Crack. Un-betaed crack. This is what happens when I get bored at work.

Remember kids: crack kills.


Bored children are irritating. Bored, genius children are a nuisance. And bored, genius children trapped inside because of tsunami-like weather are the absolute worst nightmare of any adult alive.

It had been raining for two weeks at Wammy's House. And not just rain, but Rain with a capital R. We're talking road flooding, can't-see-two-feet-in-front-of-your-face, sideways rain. Rain that pummeled the House constantly, creating a low hum to back up the din of dozens of mind-numbingly bored children.

It hadn't been too bad at first. They were, after all, geniuses. And if geniuses can't find ways to entertain themselves on rainy days, then what hope is left for the rest of the world? Most of the outdoor classes had been moved inside for the time being, the one exception being recreation which- after one disastrous attempt at organizing a game of dodge ball in the cafeteria- was canceled until the weather cleared.

But now it had been two weeks. Two weeks and Roger was ready to tear his hair out. The House felt stuffy, and small, and unbelievably cramped. The children were on edge; bumping into someone in the hallway could earn you a death glare, unless it was Mello- then you got a punch right to the jaw.

To alleviate the situation, most of the orphans simply locked themselves in their rooms, determined to ride out the remainder of the storm writing, or reading, or hooked up to as many electronics as they had outlets for. Linda however, had a different idea.

It was times like this, she decided, that they ought to band together, and on Sunday morning- which marked the fifteenth straight day of rain- she convinced a small group of Wammy's kids to join her in her quest for entertainment. And by convinced, I mean there were those who made the mistake of answering the knock on their door (Near), those who opened the door to yell at her (Mello), those who were too absorbed in their handheld video games to notice they were being dragged off (Matt), and a handful of students who actually wanted to be there (Xanthe and Drake).

"Linda," said Mello from where he sat on the floor, arms crossed and eyes glaring, "this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Can I leave now?"

"No!" Linda exclaimed cheerfully from her spot opposite him in the circle they had made on the floor. "Besides, what are you going to go back and do? Read? Boringgggg. Now, come on Matt, it's your turn!" She directed the last statement to the redhead seated next to Mello, still thoroughly absorbed in his DS. "Matt!"

"Hmmm?" Matt questioned, without looking up.

"I said it's your turn!" she repeated loudly, and the circle of children snickered slightly and exchanged knowing glances. Most of them had had first-hand experience in trying to pry Matt from a video game at one time or another. "Matt!"

"Oh, for the love of Christ!" Mello snapped. He reached over and snagged the DS out of Matt's hand. The redhead's eyes bulged a little and Mello could swear he saw a vein pop up on his forehead. "Spin the fucking bottle already, Matt, before Linda's voice makes me drive a screwdriver into my ear."

Matt let out a sub vocal stream of curses as he casually reached one foot out and flicked the empty Coke bottle lying on the floor. He must have misjudged the weight of the bottle or the strength of his kick- or maybe he just did it for fun- because the bottle caught on the edge of his shoe, and flipped up and back, nailing Mello square in the face.

"Fuck Matt!" Mello yelled, slapping a hand to his throbbing nose. "It's called Spin the Bottle, not Massacre Your Friends!"

"Oops," said Matt, sounding more amused than sorry.

"I think that counts as a spin," said Xanthe, who was sitting to the left of Near. Linda giggled and nodded her agreement.

"No, it fucking doesn't!" Mello argued. "How does me getting clocked in the face count as a spin?"

"Just shut up and get in the closet, Mello," said Drake, sounding bored. "It's only seven minutes. You'll live."

Mello's eyes darted around the circle, taking in Linda's giggling face, Drake's uninterested stare, Xanthe's smirk, and Near's passive gaze, before clenching his jaw and standing up, dragging Matt up with him by the collar. "Come on," he growled between closed teeth, as he dragged Matt to the closet.

