A/N: So this is what I have decided, since each chapter is influenced, or inspired by a song, I decided to dedicate the title of each chapter to a song that fit's the mood I'm trying to convey.
Disclaimer; I own neither the songs nor any of the characters taken out of J. K Rowlings books. Clearly she and the artists who wrote/sung the songs I am using are the rightful owners, in this case The red hot chilli peppers, but I would like to point out the storylines belong to me and me only. The story comes from my own imagination.
"I care for you. Chapter two
I really do. I really do."
This velvet glove
~ Harry ~
He just made it so damn hard to stay angry. No matter what he said or did I always found myself forgiving the stupid git. So here I sat on a Sunday morning, in my dressing gown, on my side of our bed clutching a cup of coffee in my hands while I watched Draco far off in a deep slumber. He would occasionally twitch and alter his position, but conveyed no signs of awaking any time soon. So placing the cup on the bedside table beside Draco, I made off to have a shower. Watching Draco as he slept was stirring confusing feelings inside of my head. Part of me was angry for the way he acted the day before and for coming home late and completely drunk, but the other part wanted to forgive him and take care of him, for I knew when my sleeping slytherin awoke he would be hung over as shit and that I would be responsible for helping him get better. As upset as I was when it happened, I had to admit it was entertaining the way my boyfriend had acted while intoxicated. Remembering made me chuckle. It was one of those moments where I managed to make something positive out of a negative. Although this amused me, I still had reason to be upset; Draco had neglected to listen to me and ended up hurting a muggle. Sure, magic wasn't involved, but I didn't want any trouble and he had gone ahead and caused it. I began to frantically scrub my hair with shampoo, trying to wash out all of these confusing thoughts, but it made no difference. I was still happy when I should be angry and still angry when I should forgive and forget. There were lots of things I admired and adored about Draco, but recently it seemed there was more I disliked. His temper, his callous actions and words, his 'I don't give a shit' stuck up attitude, and how childish and reckless his actions of recent had been. But then again, it seemed when I least expected it Draco would become charming, and sweet, and thoughtful.. In his own way. It would confuse me to no end.
When I finally returned to the bedroom I saw Draco was awake and slowly drinking the coffee I had set down for him. He looked up and gave me a small, shy but warm smile and then his eyes flickered elsewhere.
When I managed to catch Draco's eyes with my own, I returned it. Neither of us spoke. Both of us were too scared that if either of us did, I would lash out at him. There were indeed a few things I wanted to say, but in the end I settled for being calm and caring. When I was confident I could speak with out losing my temper I did.
"How's your head?"
I hadn't moved from my spot by the door way and my gaze hadn't shifted from the nervous male. I watched him set down his coffee and squirm slightly under the pressure of the awkward situation.
"It's fine. Thanks for the coffee."
Although he didn't look up I knew he was sincere. I could hear it when he spoke. It was almost as if he were asking for forgiveness, but too scared to come out and say it. I encouraged him to realize I wasn't upset any more by moving over to him, and sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. He made room for me and sat up. He looked a right mess, blonde hair messed up beyond repair, his eyes had large bags around them and he looked ridiculously pale. More so then usual.
"Do you remember anything?"
He had been far too drunk because he shook his head and gave me a slight frown that said 'if I did something terribly degrading tell me now.'
I laughed slightly.
"I thought you wouldn't. You weren't too bad though when you got home."
He sighed and rubbed at his head. I knew he was currently wishing he had steered clear of the alcohol all together.
"Oh come off it Potter, I must have been a right prat. I woke up in the middle of the night cold and alone on the couch."
I smiled and disagreed,
"No, not when you got home, before you came home."
I wondered if he was too self righteous to realize how everything he did had affected me. I realized from the look that crossed over his face that he did in fact believe he was in the right. Him and his conceited mind. It was driving me mad. Seeing that I was getting nowhere with trying to fix things, I left the room in a huff. Knowing him, he wouldn't care. If he needed anything else, he could get it himself. I did not wish to hang around for the day.
"I told you, right from the start he was a bloody prick."
I was mad, but I did not want Ron thinking I hated Draco. Far from it.
"Ron, just stop it."
