I thought to help apologize for my unusual, nearly month long, absence, I would share this cute and funny one-shot I had planned on writing. Since I don't have a sister, I had to go around and ask people who do have sisters about some of this stuff. I hope you like it.
By the way, for all of you who haven't read my first story, Caout and Hazuki are my own characters. They are sisters and the daughters of Luffy and Nami. Caout takes after Luffy while Hazuki takes after Nami. Oh and Tide, who's mentioned briefly, is my own character. She isn't related to any of the crew. To really know them, you should read Straw Hat Legacies: The Name's Caout.
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece in any way, shape or form.
"I can't take it anymore!"
Seven year old Hazuki was ready to pull out all of her long orange hair, which was tied back in its usual ponytail. To prevent such a tragedy, she placed one hand over her brown eyes while her other hand fingered her glasses, which hung off her necklace as usual.
Now, what could possibly be the cause of this poor girl's stress? Well, it had to do with a certain eight year old girl with black hair and black eyes….
"Caout…" Hazuki growled as she lay in her hammock, "You are so….Ugh!"
Caout was Hazuki's big sister who had been kidnapped as an infant but found again years later. But that's another story. Hazuki had gotten to know her long lost sister over the past seven or so months they've been together. During their time together, Hazuki had reached one conclusion…
Caout was such a pain!
It took all of Hazuki's willpower to avoid murdering the girl after all of the crazy antics she did. This was all getting to be too much. Heck, Hazuki was almost certain she had seen a strand of gray hair on her head when she looked in the mirror this morning! And was it normal for a kid to have such deep, dark circles under her eyes?
What was she to do about all this?
Hazuki took her hand off her eyes and sat up. She furrowed her brow and bit her lip lightly. Maybe…Just maybe…She could try…
After all, what did she have to lose?
Caout headed towards the girl's room of the Thousand Sunny. She ran a hand lazily through her shoulder length, messy hair. She yawned loudly. After all, it was nearly eleven. She was really tired.
Caout paused momentarily when she saw an odd envelope taped to the door of the girl's room. Across the envelope, in big letters, were the words "CAOUT! READ THIS!"
Wondering what in the world this was, Caout took the envelope and opened it as she entered the room. It was dark and the others were fast asleep. Caout climbed up into her hammock, which was above her sister's, and sat in the dark. She looked over to the nearby dresser and saw a small lantern sitting atop it.
Using the Gum-Gum powers that she had inherited from her dad, Caout stretched her arm and grabbed the lantern. She turned it on so that she would be able to read whatever was in the envelope without waking anyone else.
Caout was surprised to see that the few sheets of paper that were in the envelope were written in Hazuki's handwriting. At the top of the first page were the words "The Sister Contract".
"'Sister Contract'?" Caout whispered aloud as she slowly began reading.
I, Listerra D. Caout (please sign here), have read the following rules and restrictions that were put together by my younger sister, Monkey D. Hazuki. I am now aware of the error of my ways and have agreed to the following rules. (Please sign here again)
"What 'rules and restrictions'?" Caout asked herself as she continued to read.
Caout, I write this because I care…About my sanity!
Section I – Borrowing
1. No borrowing my clothes anymore. They are never returned in good condition. Seriously, what do you do in them?
2. No borrowing my books anymore either! I let you before because I thought you read them! You didn't tell me you were using them as coasters!
3. No borrowing my glasses too! Honestly, what do you need them for? You know what? Don't tell me.
4. No borrowing my shoes! I don't care that you broke one of Robin's flower pots or that you broke a pot in the kitchen. MY SHOES AREN'T SUBSTITUTES!
5. No borrowing ANYTHING without my permission. Seriously, I can't stress this one enough. I will hurt you if you do this again!
6. If, by some miracle of God, you manage to get your rubber hands on something of mine…DON'T LOSE IT! Do I have to remind you of the "Racket Incident"?
Section II – Bedroom
7. No barging into the bedroom unannounced. Seriously, the least you could do is knock. I don't care if you got something really important to tell me or show me. The door is closed for a reason!
8. Stop leaving your clothes all over the floor! I am not your maid, Caout! Neither are the others!
9. Stop leaving food all over the floor too! Once again, I'm not your maid!
10. Don't leave any of your junk on the floor. Look on the ground, Caout! Ninety-nine, if not a hundred, percent of that crap is yours!
