Aaaand there we go! The newest Sexplosion chapter! This chapter contains yet again one of the latest snippets written by the original creator and owner of this story, Legendary Legacy. The reserve is running out, though. Just two left. One you're going to see just later on in the story. The other... I shall see.
Been a long time coming, huh? Well, to tell you the truth, half of this chapter had been laid down before October, but with everything going on and No Limits, it reached completion only recently.
As always, it's been posted here a week (in this chapter's case, ten days) after it's been posted on my blog, Storie In Rosso, on Blogspot. If you don't want to miss this earlier release, as always I advise you to add me on Facebook, Twitter or Google+ or to just subscribe to my site. Good? Good.
Chapter9: It's new years
"Hmmm... When is onii-chan coming home?"
"You miss Sasuke so much, Kohana? That's so sweet of you." Shina said with a smile as she observed the youngest Uchiha pout while seating at the table, poking at her lunch with a spoon.
"Yeah... Kohana-chan doesn't have anyone to play with in the morning... And in the afternoon... And before going to bed."
"... That so." Shina smiled a bit forcefully as she understood Kohana was referring to the three times a day the eight years old usually sent their brother flying with one of her throws. "Don't worry, Kohana. I'm sure Sasuke will be back..."
"Tadaima.*" (*I'm back)
"... Right now." Shina said as she observed Kohana sprint out of her seat to the door where Sasuke was in the process of removing his shoes.
"Oniiiiiiiiii-chan!" The battle cry was enough of a warning. His whole body was ready and his chakra immediately focused in his eyes, tomoes making their appearance. "Aiiii-huh?"
"Hmph." Kohana found herself grasping at air. Shina had reached them as well and upon laying her eyes on her two siblings gasped. One, Sasuke had just dodged Kohana grab. It was the first time it happened and his satisfaction showed by his smirk. Two, Sasuke's eyes.
"The mission went well." Sasuke simply answered as Kohana kept on trying to grab onto him. "We accomplished our objective, I've awakened the Sharingan and I've got to fight strong opponents..." Then his eyes narrowed. "And I learned that sometimes threats come from unexpected sources." Then he acquired a neutral face. "Solutions too."
"Okay. So, it was eventful. Nonetheless, I'm happy to see that you're back. And in time for new year's, too." That comment made Sasuke confused.
"New year's?" He blinked. "It's December already?"
Shina was confused at the question. "You've graduated a month after the Kyuubi festival, which was in October, then spent three weeks for registration and the first missions and now you've been gone for almost a month. It is now the 27th of December."
"I didn't reali-AH!"
"An opening!" Kohana took advantage of her brother's moment of distraction and managed to make him reach the kitchen and then hit the counter if the sound of clashing pottery was any indication. Shina smiled at the eight years old's antics even if she couldn't suppress a wince at Sasuke's harsh stop. She moved to the kitchen while Kohana counted the meters he had travelled to find him sitting against the counter, a pot on his head.
"By the way, about new year's, Sasuke..."
"Sakura, honey! I'll be right down!" She heard her mother's voice coming from upstairs as she removed her shoes. The young kunoichi sighed in relief as she let herself fall on the nearby sofa. On the road you learn to miss those little comforts. One month far from home...
"... And I still couldn't do it." Sakura said with a pout. She had been trying all the return trip to get into Naruto's tent to finally hit the next level in their 'training' but it was like Zabuza had taken to be his bodyguard, with the difference that he wouldn't let him be alone with any female being but Haku, who had learned quite easily to just let go and surrender to the urges. "Well, the freak won't be able to keep him exclusive forever." Not in this village. Sakura would just have to be patient.
"Sakura, welcome back." She blinked at the unfamiliar voice and raised her head to lay eyes on her brother.
"Nori? Where have you been?" Sakura asked to which the scarf-wearing boy replied with a confused stare.
"Uuuh... Home? You know, hiding my hair? Getting harassed by Inoji? Not being a ninja?" On that last point, Nori suddenly pouted. "You had another crisis, didn't you?" Sakura stared but then nodded.
"Not today, no. Sorry... I guess it's been a while since I last saw you..."
"I mean, as a ninja I could learn Henge... But noooo, too dangerous even if Sakura already is one. At least let me dye them but nooo, guilt trip..." Sakura sweatdropped but then again, she understood. On her the hair went with the name. It was classy. On Nori... Poor little brother. "Well, whatever. By the way, did mom already tell you about your invite for new year's?"
"Huh?" That left her intrigued. "What invite?"
To that Nori grinned like the cat that ate the proverbial canary. "Uchiha."
"Damn it, Naruto."
"I didn't do it on purpose..." The blonde only could present this weak defence in front of an audience made up of an amused Sandaime, a facepalming Iruka, a grinning Kakashi, a frowning Zabuza and a smiling Haku.
"Why, oh why couldn't you have been a cold hearted sonuvabitch and do a hit-and-run-No offence."
"None taken." She just kept on smiling.
"It would have been less troublesome to deal with. Less paperwork, that's for sure." Iruka finished before raising his head from his hands and stare at the missing nin. "So... You want to stay in Konoha."
"We are staying in Konoha." Zabuza affirmed as he again laid eyes on Naruto who for the umpteenth time that day, shivered in fear. "He's not going to get out of this, come Raikage or Kazekage."
"Huh... Rain or wind?"
"That." Zabuza confirmed and Iruka felt an incoming headache.
"Zabuza... san." The chunin managed to let out. "It's not that simple. You're a missing nin, and..."
"Oh, it's fine."
"Jii-san!" Kakashi was enjoying this way too much.
"I have met the new Mizukage and she's quite the smart and understanding woman... Among other things." The Hokage let out a barely audible perverted giggle. It was Naruto's turn to facepalm. "I'm sure we will be able to work something out."
