author's note:

I officially hate myself.

GAH. WHY DO I KEEP WRITING STORIES?

:D

So anyways, I REALLY LIKE THIS STORY ^.^ Review pleaseee? :D

BTW, look out for a For A Dance , Secret, Dreams and More , You Got Zapped, Malfoy, and You're My Perfect Fantasy update sometime this week. Also, I'll be adding yet ANOTHER story, Cliché, but that might not be up until…. sometime later. xD

Enjoy :D

Disclaimer: No, I do not not own Harry Potter. jk….. ROWLING! :D

If you have been handed this extremely rare book published a long time ago, then you are most definitely part of the Malfoy bloodline, and if you aren't, I highly recommend closing this book right now and go on with your own pitiful life and continue wishing you were a Malfoy (unless, of course, you'd like to experience the lovely Bat-Bogey Hex that comes with this book, which I'm totally fine with).

Well, now that we've established that you are an amazing, special, envied Malfoy, you will need to act so, which is exactly what this book will help you with, because right now you are probably inflicted with disgusting Muggle customs and much other inflictions that are as nauseating as that. Thank Merlin (or Malfoy) this book was written. Can you imagine? Priceless Malfoys running around in Muggle clothing and doing Muggle things. As I said before, nauseating.

This book will also teach you the special Malfoy way of doing things from eating and talking to the many secret ways of solving problems. Yes, young Malfoy, you are holding an extremely priceless book that many will try stealing from you with their blood thirsty outsider ways, and I expect you, my lovely Malfoy, to guard this with your life (or a close friend's life, don't want to lose a Malfoy, now do we?). Or else all of human civilization will know the many secrets of how to be a Malfoy and we'd end up with millions of Malfoy impersonators, and nobody wants that, now do we?

Now that you know what this book is about, I expect you'll start reading it. Right now. Because along with that Bat-Bogey Hex for Malfoy wannabes, there is also a… er…. Malfoys-Must-Read-This-Book Hex. Also, I'm sure you're dying to know all the secrets to your valuable surname, so you can one day be as amazing a Malfoy as the Malfoy before you. And the Malfoy before him. And before him. And before him and him and him and him.

Sincerely,

The Ultimate Malfoy

P.S. I almost forgot.

~Table of Contents~

Chapter One: The Basics

Name, Appearance, Clothing, Food

Chapter Two: Personality

Speech, Thoughts, Actions

Chapter Three: Shelter

Adequate Living Standards

Chapter Four: Hogwarts

There Is Not Enough Room To Include The Amount Of Items Covered In This Chapter

Chapter Five: Friends

Suitable Acquaintances

Chapter Six: Relationships

Appropriate Partners, Romance, Marriage

Chapter Seven: After Hogwarts

First Jobs, Ministry of Magic

Chapter Eight: Children

Raising, Discipline, Too Many Other Items To Talk About

Chapter Nine: Malfoy World Domination

The Title Explains It All

author's note:

JUSTSOYOUKNOW, the Table Of Contents will be added to and edited and stuff as I progress into the story.

5 reviews, prettyprettyprettyplease.