A/N: The long awaited (in my mind at least) Edward Point of View of And I Need You Now. The title of this version, "Opportunities for Eternity," is from the song Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless. Check it out and enjoy, I think it speaks volumes about Edward and how he views his mistakes concerning his life, especially Bella…
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I also do not own the music I make reference to, however I do have it on my iPod ;)
How did Alice come across this place?
The bar, that didn't even have a name but an address as its reference point, was what I would imagine a low-budget; home tavern would appear to be. It was, in my opinion, not worth a second look, but Alice insisted that I go in…
Edward, you need to find out what the allure is. Cozy up to the locals; see if anything there is worth your time.
I reread her text a few times, finding her words a bit confusing. She wanted this place to be an investment, but I couldn't see how this place could even bring in a profit for itself, let alone for us.
We had a multitude of properties and businesses that we used to stay within the human world. It made more sense for us to have money from investments than from 'old money.' People saw us as moguls in some circles, or even high-power investors, but the truth was that the amount of money we saw from those ventures, Carlisle's salary, or even the work we did when our back stories allowed it was still a mere fraction of the fortune we had lying among hundreds of banks in various countries.
I opened the smudged glass door and was assaulted by the smell of strong alcohol and even stronger, yet stale, cigarette smoke. But there was an undercurrent that was faint, but so familiar. Within the split second that it entered my senses I knew exactly what it was.
I hadn't smelled her scent in five years, seven months, and ten days, but I would know it anywhere. It was ingrained in my memory.
I quickly stepped inside the space, closing the door behind me, and searched franticly without moving any closer. I was on alert. I was bracing myself to see her again.
Maybe she'd be alone, but maybe she'd be on a date…
Hell, it's been five years, she could be together with someone… or even married…
I reached behind me to grip that door handle, trying desperately to decide if I could handle this or not.
And then I saw her.
She was beautiful… gorgeous… somehow she was even more stunning than she was at eighteen. She was an angel, although it was obvious she was different. She held herself in a different way, more self confident, yet guarded.
Her hair was pulled back over one shoulder and she was talking to one of the waitresses that was showing more skin, yet did not compare to Bella in any way. No one could. Ever.
"Hottest man alive," the waitress whispered before calling over to me and asking what I'd like to drink.
This was it, she would look my way and I would be discovered. She would know I was here.
But, she didn't. She didn't even acknowledge that the waitress had addressed me. I could escape if I wanted too. I could let Bella continue on with her life like I had planned. It wouldn't have been the first time that I had seen here and walked away, but somehow it seemed harder to walk away this time. In fact, it seemed impossible.
"Not yet, I haven't decided what I want." I called back, hoping against my better judgment that Bella would turn around at the sound of my voice, but again she didn't.
Maybe that's what made my body move towards her and sit upon the stool next to here. The waitress, Lisa I heard from her head, nodded before leaving to check in with other customers. I also saw the "sly" wink she threw Bella's way, but Bella didn't acknowledge it.
I breathed a heavy sigh, silent to her ears, and spoke. "Well- well, do you come here a lot?" I attempted to sound confident, but inside my nerves were radiating by just being this close to her.
The room seemed to move in slow motion as Bella turned to face me. Her eyes were so expressive, as they ever were. I watched as her eyes went from indifference to sudden shock as her entire form froze. I tried to play off the feelings of blatant anxiousness by grinning at her, but her face just stayed frozen as she contemplated only god knows what. If only I could hear her thoughts.
Seeing her face, changed but still the same, after five years did something to the pit of my stomach and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and wish that she wouldn't ask to be let go because I'm not sure I could, even if she asked.
"What are you doing here?" she whispered so low that no other humans would have heard, but she knew that I would. I attempted to hide my smirk; I had too much to atone for to expect her to come back to me freely.
I took an unnecessary breathe, hoping that I could tell her that I just wanted… her. "Well- I was supposed to meet Alice and Jasper here…" I thought back to Alice's text, 'anything worth our time.'
"… but I'm starting to think that she's not going to show up." There was no way she was coming; this was her plan all along. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hug her or strangle her at this moment.
Her voice broke as she asked if I was living here now. I couldn't decipher what answer she expected or wanted. "…Just outside the city… you?" I couldn't help, but ask.
