Notes: This is mostly just a quick little angsty – though I wanted it to be more bittersweet – thing that I wrote for the DRRR kink meme. I've got other fills to finish for it along with my other established projects and the Christmas fics. I've got a lot to do, I know, but hopefully I'll be able to get it all done – and apparently the meme has stumbled onto my weakness...
Title: The Story You Don't Know
Pairing: Shizaya [ Shizuo/Izaya ]
Words: 1516 words
Prompt: Something based on this amv PLEASE! I wanna see the heart breaking emotions here! It doesn't have to have smut (it can, but it's up to anon) but please let there be the angst!
Disclaimer: It's not mine, neither is the song that has some of its lyrics appearing in this fic. They all belong to others and I own nothing, got it?
The Story You Don't Know
I didn't say it, I couldn't say it.
Izaya leaned against the wall of the alley, sliding down it until he was sitting hunched up against it. The burning in his eyes was ignored and he balled his hands up into fists. He was frustrated and angry with himself, and that all too familiar ache in his chest refused to go away; living with it for years hadn't made it any easier, and it had just gotten harder to ignore over the years.
Whoever said that time healed all wounds was full of bullshit. Izaya dearly wanted to punch them. He wished that he had Shizuo's strength so that it would hurt more when he did.
Shizu-chan... He couldn't deny it, just seeing the other made his heart thud wildly in his chest and made his mind race with all the possibilities – ones that he'd given up on even dreaming about but his mind kept tormenting him with them – that would never come true. Too many years had been spent pushing the other away to repair their relationship.
He sighed and tipped his head back, leaning it on the rough brick of the wall. Reality is so cruel.
Above him, he could just barely make out the glinting stars in the darkened sky above; the lights of the city mostly drowned them out. Tilting his head back further, Izaya could just barely make out one of the stars that he remembered from his high school education. At that time... he'd been too preoccupied with pushing people away to really care about something that seemed so trivial. Now, though, it seemed way to... applicable to his situation.
I finally found Miss Vega, but where is Sir Altair I wonder? Isn't she lonely?
He sighed; Shinra had tried to make them get along, though nothing had ever worked. Izaya always knew how to rub Shizuo the wrong way and the blond had never been good at controlling his temper; neither of them were good at holding back.
Except when it came to this. No matter how many times he tried, the words would never come past his lips.
I'm such a coward... And he was. Izaya knew himself too well, knew Shizuo too well to even consider the possibility that his feelings would be returned. Back then he'd tried to convince himself that it wasn't important, that it wouldn't last, only for it to grow more and more potent as the years ticked by.
Right then, his heart was pounding wildly in his chest and he could feel the tears fighting against his resolve – his heart always won out over his mind. The stupid treacherous thing always betrayed him at these times.
He was still staring at the sky, mind wandering back to his high school days and he swore he could feel his past self smacking him upside the head for being such a sentimental idiot. At that time he hadn't thought he needed anyone – and some part of him insisted that was still true, that he could get over this – but his heart kept betraying him and yearning for someone that he just couldn't have.
Life was such a cruel and fickle thing.
It was always finding new ways to taunt him and torment him. Just when he'd thought he had things all figured out, it would come along with something new and he'd have to start again from scratch.
He'd thought he'd known people, could predict them and guess at what and how they'd react to certain situations. It was just too bad that he'd never looked at himself a little better. Maybe then he could've avoided this entire mess.
At the mouth of the alley, he could just make out a familiar head of blond hair and instinctively drew his legs closer, trying to make himself as small as possible. The last thing he wanted was for Shizuo to find him when he was like this. He'd never be able to live it down.
He held his breath, biting down on his lip to keep himself from letting out the sobs that were so desperately tearing at his lungs. Without his permission, the tears shattered the last of his resolve and started coursing down his cheeks.
For several long and tense moments, he remained perfectly still. The tension he was experiencing could've been cut with a knife. His lungs felt like they were on fire and his head started to swim from the lack of oxygen.
Eventually the blond hair disappeared and Izaya let out a choked breath and relaxed just a little. His hands were shaking as he grabbed his knees in an effort to keep himself grounded, but the tears kept coming. He really hated himself for being so weak.
There was no way, though, to make this any easier. He'd tried everything to make it stop.
It didn't help that Shizuo always had this way of offering conflicting signals; most of the time he was intent on beating him to death, while other times Izaya got a glimpse of something a little more... gentle lurking under the surface. That made it so much harder for him to get over this stupid sentimental feeling that he felt for the other. If Shizuo hated him, then that was something he could deal with and eventually get over.
The mixed signals weren't helping.
In fact, they just made it worse. His heart gave a painful throb in response to the thought. But being next to you is fine. That was what he'd try to tell himself over and over again, to lessening degrees of success over the years. It had been harder and harder to stop himself from yearning for more.
A pair of shoes appeared and Izaya cursed; he hadn't been paying close enough attention to his surroundings and he knew those shoes.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Shizu-chan...
Izaya didn't trust his voice; he knew it would crack and give away the turmoil that he was feeling. Just why the hell had Shizuo had to come along now?
He didn't respond and stared very pointedly at the cement and Shizuo's shoes.
Shizuo sighed heavily, and then Izaya found himself roughly jerked to his feet. The blond had fisted his hand in his shirt and pulled him upright. "Just what the hell–"
Very quickly, Izaya made sure that his bangs were hiding his eyes as best they could. He knew that it was pointless; Shizuo could still see the trails that the tears had left and continued to leave on his cheek.
A very awkward silence fell between them for several agonizingly long minutes.
Pulling his hand away, Izaya scrunched his eyes closed and braced himself for the fist or harsh words that he expected to come next.
Instead, he felt a warm hand touch his cheek, fingers gently touching under his eyes and wiping away the offending moisture. At that, his eyes flew wide open and he looked up at Shizuo, posture and eyes wary as he looked at him; searching the other's face and eyes, looking for some sign of rejection.
Much to his shock, he couldn't find any.
Words caught in his throat and he found himself speechless as Shizuo's other hand came up and mirrored its other as he cupped Izaya's face between his hands and tilted it upwards. His breath seemed to be stuck in his lungs and he felt dizzy and weak in the knees.
The tears wouldn't stop falling, and Izaya wasn't sure what was causing them now. His heart was still pounding wildly in his chest from a combination of fear, longing, and excitement. At that moment, he knew that if Shizuo pushed him away, everything that he'd fought for to keep himself together would just shatter; the pain of it would kill him.
They stood like that for a few more moments, just staring at each other and Izaya's heart leaped into his throat. Now the world was starting to spin in front of him and he wasn't sure if his knees would be able to hold him up for much longer.
As it turned out, that was the least of his worries.
Very carefully, almost as though he was afraid the shorter male would bolt, Shizuo pressed his lips against Izaya's in a very soft, chaste kiss.
Izaya froze and remained perfectly still for several moments, unable to believe that this was actually happening. His brain was kind enough to cease working at that moment and his heart soared in his chest.
Ah, I see, this is what it means to fall in love.
Shizuo pulled back, and Izaya managed to draw in a shuddering breath; his lungs were screaming for air and his knees were still shaking. He had no idea what his expression looked like at that moment, but it seemed to amuse the other.
The blond gave a small smirk, "You idiot."
I wonder since when have I been chasing after you?