"... New Mizukage?" While Zabuza thought about just how out of touch with the world he had ended up while being on the run, the Hokage looked for some papers in his right top drawer.
"As long as Zabuza-san understands that living here implies some... Side-effects and acts accordingly, I feel we'll all get along fine. I suppose you two will want to live with Naruto?"
"Don't I get a say in this?"
"B-But... Small! My house is small!"
"Time for a real estate tour, then. You're moving." Naruto gasped in outrage. "The money I have saved up is not enough for a revolution, but it sure is enough for buying a house."
"Very well. I'm going to have someone ready to show you around later this afternoon. Naruto, why don't you show them around in the meanwhile?" Naruto gasped some more, moving his head from person looking for some kind of help, but found none. His posture slumped.
"Fine. Welcome to Konoha." The youngest shinobi in the room led his newest 'friends' out of the room leaving the three other Konoha shinobi alone.
"That. Was. Fantastic, Hokage-sama. The look of outrage on Naruto's face..."
"Fantastic, he says!" Iruka raged. "Hokage-sama, Naruto isn't-"
"Happy with the arranging. For now." That made Iruka confused. "You'll see what I mean soon enough. Also, if there ever where rules against polygamy in this village, they would have been abolished long ago."
"... True." The chunin admitted. Kakashi chuckled.
"Hokage-sama, regarding Naruto's situation, I have some interesting news."
"That's the Hokage monument, the hospital's that way and that's the pharmacy."
"Those are quite... Strange touristic guidelines, Naruto-san." Haku commented and Naruto couldn't help but sigh.
"Believe me. Here, they are the most important sites ever." He refrained from elaborating further, confident that both ex-Kiri nins would be able to discern everything on their own. "Got this ingrained into me the very first... Day."
"Good save. Brat, by the way..." Zabuza suddenly put a hand on his right shoulder to make him stop and turn around. "When one has to... You know. How does it work?"
"Huh? Why do you ask?"
"Why do you think?" Zabuza said calmly, his eyes narrowing. Then it dawned on Naruto.
"Ah. Ehm... Well, I don't really know... I mean..." He groaned. "I don't know. I never really had to ask."
"What do you mean?" He guessed he could tell them. Zabuza already knew, Kakashi had told him and Haku would guess soon enough. She was too smart.
"Because of my particular condition I don't have the same massive urges as anyone else." Naruto admitted. "Don't tell anyone."
"Hmm... It's a good thing but it leaves me in a predicament." Zabuza observed, arms crossed. Naruto could just laugh sheepishly.
"Well, I think you just have to go and ask." The Jounin raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously. It's common courtesy. There aren't too many, if any, traditionalists like you in Konoha. That's what Ayame-neechan and Iruka sensei said."
"... So I just have to ask." Zabuza repeated and he began looking around. Naruto and Haku followed his gaze till it rested on a young woman with red hair near struggling to carry a crate. Zabuza looked at Naruto. Naruto shrugged his shoulders.
The Jounin walked to the woman and took the heavy load off her hands. She looked surprised for a few seconds but she smiled and accepted the help, the Jounin carrying the heavy load inside a nearby shop.
Ten minutes later, he still hadn't come out. "... I think he's gonna be able to find my house on his own."
"Yes." Haku flushed a little. "Ano, Naruto-san, a question."
"What?" The blonde answered as they started walking again.
"If you never... Well, how did you get that much... Experience?" It was Naruto's turn to blush.
"Ehm, sorry to bother you..." They suddenly stopped walking when an unfamiliar voice called for their attention. It was a young woman, eighteen years old or so, short black hair. Kimono, looking rather flushed in the face. "But... I kind of... Need some... Help."
"... Well, not like this, it's the first time it's happened to me, but you get the gist." Naruto finished and shifted his attention to the girl. "Huu, miss..."
"Mai. I'm willing to help, but, would you mind following me home?" The girl shook her head.
"As long as we get there soon. God, I took care of it just a couple hours ago. What's with me, today..." The girl said, falling into step behind Naruto, with Haku observing the exchange, surprised. She guessed it really was common courtesy.
A few hours later, Haku had finished putting away her and Zabuza's luggage while trying to ignore the noises coming from the apartment's bedroom. They had ended half an hour ago and she had then heard the shower being turned on.
"Thanks for the help. Goodbye." Out came the girl, fresh out of the shower and all smiles if a bit shaky. After the front door closed behind her, out also came Naruto, wearing his pants and a towel over his shoulders.
"Does it usually take that much?" Naruto shook his head as he opened the fridge for something to drink.
"No. From what I've read to quell the urge it only takes one... Well, you know." He said with a flush and a sigh. "I think she liked the service. And stuck around for more."
"Oh." Haku commented, pink on her cheeks. Then smiling slightly. "Can't really blame her."
"Ehm, thanks?" Naruto offered while the door opened again, revealing Zabuza. "Yo."
"Who was that?" He asked. Naruto flinched. He was expecting that, sooner or later.
"A young lady who Naruto-san was gentle enough to help." Haku answered for him. The Jounin seemed to weight the answer for a little bit before sighing.
"Well, if Haku is okay with it..."
"I was warned that Naruto-san wouldn't be able to keep himself exclusive to me." Haku answered. "It's just something I will have to get used to. It would help if your partners weren't that... Vocal."
"Ehm, speaking of partners, what took you so long, Zabuza?" Naruto dodged another potential bullet.
"Luck would be, the girl is a real estate agent. And she showed me a good place. Large and cheap." He commented as he took off his bandages. "Time for a quick shower and then we can go check it out again."
"Absolutely not! Are you crazy?"
