Desperate Avoidance Maneuvers.
Or, why Kilbert fell in the hole.

Annie's face was set in an expression of equal parts exasperation and impatience. Kilbert's face was the epitome of clearly faked innocence and obliviousness. He was, at that moment, very stubbornly looking at everything but the irritated alchemist, who had since crossed her arms and began tapping a foot on the wooden floor of her room. He whistled. Her expression didn't change. She was rather good at holding that look, actually. He wondered if she practised it. A little daydream of her standing before a mirror and staring at herself with that blank face filled his mind before the sound of her voice, with a warning lilt to it, called his name.


"What were you doing in that monster trap hole?"

He cast his eyes to the ceiling and started counting cracks. She really ought to repair that. He told her so.

"You're the one that caused them!" She snapped.

Kilbert gave himself brownie points for causing her facial expression to change. He only hoped that those brownies didn't, in a burst of negative karma, turn out to be of the Gillian's Special Variety.

"And why are you avoiding the question?"

He shut his eyes and doubled over, clutching his hands over his ears. "Don't ask me that!" He shook himself from side to side for a moment. "We agreed! No interrogation!"

The unimpressed look was back. "I'm not the committee. That doesn't apply to me."

He paused, as if thinking that over.

"I think even you would see a giant hole in the ground." Annie continued.

Kilbert straightened up and crossed his arms, face twisting into a smug smirk. "Actually, I'm just so tall that it looked like a speck. Nothing to be concerned with. And then I fell."

"That's nothing to be proud of!"

She gave up. He almost gave himself a satisfied pat on the back.


Kilbert cursed silently to himself as he ducked behind another tree, and then again as he realized that this one was also far too thin to hide his bulk. He poked his head out and looked around again, seeing another flash of green that might or might not be the hair of a certain person. Or it might or might not be a bundle of leaves. It was too much to risk though... he looked around again.

And there it was.

It was a large hole in the ground. Deep and wide enough that he could probably stand in it and no one would notice him without coming to the edge and looking in. There was no time to waste. With his face set in a determined frown he hurried to cross the distance and throw himself into the hole. His landing was surprisingly soft...

"Isn't this cloth?" He muttered; realization hit. "Dammit!"

The trap closed in around him. But, he was out of sight, right? And he'd be found eventually by the patrols... the patrols... they would never let him live this down. But that didn't matter if he didn't know them. It would just mean a few more meaningless rumours. But if it was someone he knew...

"Please let Gillian be slacking off like usual." He pleaded quietly.

He settled down for a long wait.

A/N: Just a random idea I had while watching the scene a second time. I thought, what if he dove in on purpose to avoid Amalie? Since he was so embarassed about the why and started acting like he did when Annie asked why he didn't want to go to the weapon shop. So I wrote this when I was bored.