Hello all! this is my first posted SPN fic *w00tw00t* thank you, thank you... *bows* now this came about that I recently had a fanfic written for me *aww shucks* and I told my friend and she then wanted a fanfic to be written for her. so this is 'cece-noon's Cas Crack!fic' where in Cas likes his hair and trenchcoat, Sammy is a teeny bit gay and all Dean stays the hell out of it...
I hope you are appreciating this my friend to the *now VERY* public eye! also, this may seem rushed and that is because I am writing this as I wait for Appointment in Samarra to load on megavideo! so to everyone please do
cece-noon's Cas Crack!fic.
The hair-straightener 'bleeped' annoyingly a couple of times to signify that it was ready to use. It was sitting on the basin in the bathroom of a stingy motel room, a sleek, smooth, elegant design - it was a Limited Edition Purple ghd and it was Sam Winchester's pride and joy. Dean rolled his eyes as Sam leaped up from the end of his bed and practically skipped into the bathroom for his morning ritual.
'You know, Sam,' the older Winchester called after him, 'if I didn't know you, I would swear you were the most gay person on this planet.'
'Oh shut up, Dean!' Sam called back, just as he was straightening his first few hairs, nice and slowly... 'You're just jealous that your hair is never anywhere near as perfect as mine, or that it just does not flow as well as mine, and I know that everyone who sees me is jealous of the shine and lustre of my hair, it is so soft and smoo-'
'OK ENOUGH, SAM!' Dean screamed out. 'Geez, you just need to get over yourself, I swear...'
'Is that really what you think, Dean? Huh? Well then maybe I should just go, leave you here!' Sam went to slam down the straightener in frustration then he remembered what it was and at the last second slowed and placed it gently upon the basin.
He strode out of the bathroom in a huff and went to the door. He waited a second, waiting in case Dean said something to change his mind, after all, his hair was not finished yet and if anyone saw him like he was he was sure he would basically die on the spot.
But as it was Dean knew exactly how to get Sam back for being a dick, so he said nothing. The Sam threw open the door, stepped out and slammed it behind him in a rather dramatic way.
Dean sighed and shook his head. Sometimes he truly did wonder about his brother...
Dean jumped at the deep, gravelly voice from behind him. He turned. Cas. Who else would it be. Who else would appear out of nowhere with not a sound and then seriously invade personal space rules by appearing, not only behind, but literally millimetres away from Dean, breathing softly in his ear.
'Cas!' Dean stepped away as fast as he physically could. 'Come on, we've talked about this man! You make a noise when you appear and you do not come any closer than three feet! I mean honestly! It is like I am surrounded by crazy people!'
'...So...you are upset?'
Dean sighed deeply. 'Yes, Cas. I am upset.'
Cas cocked his head to the side slightly in that totally adorable way that he does... 'Why?'
The Winchester looked at him. 'Because everything is so messed up. I mean, if it were legal to marry things without a heartbeat I think Sam would literally marry that damn straightener of his! He is a friggin hunter! What the hell!'
'I do not understand...'
Dean sighed, again. 'What do you not understand?'
'What is...a straightener?'
Dean pointed to the basin in the bathroom. 'See that ridiculous purple thing in there – that is a straightener. Hair straightener.'
'Sam wants to...straighten his hair?' The word came out of Castiel's mouth as if it were the most disgusting thing he had ever said.
'Yeah. Friggin lunatic...'
'Why on God's green earth would he want to do THAT!'
'I know right!' Dean went to say more but was too shocked by Castiel's next words...
'Straightening one's hair is just an abomination! Gel-ing it up is the only way to go!'
Dean *facepalm*. 'What!'
'You heard me, we need to fix Sam right away, there is obviously something wrong with him! Up and flowy and bouncy! That is how you need to do your hair, just like mine. Or maybe your hair, but you need it a little longer to make it fuller and get the whole effect.'
Dean stumbled to the nearest chair and plonked down. 'I-I...I just...can't believe what I am hearing...'
'Dean, where is Sam's laptop?' Cas asked with great urgency.
'Where is it? It is of great import that I attain it and use it right now! Before Sam comes back!'
'Uhh...in the bag there...' Dean pointed over to the corner.
Castiel, the righteous angel of the lord, practically leaped over the bed to the bag and wrestled to get it open. Once he did he quickly rummaged through until he found the laptop. He ran back over to Dean and sat in the chair opposite him, placing the laptop upon the table between them as he opened it.
Dean watched as Cas urgently clicked and typed. He was about to tell Cas to calm the hell down before he broke the keys when the angel turned the laptop around to reveal the picture of...
'Who is that?'
'That, Dean Winchester, is my idol. I base my entire self on him. My hair is nothing compared to his, and his trench coat is superior to all the rest!'
'Yeah, ok... But who exactly is he?'
Cas breathed deeply, as if Dean had just asked the most stupid, most terrible, most offensive question in the entire universe...
'His name,' Case plied slowly. 'His name is David Tennant. He used to play The Doctor on Doctor Who.'