"Please, Sasuke..." She had foretold this kind of reaction.
"You want to invite complete strangers and dangerous perverts inside our home? Are you nuts? And you went behind my back with this! It's the last straw, Shina!" Sasuke continued, his rage punctuated by the vast movements of his arms and his still active Sharingan.
"Sasuke. I'm the last person you can hope to intimidate, so stop acting like this and listen, or I'll make you." That gave him pause. Shina couldn't harm him physically, obviously, but the girl had other potential means of payback, some downright dangerous for his mental health. She was the one taking care of most of the house, after all. "You remember when we decided how to split the clan duties?"
"Yes, of course." It had actually happened. That kind of discussion between an eight and seven years old can sound farfetched if you don't consider that they've been forced to grow up early. "The matters of honour to me, to you the inner and outer workings of the clan."
"And I think that this falls into my side of the field. If our clan is to thrive once again, we can't hole up. We must interact with other people aside from family." Also, a clan can't be made up of only five people but she bet Sasuke would get an aneurysm if she brought it up right now. "And, I didn't do this 'behind your back'. You've been gone for weeks and these kind of things take time to organize. I can't just put every decision on hold till you get home. And since this is going to happen more and more often, you have no choice but to trust your sister."
"... Damn it." He admitted. He realized that indeed, in the future there was the probability of him not being home for long periods of time.
"Now, regarding the new year's party, I didn't invite hooligans nor complete strangers. I just invited Gai-sensei and his team plus the other graduating teams from your year, since they all include future clan heirs. Now, regarding your team I've already conveyed the invite through Haruno-san's parents."
"How do you know about Sa-Damn it, Naruto!"
"That only leaves Naruto-san. I'd appreciate if you invited him yourself." Sasuke frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Why? Couldn't you have gone to his parents as you did with Sakura?" He was met with a sad stare. He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"
"He didn't tell you, I guess." She answered, smiling sadly. "Naruto-san doesn't have parents."
"... You mean he's a..." Shina nodded. "Well, what about his guardians? Or other..." He was met with silence. "Don't tell me."
"Naruto-san doesn't have a living relative in the world nor does he live with any guardians." Sasuke's mouth parted slightly at that. The perverted idiot lived alone? He thought about it for a few seconds before sighing.
"No wonder he turned out like that." He mumbled under his breath. Shina stared confused. "Alright. I'll invite him and I'll let you do this, but on one condition."
"What is it, Sasuke?" Shina asked, smiling but a bit curious.
"All the guests will have to have taken care of their urges right before the start of the evening. That is mandatory." He growled. The female Uchiha chuckled and nodded in approval. That settled, Sasuke sighed and put on his shoes again, going outside with the intention of finding out where Naruto lived. He headed for the main gate of the complex.
"Eeeh? Sasuke? What are you doing here?" He stopped opening the door when he laid his eyes on said blonde walking in front of his home alongside Zabuza and Haku. "Ah, right! This is your home! Wow, what a coincidence!"
"Naruto, what are you doing here?" Sasuke asked. He knew for certain that he and his sisters were the only people living in the entire district. They had sold most of it, but because the Uchiha were living there before, adding the mass murder, no one ever bought them-Wait a minute. "You bought the house next door, didn't you?"
"Yeah! Damn, we'll be neighbours. Kind of cool." He commented and Sasuke sighed, holding the bridge of his nose. Of all the ways for the district to start getting inhabited again. "You were going out so soon after coming back? Where to?"
"... Looking for you. You're all officially invited to dinner for New Year's." That made Naruto blink in confusion. "Hump bitches before coming. Not negotiable."
"... Sasuke, are you high?"
"I haven't seen your cousin around recently either. Is she ill?"
"That... Goes in... And then... It gets bigger..." Hotaru kept on rocking in a fetal position, hugging her precious novel to her chest. "Sex is scaryyyyyy!"
"She has some thinking to do. Let's leave it at that."
"How much longer till we get there?"
"One more turn... And there it is!" Naruto presented his two new room-mates with his favourite place, pointing at some familiar looking drapes. In a rush, he ran ahead of Haku and Zabuza. "Hey! I'm back!"
"Naruto!" A melodious feminine voice echoed from inside the stall. Zabuza and Haku parted the tents to reveal a pretty auburn haired girl leaning over the counter to plaster a loving kiss on Naruto's lips.
"I guess that's your 'situation', Haku." Zabuza declared while scratching the hem of the black turtle-neck and face mask Kakashi had lent him. Till he bough some new clothes. Konoha was a bit colder than Kiri, it seemed. Also, it would help his integration if he stopped donning his Kiri attire.
"I noticed, Zabuza-sama." Haku observed, reading in the gesture a particular affection. There wasn't just lust in the girl's actions.
"Damn you and your long term missions... Huh?" She then noticed the stares and got back on her feet behind the counter to observe the duo. "Friends of yours, Naruto?"
"Yeah." A bit flustered, mostly because of the introductions coming, Naruto cleared his voice and gestured with his body to the duo from Kiri. "Ayame nee-chan, these are Haku and Zabuza. I met them on my mission."
"It's a pleasure, Ayame-san." Zabuza just nodded while Haku bowed courteously to the woman.
"... Damn, you're pretty." Ayame deadpanned as she observed Haku and her overall behaviour, which caused the kiri girl to stare in confusion. The ramen girl then coughed in her fist. "Ehm, I guess you're here for dinner?"
"Yeah! I'll start with some pork and... What will you guys take?" The two each took a seat on a side of Naruto, with Zabuza shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't know. Guess whatever the shrimp'll have. Not in the same quantities, mind you." Haku chuckled at Naruto's embarrassed expression.
