Chapter 7: If nothing he's coherent

"Really? Four sisters?"

"Yeah." After getting over the excitement of leaving the village for the first time, the group plus client had fallen into a normal travelling pace, Kakashi and Sasuke walking in front and Sakura and Naruto behind Tazuna, which earned Sakura an opportunity to ask Naruto just why he and Sasuke had such a physical fight, which brought up the subject of the blonde's visit to the Uchiha's home and meeting all the Uchiha siblings.

"How were they? Were they any similar to Sasuke-kun?" Naruto thought about the question for a split second before shaking his head.

"Not really. Kohana-chan was really cheerful. Ileyana-chan was pretty quiet, but not in the broody way like Sasuke. Sorano-chan..." He flushed slightly at the memery. "Well, she's different. As for Shina-chan, she's the older sister type... Though..."

"Though?" Naruto's memory travelled back to when he had arrived at Sasuke's home, knocked and Shina had come to open the door...


"Ahh, so you're one of Sasuke's team-mates. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm Shina." The girl introduced herself as she bowed to Naruto slightly. The blonde on his part nodded.

"I'm Naruto... But... I mean..." He then started counting on his fingers, and Shina understood.

"We're four sisters in all. Me, Sorano and Ileyana are triplets, while Kohana is younger then us of a few years." Naruto stopped counting and grinned sheepishly.

"Heee... Thanks for clearing that up for me." As the blonde thanked her, Shina had noticed how his grin accentuated the deepness of those strange marks on his cheeks.

They looked like the whiskers of a cat, or a fox. Yeah, definitely a fox. They looked so cute... She wondered how they felt to the touch, if they were just on his skin or they were like scars. She so would have liked to bring her fingers to them and brush them, see if maybe he was ticklish from them. She could also picture him squinting his eyes, making them look even more like whiskers. That would be even cut...

"S-Shina-chan?" Naruto's voice broke Shina's daydreams only to find out that she had probably confused them with reality a bit. As she followed her arms, she found them trailing up and towards Naruto's face, where her fingers where still rubbing the six birthmarks on Naruto's cheeks, which had gotten an healthy pink colour, and their owner's stare was nothing but bewildered.

"Ahhh... Sorry! I did it again!" It was Shina's turn to laugh sheepishly as she retracted her hands and then moved to the side, allowing passage to Naruto. "Please, come inside. May I offer you something while you wait for Sasuke?"

"... Sure." Naruto was not really sure what had just transpired.


"... Nah, it's nothing." He commented, dismissing Sakura's curiosity but not his own. Seemed like while the Uchiha sisters weren't assholish like their older brother, they still were peculiar each one in their own way. The youngest one was wearing spandex in the house. He decided to change subject completely. "Aren't you excited, Sakura? Our first real mission!"

"Hmm... I guess..." Sakura said, a bit apprehensive. She had been the one to ask Kakashi about the eventuality of meeting foreign ninjas during the mission and had been reassured, but she was still a bit nervous. "Though... You know, I wonder about the pheromone's effect."

"Huh? What do you mean?" It didn't concern him that much, but the way she had phrased it made him curious.

"Kakashi-sensei." Sakura recalled her sensei's attention again, who raised his gaze from the orange book ever so slightly to signal she had it. "Now that we're out of Konoha, what will happen to... Well, our situations?"

"Hmm, good question, Sakura." Kakashi nodded as he flipped to the next page of his book and giggled pervertedly right after. "To answer your question, no, our... Situation won't change even if we're out of the village." No one noticed Sasuke's back stiffening.

"Why is that? I mean... Since we're not in the village again, the pheromone shouldn't be affecting us any more, right?" Kakashi nodded.

"Correct, Sakura. There's the problem though, that the pheromone isn't like... Some kind of drug you run out of. It it was just that, we would have just relocated the village elsewhere, as costly as that can be. Also, we would suffer from heavy withdrawal. The pheromone affects the people in Konoha on a deeper level. Genetically." The Jounin explained, and Sasuke felt his legs about to give out.

"Gene... What?" Naruto asked, and Sakura groaned.

"It means that the pheromone changes the way people's bodies work, Naruto." Kakashi nodded.

"Correct. A temporary exposure like the one of Tazuna-san makes the effect brief, but when you are constantly exposed to it 24/7 for the first fourteen years of your life, or you get a full concentrated blast of it like the Kyuubi did on that night..." Kakashi shook his head. "That's why there's a rule that prohibits outsiders from staying in Konoha for more than an year unless they plan on moving. That's the time limit."

"Hmm... Understood." Naruto nodded as he collected the information. It didn't change much for him, but he guessed that now he would have to act accordingly to the reputation of Konoha from time to time. If someone noticed that he was immune to the pheromone, they could start connecting the dots, and that was something that he really didn't want to happen.

On the other hand, Sasuke was damning the day the Uchiha had been born in the village of Konoha. All his hopes for the future had been destroyed. He would carry on that damned curse and have to suppress down those damned urges all his life. And if what Kakashi had said was true, then, when his sisters were of age... An urge to stab himself in the forehead and finish it surged as he thought of Kohana eventually becoming of age.

That was the moment the two ninjas attacked, jumping out of the puddle on the side of the road, the chain immediately wrapping around Kakashi who was laughing at Sasuke's own discomfort. Naruto and Sakura gasped and the latter immediately grabbed onto the client, unceremoniously throwing him to the ground behind her. Sasuke stayed immobile. "One less." Then they jumped and landed just behind Sasuke. "Here's the second one!"

"H-Hey! Sasuke!" Naruto immediately rushed forward, panicking as he saw his rival not doing anything to protect himself...

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Or so he thought. He screeched to a halt as Sasuke suddenly turned around, grabbed onto the heads of his two attackers and smashed them together. The two's heads made metallic sounds because of their protections and then they fell to the ground, smoke coming out of two big bumps. Sasuke then approached a nearby tree and started stabbing at it with a kunai. "Damn village, damn stupid clan, damn stupid sexual reproduction..."

