoy wished to join his counterpart, but before he could give suggestions on how to carry the deceased back with them on the hour walk to the colony, the doctor spoke.
"What do we do?" He asked particularly no one.
It was hard to take his old eyes from the body, but control won out over his grief and allowed him to look to the doctor. "Crime is rare with Vulcans. The chances are less than two point six-three-one percent that we would be able to locate the accused and bring him to justice." It was a terribly saddening statistic.
"That's not what I meant." Bones corrected, his eyes still locked with the body. "I mean, what are we going to tell Jim?" Elder Spock's heart trembled at his side. This was something he had yet to think about, and it hit him like a gust of cold air. What were they going to tell Jim?
Bones gave a grim laugh. "It's cruel, you know. For the past two years I've seen fights, ego punching, hell—I've even seen them slap each other like bitches, but if there was one thing that was constant between them, it was the fact that Jim and Spock were brothers. They stood by each other's side, always." Silence. "Jim's bound to take this hard."
It was inevitable. Closing his eyes to blink away the small pool of emotion, he knew that what the young doctor was saying was true. From his own past, Spock could picture exactly how it would unfold. Dr. McCoy would beam back aboard the ship, the Captain would wear that smile he always smiled when he returned from being away, then he would look around for Spock. When he couldn't locate him, he'd ask Mr. Scott if there were troubles with the transporter, and when he received clear, he would call the planet only to be told that his Spock was no more. Denial would shake the captain's structure, and then sadness. Terrible, terrible sadness.
Elder Spock remembered the day he died. The glass was warm, sticky even, as he gave his final salute to his captain (who was then an admiral). Even through the thick surface, Spock could feel the tidal waves of sorrow and self-destruction his captain was brewing as each breath escaped him. As his life slowly dwindled, he only had enough energy to save his katra, so his shields fell instantly at the energy consumption to allow the dying Vulcan to feel everything Jim felt. And what he felt…
He could not—would not—allow this James Kirk to feel that. If this timeline stood true to its origin, then the Jim Kirk of this reality was supposed to see him die saving hundreds of lives, not in the middle of a colony desert with no witnesses to document him. His counterpart began to turn a faint brownish colour as death overtook completely. Thinking, his heart stretching more from his Human side, Spock decided there was only one way to prevent the young captain from experiencing the grief and despair of loosing his first officer, his friend, his brother.
"Dr. McCoy," he started with an evenness he never knew himself to have. Spock waited until the doctor looked at him directly. "I have a suggestion, but I must ask that you listen to it in full before you make any judgments. I will warn you now that this idea stems from my influence of my own captain when I was much younger." So prepare yourself for something really crazy, Spock thought as Bones nodded lightly, accepting the terms.
He steeled himself, this would not be easy to say. This was not his Dr. McCoy and persuasion might not work as well on him as it might have on his own, still, he wasn't presented with many other options. Logically, he continued. "Vulcans have what is known as a katra. To Humans, this might be what you would call a 'soul'. My suggestion is that we repair and clean my younger counterpart's body and place my katra into him. This will ultimately destroy my own body, however, I do believe that Captain Kirk would be able to handle my death far easier than he would his own Spock." Bones' face dropped all at once. It was to be expected.
"Are you fucking with me?" He demanded. "How the hell will that solve our problem? You prancing around as your old self again, living in someone else's body and living their life for them? I've heard of living vicariously through others, but this takes the saying to a whole new damn level!"
"Doctor, I understand your opposition to such a suggestion—"
"Opposition? You're asking me to allow you to take over Spock's life for him!" Spock ignored the interruption.
"—Nevertheless, my captain and I were very close, much like your own and I surmise that upon hearing of my counterpart's death, your captain will do exactly the same as mine. He will spiral into a fit of depression and blame himself, loosing his command in the process." He paused when the doctor's eyes turned away from him, pain obvious in his limbs. Spock knew he was asking for a lot. "Leonard, Jim is your best friend. What do you think he will do if he finds my younger self has passed after he left to tend to a 'milk run', as he put it?" Dr. McCoy didn't look at him, only stood there, shifting his weight from foot to foot, then finally settling his eyes back on to the Vulcan body in the sand. There was so much strain in his tired face.
