Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.
"Rachel!" Jack bellowed, charging into the music room. "My head's about to explode."
He slumped into his usual chair, positioned where Rachel and Finn normally sat, his head drooped over. This was a wordless signal to Rachel that he needed someone to rub his head.
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, her hands massaging his head."This is going to be a repeat of the Bei-Sue, is it?"
Jack raised his head. "No," he said. "Though it's just as terrifying."
"And that is why I should've been given the solo for this recital," Jack rambled to his father as they walked through the cathedral-style theater. "They wouldn't have even needed any music since I've got that covered as well."
Jack stopped dramatically.
"What'd you forget?" Kristopher Harmon asked his only child in a knowing manner.
"I didn't forget anything," Jack countered. "I've simply misplaced my dance shoes. The last time they went missing I found them in the toilet. I guess the bonenecks of McKinley's hierarchy wanted to send me a message about dancing and being in glee. Which is why…"
"Jackie," Kristopher interjected. "I shaved this morning and my beard is starting to grow back as fast as the Wolfman's."
"Someday we'll settle this, old man," Jack said playfully before dashing off to the backstage area.
"Goofball," Kristopher muttered, watching his son leave the room.
He turned around and that was when he saw her. She was an older woman, possibly in her early 40s, late 30s, he couldn't be sure. She was looking at the wall, photos of the dance students lining them.
"Which one is yours?" he asked.
She turned and looked him.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"Of the kids, which one's yours?" he repeated.
The woman scanned the wall, her finger tracing the pictures.
"That one," she said, pointing to a girl with hair that matched hers and a similar smile. "Her name's Sarah."
Kristopher laughed lightly. "She'd be about eight, right? That's a great age."
"Which one is yours?" she asked.
"Oh, he's on the other side of the wall," Kristopher said, waving her over to the further side of the wall.
Jack, striking a pose in his white Michael Jackson style suit, his arrogant smile coming down on them.
"His name's Jonathan. He likes the name Jack though," he said.
"Jonathan's a good name," the woman stated. "Lisa Puckerman."
She extended her hand.
"Kristopher Harmon," he acknowledged, taking her hand and shaking it.
"So, your father met Noah's mother?" Rachel inquired. "And this is a problem because?"
"My story isn't over yet," Jack said. "It gets worse."
Kristopher and Lisa sat at an open table, wallets out as they discussed their children.
"I obviously had him a little bit later," Kristopher said. "But, I think it was the best choice I've ever made."
"I feel the same way about my Noah and Sarah," Lisa confessed. "Though Noah is a handful to say the least."
"Jack is the same way," Kristopher chuckled. "I remember this one time, he was so mad at his cousin, Leo, he put inflatable pool toys into the linings of his clothes and followed him around for a whole day with a remote control, waiting for him to be around enough people to push the button and humiliate him."
"Well, you should consider yourself lucky that your son just plays pranks," Lisa said, Kristopher nearly snorting at her observation. "My son just got out of juvie."
"You win," Kristopher drawled. "If you don't mind me asking, what'd he do?"
"Drove my car through a mini-mart and stole the ATM," Lisa replied.
Kristopher pursed his lips. She wanted to play that game, did she?
"My son once hacked into a supercomputer and changed laws in Alabama," Kristopher countered. "Made it illegal for bald people to vote," Kristopher saw the expression on Lisa's face. "I have no idea why, but the next one is even weirder. He made it legal for fat people to vote twice. Apparently, he wanted to start a war."
Lisa raised an eyebrow at the man, a bright smile that matched the smile Jack had flashed in the picture, although it lacked the arrogance. Still, he was a little odd.
"Anyways," he continued, "I really should go looking for my son; make sure he hasn't caused a riot if he's met any new people. He makes a terrible first impression."
"I'm sure Sarah hasn't even noticed that I'm not there," she said. "It was lovely talking to you, Kristopher."
She extended her hand to him.
"Before you go," Kristopher said. "If you wanted to meet up some other time, have a cup of coffee. Or a drink. Maybe…"
"Are you asking me out?" Lisa inquired.
"Yeah," Kristopher said. "Sorry if it sounds lame, I'm kind of out of practice. I haven't been on a date in 12 years."
"Good looking guy like you," she said, "I don't believe it."
"I take it you've had more practice with flirting 12 years," he replied, almost blushing. Harmon men do not blush.
