I just want to thank everyone who's commented on my little stories and poems so far. I really was very nervous about sharing my work but delighted that so many of you are putting my stuff on "favourites" or "alerts" Thank you. This is my first "funny" At least I hope you think so. Not sure how I felt about Gwaine when he first appeared on Merlin but, I've been working on an Advent Calendar of reveals on another site and felt obliged to include him. As I started to write from his POV I was suddenly inspired and have now decided that I love the character. Would welcome your reviews of this and my other works. Thank you again for your support so far.

Spoilers up to and including 3.13 - but pleased to say that I wrote most of this before the Finale aired.


There's Something About Merlin

There's something about Merlin. I knew it from the first time I met him. An unusual looking lad; tall, skinny ... rather large ears. Not that I would ever hold that against a man but ... as I said .. there was something about him that stood out a mile.

My name is Gwaine, by the way. That's Sir Gwaine to you. Ha! Still can't get used to being a Knight of Camelot. I hadn't planned to follow in my father's footsteps; not that keen on mixing with nobles types to be honest but ... Arthur was obviously desperate during that business with Morgana ... anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I don't understand why people dismiss Merlin so easily. I suppose it's just because he's a servant, or because he's not strong or conventionally good looking? Personally, my attention was drawn to him before I noticed Arthur ... there was something about his amused reaction to the thought of someone being able to beat the prince. A pride in his friend - a loyalty. I liked that – wish there were more like him around to be honest.

There there were the plates.

Of course, I wasn't exactly concentrating at the time. Too busy fighting for my life but, even with that obvious distraction, there was something about the way those objects flew across the room that seemed slightly off. Couldn't help but be curious about how such a skinny man was able to throw with such speed and power. So, I just had to introduce myself – we were still in the middle of a fight - but then hey, that's no excuse to forget your manners, is it?

The next thing I remembered was a sharp pain in my leg.

The next thing I remember was waking up in a strange bed.

Well, that wasn't especially unusual. Happens quite regularly actually. Walking up in another man's bed though? That's a different matter …

Well, there was that one time ... don't really need to go into details ... suffice to say, someone had been spiking my drinks that night!

Anyway, this time it was entirely innocent. That's when I found out who Arthur really was and that Merlin was his servant. At the time, I couldn't understand quite why such a pleasant lad would stick up for such a royal prat - seemed mad to me - but then it looked like I might just be finding myself a friend. A real, honest, proper friend. Me? Who would have believed it'? So, obviously I wasn't going to give him a hard time over it.

Shame Uther had to banish me really.

On the up side though, that did help me to discover a few excellent taverns.

Anyway, a few months later, Merlin showed up again and offered me the chance to go on a quest to help Arthur retrieve this trident and so I jumped at the chance. And it was great fun, despite the strange little man on the bridge that turned my sword into a flower, and the barren desolate wilderness we had to ride through, and those strange cries that echoed in the night around the camp fire.

Pheasants?

Well I just said that to make Merlin feel better, of course. It wasn't as if I had any reason to be scared of wyverns.

Well, there was that one time ...

Sorry, getting side tracked again.

Yes, those wyverns acted most strangely that day. Merlin and I had split up to look for Arthur and it wasn't long before I heard their hunting cries and followed the sound. I shadowed one especially mean looking critter as it approached an open door and even it seemed surprised to see two of it's friends skulking out of the room as if they were a couple of naughty children who had just been told off.

Anyway, I finished this other one off with no bother, but it was only afterwards that I started to wonder who exactly had scolded those little dragons, when Arthur certainly didn't look in any fit state to fight them.

Yes, there was definitely something about Merlin …

Then there was that stone door that trapped my friend inside an old throne room. Arthur and I were both convinced something major was happening, both compelled to work as hard as we rescue him but ...

Oh, by the way, that was when I knew for certain that Arthur truly cared about Merlin. Typical English noble. Likes to pretend he's so superior and tries to hide all his emotions ... ha! Could see the worry written all over his face that day. Smug royal ****!

Anyway, as I was saying, when we eventually got in there, Merlin was fine. Well, he did look a little as if he'd just seen a ghost … and there was something in his eyes ...

There is something about Merlin. Something more than the obvious. Something beneath the surface and I was beginning to suspect that I might know what.

In the weeks that followed, I kept mulling over the various encounters, the conversations we had, they way he'd talked about Uther's hatred of magic and reacted in certain situations and it started to make a little sense. Well, it would have made a lot of sense if it wasn't for the fact that he was living under the king's nose and spent most of his time in the company of his son.

And yes, I have heard the rumours about exactly what extra services the prince requires of his servant ... I expect you've heard them too? Just don't believe everything you hear ... and certainly make sure you don't repeat any of them in front of Arthur because trust me ... if you do ...

Ah yes, that time it was my fault ... happened during the celebration party after the immortal army had been defeated … mixed a few too many drinks … just made this one tiny passing comment and ...

Shame about that missing tooth. It really spoils my boyish good looks.

There I go again ... sorry ... where was I?

Ah yes, so the next time I met up with the pair, we were all trapped in a dungeon, fighting for our lives with no hope of escape when ... a fire just happened to start and gave us a chance to escape.

It really is too obvious, isn't it?

I very nearly got Merlin to confess that night whilst Arthur lay injured beside us, but the poor boy looked so scared I decided to let him off ... for the time being. Skulked off to get some firewood but of course, I didn't really. I hung around, just to be certain and sure enough heard Merlin utter some odd sounding words, saw his eyes glow and yet, strangely, didn't feel especially shocked or scared. Somehow it just seemed to make perfect sense.

How on earth has the lad survived in a place like Camelot all these years?

Then there was that whole thing with Morgana and the Cup of Life.

Oh, that's another thing. We're not to mention her name in front of Arthur. Ever! Apparently she's now only to be called "her" (preferably accompanied by a lip curling snarl)

No, that wasn't me that time. That was Merlin. Poor lad took five minutes to come around. Arthur really must stop throwing things at him. If he knew what I knew about his servant, I bet he'd have second thoughts. I've no idea what Merlin could do if he got really angry.

Well, that's not exactly true. Thanks to her and Morgause I know exactly what he's capable of. Let's just say that I'm very, very pleased that I'm his friend and not his enemy.