"But, you're not Spock."
"I am Spock."
"You're not his Spock."
"He is not my captain, nevertheless, I am Spock enough to know that my captain—no matter what universe—will always want me by his side." Spock wasn't sure what McCoy was thinking as he stood there for many long moments. Then he watched Bones give a sigh and shake his head slowly.
"It will never be the same. He's not your Jim and you're not his Spock. It won't work, good intentions or not. I'm sorry, but I just can't allow it." He turned, going into the direction of the colony, apparently not having the will to carry the younger Vulcan on his own and most likely going to get a car to come and do the work for him. His heart was always fragile, Spock knew, but little did this McCoy know that Spock had had many years to also learn that his own Vulcan heart was also fragile.
If there was one thing Spock regretted more than having Nero rip him from his reality, it was that he had never gotten the chance to tell Jim just how much he loved him. It took years to understand it, but there was no doubt in his body that Spock loved Jim. And this time was no different. He could not allow this captain, though not really his own, to go through the pain of loosing someone so close. Once had been enough for Spock, he did not wish to see it again. Mustering up all his Vulcan strength, Spock decided to heed the advice he had given his younger self. He would do what felt right.
"I loved him." Spock said quickly, like the words burned him. Bones had already walked a good six yards but stopped suddenly. The elder ventured further now knowing he had the young doctor's interest. "I did, Leonard. I loved Jim. Not even Vulcans are beyond the emotion of love. Though it is regrettable that my younger self has passed, this could be my only opportunity to start over where Nero had left me off. I could finally discover for myself if Jim loved me back. I have lived for over a century and never had the strength to ask him, and when I could, it was too late. Will you allow an old fool this chance?" Dr. McCoy had turned back, but still refused to look at him. Spock walked closer, moving steadily to close the distance between them.
"Your Spock may be gone," he continued with a sense of hush, "but this Spock still remains. I may not seem much to you, but I do not wish to destroy this delicate bond. I want to do all I can for him, just as he would and has done for me." Silence. "And you. Please, Leonard, you must understand."
When nothing further was said, Spock removed himself and went back to his younger self's body, bending down to brush away some of the sand that had blown into his brows. He knew he was asking for more than the doctor was willing to give, but if there was one thing his captain had taught him, it was to try. He had tried.
Bones broke his concentration. "I'll do it." He said in nearly a whisper. "I'll do it. I'll clean him up and fix what I can and let you take him over. I don't… I don't think I could stand to deliver this news any more than you would." His voice trembled, his hands in opposite reaction with a steadiness only a doctor could fathom. Standing upright, Spock allowed himself a private quirk of his lips, a small smile for only the doctor, but it wasn't for Leonard McCoy's understanding—it was for the thought that he would get a second chance to be with Jim again.
How unVulcan, to be so selfish.
The younger Spock's body lay completely naked on Elder Spock's bed. Neither he nor Dr. McCoy had informed the small landing party or the Vulcan colonists of what had happened. The only information given was from Elder Spock (known to everyone besides a select few as 'Selek'), he told them that Spock was injured and he and Dr. McCoy were going to attempt an ancient Vulcan ritual to save his life. The Humans accepted the excuse, however, some Vulcans appeared suspicious as they were telepaths and probably wondered why they sensed no activity from the young half-breed. If questioned, Spock told himself that he would remind them that Spock was half-Human, so his telepathic abilities were too weak to sense under such circumstances.
It took close to an hour, but together as doctor and partial Vulcan healer, they repaired younger Spock's body and prevented the coming rigor mortis. While cleaning him, Bones mumbled to himself frequently, just as Spock remembered him to do in his time, and a few times stopped the trembling doctor to remind him that they were trying to do the best logical choice. Whether the words actually got to him or not, Spock would not know as Bones threw away his emotional face and went into his doctor mode to finish conducting the cleansing.