11. For God's sake, quit locking me out of the room at night! It may be funny for five minutes the first time around…But when you do 185 (yes, I counted) times, it gets annoying! Especially those times you forget to unlock the door again and I'm stuck sleeping in the hallway. It's cold out there you know!
12. No opening the door at fifty miles an hour anymore! Do you know how many times I've broken my nose? Chopper's getting tired of this as much as I am!
13. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT look through my stuff. Why do you do this? I'm not hiding anything from you!
14. Stop breaking my stuff! Seriously, after tearing thirty shirts, ruining twelve pants, destroying six pairs of shoes, having to get my glasses fixed seventy-two times and obliterating eighteen of my books, you should know that you are nothing less than the klutz from hell!
Section III – Chores
15. (Please see numbers 8-10 of Section II for related issues.)
16. Look over in the corner near the dresser, Caout. See that long wooden handle with the straw attached on the end? That's called a "broom"…Start using it…
17. No more pushing off your chores on me! I don't care that we just landed on some super cool island or that you saw some awesome animal near the ship…Your chores are your own!
18. When it's your turn to do the night watch…STAY AWAKE! I mean, God, do you know how close we were to being swallowed by that whale last time? Seriously!
19. No one likes bathroom duty…It's a simple fact of life. But, you do realize that every other Thursday is your day to clean the bathroom, right? Stop trying to con me into thinking that it's my turn. Unlike you, I actually keep track of the schedule!
20. A simple thing about laundry day…WHITES ARE WASHED SEPERATELY! It's not that I don't like pink…I just don't like it when one of my nice white shirts suddenly becomes pink!
21. The mop bucket is not where you wash clothes…This should be self-explanatory.
22. You don't wash dishes in the mop bucket either!
Section IV – Bathroom
23. You don't seem like the type who cares too much about personal experience. Hell, you jumped into a lake for seven minutes and claimed that was your bath for the day. So tell me why on earth you lock yourself in the bathroom for three hours every single day!
24. My toothbrush is orange. Yours is red. Mine orange…Yours red…Commit that to memory!
25. I never thought I'd have this issue with you but honestly…If you happen to use up all the toilet paper, would it kill you to replace it?
26. It's only natural, with how many people are on this ship, that you and I will end up sharing the bathroom a couple times. So, please remember that when we are brushing our teeth and I bend over the sink to spit before you do…DON'T JUST SPIT ON MY HEAD!
27. Do not just barge into the bathroom whenever you feel like it! This goes back to rule seven! Knocking won't kill you! Just because the door's unlocked, it doesn't mean that no one is in there!
28. (Please see numbers 38-43 of Section VI for related issues.)
Section V – Fights (Play and Otherwise)
29. Don't tackle me out of nowhere. You use far too much force and we end up slamming into a wall or other hard object. And, unlike you…I'm not rubber.
30. You are a super strong person, Caout. You get that from Papa, I know. But is it really that hard to hold back now and again? You have some serious issues…
31. I know that sometimes you want me to get to a certain place quickly. I try to hurry up but I'm not always fast enough. That DOESN'T give you permission to FLING ME! You always let go either too soon or too late and I end up taking another trip to the sick bay! How many bones have I broken so far? Chopper doesn't even know!
32. As pirates, we face bad guys often (well those who aren't scared off by our flag). Because of this, we tend to have to get into fights. But, let me tell you this…If I'm already fighting someone, and having a hell of a time beating him, and you're fighting someone, and winning easily, DON'T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm new to fighting! Plus, I didn't get any of Papa's strength or powers. Be nice and give me a helping hand!
33. Sometimes, you tell me to hide in some place or other when we're facing a tough opponent. I manage to hide successfully…Would you quit looking over in my direction and talking to me while I'm hiding! I mean, you're the one who told me to lay low and you go and blow my cover!
34. Stop getting me involved in the millions upon billions of fights you have with Tide. I don't care if you two disagree about something, that doesn't mean I know a solution! (By the way, you're the one who's in the wrong eighty percent of the time…)
35. When we're battling an opponent, stop making me play distraction without giving me warning. Seriously, you'll say "We need a distraction!" and suddenly run off, leaving me with that job. It's a dangerous position I'm in, you know! You try it someday!
36. I realize that you are a naturally curious person who has many questions. But kicking me in the crotch just to see if I'll double over in pain like boys do IS NOT the only way you could've answered that! There's something called "asking".
37. Speaking of questions, I know you like quick and simple answers. But if you aren't satisfied with the answer I gave, don't just punch me or head butt me until I give you a better answer!