"... Alright. That was weird." Kakashi commented as he reappeared behind Sakura, scaring the hell out of the pink-haired girl. "But I guess it's to be expected."

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto called to him as he had gotten on his knees and started poking the passed out ninjas with his right index finger. "What are we going to do with them?"

"Hmm, let's tie them to a tree and then wake them up. I want to interrogate them." Since because of Sasuke I couldn't understand who they were after...


"So, who were you after?" Kakashi's question was met with silence. "Come on, I really need to know. Pretty please?" Again, silence. This time they also turned their heads to the sides. "Hmm, tough guys. Alright, it's the time for threatening!"

"Hmph. Do your worst." One of the ninja scoffed at Kakashi's cheerful menace.

"We're from Kirigakure, the most bloody village in history." The other said with a chuckle. "I doubt you Konoha ninjas have trained into torture as much as the torturers that trained us to resist it."

"Hmm, we'll see about it." Kakashi said with a nod, before turning around. "Yo, Naruto. Little help here."

"Huh? Me?" The genin pointed at himself, earning himself a nod of confirmation from Kakashi. He slowly walked to Kakashi's side, confused. "But Kakashi-sensei, I don't really know anything interrogation."

"It's alright, just do what I tell you to do." Kakashi dismissed his worries with the wave of one hand before turning to the Demon Brothers again. By now I can use the real names, come on. "Now, if you don't talk, he's going to beat you up."

"Ah! That's the worst you can do?" The eldest brother replied. Kakashi leaned over and whispered something in Naruto's left ear. The genin nodded and crossed his index and middle fingers.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With several puffs of smoke, ten more Naruto appeared behind the original and Kakashi, earning surprise from both the captives and the team's client.

"Now, if you don't talk, they're all going to beat you up. At the same time." Kakashi continued, chirpier than before. The two brothers seemed more nervous than before.

"... No. We won't talk." The younger brother said, which seemed to do wonders for his pal's resolve as well. Kakashi blinked and then sighed.

"You leave me no other choice..." He crossed his arms and turned to Naruto. "Naruto, you know what to do."

"Heh? You mean..." The Jounin just nodded, and Naruto whined. "But Kakashi-sensei... Also, it's not a do or die situation!"

"We need to get information out of them... Well, let's alter the rule, then." Kakashi smiled again as he raised one finger. "You can use it in do or die situations and when it's really useful to do so! Problem solved!"

"Problem solved my ass! I don't want to!"

"Naruto..." Kakashi narrowed his eye at the blonde, who just groaned.

"Oh, hell! Alright, alright!" Naruto dispelled the shadow clones before going into another set of seals. "Gangbang no Jutsu!"




"Long story, mister Tazuna." Sakura covered her face with her hands, leaving though her fingers open wide so that she could sneak a peek every now and then, and Sasuke lowered his forehead protector over his eyes as various 'puffs' resounded.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The two brothers gave a chilling scream as Naruto had calculated the apparition of his clones so that the two captives would find themselves staring at his clones' thong covered crotches, only a couple inches away from their faces. "WHAT THE HELL? STAY AWAY, YOU FREAK!"

"Nooow, if you don't talk... They're going to beat you up. Only..." Kakashi made a sign to Naruto to make the clones walk a bit forward. He pinched his nose and obeyed. The clones grimaced as well, and the demon brothers' mouths opened in a silent scream as the distance was almost reduced to zero, trying to bury the backs of their heads into the trunk of the tree they were tied to. "Well, no one has ever made a rule about having to use your hands or feet to..."

"THE OLD MAN! THE BRIDGE BUILDER! WE WERE AFTER THE DRUNKARD! WE TALKED! GET THEM THE HELL AWAY! GETTHEMAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" The two brothers shouted in unison, trying with all their might to get away from the jutsu enhanced crotches, at least they thought they were. Their pride wouldn't allow any other explanation.

Satisfied, Kakashi knocked them out again. He actually thought they would be thankful to him, though. Sighing, Naruto dispelled his clones. "Never ask me to do something like that again, Kakashi-sensei."

"Can't do promises I can't keep, sorry." Naruto slumped to the ground on his butt and groaned. "Now, mister Tazuna, what is it..."

"Keep the streaker boy away from me and I'll tell you everything." Tazuna immediately surrendered, much to Kakashi's amusement. Sakura turned around again and Sasuke uncovered his eyes again.

"... It's a dirty, shameless, perverted excuse of a ninja technique..." Sasuke said with a disapproving voice, which earned him a growl from Naruto. "But it's damn effective. That much I have to admit."

"... I guess." Naruto conceded as he let gravity do his job and drag his back to meet the ground. Seemed like Ayame were right. Battle and torture hardened shinobi with lots more experience than him had broken down with just an eyeful of crotch and a veiled threat of being beaten up with those same crotches. His jutsu may be embarrassing as hell for both himself and his opponents, but it worked like a charm.


"I swear, I feel like a necrophile!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Shikamaru sighed as Ino dressed herself, lamenting about the outcome of the just finished sexual performance... On Ino's part. They had started C-Rank missions as well, or their urges just started acting during the middle of a D-Rank, and Ino had a precise plan of getting more experience than Sakura. There was the problem of available partners, though. Choji had this strange food fetish. The whipped cream and chocolate had been alright, but when they arrived to salami she had decided to cut if off.

Shikamaru was more normal but there was the slight problem that she always had to do all the work, since the boy incredibly managed to keep himself lazy even when his libido took hold of his body. Most of the time, she had to finish on herself later on.

"Seriously, what's with you?" Ino finished as she wrapped her bandages back into place. "I've seen rocks move more than you do! During sex, I mean!"

"... It always goes back up? What's the point?" Shikamaru yawned as he turned over onto his right side. "It's uncomfortable, but I endure worse with my mother's nagging."

"... Geez, you're Sasuke's polar opposite." Ino muttered, and she was kind of right. Sasuke's problem was that he thought too much about it, in a twisted sort of way, while Shikamaru didn't think of it at all. "Whatever. It's your problem... What's taking Choji so much, though?"