"I'll have some miso myself, Ayame-san."
"Too pretty. And too well behaved." Ayame deadpanned again. She then turned to Naruto with a smirk. "Are you going to bring back a pretty girl every time you go on a mission, Naruto?"
"Ehm, actually, nee-chan..."
"She's not a 'pretty girl'. She's his fiancée." Zabuza declared, making Naruto palm his face. Ayame blinked and ever so slowly turned in Zabuza's direction.
"Naruto-san and I are to be married. In due time." Haku declared and that caused Ayame to turn in her direction, this time.
After a few minutes of exposure (stop laughing), Ayame had an overall solid story on her hands. A shotgun-well, Kubikiri Houcho-wedding. "For hell's-And your teacher didn't say anything?"
"He offered to be my best man." Ayame slapped her forehead. Loudly.
"If I may." Haku decided to intervene. She had Ayame's attention. "Naruto-san had warned us that there may be some previous connections waiting for him back home. I assure you that I have no intention of 'hogging him all to myself', as they say."
"You're pretty open minded about this." Ayame raise an eyebrow, suspicious.
"I haven't had any experience at all until I met Naruto-san. So, better to enter this open minded, ne?"
"Hmm..." Ayame rubbed her chin as she observed the younger girl in front of her. She seemed truthful enough but she couldn't really trust someone she had just met. She could just be a good liar. She needed to test her, on something. Then, she smiled maliciously as the perfect test came to her mind. "How open minded are we talking about, here?"
"Huh?" The trio in front of her stared, confused by her words. Then Zabuza's chopsticks snapped in half, Naruto spat out noodles and Haku blushed profusely. "Ah! I-Ehm, I don't-I never-!"
"I can't just take your word for it, can I? I need to see if we will be able to get along. Real along. Also, If you want to stay by Naruto's side, you'll need some training." Mostly to stave off nutty hunters with purple hair, she thought as she leaned forward on the counter.
"I-I guess..." Haku replied and timidly lowered her head. Ayame almost squealed at how cute she looked while her father groaned. Good thing it was late enough.
"Good. Now, let me show you where Naruto had his first time." Ayame said as she grabbed the black haired girl and dragged her to the back room, usual sign on the door. Zabuza and Naruto recovered body control after that.
"And Haku's the one who's open minded?" Zabuza asked Naruto. He had told Naruto that he would kill him if Haku had to have sex with anyone else but him, but girls? In the meanwhile, Naruto was trying to find something, anything intelligible to say as to not let Zabuza have any reason to hit him, but all that he could think about was...
"Think they would mind if I joined half-way?"
It was the talk of town. Well, of a small circle of people, actually. Shina was that good. Ino had been persuaded into silence by the simple observation that Sasuke wouldn't like clamour around this very private party, lest their tranquillity be disturbed. Ino's mind did the rest.
Each one couldn't wait for the day to come, each for his own reasons. Food, black haired boys, blonde boys, nothing... Well, the last one didn't exactly 'excite' its thinker. Of course, the wait wasn't restricted to the ones invited to the Uchiha party. Everyone celebrated new year's. After the uneventful days before, since no one in Naruto's world born on those days ever died for their sins, it was finally the last day of the year: December the 31th.
"And as I said, no, I haven't been feeling the urges in days." And everyone spent it in their own way.
"Ever since you were serviced by the young Uzumaki, right?" The young girl nodded.
"That's right, uncle. So strange..." Mai commented as she put a finger to her lips. Sure, he had been awfully good but good or bad nothing like this had ever happened to her.
"I understand." The scarred man got up from his seating position, taking a hold of his walking cane once again. "Thanks for indulging an old man, Mai."
"You're welcome, uncle Danzo." The girl answered as she collected the tea cups, an early new year's gift from her uncle, along with a box of foreign tea which she had found quite good. Even if she had only used it once. "... You don't think there's something wrong with me, do you?"
"Dear if anything, I'd say you've been blessed." The man answered with a smile which confused the young girl. "See you tonight." This was the proof he needed. Alongside the reports about the housewives from his D-Rank missions this was all that he needed. It was time to approach him.
"Yes... See you later, uncle." Mai observed the man till he was out of the door, leaving her to think about her recently resurfaced uncle. It was nice that he wanted to be part of the family again but it was weird how she doted on her. Maybe it was because he never had had children himself? She shrugged. It was kind of nice to have an adult detached enough that she could talk freely about everything with. Speaking of which...
She chuckled as she thought about the reason of her newest predicament. She may not need to have sex any more but she wouldn't mind another round with the 'demon'. Seemed like Anko-senpai had good taste.
"Will you hurry it up?"
"We're done, we're done!" Naruto replied as he opened the door, putting his kimono back on while Haku adjusted her obi. "Sorry! It's just that Haku took longer than-"
"Don't. Let's just go." Zabuza declared, rolling his eyes and rubbing his uncovered chin. "We still have enough time. I was just bored of waiting in the kitchen."
"Sorry about that, Zabuza-sama." Haku answered as she finished straightening her own kimono and put on her zori, mimicked by her betrothed.
"It's fine. We're going to have dinner at our neighbours' house, after all. I just wanted to go early to get acquainted with them and maybe help with the last preparations. It's common courtesy." Zabuza declared as he opened the door and let out his two protects before closing it behind him.
"Hmm... It's still creepy." Naruto commented as he observed the neighbourhood. All the houses in the district with the exception of Sasuke's and his own were dark and the street-lights didn't really help much. "It's gonna take a while getting used to it."
"Still... I like it here." Haku declared and after a few seconds Naruto couldn't help but sigh and Zabuza's expression softened as well. This was probably the first real home Haku had in a long time.
