Spoilers: Most of S1.
Rating: T, I suppose, for a few sporadic uses of the F-word.
Disclaimer: Great, amazing, awesome etc show is not mine as much as I wish it was.
Summary: A kind of overview, I guess, of parts of season one from Henry's point of view.
Notes: Inspired by "Let's Get Lost" by Beck and Bat for Lashes.
IF JUST FOR TONIGHT
Touch me I'm cold, unable to control
Touch me I'm golden and wild as the wind blows
And tumbling tumbling, don't go fascination
If just for tonight darling, let's get lost
If just for tonight darling, let's get lost
Let me come closer,
I'm not your shadow
With our eyes shielding from the oncoming counts
It's not hard for us to say what we should not
- Beck and Bat for Lashes
He slips through time and space, caught on the ghostly fringes of existence. One moment he's there, on that ferry with the seagulls squawking and a curious young girl next to him, peering at the litter laden water, and the next moment he's flung into 2010 and for a while he can't even remember his own name. It's gone, like everything else he should know.
All of a sudden, out of the blue, he's tangled in the web of her life, that strange dentist who was the first, and only, person who replied when he talked to them; who asked him his name when he was clutching that fucking ridiculous heart shaped cushion that had somehow found its way from the old couples' apartment and into his hands. And together they organize the jumbled puzzle that is the fragments of his life, using that darned computer that takes far too long to think about what it's doing - It's a machine, what does it need to think about? - and a documentary he stumbles across.
"You know not one person on that film really loved me? Not one."
"Don't be ridiculous. What about your mum?"
"She said she hadn't spoken to me in the thirty years. That's five years before I died. I was a prick."
"Your band, your friends, they all did."
"After the fact, Suzy. You could see it in their eyes. You know, everybody loves you when you're dead."
Everything about her begins to draw him in, in an unexplainable, unexpected kind of way that makes his silent heart figuratively pound like one of the frenzied beats of his rock and roll songs. Maybe it's because she is the only one who can see me, he reasons. But that can't be it, because what does that say about the ginger cat? Or maybe it's the knowledge that whenever their gazes meet, and he catches the beginning twinkle of a smile that crinkles around the edges of her eyes, he momentarily loses the breath that he does not need. And then there's the necklace, the one that belonged to him, so long ago and now belongs to her, nestled gently, constantly at her throat. The one that connects them, beyond the limits of time and existence.
I felt you.
I didn't want you to go.
Quite beyond what either of them had hoped or imagined, they become closer; closer; closer still, until he swears he can feel her touch, even when she thinks he's sleeping, and her hand passes right through him as if he does not exist at all. Which he doesn't, at least not to anyone but her.
Everyone thinks I'm insane.
Then they begin dream, of each other. And in those dreams, those blissful conjoined imaginings of their unconscious minds, they can truly touch; the one thing they both have been aching for. He can feel the gooseflesh scatter across her skin when his fingers glide up her arms. She dances with a reckless abandon that he does not anticipate, even though he knew it was lurking within her the entire time, an intoxicating part of her he has already caught a tiny glimpse of. That mad, fucking unpredictable Suzy Darling who he would give anything, and everything, to get forever lost with, even if it was only just for one night in their dreams. All the same, when morning comes and they both wake up, it's hard to acknowledge what happened between them for fear of what it would surely change.
"I just, I can't be with a ghost. It's never going to work."
"No, you're right. Stupid. You got to admit though, it is kind of fascinating. A bit unexpected."
"It's the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me."
"And to me."
Don't wake up.
But maybe, despite everything working against them, dreams do come true, even in their own wistful, unrealistic way.
What will I do? What will I do without you? Maybe, in the end, being so hopelessly, supremely lost just means you end up finding something you weren't looking for. One more night.
"Why did you come back?"
"'Cause I didn't want to be anywhere else." Maybe romance isn't dead, after all.
Even if just for tonight, Darling.