This is my first attempt at HG/SS. This will be a time travel fic that involves lots of humor and smut. Bare with me, it's been a while since I've written fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I don't own and I'm not benefiting from.

Severus Snape should not be alive, that much was certain. Nagini's bite was a rather aggressive kiss of Death; the venom of the blasted snake should have done him off in mere minutes. After the initial shock that Voldemort had done a fast one on him wore off, Severus was rather excited to meet his end.

If he had died, he imagined after all the trouble he went through he might have been able to see Lily again and she would forgive him for those fateful words so long ago. He could almost picture her running to him now, squealing a 'hello' and throwing her arms around his waist.

'Thank you Severus.'

He'd smirk at Potter….because of course James Potter would feature himself in Severus' moment. It would infuriate Potter if Lily threw herself into his arms and that would make the moment so much better.

But Potter would always be the one, and Severus could no longer deny that even in his own version of heaven.

Ultimately though, Severus would be at peace.

But alas, fate was cruel and Severus survived the snake's bite. His overenthusiastic, know-it-all (albeit brightest) student would see to that. She would double take while Weasley and Potter left him to die. She would reach into her giant, god-forsaken-bag and pull out a bezoar. She would shove it through the open wound on his neck and then hurriedly spew healing enchantments, tears falling down her face.

She would pause for a moment and look at him with the most peculiar expression and then she would lean in and whisper into his ear.

"I'd like to believe you are smarter than the death eater mentality", and she would leave him there. Alive.

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Hermione Granger was sick of life, that much was certain. She was a decorated war heroine, an intelligent independent woman, and she was entirely bored.

After the war Hermione had finished her last year at Hogwarts, passing her N.E.W.T. exams with flying colors. Ron and Harry had decided that they would take a much needed year break before pursuing their seventh year of education.

They had tried desperately to convince Hermione to do the same, but she was stubborn and motivated.

She and Ron had pursued a relationship for a brief two week period after the war. They had mutually come to the conclusion that their blossoming war-time romance was a response to the fear that the war would have left them dead without someone to love.

She did love Ron, but it was in a much more brotherly way than she anticipated. That made for awkward kisses, hugs, and a disastrous attempt at sex. After fumbling naked with the red head they both decided that it was a moment that would never be spoken of and that they were much better off NOT in a relationship.

Molly Weasley had been disappointed, to say the least, and for awhile gave Hermione books on romance advice and couples counseling. When Hermione stopped by for a Weasley dinner she would take her into the kitchen and hint that Ron 'would love a woman who could cook' and would begin an impromptu cooking lesson.

Finally after a horrid attempt at making Shepherd's Pie, Hermione had to admit to Mrs. Weasley that she thought of Ron as a brother and that it wouldn't matter if she whipped up a fine four course meal; Ron and her would never have sex again and Mrs. Weasley would never get grandchildren out of them.

Molly was disappointed but she understood Hermione's 'explanation' and dropped the subject faster than a hot potato. From then on Hermione was welcomed as Ron's other sister, which gave Hermione the opportunity to enjoy the Weasley dinners instead of bask in her own embarrassment.

This left Ron free to pursue other, more successful, love interests and soon he was in the arms of a loony friend of theirs. Hermione had been surprised at first but after much thought and consideration, it made sense in some weird logical way. They were great together and both seemed happy as clams.

Plus Luna could cook like no other. Hermione had been reluctant when she received her first invitation to a Ron and Luna dinner party, especially because the main entrée was something Luna had deemed 'Blubbering Tootsies'. The meal was fantastic though and Hermione soon learned to ignore the weird names of the dishes Luna served.

All in all it was a great relationship for Ron; she just wasn't sure what Molly would do when Luna popped out pink haired babies.

Hermione, however, had no luck in the dating scene. She had made an honest effort multiple times, but she was disappointed in the lack luster conversations and lack of intellect from the men of the wizarding world. She wanted someone who would debate inane issues with her, someone whose eyes wouldn't glaze over when she asked their opinion about the latest article in Potions Weekly.

She tried to compensate with men who were ungodly attractive, but their abundance of good looks seemed to annoy her even more. Not to mention they only were interested in her ridiculously high social status and her breasts.

Of course she wanted good sex, who didn't? But she wanted a partner to. Someone who understood her, who challenged her, whose voice would melt her to butter…

To be honest, Hermione already knew who fit this bill. The thought of this particular person terrified her, however, and she had been quite un-Gryffindor like in pursuing this man's attention. She thought about it several times and once even got as far as his door before she berated herself for stupidity and took off.

She had always been attracted to the Potions (and then Defense Against the Dark Arts) Master. His silky voice did things to her insides that no promiscuous play, up to this point, had ever been able to do. The discovery that it was he who had penned the brilliant additions to potions and the creative spells in Harry's battered potions text made him all the more attractive and exciting.

The fact that he had just off-ed the Headmaster, however, had made Hermione feel guilty for the thrill she still got when thinking of him. Dumbledore's death never made sense to her, though she never admitted so to Ron and Harry. Deep down she knew there was more to Snape's story and it was with a girlish grin and a faint heart that she listened to Harry's revelation of the man's character after the war.

She wanted him. Bad. And if Hermione was anything, it was determined. Though her nervousness had one out multiple times when it came to Professor Snape, Hermione had finally plotted a plan that hopefully would secure her the heart she so wished to have.

There were only a few things standing in her way, and damned if Hermione would let a few things get her down.

But… it didn't help that he wished she had left him dead….

..

Or that he was still in love with Harry's mum.

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So what did you think? Anyone want to beta? Review? I'd appreciate all the help/criticism I can get! : )

Stay tuned for future chapters with smut galore!