And marriage pending over his head non-withstanding he liked the changes the last few days had brought. A new house, two people to share it with, even becoming Sasuke's neighbour was a good novelty. Also, Haku had fortunately quickly adjusted herself to life in Konoha, thanks mostly to Ayame and that led Zabuza to cut him some slack to appease his surrogate daughter.
He thought about how his life had been just a few months ago. It seemed like someone else's life. He was a ninja, he was making friends, he had learned the grossest jutsu ever, he was even engaged. The latter two had to be taken with a grain of salt, but life. Was. Good.
"Uzumaki-san." That's when an unfamiliar voice let itself be heard. The trio turned around, Zabuza surprised that he almost didn't hear the man approaching.
"Huh? Who are you?" There was something familiar about him. He had seen him around the Sandaime's office, if he remembered correctly.
"I am named Danzo, Uzumaki-san. A good evening and a good new year to you." He said amiably, his only visible eye closed. "If I may steal a few minutes of your time, there's something I'd like to talk to you about."
"Huh? Well..." He turned to the Kiri nin. "Do we have enough time?"
"... We do." Zabuza commented as he tried to discern the man's level of possible threat. He didn't feel ill intent but something was... Off. In a strange although still bad way.
"Oh, well... As long as we keep it in the neighbourhood."
"Of course. Shall we?" The scarred elder leading the way, Naruto walked off. Zabuza stared in their direction till they disappeared.
"... What's this place?"
"This is the old police station." Danzo opened the door that let them into the now abandoned building. Like most buildings in the area it had started to show signs of decay. "It's been abandoned ever since the Uchiha clan was wiped out, since they made up the majority of the force."
"Huh." Naruto followed the man as they walked and reached the stairs to the roof. "I heard about it... I was too little to really remember, though."
"Of course. Still, the fact remains that in one night a whole clan was wiped out... And again, the reason is to be sought back to your tenant's attack, Naruto-san." That gave the blonde pause. The older man didn't stop. "The Uchiha were a great clan but the exposure to the Kyuubi's pheromone made them succumb to their basest desires and then they twisted and perverted them beyond logic."
"... And then?" Naruto kept walking, seeing no spite coming from the man who also kept to differentiate between himself and the bijuu.
"Then a young mind snapped. And retaliated." The door to the roof opened and in a couple more steps the two found themselves staring at night-time Konoha. "I can't say that some of it wasn't themselves but without the Kyuubi the conditions wouldn't have been met to begin with. On that fateful day, our village was cursed. Forever, maybe."
"... Well, so? You wanted to only give me an history lesson?" Naruto turned to stare, bored. Until now, he had only understood that this old man shared Sasuke's opinion in regards to at least the village's situation, if not sex.
"Tell me, Uzumaki-san. How many times do you have sex in a week?" Naruto flushed. What the hell? "Please, do answer. I want you to reason. And I know you're immune to the pheromone. You don't need to put up a fake image for me."
"Hmm..." Naruto put a hand to his chin, thinking about it. He hated math but more or less, if a normal day was like the ones he had had in the last few days... "35?"
"How many times with the same partner?"
"What's your point?" The young genin exclaimed. The man just 'stared' back. Naruto pouted and crossed his arms. "Once, twice."
"And I know for a fact that your 'betrothed' doesn't have any other partners, right? Well, let me tell you something, Uzumaki-san." Naruto blinked at the sudden change of tone in the old man's voice. "People living in this village normally need to release themselves at least once or twice... A day. That's the statistic."
"... Heh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, confused. Ayame wasn't that needy nor was Haku. "How's that... I mean, it doesn't add up."
"It certainly is strange, isn't it? It's like they suddenly don't feel the urges any more. Just like you." Danzo stopped talking and waited a few seconds for the gears in Naruto's brain to turn. When the boy's eyes widened and his jaw dropped he continued. "Yes, Uzumaki-san. That is so. I must confess, I once thought of you as the source of our problems but I realized that you instead are its solution. Your condition... Is a gift. A gift from the heavens, for us."
"... So, let me get this straight." Naruto said, trying to come to grips with what the war-damaged old man was telling him. "You're saying that because the Kyubi grants me immunity to its own pheromone, whenever I have sex with someone it somehow passes on that same immunity to them?"
Danzo nodded firmly. "That is correct, Uzumaki-san. And with your help, we can finally turn our great village back to normal, to restore the honor, dignity and glory that we lost on that night so many years ago."
"But how? I mean, are you asking me to just go around...curing people one at a time? That could take months! Even I don't have that kind of stamina!"
"I realize that I may be asking a lot of you, Uzumaki-san, but please consider this: you would be helping to rid this village of a sickness that has plagued us since the day you were born. Over fourteen years, we've had to live with these unbearable cravings, never able to find release, only quelling it temporarily. But you, my boy, could be our salvation. You can save this village, right the horrible wrong that was brought upon us by the Kyubi."
He place his hand on Naruto's shoulder, and jerked his own head out toward the rest of the village. "And everyone will know it was you who saved us. You would be seen as a hero, Uzumaki-san. The greatest hero that Konohagakure has ever known!"
Stars appeared in Naruto's eyes as he envisioned such a thing. Legions of people acknowledging him, cheering for him, telling him what a great and wonderful person he was for saving them from their torment. Being carried around town on the shoulders of grateful men and women and-
The fantasy came to a screeching halt as another thought occurred to him. "Wait a minute. Even if I do cure all the women in the village, what do you plan to do about the men?"
Danzo appeared as though it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "Well obviously you're going to have to cure them as well-COME BACK HERE!"