Dean stared at Cas for a moment then burst out laughing. 'Are you serious! Doctor Who? Oh God,' Dean wiped a tear from his eye. 'That is just classic, Cas, just so classic.'
Then Dean stopped laughing, and realised that Castiel was not joking when he noticed that the angel was giving him a look that said 'YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!'.
And suddenly Dean felt very scared.
Luckily, at that moment Sam came back inside saying something about how he was hiding in the bushes down the street so no one saw him but then he had to pee so he went to find a loo but then someone saw him and he blacked out momentarily from the embarrassment and when he came to he ran all the way back here trying to cover his hair so no one else saw him.
As soon as he entered Cas jumped on him.
'Argh! Cas! What the hell are you doing? Get the hell off me!'
Sam managed to throw Cas off but because Cas was an angel he was super awesome, freaky deaky, mind powers. So Cas used said super awesome, freaky deaky, mind powers to fling Sam to the wall and keep him there.
'Quick Dean!' he shouted. 'Get the straightener before he can! Hide it, DESTROY IT!'
'No!' Sam screamed. 'You can't do this to me! You will never get away with this – NEVERRRRRRR!'
Sam could only watch as Dean snapped his beloved Limited Edition Purple ghd in half and then proceeded to smash the ceramic plates by whacking it against the basin until the bathroom floor was covered in little sharp pieces of everything.
'Good Dean, now help me tie him up so we can try and save his poor soul from this abomination.'
Dean honestly had no idea what Castiel was up to but it was annoying Sam and that was good enough for him. He grabbed some rope and together, him and Cas managed to tie Sam to a chair...and gag him.
Castiel grapped the laptop from where it was on the table it help it in front of Sam's face. The picture of David Tennant was still on the screen.
Sam gave him a quizzical look then Cas explained.
'Sam Winchester, from this moment onward you will forget everything you think about your hair. No hair should be straightened ever, unless it is then to be gel-ed and style in an upwards fashion. Straightening ones hair is terribly, terribly bad! Do you understand me Samuel? You will worship this man, you will yearn to have his hair and his trench coat. You will want nothing more than to be like him. Again, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME SAMUEL WINCHESTER!'
Dean had no idea if it was Castiel's words alone or if he did some super awesome, freaky deaky, mind trick using his super awesome, freaky deaky, mind powers but somehow Sam understood and more shockingly, Sam did what he was told.
Cas ungagged him and the first thing Sam said was 'Got gel?'
Cas nodded for Dean to untie Sam and then he pulled a tub out of his trench coat pocket and passed it to Sam.
'Thanks.' Sam nodded his gratitude then went into the bathroom for the second time that morning.
'Wow, Cas...' Dean was shocked. 'I had no idea you had that much power over people...'
'I did not actually think it would work,' he admitted.
'WELL IT DIDN'T!' Sam cried out from the bathroom. 'Loser's..HAHAHAAAA!'
Castiel ran to the bathroom to find Sam emptying the tub of gel into the toilet.
'Yeah, it is not nice is it Castiel? Huh? When someone destroys something you love!'
Castiel did not say a word, but ran back to Sam's bag and pulled out the purple hair dryer that came in the Limited Edition Purple ghd Set and proceeded to smash it to pieces.
Sam ran after Cas and threw the, now empty, tub at his head, rendering him dazed for a moment. Just long enough so that Sam could get a good enough grip on his trench coat and rip the thing off!
'HA HA!' Sam cried. And he tore it to pieces.
Then Dean, who had been watching all of this quite amused and content from the other side of the room, began to feel a slight tremor. Everything began to shake uncontrollably and then Castiel screamed.
There was a bright white light and when everything was once again normal Sam was gone.
'Cas?' Dean asked cautiously. 'Where the hell of Sammy?'
Cas turned on him furiously. 'Don't worry, he is safe for now. Just not here. If he stayed here I would not have been able to control the urge to kill him!'
'Oh...ok...' Dean was not sure if he should be happy or concerned with that response.
There was silence between them for a while until Cas finally broke down. He chucked the biggest tantrum because of his gel and coat. Dean tried to comfort him by saying he could get more gel, and another coat but Cas insisted that 'it just was not the same!' and so Dean gave up.
It was not until hours later when there was a knock on the door.
Dean got up to answer it and almost wet himself laughing when he saw what was on the other side.
Sam. His Sam. His little brother Sammy. He had his puppy dog look on and his hair...
Well there were no words.
His hair was...up. Very, very up. Sam explained how he woke up to find that his hair was plastered with gel, sticking up in all directions, a slight curve on the tips. No matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did to it, it would simply not move.
Dean laughed harder than he had in his life. Sam looked absolutely RIDICULOUS!
And Sam knew who was to blame. He launched himself at the angel but Castiel quickly disappeared and did not show himself for weeks after, until he decided Sam had been punished enough.
I know it is a really really REALLY lame arse ending but its 1:26am and I could not for the life of me think of anything else to write.
PLEASE REVIEW! and as always
love you all..