"Told me he was going to try something new. I guess he took a liking to it." The Akimichi had a habit of always bringing some kind of food or construct made out of food, like that time he had brought a dildo made of salami. It was the time she had decided Choji's fetish was a bit too much for her.

"Huh, something new? What?"

"A fleshlight." Ino blinked. It was unusual but... "Made of actual flesh." Ino gaped.

"... How... How is that..." Her hands started doing strange movements. "I mean, flesh... How does it..." Then something else hit her. "... He didn't plan to..."

"When has Choji not eaten something?" She gaped even more and then made some puking sounds.

"I think I'm gonna be sick..."

"Then I better not tell you about his masterpiece."


"I still think that we shouldn't have kept on doing this mission..."

"Sakura-chan, we've been doing chores for weeks. This is the first mission where there's the prospective of us actually doing ninja stuff, and Sasuke's has ruined our first chance at action." Naruto continued as he pouted and the boat kept on trekking across the still waters. After Tazuna told them the whole truth, about him being the target of Gatou and the fact that indeed, he had ninja at his disposition to target him, they had still continued with their mission, mainly because Sasuke and Naruto wanted to, even if Kakashi took a bit of convincing. Tazuna promising him to introduce the Jounin to some of his cutest fellow citizens certainly helped. "So what if they're going to send other ninjas? We'll just kick their ass!"

"... You're pretty confident, huh? Easy for you to talk, when you've got that technique..." Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, who flinched and laughed nervously. She let it go with a deep sigh. "Well... Nothing we can do about it now."

"We're here." The boat owner announced as the boat slowly made contact with the nearby shore. The group slowly made its way off the small boat, Kakashi being the last one to disembark. "Good luck, Tazuna."

"Yeah, thanks." The group started making its way through the misty forest. According to Tazuna they were almost arrived.

"Hmm... I wonder when they will attack again." Kakashi suddenly said out loud, for everyone to hear.

"Right. If they're ninja, they will surely try this again... With someone stronger." Sasuke said with a small smirk. Last time his depression had allowed him an easy win but deprived him of his chance of testing his skills. This time he would...

"DUCK!" He flinched and turned around glaring venomously.

"If it's a joke about my hair, I..."

"GET DOWN, DONALD!" Naruto threw himself over his black haired team-mate just in time for the huge rotating sword to pass over their heads and then embed itself into a nearby tree. When they raised their heads again they found someone standing on the flat of the blade. Pure badass.

"Huhu... I wondered what kind of ninja would have been able to take care of the Demon Brothers so easily..." The newly arrived ninja slowly turned his head to the side, staring down at them from his position, his gaze focused on Kakashi. "But if it's Kakashi of the Sharingan, it all adds up."

"S-Sharingan?" Sasuke muttered under his breath as Naruto let him get back on his feet.

"Hmm... Zabuza Momochi, the Demon of the Mist... Gatou sure knows how to hire, huh?" Kakashi sighed. This wasn't going to be an easy fight, it seemed. He moved his hand to his forehead protector, lifting it till it was back in a normal position. "You three, use the triangle formation and protect the client. This isn't an enemy you can take on."

"Ohh... I can see the fabled Sharingan. What a honour." Zabuza said mockingly, which earned only confusion from Naruto and Sakura, as the two found themselves staring at the strange ruby eye of Kakashi, noticing also the long scar over it.

"Sharingan... What's the Sharingan?" Naruto asked and as Sasuke went into explanations about its power, Zabuza was also trying to decipher something else. When he had sent someone to retrieve the Demon Brothers, he had found them utterly terrified and wary of anyone approaching them.

Of what he knew though, Hatake Kakashi was famous for knowing over a thousand techniques, but not for any kind of particularly scarring torture technique. Konoha was the most peaceful of the five villages, and it wasn't known for having a particularly extended culture on torture and interrogation.

Whatever. I can always ask him after I cut off all his limbs. "Alright. Listen, would you mind handing over that old man to me?" As a reaction, the three genin jumped into position, protecting Tazuna in the intended formation. "Hm. Then I will just have to take care of all of you."


As the battle progressed, watchful eyes observed it develop, not without apprehension, since their enemy was a very famous and strong ninja. It was a shame that the Demon Brothers had been out of it... Really out of it... Ok, they didn't let anyone touch them unless they were wearing three layers of clothes.

Because of that they couldn't get any information on who they had fought or its skills. While they knew of the Sharingan and Kakashi's reputation, they had never seen it in action. Hopefully Zabuza would be careful, and if push came to stove, there was always the reserve plan. He doubted the missing nin wanted to become like the Demon Brothers.

"... Good job, Zabuza-sama." The missing nin had just managed to trap Kakashi with the water prison technique, leaving the three genin to face his water clone alone.


"M-My forehead protector..."

"Huhuhu..." The Zabuza clone laughed at Naruto's predicament as he stepped on his forehead protector and dug it into the dirt under his feet. "Pitiful."

"You have to run! There's a distance limit to the water clone technique, and while he keeps me trapped like this, he can't move!" Kakashi shouted as he recognized the serious predicament they were into. "Your main objective right now is to protect the client! Get on with the mission!"

"... Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto said, gritting his teeth, and Sasuke wasn't faring much better. He had wanted a fight to test his skills, but this was ridiculous.

"Ahahahah. That all you can tell them to do? Run away?" Zabuza, the real one, laughed at Kakashi's words. "Guess it's to be expected. Fresh genins out of a peaceful village who degraded itself further in the last fourteen years..." That got the attention of Naruto again, as the clone continued for its owner. "A settlement filled with whores and losers..."

"HEY! TAKE THAT BACK!" Naruto got back on his feet in a flash, rage evident in his eyes. Sasuke was still wary even if he agreed a bit with the missing nin. Sakura was broke out of her fear by Naruto's sudden outburst. "I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT MY VILLAGE! AND MY FRIENDS!"

Mostly, he was angry about him calling Ayame a whore, even if indirectly. Zabuza just chuckled darkly, amused. "Oooh? And just what is a genin like you going to do about it?"