"Freaking-Hey! Open this door, quickly! QUICKLY!" Naruto banged on the front door of the Uchiha compound, his back plastered to it as his head shot from left to right and back to the front again and again. Shit, he forgot upwards. Much to his relief, it opened soon. He dove straight in, dodging his savior on the way in as he threw himself on the ground. Back first. "SAFE!"
"Naruto-san?" A voice asked from above and in front of him as the sound of a door closing reached his ears. "What's wrong?"
"You won't believe it even if I tell you." He raised his head with a groan to address the female addressing him. "Thanks for the speed, by the-Huh."
And that was when he realized that while clothes didn't make the man-well, the girl-, they certainly helped in bringing out certain qualities. "It was no problem... But exactly what were you running from?" Shina usually wore traditional clothes, yeah, but the Yukata she was wearing that evening... "... Naruto-san?"
"Ah! S-Sorry for staring!" He immediately got back on his feet and brushed the dust off. Indeed, Shina wasn't just a traditional girl, she was a traditional beauty. "It's just... It's a very nice Yukata, you know..."
"Oh. Well, thanks. I'm happy you think so, Naruto-san." Shina raised her arms and slowly pivoted on herself so that Naruto could observe everything. The garment had the motive of a starred night-sky, with a cream sash holding everything together and a red circlet with an ornamental flower completing the get-up. Once she did a full 360, she stopped again, gifting Naruto with a pretty smile. "I spent a lot of time choosing it."
"Good job. It really, really suits you, Shina-chan." Naruto continued with a nod. Shina chuckled, bringing a sleeve of her Yukata to cover her mouth. Then she walked by Naruto's side and latched her right arm around his left one.
"Well, since you're the first to compliment me on this, you get to sit near the hosts, Naruto-san." As she lead him inside, Naruto couldn't help but flush. "Naruto-san has arrived."
"Hi, Naruto." Naruto waved at Sakura who was joined by Ino in waving at him before they both started talking to each other again. Surprisingly, they were ignoring Sasuke. If the nervousness he was displaying sitting by himself under the porch, was anything to go by, he feared their discussion. They were just preparing, maybe.
"Yoh." He waved at Choji and Shikamaru as they waved at him from one corner of the garden, seemingly intent on observing the flowers and-Was that a salami he was seeing hanging out of Choji's sleeve?
"Naruto! Finally arrived!" He turned to see Kiba approaching him quickly in a dark blue yukata, leaving a silent shino clad in dark grey 'speaking' to Zabuza and Haku who had also noticed his arrival. "What kept you? Your protector and new sweetheart there, were starting to get worried!"
"Were they, now..." The gazes they were sending his way were questioning. He sent one back that said 'not now'. If he was to confess what had just happened to him he would need privacy and lots of it. Mostly because of the secrets. Not because of the indecent proposal. No, sir. "So, how it's been going for you?"
"AWESOME! Our new teacher took me and Shino for a test drive on the first day and..." The glare on the back of his head. He turned around and saw Sasuke promising death if he didn't watch his mouth around her sister. Then he noticed her grasping on Naruto's arm. The glare intensified two-folds, this time directed at his team-mate.
"Ehm, Shina-chan, I think it would be better if you let go of me before your brother tries to kill me again." Shina chuckled, remembering the story Naruto had told her before slowly letting go of him.
"I'll go help my sisters finish preparing. They're probably having some trouble with Kohana." Shina bowed slightly and walked to the house, under the gaze of the two trouble-makers. When he was sure Sasuke was looking elsewhere, Kiba let out a whistle.
"Damn. I can't wait for her to get of age."
"Do you always have to have your mind in the gutter, Kiba?"
"How can I not? This is the life, Naruto! This is the life! You know we actually met some foreign genins on one of our latest missions? Collaborative with grass. The girl was all like 'get anywhere near me and I'll gouge your eyes out' but the guys were all 'You lucky son of a bitch'. Being born in Konoha is the best thing ever!" Naruto rolled his eyes and then a thought came to him.
"You like it that much? But what would you if someone suddenly found a cure for the whole situation?"
"I would kill him." Naruto snorted but stopped his laughter cold when he saw the dead serious expression on Kiba's face. "I'm not kidding. If I ever hear someone successfully finding a cure for this? I'm gonna kill him. And I think lots of other guys in the village will help."
"... True that." And now, another weight on his back, finally. He remembered that episode from his childhood, the grateful drunks. If word started going around that he was a living cure for Konoha... If they didn't hate him for being the container of the source, they would hate him for being its cure. Darn it! "Ehm, by the way, where's your third team-mate?"
"Hinata, you mean? She should be arriving-"
"EEEEP!" The two snapped their necks to the side to see a white blur hiding behind a bush, followed by the gazes of her companions. Two younger girls both with black hair and white eyes, except in different styles, another girl around his own-oh, wait. That was a guy.
A guy with long hair and an exposed, unscathed forehead, shouldered by a girl with brown hair in buns... And a father and son. There was no other way to explain how two people could have that same pair of eyebrows. Gigantic eyebrows.
"Hi-Hinata-neesama!" The girl with the shorter hair, combed with the complicity of a flower pin, said as she and the other with longer hair knelt beside the bush. "What's wrong?"
"Hmm..." Naruto didn't miss the evaluating look the latter sent his way before trying to get who he guessed was Hinata out of the bush. The man-chick just sighed, like he was expecting something like this to happen. The bun-haired girl just chuckled and then smirked, suddenly putting a hand inside the sleeve of her yukata.
"Want me to reel her out?"
"Please don't." He retorted. Ruby lips pouted as she pulled her hand out of the sleeve, still vacant.
"Gay-yaji! Lee-niichan!" Naruto almost got knocked to the ground as something suddenly pit-pattered past him with strength he wouldn't have thought possible coming from such a small girl. Kohana, after getting her Yukata on (How could she move that fast in that thing?), had rocketed out of her house to the two eyebrows.