He could hear Linda full-out laughing now, and Xanthe making cat calls as he closed the door. It wasn't really clear why though. Wammy's House children didn't exactly play the game the way most kids did. Most of the orphans could be considered practically asexual, most too tightly focused on their classes and the ranking exams to show interest in the opposite sex. That, combined with the fact that most of the children were about as socially savvy as ninety year olds led to some interesting closet sessions. Already today Xanthe and Drake had used their seven minutes doing differential calculus and Linda had finished a sketch, and Near had organized everything in the closet into neat, precise piles.

"Damn, I hate this game," Mello muttered, leaning his back against the shut door and closing his eyes. "It's so stupid."

"If it bothers you so much, then why'd you agree to play?" Matt asked, shoving aside several of Near's carefully ordered piles of washcloths and sitting down. "You didn't have to, you know."

Mello cranked open one eye to peer at Matt. "Linda's voice is just so goddamn shrill. Couldn't make out a word she was saying. She might have been trying to sell me used bubblegum for all I know."

Matt snorted with laughter. "Fuck, I'm bored," decided Mello. "What we need is a way out of this." He smiled suddenly and both eyes shot open. "I've got an idea."

"Couldn't you just tell Linda you're done for the day, and walk out?" asked Matt, grimacing. He wasn't so sure how he felt about that look in Mello's eye. He'd seen the end results of one of Mello's 'plans' too often for his own comfort.

"Now what would be the fun in that?" Now Mello's grin was what could only be described as manic. "We're gonna make them feel so awkward they leave instead."

"Oh, why do I not like where this is headed?"

"Shut up, Matt. This'll be great." Without warning, Mello suddenly pounded a fist repeatedly against the door. "Oh! Matt!" he shouted, his voice high and breathy sounding. "Oh yeah, right there! That feels good!"

"What are you doing!" Matt screeched, and Mello used his free hand to clap over Matt's mouth, shutting him up.

"Oh yeah!" he continued. "Harder, Matt, harder!"

Matt was frantically shaking his head back and forth, trying to break Mello's grip, his eyes wild. He broke up both hands and pried Mello's fingers off his mouth. "What are you doing?" he repeated, quieter this time. 'Stop it! Stop it right now!"

"Don't stop!" Mello shouted so loudly that Matt was sure people in the neighboring cities could hear him.

"Stop it!" Matt hissed. "Do not drag me into this! They're going to think we're having sex or something in here!"

Mello grinned again and his eyes glinted with amusement. "Exactly."

"Ohhhh, why me?" Matt groaned and covered his face with his hands, as Mello continued to bang on the door and shout obscenities.

"Come on Matt," Mello said gleefully, "Join in."

"No thanks," Matt said, his words muffled by his hands.

"No fun," Mello pushed out his lower lip in a mock pout, and then put his ear to the door. "I think they're gone anyway. They should be at least. Anyway that would stay and listen to that has got some serious issues." He turned to Matt. "Ready? Now we can go do something that's actually interesting." Matt didn't respond, burying his face farther in his hands and attempting to disappear from the face of the earth through sheer force of will. "Whatever," Mello shrugged. "I just did you a favor, man."

Turning away from the redhead, Mello cautiously turned the knob and pushed the closet door open. "Coast is clear," he announced, sounding more cheerful than normal as he marched out of the closet- and straight into Near. "Oh, Near. It's you. What the hell do you want?"

Near looked up at Mello, his eyes serious, one hand twirled in his hair, the other holding a small, cardboard box, which he quickly handed to the blonde.

Mello looked down in confusion. "Are these-" he began.

"Yes. You should know that it is unwise to venture into any sort of sexual relations without the proper protection Mello," Near finished speaking, glanced at Mello, then nodded in Matt's direction before leaving the room.

"Wha-" Mello began, before shaking his head and deciding not to question any further.

"Oh god," groaned Matt piteously, still in the closet. "Why is always me?"


Where did Near get condoms? I don't even want to guess.

Reviews for my stupidity?