It's been years since I've seen her.
And it's not because we were fighting or because we purposefully put this distance between us. It's because we both left home for our own dreams and slowly lost ourselves, lost each other in our new lives.
I suppose this space and nothingness that our friendship, our relationship, has become is more my fault that hers, really.
You see, she called, she wrote, she tried.
And I, well, I just stopped after a while.
So it makes sense, this distance, this collapse.
We haven't seen each other in five years, haven't spoken to each other in three and a half.
And now I find myself on her doorstep and I'm not really sure how I got here.
If I'm being honest with myself, I have missed her terribly. It's a tragedy that I let ourselves become strangers, having known each other since we were six, having been best friends, maybe even more, since the day we met.
And it kills me a little each day knowing I did this to us.
And now I will see her for the first time in too long and I don't know what I'm going to say.
Sorry? I miss you? Can you forgive me? Do you even want to see me? Do you even care?
And what will I say in answer to her questions?
What are you doing here? Where have you been? Why haven't you called? Why now?
I needed to see you. Austin. I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone, I've been a coward. I'm sick.
Should I even answer her that honestly? Won't that seem like I only showed up because I needed something from her? And though it's true to some extent, that's not why I came, do I tell her that, or just leave that whole 'I'm sick' mess out of it?
The more I stand here thinking about this the more I think that I can't so this.
I can't do this to her, just show up on her doorstep out of the blue.
I can't tell her what's going on, why I've come home. I really can't do this to her.
And as I've decided to go, I hear the door open.
I turn around and see her face. She's smiling, opens the door all the way, and steps out to engulf me in a hug.
"Welcome home," she says.
It's exactly what I needed.
This is why I came to her; this is why I came home.