Sweet Sweet Sweet

A two-tailed fox was screeching. "No, NO! Please, stop! Somebody, help me!"

"Coming buddy...just hang in there..."

Sonic was laughing.

Surrounding him were the smoking remains of Eggman's latest and greatest eggbot. It was basically a giant crabmeat, but piloted by Eggman himself. It was anything but a challenge for the blue blur.

Sonic glanced around the arena he was in—the pillars keeping the upper balcony floor suspended were smashed to bits (the hedgehog had lured Eggman into breaking them so that the balcony would fall onto the crabmeat's head), the walls and floor were torn apart from the machine gun bullets and missiles that had been fired at him, and the ground was so utterly littered with scrap metal that it almost tore apart Sonic's sneakers.

Then, of course, there was also the vividly red, nicely polished spring that had allowed the hedgehog to homing attack the crabmeat's power supply. It was still there, as there always was, for whatever the situation called for.

Where do all these springs come from? Sonic pondered to himself. Eh...guess I shouldn't complain.

His victory against the giant crabmeat wasn't why he was laughing though. He had won dozens of 'boss battles' over the years, defeating Eggman didn't feel quite as exhilarating as it used to. No, there was a much more specific reason Sonic was feeling good right now: for the first time ever, the Eggmobile had broken down during the mad scientist's escape.

This was practically a cause for celebration.

A constant annoyance for everyone involved with fighting Eggman was that he always escaped. Always. In the exact same way, every time, without fail. And this way was via the Eggmobile. The moment the Doctor realized that he had lost whatever battle he was fighting, he and his Eggmobile would detach from whatever vehicle he was piloting and launch off into the distance at speeds impossible to trace and impossible to follow.

But not this time.

This time, the Eggmobile broke down halfway through the classic escape sequence.

Still laughing, the blue hedgehog casually walked through the rubble toward the panicking round-bellied scientist who was fiddling around with the buttons on his mobile-egg, obviously not accepting that the thing had fallen apart. "Hey Eggy!" Sonic called to him with glee. "It's over. You think you might as well give up now?"

Eggman sharply twisted his head to the side and stared at Sonic. "Never!" he spat. The Doctor climbed out of his wreaked Eggmoblie and stood up, facing the hedgehog with a determined frown on his face. "I may not have any weapons, but that that just means I'll have to take you on myself! A good, hand-to-hand fight!"


Eggman sincerely hoped that Sonic's current laughing fit, of which he was wriggling on the ground apparently unable to keep himself from howling with laughter at the Doctor's invitation to battle, would lead to the hedgehog having a heart attack.

"D-Did you just..just...ask me to—me to...fight you, one on one? With, with none of your weapons?" Sonic asked while attempting to stand up, with almost every word interrupted by a giggle or another full-on fit of laughter.

Eggman frowned. "Yes, yes, that is correct."

Sonic's face turned a shade of red as the hedgehog tried to keep his laughter in. "S-Stop, this is just too funny, you're killing me!" he spluttered.

"Yes, that is the point," the doctor deadpanned.

The blue blur took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself down and regain his composure. "Lay it on me then," he said to the scientist, whose features had contorted in a way that was just begging the hedgehog to laugh again. "How can you possibly think you could fight me? I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you're a fat slob. You can't do anything without your machinery. I, on the other hand, have pointy knives on my back that I could send your direction at seven hundred miles an hour if I wanted to. Can't you just admit defeat for once?"

"Never!" Eggman screamed, ripping off his skin-tight jacket and shirt, revealing hairy, bubbly, pink fat that rolled over itself in layers. The fat demanded attention; when looking at Eggman, in this state, you only see a large, disgusting, wrinkly ball of flesh with four sticks and a head attached to it. He assumed a sumo-wrestling position, ready to fight.

In response to this repulsive event, Sonic nearly squealed in a way most unmanly. "What is wrong with you!" Sonic yelled while closing one eye and squinting with the other, not wanting to look at the train wreck but not able to look away either. "That's gross! Are you insane, Eggman! No, I'm serious, have you literally gone mad!"

Eggman scowled. "I'm not insane! Sonic, you have assumed for far too long that I am fat. Everyone does. I use this to my advantage, you all underestimate me when I'm without weapons. Well, what would you think if I told you that what you thought was fat was actually muscle?!" he screamed.

On cue, the Doctor sucked in his stomach and flexed every muscle in his body at the same, giving the impression that his fat was literally reshaping itself. The blubber folded into itself into separate 'pockets' on his gut, then reduced itself in specific points around the 'pockets' to make it look like Eggman had a twelve-pack. His fat also moved upwards into his arms, buffing out his biceps and generally making his arms thick and powerful. When his arms were done, the leftover fat moved downward and buffed up his legs too.

When this transformation was over and done with, which only took half a second, Eggman had turned from a fat slob into what looked like a heavy-weight champion wrestler. Sonic found this even more disturbing.

In fact, the sudden switch from blubber-butt Eggman to muscle-maniac Eggman was too much to take for the poor hedgehog. He wanted to puke.

So he did.


After he finished coughing up the leftovers and wiping his mouth with his glove, Sonic looked up to see a large, powerful fist an inch away from his face and counting.

A flash of purple. Then everything was black.

Sonic gasped and quickly sat up from his sleeping position, breathing deeply, not knowing where he was. The first thoughts that came to his head was Oh, oh god. Aah, it was just a dream. Well, a nightmare is more like it. Keep it together, Sonic.

The second thing that came to his head was, Where the hell am I?

The hedgehog blinked a few times and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. Being the naturally speedy creature he was, he was annoyed that he had to wait so long to doing something as basic as seeing. Ah, there we go, it's clearing up now...

He was in a forest. By his feat was a pile of burnt logs layered on top of ash. Obviously a campfire had been going, but it had gone out a while ago. He looked down and saw that he was sitting upright on the forest floor with a sleeping bag messily wrapped around his legs. He must of been squirming a lot in his sleep for the sleeping bag to have gotten so tangled up.

He then looked to his left and saw Tails sleeping in a sleeping bag too next to him. It was about now that Sonic finally remembered why he was sleeping in a forest, and it was also about now that Sonic mentally beat himself up for having such a slow memory when tired. He needed to do better than that.

The hedgehog noticed that his two-tailed companion wasn't having a very relaxing night either. Tails was shivering in his sleep, his sleeping bag had the impression that it had been squirmed around in as well. His eyes were obviously rapidly moving around in his sockets, Sonic could tell even with Tails's eyelids closed.

Poor kid, the hedgehog thought, hoping that the fox wasn't having quite as disturbing of a dream as he had.

WARNING: This fic is brutally strange for strangeness's sake. It makes sense in the end, though whether you'll be able to bring yourself to read it to that point...

Each dream is written in a mostly different genre, so despite the above chapter being crack-humour, don't expect the rest to be this crazy.