Hermione had snapped at him defensively. I liked Hermione. She was neutral, never disagreeing, never agreeing. She would listen to me, comfort me and leave it at that. Ron on the other hand was eager to point out how much he hated Draco, and still hated him. I had made my way to see my friends almost immediately, not bothering to eat before I left and now Hermione was setting the table and preparing for lunch. Ron and I were seated and waiting for food with a cup of tea each to keep us patient as we discussed my love life with Draco Malfoy. So far, Ron had not been helpful and Hermione was too busy cooking to get much of a word in.
"Maybe something's wrong. We've never fought as often as this before."
Ron snorted and managed to contain a fit of laughter. Shooting a warning glare, I was annoyed to find Ron went on anyway.
"And what about all those years you two spent arguing and fighting and attacking each other? Doesn't that count? Or did you just forget about everything he said and did?"
Ron always made a point to remind me that Draco had been less then kind to us. I had gotten over it and so had Hermione, who had more then enough reasons to hate Draco then Ron and me did. We both glanced at Ron in a way that made him shrug and face away.
"I'm just saying is all."
The anger still hadn't left his eyes, but Ron seemed to get the hint and calmed down significantly. I suddenly wanted to change the subject. I had come to forget about Malfoy and the highly possible tantrum that waited for me at home, and had come to spend time with my best friends.
"You know, I can't actually remember the last time it was just us three together."
There had always been someone else, wether it was Draco, sometimes Ginny or even the kids. There was always someone else with them so it was never the same any more.
"Tell me about it."
Ron had often made it clear that he missed the three of us. Hermione nodded and smiled as she started to set down everything from salad to chicken to bread. When she finally sat down and started to eat with us things seemed lighter.
"So where are the kids?"
I asked. They were usually running around creating havoc.
Ron spoke with a mouthful of chicken sandwich. Hermione made a face and I let myself laugh and enjoy being lost in the moment and the brief feeling of normality.
I was right. When I returned home it was to a very annoyed Malfoy. Who had recovered well and was pleased to show off how capable he now was of yelling.
"Where were you?"
He was quick to snap and didn't even bother to keep his cool. This infuriated me. So he could go out where ever he wanted and do what he bloody well felt like doing, and expect no consequences. But oh Merlin, I leave the house and it's the biggest crime one could ever commit. I could have yelled, I could have apologized, but instead I shrugged and remained passive when I looked at him and simply said;
"what's it to you?"
I expected him to explode, to rip me to shreds, but instead he looked taken aback.
I watched him leave the room and waited till he was out of sight before I smacked my forehead. This situation seemed to be spiralling out of hand, and neither of us could catch on to it. I had to push aside my anger and make things okay again.
I called out following him. He led me to the bedroom and I thought for sure I was going to be locked out again. I couldn't help but notice after he had cleaned himself up Draco had found the time to tidy the rest of the house.
"Shut it Potter, you've made yourself clear."
It was like I was staring at the old, childish, callous, uncaring Draco that once tormented me years ago and not the Draco I had come to love and understand. Still, he could snap and be as insulting as he wanted I was not going to back down until he heard me out. It was hard and frustrating to try reason with someone who had their back turned to you and refused to face you or hear you out, so out of annoyance I shoved him forward. I expected a slap, but instead I faced with a shocked and somewhat aggravated Draco who had decided to resort to words rather then violence.
"What the hell is your problem!"
I shoved him again; finding that looking at him now pissed me off more then anything.
"You are! You're so smug and difficult! You're so self-centred! You think everything is about you, and that you're always right! Well you're not! You're childish!"
I didn't realize I had grabbed a hold of Dracos shirt and was now controlling him with clenched fists. I stared up and expected an angry reply, but after Draco pushed himself out of my grip he stood there, barely moving and not speaking. Obviously musing over my harsh choice in words. A lot of it even I knew was a lie. Everything he did now was because of me, and I expected him to point that out, but instead when he spoke he looked at me with tears swelling behind his grey eyes threatening to spill and said:
It was a shaky apology that he barely managed to slip out, but all the same it was honest and hurt. I watched him fall back onto the bed with his head in his hands. There was a twinge of pain that shot through me and my body moved to comfort him. I sat down beside him and wrapped one arm around him. I didn't understand, any of it. I don't think he did either.
"We're a right pair, aren't we?"