Section VI – Pranks (you knew this was coming)
38. No replacing my shampoo with mud…Especially "mud" that you said you found at a farm…
39. No replacing my shampoo with hair dye. Sure it may be funny to you…But you're not the one who was stuck walking around with hot pink hair for three weeks!
40. No replacing my shampoo with paint. Once again, it's funny for you but not for me!
41. You know what? No replacing my shampoo with ANYTHING!
42. No smearing superglue all over my towel…You know which incident I'm talking about…
43. No stealing my clothes and my towel while I'm taking a bath. I will murder you if you ever make me go through that one again…
44. No popping up from out of nowhere and screaming. You know how much I hate that! I have a weak heart!
45. No putting gum in my hair, got that? I've already had to cut my hair five times last month! I pride myself on my long hair!
46. NEVER EVER put glue in my hair AGAIN! What, in the name of all that is holy, possessed you to do this?
47. Don't put my clothes in the freezer…Especially during the middle of winter…I nearly caught hypothermia last time!
48. When I walk into the kitchen, I like to get myself a nice and refreshing beverage…Sometimes, I am forced to turn my attention away from said beverage…That isn't a signal for you to replace my drink with soap water!
49. Don't replace my drink with saltwater either! I already swallow plenty of that when we go swimming!
50. Don't replace my drinks with pickle juice either. That's just nasty!
51. You know…DON'T REPLACE MY DRINKS WITH ANYTHING!
52. We are still young kids who know nothing about love. But we are old enough to have little crushes. Whenever we happen to stop in a town and spot a cute boy…DO NOT push me into him. It isn't funny…Wipe that grin off your face! I know you're wearing one!
53. Related to the above. NEVER EVER EVER EVER push me into some random girl in town and say "Oooooh, Haz…I didn't know you went that way…"
54. NEVER EVER EVER EVER push me into some random girl in town and say "Oooooh, Haz…I didn't know you went that way…"
55. NEVER EVER EVER EVER push me into some random girl in town and say "Oooooh, Haz…I didn't know you went that way…" (Yes, I'm REALLY mad about this one!)
56. Sometimes, you and I have to go around and search for a certain crewmate who is lacking in direction sense (you know who…). Knowing "that person" as well as we do, we naturally are going to search bars, right? Well, I don't appreciate you later going up to Mama and Papa and claiming that I TRIED ALCOHOL! Mama nearly murdered me last time, you jerk!
57. Don't suddenly decide to remove all my stuff in our room from their original spots and put them in random area of the ship. Let me tell you right now, it wasn't funny to find my favorite book tucked away in a "certain" area of the bathroom…
58. Don't make a repeat of that time you went and replaced all my clothes with kimonos! Let me tell you that it was impossible to fight in those things!
59. Don't ever replace my clothes with animal suits either…I still can't figure out where you got all those costumes from…
Section VII – Miscellaneous
60. If some random boy happens to look at me for a few seconds, don't immediately run up to Mama and Papa and claim that boy has a crush on me! This is more for the boy's sake than my own. Remember that one time? Papa nearly strangled that sixteen year old boy you claimed gave me a look…?
61. I know you get worried when one of our friends falls into the water during a battle…But please remember…YOU'RE A DEVIL FRUIT USER! YOU CAN'T SWIM! And I'm the one always stuck saving you too!
62. Stop teasing me about boys! I told you that I don't have a crush on anyone! So let it go already!
63. I realize that you are a person with many questions, Caout. And I am more than willing to answer those questions…Mostly…Seriously, stop asking me a thousand questions on why something works this way and not that way! Or why someone does one thing and not another! If you really want an answer so bad, go ask Mama, Robin, Usopp, Sanji…Anyone but me!
64. Same thing goes for those billion "how" questions of yours!
65. Caout, listen very carefully, okay? Your mother is Nami and your father is Monkey D. Luffy. My mother is Nami and my father is Monkey D. Luffy. Guess what…? That makes us sisters by blood…So stop asking me if we really are related or not! I know we look different but that's because you took after Papa while I took after Mama!
66. Stop with those comments about my sense of fashion! I'm not the one who walks around in clothes that distinctly make me look like a waiter!
67. Caout, I know you have a phobia of dogs that stems from some terrible incident in your past…I'm perfectly willing to calm you when we come across a dog on an island. However, I don't think it's necessary for you to cling to me for three hours! Especially when the dog's not there anymore!