"This GENIN has already sent three men into therapy in two months of active duty! All chunin level ninjas!" That actually made Zabuza raise a shaved eyebrow. "Yeah, that's right! I'm the one who scarred your men for life!"

"... Hehehe. Interesting." If what the kid said was true, he was curious as to his skills. He raised his leg from Naruto's forehead protector and then kicked it back towards the blonde genin, who swiftly caught it with one hand. "Then, show me... But I must warn you, I'm on a whole other level, compared to the demon brothers."

"Ain't gonna do you much good." As Naruto tied his forehead protector back into place, he thought about the situation. Like when he fought Kakashi-sensei, he bet nor his Kage Bunshin nor his Gangbang no jutsu would do him much good... Unless he managed to surprise him. "Sasuke, I've got a plan."

"Naruto! Didn't you hear Kakashi-sensei? We have to run!" Sakura shouted as she kept herself in front of Tazuna.

"A plan?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He wasn't just going to create Naked duplicates of himself and try to overwhelm Zabuza with it? He 'hmph'-ed. "Coming from you, it's surprising."

"Sasuke-kun, not you too!" Sakura turned to their client, trying to find some sort of support from the older man. "Tazuna-san!"

"... Well, it's kind of my fault for not being truthful... So, I guess that I can't really ask to retreat, can I?" The man replied, earning a groan from Sakura. "So, give it all you've got, boys."

"Alright... Let's do this! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" The clearing was suddenly filled with Naruto clones, who immediately armed themselves with Kunai.

"Hmm... Not bad." The clone conceded as he grabbed his enormous sword just as the clones jumped to dogpile on him. "But not good enough!" With an ample swing the missing nin knocked away a big number of them away before he started hacking away at the others. When he last one disappeared.

"Take this!" He turned around to see Sasuke high in the air, about to throw an oversized shuriken at him.

"Huh. Do you really think that will work?" The clone commented as Sasuke let the thrown weapon fly, but not towards him.

"Oh... I understand." The real Zabuza commented as the Shuriken went flying towards him instead of the clone. "Though, it's still too amateurish... Huh?" Just as he grabbed the thrown shuriken out of thin air, a second one appeared out of its shadow. "A second shuriken hidden in the first's shadow?"

The shadow shuriken technique! Kakashi thought. Now Zabuza had both arms occupied, and he only had a fraction of second before the Shuriken went to cut his stomach.

Heh? They did it? Sakura thought in amazement only to get shocked as the missing nin jumped over the shuriken. "No! It was so close!" She moaned, turning to Sasuke and Naruto... Only to find them smirking. "What...!"

Turning back towards the lake, she saw the shadow shuriken morph into a Naruto. It had been the real one transformed all along, everyone immediately understood, including Zabuza as he landed back onto the water. "Ah!" And then the kunai Naruto was holding went flying towards him. The missing nin cursed as he saw the projectile weapon sailing towards his head. He would have to let go of Kaka... "It's not over yet! Kawarimi no Jutsu!"



"... What?" Even Sasuke was surprised by this. When Naruto had launched himself at him morphed into a fuuma shuriken, he had understood his plan, but he had missed this part... And then he gasped.

"... What... The..." And Zabuza's eyes bulged out of it's sockets as he observed Naruto substitute himself with the Kunai, and then found out just that Naruto had used also another jutsu. "FUCK?"

"CROSS OUT NO JUTSU!" To anyone not having ever read that particular jutsu scroll, it will come as a surprise knowing that the Gangbang no Jutsu is actually a combination of two Jutsu, one of those being the Kage Bunshin even if it wasn't described as such in the scroll. The second step in learning the technique is combining it with the technique learned in the first step, the Cross Out (Strip) Technique. By expelling chakra from various points on the body, the user can instantly discard all his clothes sans his underwear. Combined with the Kage Bunshin, it creates thong-wearing clones.

"AHHHH!" That was how Zabuza found himself with a faceful of genin boxer covered crotch, which unlike the Kunai, he couldn't dodge because of the surprise in being attacked in such a fashion. The two, Naruto literally still in Zabuza's face, skidded across the water under the bewildered stares of all the spectators of the fight before they reached the shore, Zabuza head first, Naruto landing on his feet with a backflip.


"Z-ZABUZA-SAMA?" Attentive eyes had been shocked and then right down horrified as they observed the line of events that transpired on that lake.


"Huh... Strange. Shouldn't I be shouting out in pain, right now?" Naruto said as he poked his crotch, wondering while the action he had just undertaken hadn't left him in a painfully sobbing wreck. He had just attacked someone with his family jewels, after all. "Maybe the Cross Out technique also automatically protects my lower parts with chakra? Hmm... I didn't read the description fully..."

"NARUTOOOOO! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" The blonde turned around to find Sasuke glaring and shouting at him, his hands making strangling noises. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"

"... I just knocked someone unconscious with my crotch?" Naruto replied, flushing a little and grinning sheepishly. Sasuke just gargled and started making now incoherent sounds of rage as he started foaming at the mouth. Naruto then brought his stare to Sakura who, along with Tazuna, was just staring at him, their jaws embedded into the ground. He then turned back to the twitching Zabuza who was, though, starting to move and raise himself from the ground. "Oh, no, you don't! Gangbang no Jutsu!"

"Uggh... Kill the fucking kid... Huh?" Zabuza came back to and immediately felt himself surrounded by various presences. He raised his head and again, his eyes left their normal positions and shape as he laid them on the circle of thong-wearing with the exception of the original wearing frog boxers Narutos.


"THE HELL YOU ARE!" Zabuza dove for the water in front of him and swam past the clones and away from them. "WHAT THE HELL? WHAT KIND OF FREAK NINJAS DO THEY TRAIN IN KONOHA? I... AAAAAAAAH!"

"GET BACK HERE!" As Zabuza turned around to see what the kid was up to, he found that Naruto was a good swimmer too as he and his clones were swimming after him and rapidly gaining ground... Well, closing the distance.

"LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FREAK!" Zabuza renewed his efforts.

"I'M GONNA GET YOU!" And so did the Narutos. The whole thing turned into some kind of game of tag, with Zabuza swimming in circles inside the lake and Naruto and his clones giving chase.

Tazuna was observing the situation torn between disgusted and happy for having escaped death once again. Sakura was covering her face, ashamed. Sasuke was about to choke on his own foam and Kakashi was finishing collecting Naruto's clothes from the waters while observing the amusing spectacle.

"Sigh... It seems that that scroll ended up in the right hands, after all." Kakashi sighed as he squeezed the bundle of clothes and then threw them into the air and then planted them on a tree on the shore using kunai. "I guess it's time to finish this before Zabuza gets his cool back."


Hypnotized by the spectacle that was taking place, the mask-wearing youth was frozen in place, jaw hanging from under the porcelain piece as Zabuza kept on running in circles, followed by the troop of near naked blondes. All the while, various question started to surface in a now bamboozled mind: who thought him those techniques? Why would they teach him those techniques? Why was Zabuza-sama not reacting but running in circles, making a fool out of himself?

The shock-induced paralysis was broken when Kakashi joined the fight again, using a water jutsu to generate an enormous tidal wave which dispelled all the strange clones of the Konoha genin and sent the two swimmers flying in different directions. He finished it up by planting kunai in Zabuza's tights. "... It's my chance."


"You will die, Zabuza... Huh." Kakashi was about to deliver the killing blow when someone beat him to the punch, if the two senbon sticking through the missing nin's neck were any indication.

"Paaah!" Naruto finally returned to the water's surface and coughing, he swam back to the shore. "Geez, Kakashi-sensei... A little warning next time, maybe... Huh?"

"Huhuhu... You were right. He really died." Wiping the water off his eyes and face, Naruto turned in the direction of the new voice. Someone, a kid, around his own age, was standing atop a three branch, a mask covering his features and his hair done in a bun. The words he pronounced then went through Naruto's mind and he turned to Zabuza, finding him horizontal on the ground.

"He... He killed him?" He shook his head from side to side to clear what he could of the water in his hair before walking to Kakashi's side, who had just checked Zabuza's pulse.

"Hmm... You know, kill-stealing is not very nice." The Jounin mused as he stared down the kid. "But I guess that's what hunter nins do."

"You're very informed. That's right, I'm a Kiri hunter nin. I have been tracking down Zabuza for a while, now." He then disappeared in a puff of smoke, reappeared beside Zabuza's body and took a hold of it. "I guess I have to thank you for softening him up."

"So-Soft... Who the hell are you?" Naruto shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the masked kid. "Seriously! We fight him, we risk our lives, I strip down to my underwear and then you come and kill him?"

"... What's your name?" The kid just asked, which made Naruto pause in his rage.

"Huh... Uzumaki Naruto."

"Naruto-san... A tip for you." The kid raised himself up slightly from his knelt position along with Zabuza's body, an arm of the swordsman over his shoulders. "While it might be a... Surprising one-time tactic to use in battle..." That made Naruto flinch and get even angrier. "You can't really hope to intimidate someone in your boxers."

"... You...!"

"Goodbye." The kid then disappeared in another clone of smoke just as Naruto charged at him. His forehead twitched and then he lout out a scream of frustration.

"Ahhh, who the hell was that asshole?" Kakashi sighed and put a hand on top of Naruto's head, trying to calm him down.

"A hunter nin. They hunt down missing nins like Zabuza. And don't let what he said get to your head." Naruto raised his head slowly to look at his smiling sensei. "You've done good. Thanks to you I didn't have to use my Sharingan very much."

"... But is it true?" Kakashi blinked and 'hmm'-ed, a hand to his chin.

"Well, it is true that more experienced ninjas can possibly overcome the feeling of grossness of seeing guys in their underwear attack them. They've seen lots of things. I attacked because Zabuza was about to recover from the shock and counterattack. I mean, as long as you can't touch them, your technique isn't 'that' effective." Naruto lowered his head, pouting. "Though, you're on the right track to improve."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Think about what you did to make your tactic effective in the fight and why your technique works in the first place and go from there." With one last pat, Kakashi let go of his head and turned around. With a sigh, Naruto mimicked him and found his clothes in his face, courtesy of Sakura.

"... Here." The girl grumbled under her breath, pinching her nose. "Naruto, seriously... That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen in my life."

"Ehm... To be sincere it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done as well..." After all, till that moment he had only created unclothed clones, it had been the first time he had undressed himself.

"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?" This, unsurprisingly, was Sasuke.

"Well... Because I thought it would work?" Sasuke was trembling with barely restrained rage.


"Oh, god... THE SHAME!" Naruto blushed as he thought about an entrance in a bingo book of him wearing just his boxers.

"Ehm... I-I can't help it. It's my strongest technique, after all..." Though, as Kakashi-sensei said... It can't always work... Naruto didn't know, but he had just taken the first step on a part that his friends and enemies alike would dread.


"How do you feel, Zabuza-sama?"

"... Ridicule." The missing nin replied, clearly angry as his protegé bandaged his neck to cover up the holes he had made with the senbon. "... That damn kid... What kind of technique was that? Gangbang no Jutsu? Cross Out... Seriously, the hell?"

"Y-Yes, it was... An unusual technique." Haku replied, a blush colouring his cheeks at the memory. He should have probably kept his mask on. "But still..."

"I was surprised, alright? Stupid well endowed kids..." Zabuza shivered in disgust at the memory that confirmed to him that indeed, the copies were a true copy of the original, sans the underwear. "Good thing he didn't wear a thong like his copies... But don't worry. Next time I won't allow him to even get an inch near me..."

"... Zabuza-sama." The admiration he felt for the ex-Kiri nin returned full force as he reaffirmed his resolution.

"Because you're going to take care of that brat and the other two while I take care of Kakashi." Only to be shattered as a finger was suddenly pointed at his face to emphasize the order just given to him.