"Aaah! Kohana-chan!" The younger of the two, who he guessed was called Lee, knelt down and picked the girl up, holding her above him in the air. "Your youth shines as brightly as ever!"
"Did you keep up your training?" The older one asked while the youngest Uchiha alive was set back down on the floor. She nodded with a 'Um'.
"Yeah! You can ask Sasuke-nii!" At that, he heard a loud groan coming out of Sasuke's mouth.
"Naruto-san! Finally here!" Naruto turned around again, laying eyes on the more aggressive of the Uchiha triplets, her hair still arranged in cute pigtails, held together by kitty bands, but the Yukata contributed to giving her a more elegant look than usual. It helped that there was no extra skin exposed. As Kiba gaped, she suddenly latched onto his arm like Shina had done before. "Girls don't like to be kept waiting, you know?"
"Ah... Ehm, I'm sorry. I was sidetracked." Kiba's mouth slowly closed and he walked away saying something as 'How the hell does he do it?', even if Sasuke's glare was back. Unlike her sister though, Sorano didn't seem to notice or care.
"Hmm, were you, now... Well, I guess you can be excused since I only just now finished putting this thing on. Honestly, such a bother, female yukata..." Sorano continued as he led him away from the spot where he had stopped, closer to the house, tightening his grip on his arm.
'... Isn't she the early bloomer.' That led him to discover that while having been born on the same day and sharing many common qualities, the three triplets had started drifting apart with time when it came to development. "Is it?"
"Yeah! It takes a long time to put on and it's uncomfortable! It grips my chest and stomach so hard..." Sorano moaned out her displeasure, which, though, came out as something else entirely, causing Naruto to blush.
"Will you stop acting like a bitch in heat?" The whole thing was broken up by the last Uchiha missing, and Naruto's heart skipped a beat there.
"I-Ileyana-chan?" His mouth dropped open. "That really you?" He really couldn't recognize her at first glance. The girl just stared back placidly.
"... Naruto-san." She nodded while Naruto kept on taking in her appearance. She had only seen her twice in his life but this change was incredible. That had probably to do with the fact that one, she was wearing a clearly feminine yukata, dark blue with red flowers, with a decorated sash. The touch though was the circlet. She had kept on letting her hair grow to the point that now she needed a circlet to keep the bangs out of her eyes, exposing her face. And finally, was that a touch of eye-shadow? "... Do I look that strange?"
"Ah! N-No!" In a hurry to excuse himself, he got out of Sorano's grip, who frowned. "You look good! Really pretty! It's just that... You look different!"
"Shina insisted." Ileyana explained, while her sister cursed. She knew she would be getting more attention than her. This was so not her style, but for this level of gawking... Then, she smirked.
'Who says a girl only fights with her looks?' "Well, I must admit that my sister is really pushy with these things. Why, she even insisted that we all wear them the traditional way."
"Huh? What do you mean?" That seemed to distract Naruto. Ileyana just shifted her attention to Sorano, who was grinning like a cat. Of course Ileyana wouldn't know. She knew zip about female clothes.
"Why, Naruto-san. Of course... Yukata are worn on their own." The sentence was phrased really awkwardly. Then both Naruto and Ileyana's eyes went wide. "Yep. Nor me nor Shina nor Iley-"
"SORANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke finally intervened while Ileyana looked for a kunai around and Naruto shot a hand to his nose, crimson liquid slipping through his digits.
"G-Gotta go..." The funny thing?
"Really, that Sorano... So shameless." Shina really was that traditional.
In the end, everyone had managed to sit around a large round table set up in the household's inner garden which, for some strange reason, wasn't as cold as it should have been. Some kind of jutsu, Naruto guessed. He approved. The garden was pretty cool, koi pond and all. The seating went like so, clockwise: Sasuke, Shina, Ileyana, Naruto, Haku, Zabuza, Choji, Shikamaru, Ino, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Hanabi, Hotaru, Neji, Ten Ten, Lee, Kohana (Sasuke grudgingly let her sit away from him), Gai, Sorano and Sasuke again.
"Before we start eating..." Shikamaru had to use his technique to restrain Chouji. "Our clan head would like to speak a few words." Everyone's eyes turned to Sasuke who, dressed in dark blue, stood up from his seat and cleared his voice.
"As the head of the Uchiha Clan, I thank you for accepting our invitation and I welcome you into our home." He began, even if he had doubts about him really meaning the second part. "I hope this will be just the beginning of the Uchiha Clan's new relationship with its allies. As the new year approaches..." Naruto observed his team-mate as his eyes got filled with a light that he had never seen before. Seemed like even if it had started out sort of forced, he really meant this part that was to come. "So the Uchiha clan will grow and prosper anew one day. This I swear."
"Kyaa! So cool, Sasuke-kun!" Good thing the small speech was over, otherwise Ino's outburst would have been a real bother. The Uchiha clan head sat down slowly, then Shina clapped her hands.
"Well, honored guests... Now please enjoy our food."
"Alright people, listen up!" ANBU sub-captain Ashikawa barked, easily grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. He nodded, sweeping his sunglass-clad eyes over the... Rather ragtag group assembled before him, but that was the normality even if this wasn't a new year's party. "Thank you all for coming so quickly." He held a hand to his face to hide a growing smirk. "No offense, Mizuki."
"Fuck you!" The white-haired man growled. The people around him did their best to suppress their laughter, most having noticed Tsubaki remove what was quite likely a heavily poisoned senbon from god knew where.