It was a statement not a question. But all the same I heard a small laugh emitting from Draco who was still hiding his face from the world. I took it as a yes and pressed my lips to the back of his head. Moving to look up at me, he replied by kissing me back on the lips so faintly I almost didn't feel it. I knew then that nothing else needed to be said. Even if I did believe a lot of the arguing and bickering to be the fault of Dracos childish tantrums and egotistical personality I decided I would let it go and try to make nice. After all, I'm sure it was a struggle for him too, after all we were two completely different people.
Me a gryffindor, him a slytherin.
I knew right from the start there would be trouble, but opposites attract and in the end I thought we were a perfect match for each other. I rested my head on his shoulder and let his fingers run through my scruffy black hair. It made me shiver. Not just the gentle caress but also the sorrow I felt when he touched me. I was sure he felt it too; it was like we were falling apart. Every touch for both of us was gentle and timid, as if what we had was fragile and about to shatter. I guess it was. It felt like we were at breaking point and both of us were too scared to speak in case we ruined the peace. We sat there together in silence for what seemed like hours until we finally fell asleep. I must have been exhausted because I never woke when Draco moved me from his shoulder to lie me down on the bed with him.
I awoke to find I still had Dracos hand in mine and squeezed it thankfully. For the first time in a while, I felt tears form in my eyes and I let them spill over as I watched Draco sleep. We were face to face, and I decided I was too scared to move, or even give in to temptation and brush my fingers across his cheek in case he suddenly disappeared. So I lay there and kept my eyes trained on him, out of fear that if I fell back asleep I would wake up alone in the morning. It took me a while to adjust my vision to the point where I could make out shapes. Considering the lack of both my glasses and any form of light hindering my sight. When I finally could make out slight detail, I saw just how content and relaxed Draco was in his sleep. It made me squeeze his hand again, and I let out an audible cry. It wasn't loud but even so I saw Dracos eyes had fluttered open. It took him a while to realize where he was, and when he did he relaxed. It was getting cold but I was too tired and too comfortable to move and get under the covers. In some strange way it was like enduring the cold just to hold his hand was a small way of proving how dedicated I was to him. I let myself cry, letting go of his hand to sit myself up. Draco moved with me and attempted to pull me into an embrace, but I pushed him away. There was a moment of tension before he sighed and stood up from the bed. Making his way to the bathroom to probably go wash his face or go think. I was now frustrated with myself. I didn't want him near me, so I pushed him away. But now I felt cold and alone. Cradling my head in my hands I let loud sobs break the lonely silence he left me in. I heard movement coming from our bathroom and briefly paused to listen. My breath and my tears both ceased momentarily to help me make sense of what Draco was doing behind the door. I jumpt when the door swung open and Draco came back into sight, his expression ominous and twisted in angry confusion. I opened my mouth to speak but my words got caught in my throat and before I had time to even regain my ability to communicate, Draco was already yelling at me.
"How am I meant to help you when you push me away!"
He didn't expect an answer obviously because he then pressed on.
"I hate this! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you!"
In my head I screamed 'He didn't mean it, he couldn't have.'
And from the look he was giving me, I don't think he did. He looked shocked at himself, like he wanted to cover his mouth, and for a moment I thought he was going to apologize, but his expression soon changed to something more self righteous.
I looked away, letting my arms dangle loosely between my legs.
"Well. If that's how you feel, maybe you should leave."
I continued to stare ahead of me, stealing a quick glance at Draco in time to see his smug look falter briefly before he simply raised his eyebrows and nodded.
"Right then Potter, I guess you're right. I know when I'm not wanted."
I could have stopped him. I could have grabbed his wrist and begged, but instead I continued to glare at the wall in front of me and make do with occasional glimpses of Draco dressing and then stuffing his clothes into a bag. He grabbed a handle full of floo powder and tossed it into the fireplace. Not caring if some of it scattered all of the carpet. I heard Blaises's address and I looked at my partner one last time.
"Don't wait up."
He jumpt into the green flames, and I refused to watch as he vanished completely.