Though he had offered words of assurance to Bones, Spock found himself having the same battle within his own mind, because as they came closer to finishing, for a brief moment Elder Spock felt a pang of uncertainty. He nearly copped out entirely ten minutes later, not wanting to deceive the Jim Kirk he never knew, but he too, knew this was for the best. Fear had a way of making even the most illogical plans logical.
"He's ready." The doctor finally said when he removed the tricorder. "Are you?" He asked the elder Vulcan. Spock nodded silently and now knew this was the moment of truth. Now or never.
Dr. McCoy moved to make room, the elder placing his fingers on his younger self's absent meld points. He hesitated briefly, looked to Dr. McCoy, then threw caution to the wind as he initiated the mind meld.
At first, it was like he had landed in an empty void, then slowly he began to swirl his katra into the body. It was painful, but Spock ignored it as wave after wave of his essence poured into the young vessel. There had been no resistance, no shouting, and this saddened the Vulcan. Once again reminding him that he was not just inhabiting a body of a younger him, but the body of a Vulcan he hardly knew. Sure, they were the same person, just as one might say a twin is to their double, but they were still different. Was it too late to pull out? To go back and change his mind?
"Spock!" He heard lightly muffled in his ears. "Spock!" The voice was in panic and it took a few seconds for him to recognize it as Leonard McCoy's. "Talk to me!" Spock opened his eyes to see his dark ceiling. Blinking awake, he noted that he was no longer hovering over the body of his younger form and he was a tad bit chilled. It took more strength than he thought to sit up, and when the task was completed, he peered around to see Dr. McCoy on the floor, resting a greyed Vulcan's head in his lap.
"Spock! Are you okay?" McCoy asked the resting body.
"I am fine, Doctor." Spock told him smoothly, catching the poor man off guard with a start. "The transfer was a success." Bones stared at him before he finally rested the older Vulcan's body to the floor. He eyes still flit between them, like he was having a hard time comprehending the situation. Spock stood up, as if to tell the doctor that what had happened was real. In doctor mode again, McCoy wasted no time as he pulled out his tricorder and ran it over his newly animated flesh.
"How are your joints?" Bones asked, purely sounding like he was detaching himself emotionally. The Vulcan lifted his arms and flexed.
"Stiff, but nothing a few minutes of reanimation will not cure."
"My heart appears to be palpitating, but with sufficient control established in ten point six minutes, it should return to normal." Bones removed the device and folded his arms like he was staring at a ghost and trying to believe it.
"Well, you're healthy, for being a dead guy." He then cocked his head to one side and shifted to point at Spock's old body. "But, what are we going to do with that?"
Spock readied himself and repeated the excuse he would tell all inquiring others. "Selek used an ancient transfer ritual to preserve my life, in the process, he regrettably died, choosing to save my life over his."
"Pretty convincing." Bones snorted.
"It will have to do." The doctor looked even more self-conscious now than he had before.
"It still doesn't feel right, doing this." Spock reached out and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, Bones recoiled from the touch, but then eased. Dr. McCoy's cooperation with this was a key element, if he was having second thoughts…
"Leonard, should you find yourself incapable of holding this information, please let me know."
"Yeah, yeah." He shrugged off, batting his hand away. "Look, I'm not doing this for you. Your green-blooded ass was the least of my worries." He spat, taking Spock's suggestion for weakness, "This is for Jim. I can keep a secret if it means he'll be happy. I care about him too much to watch him crumble." Spock offered a nod.
"No," Bones argued with a shake of his head, "it's not 'logical'… It's 'love'."
The newly aged Spock inclined his head, looked down at his young, naked shame, then sighed inwardly. However disgruntled, Bones was right. "Indeed."
There were so few colonist that when word got out that Selek (Elder Spock) had died while saving Spock's life, it only took a few hours to reach the communications department and send a message to the Enterprise to alert them of the situation. Jim would receive the message in less than twenty-four hours, if Spock calculated the distance correctly. In this time, Spock had to recuperate with his familiar and yet foreign body, learn important information from Dr. McCoy on his status within the Enterprise, and plan his funeral. All things he never thought he'd have to do for himself.
