I know, this is full of mistakes, and i will be grateful if you make me notice them (i'm trying hard to get 500 in the TOEFL). Also i hope you like it.
And... I don't own Hey Arnold!
Dedicated to my best friend Will (thanks for being my Helga... thanks for letting me be your Brainy), you will live always in my memories.
I was not as obsessed as Helga was when we were kids. I know, in the depths of her room, she still has her pink books of poetry and some of the letters she has been writting since he went with his parents to God-knows-where. It doesn't matter... he still writes to her, like he is still waiting for her to tear down the barrier of pain she constructed around her. Nobody knows it better than me, no one see how much it pains to her to be apart of the only source of happiness and light she had ever in her life. But, different than Arnold, i'm only some obsessed coward who waits patiently for her to look behind and see me.
Yes, maybe i'm not as obsessed as her, at least not anymore. True, i still have my little collection of broken glasses, all of them stored away in my closet, with little etiquettes attached to know when she broke them... my only contact to feel alive. Because, if you ever saw my real life, she and her pink presence has ever been the only light in the gray tunnel. She made me move, she made me feel. She was everything to me.
As for me, i'm only a fifteen year old boy, who never found love but still has hope. I mean, not everyone has to find their soulmate in grade school, or in junior high... not even in high school. I grew up alone, and i never minded it. I mean, i almost lived all my life in the less expected places, always scaring the hell out of my "friends"... yeah, friends. And it's true everything i said to them... "I don't know". I never knew, i never knew why i was always near she was, i used to wander around town, just searching for a place where i could think all alone, but not as alone as i could be at home, in a place where my parents wouldn't be 'til midnight, always working hard, not time for me.
I feel like laughing right now, complaining as i never do in front of the people, but well, i want a change. I want to change everything that hurts me. I want to forget about my family, about my unrequited love. I want to hug her and tell her i will never leave, i will be forever at her side, i will take her far from the pain, from her family and the people she is afraid of. But that never will work, because she needs someone brave, someone who won't be afraid to fight together with that world... and i... i just want to escape.
And i knew, back when we where kids, i was not the right one for her. And i didn't stop her before, because even at that young age, i knew SHE was the right one for HIM. So i let her go, even when my love for her lasted a little more. I wanted her to be happy, so i smiled the more when they finally got together, back in a crazy adventure in the jungle, but that's not a story for now. And that wish for her happiness it's what got me here, behind her again. Because just as back when we were kids (with this strange friendship we share), i know she needs me to come back to the real world, because if she doesn't confront herself with reality, she will never be ready to let herself be happy. That's why i'm always following her, letting my insticts kick in and get me in the right place and right time (even when i have years trying to convince myself i don't feel like that for her) to back her up, to make sure nobody else knows. Because even when she still has that tough mask on her, sometimes the life is hard enough to break her. And that's the only bravery i have: to stand and watch, 'til the end, to make sure she has everything out her system, and let her break again my glasses (and feel again), just so she doesn't let herself down, so she remembers there's a world out her to live, and smile. So she knows love's not the only thing in the world, even when it's so important. She has a life out him, and it's time she aknowledge it, so they can move forward because, like i read somewhere:
"El amor no se trata de ver a los ojos de la otra persona, sino de mirar juntos en la misma direccion", "Love isn't about watching in the eyes of the loved one, but watch together in the same direction".
That is why i'm here, behind her, waiting for her fist to come to my face, to keep her sane 'til the day he comes back and... He doesn't deserve her. I mean, she is beautiful and he always fell hard for the pretty ones (and i know he doesn't only love her for her looks). But he was so... dense. He never saw that she could really hurt him if she wanted to. That she was always for him when he really needed it. She had to spell it for him. That is why i can't forgive him, that is why i don't think he deserves her (and neither i do), because if i could fall for her, when she didn't ever (well, once) show me directly her sweet side and always hurted me, he had it easier.
But now, her monologue it's finishing, i can sense it. It's time for me to free her from the pain and the longing and bring her to the real world. Even if it hurts her, i know it will help her in the future.