I shouted. My hands pulling at fist fulls of hair as I stood up and began to scream incoherently. I released my hair and started to ravage whatever I could. Throwing my lamp and glasses off the nightstand, swatting paper off the work desk so it scattered and covered the floor. Once I had enough of that I went into the bathroom. I desperately tried to wash my face with cold water, but I was far too irrational and worked up to calm down. I didn't even know I was doing it until the loud shatter snapped me out of my thoughts. The next thing I knew, my hand was in pain and drenched with blood and I was on the floor sitting on broken glass trying to wrap my hand in toilet paper to stop the bleeding. I hadn't even noticed how blurred my vision was till I actually tried to see. I blinked rapidly and tried to focus my vision but it was useless. I thought about trying to search for my glasses, but the bedroom was a complete wreck. I'd have to find the light switch before I even attempted to enter the room and that was a hopeless task. Leaning against the bathroom room I let myself relax. The adrenaline had passed and now I was exhausted and I had also lost a fair amount of blood, so it was not surprising that I soon found myself lying unconscious on the bathroom floor, regardless of the small and big shards of shattered glass that painfully dug into my skin. It was unsurprising I would find myself unable to speak straight away, considering I spent a lot of my energy screaming and carrying on. My throat ached as I swallowed and I predicted it would be swollen in the morning. I found myself incapable of finding the strength or will to move, so it was there I stayed. I didn't even try to fight sleeping; I instead encouraged it, knowing I needed all I could get. I wouldn't be sleeping properly for quite some time.
Well this was comfortable. Not at all what I had expected to wake up to, assuming I was awake. I slowly lifted one eyelid and took a quick peek at my surroundings. This wasn't my bathroom. Although I was glad to be far away from the mess and chaos in my house, I couldn't help but wonder how on earth I woke up on Ron and Hermione's couch. Feeling safe to do so, I opened both eyes and attempted to sit up. I found I had been looked after. I had been cleaned up, my hand properly bandaged, my blood stained clothes had been replaced by a pair of Rons pyjamas. There was still pain though when I moved, which was to be expected. But I felt comfortable. The softness of the bed they'd made up for me was relaxing and comforting. I almost lay back down and went back to sleep, but was distracted by the sudden appearance of Hermione, who came bearing food. Glorious food.
"Finally Harry, we were starting to worry."
Ron snickered slightly and shook his head.
"Mate, you've been asleep for two days straight."
I felt about as groggy as one could get. I ignored both statements.
"How did I get here?"
I asked. Surely they must have found me straight away and healed me and brought me back, other wise I'd be in a bit more pain.
"Kreature Fire-called. We jumpt in the floo as soon as we heard."
I glanced up in time to see Ron leave.
"He's not taking this well. We don't know exactly what happened but we know it has something to do with Malfoy. Ron's been furious ever since we found you.. The only thing stopping him from hunting Malfoy down and starting a fight is he was waiting for you to wake up and tell us what happened."
I waited before speaking. Reaching over to run my hands along the table beside me and pleased when I felt my glasses were sat there neatly. Placing them on, I managed to get a better look at my friend who was trying not to look distraught. It wasn't a good situation for either of us. Now not only was Hermione worried about me, she was worried about her husband who wouldn't rest until some form of harm had been caused to Malfoy. I had a lot on my plate too, and Rons anger added to that no doubt.
"Want to tell me what happened?"
I didn't really. I couldn't face her so I looked down at my hands, which were fiddling on my lap.
"He left me."
I didn't feel the need to explain in great detail. That was all she needed to hear before she wrapped her arms around me in a comforting gesture. I was furious she had done so, because now I could feel my eyes beginning to fill with tears.
"Hermione. Don't. I think I should go."
She pulled back immediately and it pained me to see her so hurt that I didn't want her helping me.
"No, you aren't well enough, stay here until we think you're okay, and then you can go home."
She had tried her best to replace her 'tender motherly' tone with a 'I'm not taking your crap you idiot' kind of approach. I could hear slight desperation in her words, and it made me want to leave even more. Pulling the blankets off myself, I made up my mind that I would do just that. Leave.
"I have a house and cat to tend to, and how will I ever find Draco if I'm stuck on a couch wallowing in self pity?"
She looked like she understood, but I wasn't waiting for anything else to be said. Throwing a handful of floo powder into the fireplace, I wasn't hesitant to jump in and go home. Of course after uttering a reassuring goodbye.
"Don't worry Hermione, it'll be fine."
I didn't see or hear anything else before I stumbled into my own living room. I was still wiping ash off myself when I heard something in the kitchen.
It stopped. Now curious, I went in to check it out. Stopping dead in my tracks when I found the source of the noise.
~ End ~
A/N Second chapter is officially done. I actually had a lot of fun writing this one, and now I know what direction I want it to go in, so expect much more to come. Hope you enjoyed it, tell me what you think of it.