This is what happens when I write a story at 12 o'clock at night when my mind is dizzy, my eyes hazy and my left elbow itchy. This will probably be a one off thing but if I'm ever writing a story at midnight again be prepared for some kind of Pacman/Vicar of Dibley parody…anyway, here it is, my Glee/Tetris crossover. Even when I just wrote that, I am doubting myself, please ignore this and all other future Midnight one offs : P The jokes in here by the way are not very good and may be offensive so I AM SORRY!
(Fast talking voice) Previously on Glee! New Directions went to sectionals and came last so Principal Figgins said that Glee had to get axed which then prompted Sue to suggest killing one of them off in exchange for them to compete once again. The group unanimously suggested Rachel so they hit her with an over sized moustache comb. Kurt came out as straight to the shock of Blaine who then prompted to start a musical all about Harry Potter. Sue came out as a lesbian on an episode of Ellen while Britney started a shampoo business. Since the overdue killing off of Rachel, the group needs a new member so they are currently looking for one. And that's what you missed on GLEE!
It's my first day at William McKinley High School and I'm extremely nervous. Being a blue right angle piece in the world of Tetris isn't easy. As I slotted myself down the hallway I noticed the cruel slow motion laughter of the high school students. I tried to block them out as this had happened many times before. As I slid myself to the administration office, the woman working there looked at in a weird way (of course) and I had a strange desire to sing 'Fuck You' by Lily Allen, though decided against it. After receiving my information on classes, I decided to take a look around the school. While moving down the hallway, I tried to move past the constant laughter and think about memories of my mother. My mother was sadly killed when a bitch of a straight line decided it was smart to go on top of my Mother, who was quite high up in the stack, which then prompted them to all lose the game (THAT'S RIGHT, YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!). She always told me 'don't be yourself for fuck's sake, YOU-ARE-A-WEIRDO! Find a group and stick with it!' Sadly, that was the nicest thing she said to me, and that was when she was drunk. Though she was right, I needed to slot my way into a group somehow. Right angles are not always needed in many situations but I'm hopeful that this school will be different. I came up to a noticeboard with several different clubs on it; I took the first two pull offs I saw and then rotated to the Gym for my first idea. I reached the Gym and went inside to see the cheerleaders practising; I thought if I could show the coach my moves, she would let me in!
The coach looked at me with amazement and anger, "What on earth are you?"
"I'm here to try out for your cheerleading establishment."
"Cheerleading establishment? Honey, we're the Cheerios, we're stars, there's no way you could be a Cheerio! I mean look at those beautiful girls over there in their extremely short and attractive skirts, they're perfect, you are not!"
"But I'm so smooth and very straight!"
"Please, you're about as straight as Neil Patrick Harris! Now get out of here you crazy angle!"
I sighed and decided that cheerleading was obviously not for me. I looked at the other piece of paper I pulled off the board and this time it was for a glee club called New Directions. To tell you the truth, I kind of hated singing, East High School, my last school couldn't get enough of it and they sounded shit! But I guess I have to choice so I proceeded to find the room where they were holding the auditions. I squeezed through the door and the rest of the club were sitting there waiting for me. They proceeded to ask a few questions. I smiled.
"Ew." Said the guy with unusually good fashion sense.
The sexy African American chick spoke up, "So! What's so different about you so you can get in the club? We already have a paraplegic, a guy with huge lips, a chick who got pregnant and a gay guy."
The gay guy cleared his throat.
"Sorry, straight guy!" She stared at me waiting for an answer, though I was confused. Did I have to be different to get in the club? As I looked around the room I did happen to notice a strange mix of characters so I tried to think of an answer.
"Well, I'm half Asian?"
"We already have two of those, what else you got?"
I felt offended. I'm beginning to think this school is fuelled on racism and bullying.
"I… sometimes wear glasses?"
The paraplegic spoke up, "Taken!"
"Well, I'm kind of a right angle?"
Everyone is the room's eyebrows raised.
"That you are. Well then, I think we have found our final member. Please fill out this short form for us and you're in! One of the blonde cheerleaders handed me a sheet to fill in which I subsequently dropped due to lack of hands. I then asked them to fill it out for me and I'll tell them what to write!
Name- Wanda Bertrand Hypotenuse Smithers
Gender- Was never told by parents
D.O.B- Game #45945803803
Favourite Artist- Barbara Streisand
Favourite Song- Barbara Streisand
Favourite Celebrity appearance on Family Guy- Barbara Streisand
"Thank-you very much, we'll see you tomorrow for a rehearsal! Ooh and before we forget, we would like to give you this blouse from your dead predecessor, Rachel Berry."
The 'not gay' guy spoke up, "Her fashion was cute and trashy at best but I'm sure it will look a lot better on you."
I was handed the blouse and immediately put it on. "This means so much to me, thank-you!" I shuffled out the room quickly and accidently ran into the cheerleading coach.
"Holy crap Neil, I can see your nipples straight through that shirt which you bumped into me with. I'm sueing you for sexual harassment, how about that."
The coach dragged me down the hall and into the Principal's office and she sat me down and told him the whole story.
"I am sorry Angle but Sue is right, you sexually harassed her and that is a punishable offence. I have no choice than to put you into the next season of Celebrity Big Brother, I am sorry but my word is final. Now curry on and get to class!"
All I can say now is, "SHIT!"