Sweet Sacrifice (The Trade Sequel)
Ice cold and dark, The music speaks, My thoughts are hard, Dreams are dead,
My heart is stone,
Tired and breathless,
I'm all alone,
But not to me,
I long for the dream,
Of being free,
I see no way,
And all I hear,
Is total decay,
I lie here shapeless,
The music speaks,
My thoughts are hard,
Dreams are dead,
"Bella" Alice whined, "Why didn't you say you didn't like it?" She asked. She was making me try of different outfits when Jasper came in and clued Alice in on my discomfort, annoyance and dislike. "We can find you something else if you'd like?" She asked smiling impishly.
"It's not that I don't like the outfit" I stated meekly, "I just . . ." I trailed off.
"Yes Bella?" Alice prompted, smiling helpfully. I still wasn't used to asking for things, and doing things without proper permission, to being semi-normal again.
"Well I just don't like trying on this many clothes, I mean I have a whole closet full of things, and they're perfectly fine, and well there's other things that I could be doing that are a bit more productive and . . . and" I started to stutter as I grew more nervous and anxious. A wave of calm hit me,
"It's okay Bella, calm down" Jasper drawled.
"Yeah Bella. It's okay," Alice smiled, always smiling, "You're right anyway, you do have enough clothes. And your closets full. I'll just put these away" She smiled and started to pack up, I stood there for a second and then started to help. "No, no. I got this. How about you see what the others are up to?" She suggested. I nodded and left silently.
I walked downstairs and into the living room. No one was there so I went for a wonder and was about to go out the front door when I hesitated. I stared at the door handle. Worry and anxiousness building up inside me. Would they be angry if I left without permission? I shuddered at what could happen when another wave of calm hit me reminding me the Cullen's weren't like that. Slowly I reached for the handle and opened the door. I took a step outside and waited for something to happen, I wasn't sure what. When nothing did I took a few more steps and closed the door behind me. I continued my way down the porch steps and found Esme weeding her flower bed.
"Do you need any help?" I asked quietly.
"Oh, if you want. There's some spare gloves in the garage," Esme responded smiling up at me, I nodded and went to retrieve the gloves. I returned and kneeled down and started to weed at a human pace. I found it a little strange that Esme would garden at a human pace, but I didn't question her. "Are you having a nice day so far?" Esme asked,
"Yes, thank you for asking" I said politely. I heard in the distance a car coming down the drive. I stood and turned around to see Rosalie come down in her convertible. She slowly got out of the car and shot a look at me, then a glance at her car.
"Wash this would you" She said,
"Yes, of course Rosalie" I said quickly.
"Rosalie, we've spoken about this" Esme scolded,
"What? We paid good money for her!" Rosalie retorted
"She's a member of this family, not a slave" Esme drove her point, getting angrier.
"Bella, Car" Rosalie said and walked inside without another word,
"I'm going to talk with her, don't you touch that car, it's not your job," She said kindly and followed after Rosalie. I stared confused at the car. I wasn't certain what to do, Rosalie ordered me to wash it. Then Esme ordered me not to. I'd never had to deal with contradicting orders before and I was befuddled. Carlisle was technically the owner of me, and with Esme being his mate, does that mean her orders go before that of the rest of the coven? With my logic sorted and turned back to the garden and continued weeding. When Esme came back out she smiled at me, and knelt down and started to weed too,
"Sorry about Rosalie" Esme said,
"It's perfectly alright" I responded, we continued to weed in silence.
When the garden was weed free I went in search of Edward. I found him in his room and he automatically smiled when I walked in. "How are you today, Bella?" Edward asked
"I'm fine, thank you for asking. And you?" I responded in the same polite tone I use with everyone.
"Very well. What have you been doing?" He asked, I knew he knew what I had been doing for most of the day but answered anyway.
"I tried on some clothes with Alice. Then helped Esme with her gardening." I said.
"Have a seat, we could listen to some music if you'd like." Edward said as he walked over to his large music selection. "What do you feel like listening to?" He asked,
"Perhaps some Amy Beach?" I asked,
"Amy Beach it is" He said sliding the CD into the player.
"Where are the others?" I asked,
"Carlisle is at work, and Emmett is out hunting" He answered as he returned to his seat.
"When Carlisle gets home will I have to have another session?" I asked, each evening Carlisle would come home and we'd spend at least 2 hours discussing how I was coping and how certain things made me feel and how to deal with negative thoughts, I knew he was only trying to help but each evening when he would come home annoyance would bubble on the surface at the constant questioning.
"Don't you like the sessions?" Edward asked
"Well . . ." I trailed off.
"It's okay, whatever you have to say, you can say it. You're safe here"
"Not really" I shook my head; "I don't like answering questions." I continued.
"How about we discuss it with Carlisle when he gets home? How does that sound?" He suggested,
"That sounds okay" I smiled and he smiled back.
We stayed in Edward's room until 6 when Carlisle got home. We met him in his office and sat down on the plump chairs opposite his desk. "Ready for your session, Bella?" Carlisle smiled.
"That's what we wanted to talk to you about" Edward said, and nodded at me to continue,
"Well . . ." I hesitated looking at Carlisle then at Edward who smiled in encouragement, "I don't like the sessions." I said quickly.
"She said she doesn't like answering the questions" Edward said
"Okay, well how about we stop the sessions" Carlisle said
"Really?" I asked,
"Yes" He smiled, "But I want to try something. I want you to have a safe time each day and a happy time each day; just an hour or two doing something that makes you feel safe, then another hour or so doing something that makes you happy." Carlisle said.
"Okay?" It came out as a question as I stared at Carlisle, not exactly sure what he wants.
"So maybe, being somewhere that makes you feel safe. While doing something that makes you feel safe, do you have any suggestions?" He asked
"Well I feel safe when I'm in Edward's room listening to music" I said sheepishly.
"Well that's a good start. Let's try that. What about something that makes you happy?"
"Running" I answered immediately.
"Running it is" Carlisle chuckled. "Is that everything? I have paper work to do."
"We'll get out of your hair" Edward said and led me out.
I liked the idea of going for a run each day and having some time with Edward. And it took away the uneasiness of not knowing what to do with myself, so at least it took up a few hours of my time. And no more questions, which was a plus.
A/N: Okay. I know it's a little different but give it some time. Also, I have the chicken- pox so yay for that. So thanks for reading, and I hope to get a review