A/N: Does it work like poptarts? Could playing ninja give you the same effect? What about jumping on the trampoline while playing an instrument? Dousing yourself in glitter? Would it work as well as leaping across recently trimmed bushes? Or playing the guitar? Does this help at all? Because I hope it does.

for Dana

the coolest Hufflepuff

Hufflepuffs are Cool

It is absolutely horrendous that anyone would ever make fun a Hufflepuff. Some claim we are a bunch of duffers, which is a total lie. Few are audacious enough to insist that Hufflepuffs are good for nothing losers. Pssh. What a total and complete load of rubbish.

First of all, let's sort out the misconception that Hufflepuffs are losers. What about us seems so lame? Everyone I have ever met that has been in Hufflepuff has been very lovely, and not at all lame. It just confuses me... why would anyone think Hufflepuffs are lame when there isn't a lame one of us out there? We're all awesome! We're all cool! So it doesn't make sense why we are perceived as a bunch of duffers.

What isn't cool about fighting off Voldemort? There were a fair amount of Hufflepuffs staying behind at Hogwarts to fight off Voldemort the day he died. We outnumbered the Ravenclaws. We were loyal, and it payed off. Now, Voldemort is gone, and Hufflepuffs played a role in that.

In case you already aren't aware, Hufflepuff is the most accepting house. Acceptance is something that is a really great quality. How does it make us a loser when we love everyone? How are we 'stupid duffers' when we accept anyone, even a cruel Slytherin? Even an arrogant Gryffindor? Even a rude and condescending Ravenclaw? We make friends with everyone, and because we won't get mad about it, we're labeled as the losers because we won't fight about it. Because Ravenclaw is too smart to let something like that happen. Because Gryffindor and Slytherin are too competitive to carry the title of the lamest school house.

But Hufflepuff isn't the lamest school house! Hufflepuffs are awesome! Just look at all of the students – we're awesome. We're all good friends. And you know what happens when there are lots of friends together in a common room? You got it. Parties. Lots of parties. It helps that our common room is right next to the kitchens. That's how it rolls.

Everyone combined equals one big party, but the individuals stand out. Each member of Hufflepuff is unique and awesome and cooler than anyone you would find in the other houses.

Let's see... Cedric Diggory was a Hogwarts champion and a super awesome seeker. He even beat Harry Potter in a game of Quidditch and was cool enough to ask for a rematch to be fair on Harry. How noble. How kind. What a total hottie. He also had a lot of girlfriends, notably Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker. Now, remind me how many losers have girlfriends? If Hufflepuffs were losers, why would a Ravenclaw seek out Cedric? Because he is amazingly awesome, that's why!

What about Nymphadora Tonks? She was pretty awesome. Her hair was awesome, she married a werewolf, she was an Auror, and definitely was one rad Hufflepuff. How can you top that off? It's hard to do, since she was funny and nice and really, really cool.

Teddy Lupin, her son, dated someone who was part veela. You know Victoire? Yeah, it was her. What kind of veela would snog someone who wasn't cool? No veela would do that! And Teddy – what a coolio. Seriously. So this pretty much proves that Hufflepuffs are rockin'.

And of course, there's me. I'm not as awesome as Cedric, Teddy, and Tonks, but I have some cool aspects. I'm the landlady at the Leaky Cauldron, which makes me pretty famous. A ton of people applied for that job, but it was me, a Hufflepuff, who got it. You know why? Because I'm nice. Because I'm friendly. Because I make an excellent landlady. And if I'm not awesome enough as it is, I'm married to Neville Longbottom. The Neville Longbottom. The one who killed Voldemort's snake, Nagini, with Gryffindor's sword. The one who is freakishly boss. And the one who is really hot. I mean, super hot. That's one fine man, and check it out, I'm married to him. Not another Gryffindor. Not a Ravenclaw. And by all means, not a Slytherin! A Hufflepuff. I win. He seriously could have married anyone, and he chose a Hufflepuff. That's saying something, right there.

And some other people think Hufflepuffs are stupid. Not at all true! Just think about all the stupid, good for nothing people in other houses. Crabbe and Goyle. Yeah. They were in Slytherin. Not Hufflepuff. And I was taking some pretty hardcore classes my seventh year, along with helping Neville re-establish Dumbledore's Army. I was swamped, yet I still got an O on all my N.E.W.T.s. What now, fool?

And check it out – Hufflepuffs are represented by a badger. A badger. Yeah, you heard. Aren't badgers cool? Extremely. Really, a badger could just claw off your face. But it won't, because it's too cool for that. And a Hufflepuff could easily claw off your face, too, but Hufflepuffs are too cool for that, so it doesn't happen often. But when it does, it's really awesome. So be afraid.

We're not losers and we're not stupid.

We're Hufflepuffs. We're awesome. We're loyal, friendly, kind, fair, just, awesome, cool, rad, smart, boss, and, most importantly, the best Hogwarts house.

A/N: Yeah. The other AN was a little weird. But I know who will get it. And whoever gets it, I really hope that this helped. Because I know you are nervous.

So, Danasaur, stay calm and enjoy what I wrote you forever and ever.