"W-W-WHAT? ZABUZA-SAMA!" Haku shrieked in outrage. "H-How can you...!"

"They're better than what I thought. His genins... Can't risk them interfering again. So, you take care of them." Haku blushed up to his ears as he imagined the blonde Konoha genin take him instead of Zabuza for a ride over the water, crotch-first.

"Z-Zabuza-sama, how can you ask a maiden to risk her purity in such a fashion?" She shrieked in a high octave, and Zabuza raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? So, you only consider yourself a woman when it's convenient? And what was that 'you can't hope to intimidate someone in your boxers thing'? Was it just a bluff in hope that he wouldn't try it next time?"

"S-So what? That's a ninja principle! Adapt and take advantage of everything!" Zabuza groaned. He had taught the girl too well.

"Whatever. If you're really that grossed out from the thought, just don't let him come near you. Kill him in one move."

"B-But Zabuza-sama..."

"Haku, girl or no girl, boxers or thong, you're taking care of the streaking nin and the other two, and that's final." Zabuza finished with a glare in the direction of the distraught ninja who just stared back for a while before lowering her head and whine. The missing nin sighed.

Shouldn't have kept her so cloistered... I remember when I made that priestess give her 'the talk'. She didn't come out of her room for three days straight, after that.


"I must tell you, Tsunami, when I first saw these four I thought 'they saddled me with a bunch of crackpots'? But was I wrong!" Tazuna laughed heartily right after, raising his sake cup to the ceiling. "Here's to Konoha's ninjas!"

"Well, you're not really safe yet, you know." Kakashi said, still drinking his own sake. He had to celebrate not being a cripple for a week thanks to Naruto. "Gatou is probably going to send someone else after us."

"... Someone stronger than Zabuza?" Sakura said, a bit nervous, before remembering that he hadn't given them that much trouble, thanks to Naruto... And that made her sigh in defeat again. She was coming to have double standards on evaluating Naruto's ninja techniques.

"Nah. Don't think there are that many missing Jounin from Kiri that... Huh." Kakashi suddenly stopped drinking through his mask as he remembered something. Naruto and Sasuke were staring hard at the garment, wondering how in hell was he doing that and how there wasn't even a wet spot on it. "That's odd."

"What is, sensei?" Tazuna's daughter asked as she sat down at the table along with her father and the ninja team. Kakashi put a hand to his chin, his eye pointing upward as he thought about it.

"Well... Now that I think about it, hunter ninjas aren't supposed to take bodies of their targets away... They just destroy them to avoid their falling in wrong hands, otherwise known as every foreign ninja. If he needed proof, he could have just cut off his head. So... I ask myself, why did that boy run away with the body of a man who weights a lot more than himself?" Kakashi chirped, before snapping his finger. "Ah, now I get it. That boy actually was Zabuza's ally. He was his backup plan to haul his ass out of a sticky situation."

"... I call bullshit." Naruto deadpanned, earning the attention of everyone around the table but Sakura and Tazuna, who were pretty much shocked from the horrific prospective. "Kakashi-sensei, we all saw two things sticking out of his neck and he falling immobile to the ground... I mean, you checked his pulse too!"

"Hmmm, yeah... But on the moment, I forgot the particular that senbon are not that lethal unless they hit a vital point... Or a tsubo. The death was just apparent." Kakashi continued. "Also, if he wanted an opening, there was the whole time he couldn't move when he was keeping me trapped, you know? So... The story doesn't hold itself together."

"... Well, damn it." Naruto grudgingly admitted.

"And I guess that next time he won't come alone, right, Kakashi-sensei?" The Jounin replied by shaking his head. Sasuke smirked. "Good."

"So happy to have an opponent, are you, Sasuke? Well, can't blame you..." Kakashi acknowledged, before turning to the others. "I guess it's time for some training."

"B-But Kakashi-sensei, didn't you just say that Zabuza could come back any time?"

"Not any time, Sakura. It takes a while to recover from a state of apparent death. So, I guess we can begin right now." Kakashi stood up from the table, followed suit by his subordinates. Naruto could barely contain his excitement. Training, real training.

"Does that mean you're going to teach us new techniques, sensei?"

"Hmm... To be frank... I'd prefer not doing that with you, Naruto." That affirmation from his sensei shocked Naruto and surprised his team-mates. "Actually, just send with us a few of your Kage Bunshin."

"Eh? But why?" Naruto shouted in outrage.

"Well, because that way you can do the same training as your team-mates faster and you can focus..."

"I know about Kage Bunshin! I read the thing thoroughly. Didn't want to end up with another stupid technique..." Indeed, Naruto had almost spent more time reading the jutsu's description than apprehending the technique itself. "I mean, why don't you want to teach me more jutsu?"

"Hmm... To be perfectly frank, I think it would be better if you kept on working on your... Particular brand of ninja-fighting." That declaration appalled all the three genin, Sasuke in particular. "Naruto, willingly or not, you made the first step into the world of... Well, Hentai-Jutsu, we could call them."

"H-Hentai?" Tsunami squeaked out, blushing. Tazuna laughed nervously at that as the woman looked at him questioningly.

"You said it yourself that the Gangbang no Jutsu is your best jutsu, right?" Naruto grumbled something under his breath. "Instead of teaching you a jutsu that you don't even know how to put to use, I think it's better that you improve on one that is already strong and go from there. Makes sense?"

"... Yes, but..." Naruto pouted, and Kakashi just laughed.

"I know you can do it. You could probably surpass the original creator of that scroll. You seem to have the right attitude for it."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?"

"That's supposed to make him feel better?" Sasuke and Naruto turned to each other, noticing that they had talked in unison, before glaring at each other and turning away.

"I won't lie to you. You'll probably have to work a lot harder on it than you would on any other technique, since you have to put into it both your body and your head." Kakashi smirked pointing at his forehead with his index finger. "But that won't stop you, will it?"