68. Another thing. No more assaulting my ears with your complaints against dogs. I get it already! Dogs are demons creatures born of Satan in the deepest pits of hell to cause mayhem and terror to all unsuspecting human souls.
69. Would you stop waking me up in the middle of the night just to ask whether or not I was sleeping? I can't stress this one enough!
70. Your hammock is directly above mine, Caout. And sometimes your leg falls off the side in the middle of the night. And that leg of yours proceeds to kick me in the head several times! I realize you may not be aware of this so I wanted to bring this to your attention so you could keep better track of your limbs…
71. Quick little thing…Stop drooling on me when we sleep…
72. I know that you're a restless sleeper. But are you really so restless that you can't stop falling on me night after night after night after night?
73. You have a black hole of a stomach. I know that. I also know that you are a beyond messy eater…That doesn't mean you're excused from spilling food on me!
74. Same thing concerning drinks! May I help you recall the "Hot Chocolate Fiasco"?
75. You are too young for caffeine…Please keep that in mind! I would write about that time you somehow got your hands on and consumed thirty cups of espresso…But the memories are too painful…
76. Don't get me started on the "Sugar Disaster"! You better start limiting your sugar intake!
77. Don't ask me about what people mean when they say "It's that time of the month"…I don't know what they're talking about. Mama says we'll learn all about when we're teenagers.
78. You are exactly like Papa when it comes to your obsession with beetles…That doesn't mean I like them. So stop talking about them around me!
79. Don't come up to me and thrust a beetle in my face either! No, I DON'T think they're cool!
80. What is it about you that makes you believe that you have to say something every five minutes? You know, not every moment of silence needs to be broken.
81. Caout, you have a good singing voice. Let me just say that first. But that doesn't mean it's okay for you to start singing at the top of your lungs at three in the morning because you're bored and couldn't go back to sleep! Seriously, I'm starting to prefer Brook waking us up with that "Black Handkerchief" song…Never thought I'd say that…
82. Quit stealing my food during meal times! You think you're being sly but I see you each time you do it!
83. You like campfires…That's nice…That doesn't mean you should start one on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. That makes no one a happy camper.
84. You inherited Papa's love for exploring new islands we visit…That doesn't mean you should go running off the second we land! Don't ask me to remind you of what happened the other times you did that!
85. Don't criticize my faults when you're no better. I'm a lousy artist, huh? At least people don't mistake my drawing of a cat for a drawing of a ship!
86. Stop picking fights with older kids when we go on islands. Especially over something stupid like whether or not blue is better than red!
87. Quit picking fights with adults too! They tend to be madder at me for being unable to control you than they are at you!
88. And stop picking fights with vicious animals too! What possesses you to do this?
89. And while you're at it, stop making me pick a fight with a dog that scared you…I still have scars from last week's incident…
90. Stop asking me why the sky and ocean are blue. For God's sake, I don't know! What's stopping you from asking Mama or Robin?
91. Never start a paint war ever again, understood? Our room got ruined…Along with the kitchen…And the library…And the bathroom…And the lounge…
92. No starting food fights either! Especially in our room!
93. Sometimes I take naps in the middle of the day. This doesn't allow you to "borrow" Mama's make-up and draw all over my face!
94. Same thing goes for permanent marker, you creep!
95. I know you think that Usopp's Pop Greens are really cool…But don't throw them at me to see what plant pops out! Those things nearly ate me last time!
96. Like Papa, you like to imitate others…But would you quit imitating me! Especially to complete strangers!
97. Don't wake me up at two in the morning to go and get you some food form the kitchen…If you're awake, you can get it yourself!
98. Would you quit waking me to come with you to the bathroom with you? You're eight years old! You can deal with it yourself!
99. Stopping asking me about why there is air…I…DO…NOT…KNOW!
100. And, finally, DON'T DO ANY COMBINATION OF ANY OF THE ABOVE!
It was well past midnight by the time Caout finished reading over the one hundred rules that Hazuki had written. Holding the list in one hand and the lantern in the other, Caout jumped to the ground. She thrust the lantern into Hazuki's hammock.
To Caout's surprise, Hazuki was laying on her side, wide awake. She gave her older sister a ticked look and a sly grin.
"Well, Caout?" Hazuki began, "What do you gotta say?"
Caout stuck the papers in Hazuki's face.
"I demand a lawyer, Haz!"
Ahh…sisters…What can you do? Not that I would know…I only have a brother. So what did you think? Did you like it? Was it funny? You wouldn't believe how long it took me to make this!
Please read and review!