1) Sing the part of Harry Potter Puppet Pals (The Mysterious Ticking Noise) where he sang his name to Lollipop... for a whole year.
2) Replace his wand with one of WWW's fake wands. Break the real wand 'on accident. Oops!'.
3) Take him to a beauty salon. Let the girls there try to make him 'acceptable' no matter how long it takes, even thought that is impossible.
4) Dye all his clothes pink, and give him a dyed-pink snakeskin handbag for his birthday... in front of his Death Eaters
5) Use the Imperius curse on his Death Eaters so that they start doing an Irish jig / square dance.
6) Bow down and call him 'The Losing Lord' (He-who-got-powned-by-a-baby is also acceptable) for a whole year.
7) Set him up on a dating website... then explain to him how he 'needs to get back in touch with his love life' for three hours, minimum.
8) Let Dumbledore give him 'the talk' after that.
9) Replace Nagini with a plushie toy. Tell him Nagini went to join Snow White when he asks.
10) Give him a love potion that makes him fall for a muggle-born / muggle that hates him... or twenty... probably more. Make sure you get it on video for youtube and to force him to watch later, with the rest of the wizarding population.
Review please! Flames are fine with me!