"... Nope. Never did before..." Kakashi gave him a thumbs up and then started pushing Sasuke, Sakura and the Kege Bunshin Naruto had just created out of the door, leaving a pretty miserable blonde in the company of a blushing woman and a confused old man. "... This really, really sucks."

"... Hentai... Techniques?" Tsunami replied. Naruto slowly turned his gaze to her and then facepalmed.


"Kakashi-sensei... That wasn't very nice."

"Why, whatever do you mean, Sakura?" Kakashi replied, not removing his eyes from the orange book in his hands, even as one of Naruto's clones screamed bloody murder as he fell to the ground.

"Naruto... I mean, he wanted to learn something else, right?" Sakura said, a bit surprised with herself of taking Naruto's case to their sensei, but she guessed she owed at least that much to her training partner. "I can see that he doesn't like having to use that kind of techniques... So, why..."

"Well... I can only say that I'm thinking of his future." The Jounin turned his gaze to the now confused Sakura. "Think about it like this. You know how Naruto fights. Knowing about his techniques and their applications, would you like to fight against him?"

"... Hell no." Sakura said with a shiver. She had seen Naruto's lower parts exposed, but between using them for practice in sexual activities and being bludgeoned into unconsciousness by them was another matter entirely. She guessed that there was someone who would find the matter kinky...



"Bless you, joufu."


But not her. Kakashi just smiled enigmatically. "That's the reason."


"Oh, come on. Is everyone conjuring against me? Do they all want me to become a pervert ninja or something?" As he relieved his frustrations by throwing a rock into the river flowing under the incomplete bridge, having been assigned with guarding Tazuna while his Kage Bunshin and his team-mates trained, the real Naruto shouted out his discomfort at his destiny. Now that he thought about it, every person apart Iruka-sensei who he had told about his Gangbang no Jutsu were encouraging its usage and improvement, as long as he didn't use it on them. That only comprised Kakashi and Ayame and the girl didn't seem that averse to the idea of it being used on her, but... He was getting side-tracked.

"... Think about why it works in the first place, huh?" He thought out loud, a frown replacing the desolated expression right after. "And what the hell did he mean I have the right attitude for it? I'm not a pervert!"

But you've been the one who decided to launch himself groin first at Zabuza to 'surprise' him instead of just letting the kunai do the work for you.

"That-That was just... A tactical choice! Yeah, it was tactically useful! He would have dodged that thing, after all. I'm sure of it..."

It was, but the point is that you thought of it at all in the first place. Admit it, Kakashi is right. It's like that jutsu was made for you...

"AAAAAAAARGH! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUUUUUP!" Grabbing his head in frustration, Naruto shouted out to make his subconscious silent. Once he calmed down, he noticed everyone's stare in a radius of a few hundred meters on him. "... What the hell are you staring at?"

That promptly returned everyone to their previous activity, including Naruto. "Alright, I surrender... And it's not like I can do anything else." Let's think. Why does the Gangbang no Jutsu works? Well, from what Iruka-sensei told me, it's because the enemy gets grossed out by... Well, by my appearance and stuff. I would feel grossed out too if Sasuke suddenly started trusting his groin in... ARGH! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!

After reining in his lunch, Naruto breathed deeply and in a few seconds came to this conclusion. If the main point of the Gangbang and Cross Out no Jutsu was to gross out the enemy, to make it more efficient he would have to become even more gross to the enemy's eyes. "... Oh, god."


"... So. Grossing out my enemy." Tazuna had to come back home, eventually, and Naruto came with him. Almost all his Kage Bunshin had dispelled, leaving just two still training with Sasuke. Seemed like Sakura had been the first to get the hang of the exercise and he had gotten some useful tips from her, though he couldn't explain the look of pure pity on her face.

Now, though, while he waited for them to come back, his mind was focused on his current predicament: his self-imposed task of becoming more gross to the eyes of his enemies and the public in general. "... First thing... I guess I will have to... Adequate myself... To my clones." Speaking that affirmation out loud made him shudder. That meant starting to wear a thong himself. There was, though, the problem of where in hell was he going to find a bright orange thong in the middle of the Wave Country?

His musings made him walk and in the end, he stopped in front of a room of the bridge-builder's house that he hadn't really noticed before, mostly because he hadn't really made much exploring in two days. "Huh... Weird." The door was a simple sliding one, but he immediately noticed the lack of light in it, but the sun still hadn't set. The shutters in that room were closed. "... Damn it."

Child-like curiosity still effecting his brain a great deal sometimes, Naruto slowly looked around to assure himself that no one was in sight and slowly slid the door open. Tiptoeing his way into the obscured room, he slid it shut again behind him, finding himself engulfed in thick darkness. "Hmm... Isn't there a switch..."

Fumbling around, the young ninja found what he was looking for a few centimeters on the door's right. "Ah. There... Oh." Naruto's curiosity immediately died down, for a couple reason. The first because it was sated, the second being the exact contents of the room. "... A shrine." He couldn't describe it as anything else. The room was mostly bare, barring a few boxes that he supposed contained the belongings of the person who's picture was contained in the nearby open cabinet, along with some flowers and unlit candles and incense sticks. Naruto paid his respects, bowing with his hands joined in front of his face and was about to leave when he noticed something.

"Huh?" A piece of fabric hanging out of one of the boxes, of a very familiar colour, caught his attention. He slowly approached the thing and picked it up, intending to put it back into the box, but having it in his hands... "What is this? A handkerchief...?" A lump of fabric that he proceeded to bring back to its original shape... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Before screaming in horror, dropping it and backing away from it on all fours till he hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. "No... NO, THIS IS A JOKE! KAKASHI-SENSEI, COME OUT!"

"W-Who's in there?" He had heard a voice approaching the room, but he was too transfixed by the apparition to care. Tsunami slid the door open in a flash and gasped as she saw a pale Naruto in the room. "S-Shinobi-san? What... AH!" After noticing what Naruto was staring at, she locked the door behind them launched herself at the garment and clutched it protectively against her chest, her back to Naruto. It couldn't hide reality from him, though. Not any more.

"... That..." Tsunami was holding to her chest a bright orange thong. "I mean... Whose..."