Ashikawa cleared his throat, and wondered about the location of the tiny vial of antidote that he'd learned to start carrying with him since he took up the hobby of making fun of Mizuki's deficiencies while in the presence of his fiancée. No weapon pouches parties damn it. "All kidding aside," he continued. "I thought to address a little matter before starting the party. You see, soon all the people in this room will be asked to gather to discuss this matter again, only in front of the Hokage." That got everyone's attention for good. "Yesterday the representatives of the ECs met and, believe it or not, it was decided that the next Chunin Exams would be held here in Konoha."
Mutterings of surprise and intrigue spread throughout the room. The Chunin Exams hadn't been held in Konoha since the Kyubi attack. What on Earth had changed this year?
"So, of course, we will be called to figure out what kind of tests we can put the participating genin through. I thought we could discuss them a bit before being called by the Hokage. Does anyone have any ideas?"
Anko raised her hand.
"Keep in mind, please," He went on without even looking up from the ground. "That this is an exam to test for chunin aptitude, not an excuse for us to traumatize and humiliate a bunch of foreign kids with acts of creepy, raunchy, kinky and or downright insidious sexual practices."
Anko lowered her hand.
Ashikawa glanced up, light reflecting off his sunglasses as he grinned a twisted grin. "Of course, if said sexual practices did, in some shape or form, also test them for chunin aptitude, that would be acceptable."
Anko raised her hand, as did several other people, their grins now matching Ashikawa's. Oh yes, they would make this a Chunin Exam that nobody would forget.
"Come on, nee-sama! Just do it!"
"B-B-But I... I couldn't possibly..."
"For the love of god, nee-sama. Just go to him and say that you need help sating your urges!" Hanabi sighed. "It's the perfect plan. He's such a nice guy that there's no way he could say no!"
"Yes, but..." Hinata slowly turned her head in the direction of Naruto, who was in the process of talking to Haku and Zabuza near a corner of the garden.
"Oh, for the love of... What, you want me to show you how to do it, first? Hell, even Hotaru could do it!"
"Heh? I could!"
"Hanabi-sama! Don't even joke about it!" Neji whispered-shouted, branch/main family relationships be damned. He then sighed. "But Hanabi-sama's plan is sound, Hinata-sama. Just go and ask him."
"I... I..." Hinata stared at Naruto who suddenly noticed their staring. She gulped but then mellowed when he just waved. 'Me... And Naruto-kun... Me and Naruto-kun... Me and Naruto-kun!' "O-Ok! I will try!"
"That's the spirit, nee-sama!"
"Ahahah, poor forehead. Still a virgin, huh?"
"Honestly, it's like the world is out against me popping my cherry." The sweet sake had made Sakura a bit slurry. "Hmm... Every time I wanted to ask Naruto, someone else beat me to the punch."
"Heheh... But honestly, I never thought that Naruto of all people would get this much action, you know?" Ino said as she turned her head to the fellow blonde, frowning as she recalled a particular incident in the academy bathroom. She turned to Sakura again. "How is he? Any good?"
"Hmm... Well, no one has ever complained." Sakura sighed, remembering the various missions... And the quite vocal reactions of Tsunami. "And I've been learning a lot from him, I must say."
"... Really, now?" Ino slowly turned her head to Naruto again. While she had been getting laid much more than Sakura, she had doubts that her technique had been that refined. Choji and Shikamaru were slouches on that matter and while Asuma-sensei may have been more experienced... She didn't like men with beards.
"... So, whenever you have sex with someone..."
"Yeah." Naruto nodded, not really comfortable with repeating that piece of knowledge out loud again, now that he understood the implications of the matter. "And the sicko had the gall of asking... Ugh."
"Don't worry, Naruto-sama. It's not like he can force you, can he?" Naruto shook his head.
"No. But I have the feeling that he won't simply give up..." The blonde ninja groaned and moved a hand through his hair. "This is a mess. If I stop having sex with people, I'll give away that I'm 'sane', but if I don't stop, people will notice that they're stopping having the urges! Either way, I'm fucked!"
"Quite literally, I must say." Haku joked, laughing with mirth right after. Naruto frowned. "Calm down, Naruto-sama. I don't think the situation is that grave."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if all the partners you've had till now had suddenly lost interest in sex... Well, you told me about your D-Ranks." Naruto blinked. "Yes. That would have been quite the uproar. Now, why didn't that happen? What's different between those women and me and Ayame-san?"
"... Well, most of them..." He then understood. "Most of them made me use protection."
"There you go. So, as long as you don't engage in nakadashi, your secret will be safe." Zabuza commented, making Naruto blush.
"Gee, you didn't have to put it so bluntly..."
"Hey, Naruto!" The trio turned around just as fireworks somewhere started going off. It was almost midnight. The whiskered shinobi found himself laying eyes on Hinata and Ino, who looked at each other strangely.
"... Yes?" He asked tentatively, noticing how Hinata (this was Hinata, right?) had lost those ugly veins.
"N-N-Naruto-kun! I... I have a... Problem..." Hinata squeaked out, as read as humanly possible.
"Tsk... Beat to the punch." Ino said, snapping her fingers. She couldn't deprive Hinata of the opportunity, since she really looked in trouble, unlike her.
Naruto sighed. 'What you do on New Year's...' "Can you both at least wait until after midnight?" That surprised both girls, Hinata squeaking out again, steam coming out of her ears.
"... Both?" Ino tentatively asked. Naruto nodded.
"Yeah. That a problem?"
"... Not at all." Ino smirked. Hello, new practice partner.
To be continued
In the next chapter...
As things settle back to normal after new year's, well not really, Naruto finds himself in front of his biggest challenge yet. The Chuunin Selection Exam and all its foreign candidates! What will entail from Naruto meeting these individuals, apart intercourse? Stay tuned!