In honor of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, for the Holiday Songbook. Sung to the tune of the Pogues' "Fairytale of New York". Happy relevant holidays to everyone.


It was Christmas Eve (we think)
In Headquarters
My partner said to me
"We've got another one!"
A Sue that sang a song
'Bout Frodo's eyes so blue
I turned my face away
But our duty we must do

We got a nasty one
It won't be easily done
I got a feeling there'll be trouble with this Sue
But happy Christmas
If we survive this
We'll get vacation if it's the last thing we do

She's got tits out to here, hair like rivers of gold
And she smashed up the canon, or so we've been told
So we take up our blades on this cold Christmas eve
And we gulp down the Bleepsinthe while waiting for she

She's so sweet, she's so pretty
Princess of Gondor city
When she sings and she dances they howl out for more
Her sword she's a-swinging
Kelly Clarkson she's singing
She bears Frodo's children, calls Arwen a whore

The girls and boys of the PPC
The Sue have vowed to slay
While the canon characters scream and run away

She's a brat, she's a punk, she's a pain writing junk
Staring into the screen, typing "PLEEZ DUN B MEEN!"
You slimy young maggot, call Samwise a faggot?
Merry Christmas my arse, I thank God it's your last!

The girls and boys of the PPC
The Sue have vowed to slay
While the canon characters scream and run away

"I oughta leave HQ ..."
"Oh, don't do that, I'll miss you!
You've helped me stay half-sane
Since I first found you!"
"I guess you have a point.
Hey, pass the Bleeprin here.
This job's not always bad, as long as I'm around you."

The girls and boys of the PPC
The Sue have vowed to slay
While the canon characters scream and run away.