"I-Inari's father... But..." Tsunami managed to recompose herself enough to get angry at Naruto and turn around. "What the hell were you doing in here?"

"I was just... I mean, I was curious..." The spark also rebooted Naruto's mind. "... That should be my question. What do you usually do in here?"

"E-Eh?" Naruto's gaze had turned to inquisitive all of a sudden, and Tsunami felt suddenly trapped.

"... A shrine to your dead husband... And I bet those boxes are full of his clothes and stuff, right?" Naruto shivered as he remembered a particular MILF, yes he had learned the pertinent vocabulary, getting really really excited just by smelling his freshly worn boxers. Sex ensued, but the point was the strange fetish. "... You miss him that much?"

"N-NO! I mean... I do, and..." Tsunami blushed and squirmed because her horrible secret had been discovered. She swallowed and managed to calm herself enough to face Naruto again. "... I won't tell if you won't."

"Deal. Now... Just who is the guy in the photo?" Naruto stood back up and approached the shrine. "Is he really your husband?"

"... Not really. I never married... And he wasn't even Inari's natural father." Tsunami stood up and walked to Naruto's side, still holding the culprit piece of underwear. "But he acted like one to him, and he was also the hero of this country... He stood up to Gatou."

"... It didn't end well, I guess." Naruto commented with a sigh. The man was no ninja, that was for sure. He made a silent prayer in honour to the guy. Then... He realized that maybe the guy himself or Kami being a joker had just bestowed upon him something he needed. He groaned. "Ehm... Tsunami-san, I was wondering..." The woman turned to face him again, finding the blonde holding the bridge of his nose and shakily pointing a finger to the thong clutched to her chest. "... Could I maybe have that?"

"... What?" The question left the woman dumbstruck... For a few seconds. She then remembered a previous conversation regarding the young shinobi. She narrowed her eyes. "Does it have something to do with your... Hentai Jutsu?"

"Look, if you want to play at who's the bigger pervert, you've lost before even starting." She had the decency to blush at that. "I don't need it for anything else but to... Wear it. It's for my techniques, I swear."

"... Would you... Would it help you defeat the ninjas after grandpa?" Tsunami mellowed a bit at that thought. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah. It would. I can't progress and get stronger without that thong, Tsunami-san." Later he would recall this statement and found the sheer wrong in it, but for the moment, he was deadly serious. Tsunami was fought. She doubted something so ludicrous was false, but the thong was one of the dearest memories she had left of Kaiza. The man almost always wore it. To just part with it...

"... What do I get?" Naruto blinked, not really expecting that kind of reaction. Tsunami's face was serious, though. "It's one of the only things left of the love of my life. You can't expect me to just part with it without getting something in return. So, what do I get?"

"... Well..."


"... So useless." Inari had took a walk for the nearby forest, that afternoon, and he had wandered to the clearing where those ninjas were training to get stronger. It was all in vain. They would all die. The ninja, his grandfather, his mother... It was all useless against Gatou.

Ever since his father died, Inari had been left one sad, bitter young lad, not able to see hope in anything or anyone any more. The image of his father's bleeding figure would forever be engraved in his mind.

As he approached his house again, the sun setting behind him, his mind wandered to his mother again. He both envied and pitied her. He knew of her shrine, he knew she was as sad as him, but she kept on living and acting strongly. So useless. She should just...

"Aaaaaaah! So good!" He suddenly stopped in mid-step as he heard a loud moan of a familiar voice.

"Damn, Tsunami-san. You really needed this, didn't you? When was the last time...?" The other voice was less familiar, but he recognized it nonetheless. One of the ninjas, the one who multiplied.

"C-Can't remember... AH! That's the spot!" He trembled as his eyes widened recognizing his mother's voice without mistake.

"That long? Must have been terrible." Also, he realized that the voices were coming from the living room. He blushed but nonetheless, something inside him spurred his body to rush to the door and open it in a flash.

"H-Hey! What are you doing to my... Huh?"

"Ahhh... Huh? Inari?"

"Oh? Hi." His mother's face was flushed and her body was horizontal on their couch, the shinobi right behind her, her naked back in clear sight for everyone to see, but the activity was very different from what he had imagined. Very different from what he had seen their neighbours do on a rainy afternoon. "Sorry if we startled you. But your mother is very... Vocal."

"Ahhh... Honey, sorry, but mom is very busy at the moment..." Tsunami said and then melted again in pure bliss as Naruto went back to working his magic. "Oh, Naruto-san... Who thought you to give such wonderful back massages?"

"Ehm... Many people. Let's leave it at that." That was another common point among the wives of Konoha. They all insisted on back massages, especially the ones with bigger than normal breasts. He guessed that holding those things up was a big strain on the back muscles. He had a new-found respect for women after that. One of them had also commented on how Sakura was lucky since she would never have that problem. He didn't question the source of their knowledge on that matter, surprisingly enough. He just took it as being life experience.

"Ahh... Thank them on my behalf when you go back home... Hmmm!" Inari still shuddered. It wasn't anything perverted, but his mother still kept on moaning and the way she had just bitten her lower lip...

"I'm... Going to turn in early. Not hungry." Inari said, getting promptly ignored as he made his way upstairs. He guessed that was the reason his grandfather wasn't at home either. He only hoped he could find his earplugs.

"Hmm... Naruto-san?" Tsunami moaned out, huskily, earning a blush out of Naruto, who was being affected by the sensation of the woman's fair, warm skin under his calloused hands.

"Y-Yes?" What Inari didn't know, though...

"I think... I might take you up on the first offer too, then..." Was that the back massages was the second thing Naruto had tried to offer to Tsunami. Tazuna would curse his grandson's name all the way through the night, that night. He really, really needed those earplugs.

To be continued...

In the next chapter...

So, the day of the battle on the big bridge, cue pertinent musical arrangement, finally arrives. Naruto and Sasuke face Haku, and the blonde shinobi will find himself having to go all out... Only, with a twist. Stay tuned!