...Written at six in the morning, mostly stream of consciousness.

She's left behind, the little girl in their minds when she can kill them all with on brush of her fingers, with one thought.

River dances about Serenity, their little sister on the ship, happy and free and does not think about the shadow in the corner, growing growing growing, a blot of blood everyone tries to ignore.

She'll catch the heat of anger directed at her sometimes, can feel its fire licking across her skin all white-hot , blue-balled flames lit from their grieving mother. River didn't have the heart to tell her of the flush of red between her legs, growing until Zoe woke up one day surrounded by blood and tears.

It was the cruelest moment on the ship, everyone gathered around their mother for love when River lay in her bunk, enveloped in their love and Zoe's grief, double-edged, and sighed into Jayne's mouth.

(she doesn't tell him about the growing bright spot in her stomach, doesn't mention the rush of air around her, the slip of tears down her cheeks as she cradles a slip of tissue in her hand. She doesn't whisper to him, it was going to be a girl and cry for the life the Academy took from her, even then)

(sometimes Serenity feels like a curse.)