His father and grandmother expressed their gratitude for his survival and began a small interrogation in the colony to find the accuser who had attacked him, however, they were deeply affected that Elder Spock had met his demise in a selfless act. They appeared sincere, but after the plans for a funeral the following day had been set up, T'Pau grasped Spock's arm and held him tightly until Sarek had excused himself from her home.
Spock remained passive, letting her hold him in her intimate fashion until she was certain Sarek would not hear them. He didn't have to be a telepath to know why she held him.
"Thee have betrayed thy people." She said in Vulcan. Spock waited for her to release him until he would speak. He kept his features expressionless, like stone, staring ahead into her simple home. She seemed to understand him, letting go of his arm and then smacking him across his cheek so hard that he fell to the floor.
"Lady T'Pau," he started from the dusty floor, his light coloured robe dirtying.
"Do not speak." She barked in a harsh, even tone. "Son of Sarek, thee have committed the ultimate crime against Vulcans. To place one's katra in the vessel of another who has passed—that is against our culture. Surak forbid it and so does thy family. Had thee brought his body to the healers, we would have—"
"Your healers are not strong enough, will not be for another century." Spock dared to interrupt, knowing what he was doing was unheard of and could earn him a beating. "Spock would have died, his katra lost forever. By melding mine into his body—" she slapped him again, putting him back on to the floor. He continued, his weakened body not use to functioning optimally yet, "—by melding mine into his body, there is still a chance that I can restore my younger counterpart's katra with my own. Making us one." She eyed him heavily. Spock dare not move from the floor, instead shifting himself into a groveling position.
"T'Pau, where I come from, you last saw me in person when I returned to Vulcan for my Time. With me, I brought Captain James Kirk. Even then, you did not understand why I brought outworlders into our tradition, why this Human meant to me as the embrace of Surak to you. I ask that you understand that I took this course of action for the same reasons I will bring Captain Kirk to you again. He is my friend,"
"No." She said.
"No." she repeated.
"my lover—" he didn't have time to finish as her hand pressed his head to the floor in a low bow of disgrace and dishonour. His forehead and hair rubbed into the dusty floors.
"How dare thee commit such acts of dishonour and then to tell me thee hath found the lost, sacred bond of t'hy'la! Thee bring thyself and thy people shame! It is only because of our loss that only I am strong enough to know whom thou really are. Thee hath murdered Spock! Thee are not Vulcan and thou are no grandson of mine!" Spock fought against her strength. In a typical setting, she would have been weak in comparison, but his current state made him that of Human might, it took all his energy to free himself from her grip and roll away.
He stood, not bothering to dust his robe or fix his disheveled hair. "Thou were not welcome on Vulcan." She told him, no signs of irritation in her, "and thee is not welcome on New Vulcan, Spock of a different Time. When Captain Kirk returns, thou are to leave with his ship and never return—or face the consequences for thy actions." Spock knew T'Pau and understood that though he disgraced her, she still cared for him as her grandson. If she hadn't, she would have ordered him put to death right then. It was something he had overlooked when he chanced his Human-like idea. The Vulcan people had been through a loss of great proportions, so he assumed that no one would be able to telepathically spot the difference in katra. However, he had underestimated T'Pau. No matter his reasoning, by the law of his people, he had committed the ultimate crime.
"I thank you, Lady T'Pau." He said with a bow, acknowledging that she would keep his secret as long as he remained exiled.
"Do not give gratitude to me, Spock. Thee should give gratitude to thy younger counterpart, for if it were not for his death, thee would still be an old Vulcan and forever parted from thy t'hy'la." Spock nodded silently. "We shall mourn tomorrow at dusk. They shall mourn for thee, whilst thou and I shall mourn for Spock." A grim foretelling.
Spock needed nothing further. With a deep bow, he excused himself from her chambers and back towards his home. It was good that he had little to nothing here on New Vulcan. Because as soon as Captain Kirk arrived, who still had the chance of not wanting to be his lover, he would be forever exiled from his people. As was before his success as a Starfleet officer, Spock was alone.
And so began the bitter second chance.