Her left eyebrow quirked up slightly and it made me want to kiss her lips in the most delicious way. She stuttered as she gave me the vaguest answer she could have. The waitress walked over and Bella nearly lunged over the bar to grab her, stating sternly that she wanted a 'double.'
I looked down at her half-full class, heavy on the rum, at the same time the waitress did. "Anything for you?" She questioned, trying to act flirtatious. I didn't turn away from Bella as I asked for the same, along with water, hoping in vain that Bella would take the latter off my hands. I could smell the alcohol on her breath and I hated the way it masked her natural scent, her flavor.
Bella looked stunned as the waitress nodded and headed off to dutifully make our drinks herself, although she made her way back over with mine before even starting Bella's second drink. Yet, when she was on her way back over, Bella downed the glass in front of her and then proceeded to trade glasses while giving the girl a hateful glare.
I stayed perfectly still as I tried to process this 'new Bella.' She was older, more defined. She drank, and she drank quite a bit at that. My mind was running through the responses that I was internally denying to her actions.
If I had my way, I would throw her over my shoulder, gently of course, and haul her off to my house and beg her to never leave. She would see the family, see how much they loved and missed her; see how much I loved and missed her.
I attempted to clear my head from forming the plans that would only lead to more complications. "Wow… you really like rum… huh?" I was nervous with my words, but she was so preoccupied with her own thoughts I don't think she noticed. She muttered a quick confirmation to what I had asked in between sips.
When she offered no further communication, I tried to gain her attention. After all, I had found her for a reason, even if it was Alice's doing, I had this chance to make it right. And I wasn't giving it up. "Bella…" I breathed, completely overjoyed to be speaking her name without the crushing pain that normally accompanied it since I had left. Yet, she ignored me. I tried again, but that only infuriated her.
"What?" She glared.
I was thrown by the way her voice wavered with uneasiness and anger. Her hands were shaking as she gripped her drink and I wanted desperately to remove it for fear of her breaking it and hurting herself. I wanted nothing to taint this memory of her in the future; this was a new beginning, I was sure of it, but it wasn't going how I planned…
I stuttered for words as her eyes bore into mine. "I… I'm… I'm sorry." I pleaded with my eyes as she was quiet for an extreme amount of time.
Finally she uttered a whispered 'why' and I was floored. Did she ready not know?
"Bella… come on, you must know…" She had to know… how could she not?
She still didn't answer and I could tell that her mind was running away with the ideas she was concocting. I shook my head, trying to understand her reasoning. I growled as I started, "Bella, I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I left you like that." I swore too low for her to hear. "…that I left you at all."
Her face was one of shock; I nearly couldn't believe her eyes. They were untrusting; an emotion I had never seen her exhibit to me.
"What did you lie about?" She breathed.
I can't believe this… "Isn't it obvious?" but she only shook her head. I wanted to take her hand, but thought better of it. "Bella, I lied when I said I didn't want you. I lied about nearly everything that day."
I saw her trying to process my words, she was blown away and for a brief moment I thought her lips would turn in a smile, but they didn't. "But why?" she whispered, turning her eyes from me.
"I lied because I wanted to protect you." She gasped and I saw her hand grip the bar while I continued. "I wanted to protect you from my world. I constantly put you in danger, even during times of complete happiness. I couldn't do that to you anymore. I wanted you to be safe and have a normal life, but… Bella, god… I miss you so much." Words could describe the way I miss her.
Emotions flashed over her beautiful face before she uttered a single word in a complete calm voice. "Go."
"What?" I panicked.
"Go Edward; just… leave."
She turned away from me, as if I wasn't even there anymore. "No, I want you to go and not to come back. Goodbye, Edward."
No… this wasn't what I had expected. She didn't understand. She… Oh my god, I've lost her. I always held onto the possibility that one day she'd find me or that I'd give in and see her. I had hoped we could just pick back up where we had left off. How foolish.
I stood up, knowing I needed to leave so she was not upset further, but I would not go away. I was not leaving. "I'm not going to say goodbye to you, Bella, because I will see you again, soon. I'm not going anywhere this time, Bella." I couldn't say her name enough and each time it sent a shiver down her back. I took the drink and poured it out behind the counter, but pushed the water next to her. "Don't drive too soon; your reflexes will be hindered." And I can't lose you…
A/N: I think I will stop there. I have no idea if I'll continue it, but I've had this partly written for a while and wanted to get it out to you all since most reviewers wanted an EPOV. Hope you enjoyed!