"Not really," Lisa said. "I haven't been on a date in about 5 years."
"Ouch," Kristopher said. "I win this round."
"So, do I give you my number or you give me yours?"
"Um, whatever you're comfortable with."
Kristopher pulled out a notepad, offering it to her when he saw her reach for a pen.
"I'll call you," he said, smiling sheepishly.
"I look forward to it," Lisa said, walking away when she spotted her daughter, Sarah, cutting through the throng of girls, who were chattering away at ten thousand miles a minute.
Kristopher placed the notepad in his coat's left breast pocket, turning back to the doorway when he heard someone clapping.
"Nicely done, old man," Jack said, his shoes in his hand, now polished to a perfect sheen. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you pull out the old Harmon charm."
"That?" Kristopher asked, trying to wave it off. "No. How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough for you to divulge me as the cause of the short-lived Fatty-Baldy War."
"It was never gonna happen," Kristopher drawled, getting a glare from his son.
"So, who was she?" Jack asked. "I don't recall seeing her with any of the upperclassmen, so it's safe to guess she's one of the little ones' mothers."
"Yeah," Kristopher said. "Her name's Lisa."
"Awfully plain name for a woman who caught your eye," Jack said. "Does she have a surname attached to that?"
"Of course. It's Puckerman."
The final word in the sentence caused Jack to freeze in place.
"What did you just say her last name was?"
"Puckerman," Kristopher repeated.
"Dad," Jack began, his breath seizing up on him. "This is very important. How many kids does she have?"
"Two of them," Kristopher answered.
"A boy and a girl?"
"What is the boy's name?"
"I think she said it was Noah."
Now, for those of you who have seen Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, you know what sort of scream emitted from Jack's mouth and how many people in the universe heard it.
In the present, Jack, now curled up in fetal position, affixed his head in order for Rachel to rub a missed spot.
"After he finished peeling me off of the walls," Jack pressed.
"Wait," Rachel said. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but do you mean that literally? Have you been playing with the Stretch Armstrong formula again?"
"No," Jack said defensively. "Actually, I was playing with the Slimer formula the last time that happened, but that is not the point."
By now, he had shot back up, his rage-filled eyes practically shooting laser beams. It was moments like this that Rachel silently thanked God that his diatribes about monkeys flying out his butt were just a crass form of hyperbole.
"Can I have your shoes?" his voice was surprisingly small.
"What?" Rachel bewildered at this request.
"I've pretty much polished my shoes to the point of ruin," he explained, pointing down to his feet. "I need to keep my hands distracted. If they're not, I may just go to jail for choking Puck."
He was not lying, his usually immaculate brown Ecco Berlin Bike Toe Loafers now looked so worn out that it would be unbelievable that Jack Harmon would wear such shoes.
"It's not Noah's fault your parents met," Rachel argued.
"He should've been watching her," Jack screeched. "I should've been watching my father. Five minutes with a Harmon man is enough for any woman to fall in love."
Jack dropped to the floor this time, his body contorting in a frenzy of terror and rage.
"Hey, Berry," a familiar voice called out. "You alone?"
"I wish I was," Rachel said under her breath.
Puck stepped into the music room, stopping when he saw Jack on the floor.
"You!" the two bellowed.
Jack sprang to his feet, his hands raised in a threatening manner. Puck returned a similar gesture.
"Your mother has no right…" he shouted, only to be countered by Puck's "You tell your dad to…"
The two were silenced again, no way were they going to let the other get the first word in. Rachel looked up from her book again, her eyes alternating between her best friend and her ex-boyfriend.
"Gentlemen, if I may intrude," she said.
There was no response. They were still at it.
"What would be so wrong if Jack's father and Noah's mother started dating?" Rachel asked.
"Everything!" Jack and Puck shouted in unison.
"Is it because you don't want your parent to date," Rachel pressed, "or is because you don't want your parents to date each other?"
"Rachel," Jack said. "I want my father to be happy, I really do. But, it can't be with his mother."
"What's wrong with my mother?"
"Nothing. Save for the fact she gave birth to you!"
Rachel inserted herself in between the two boys as Puck's fist cocked back. Jack seemed ready for a fight, quickly springing into an attack stance.
"Bring it on, Puckerman," Jack shouted. "I spend my weekends practicing the Mauy Tai."
"What?" Puck asked arrogantly. "Is that Korean for 'I'm gonna get my ass kicked'?"
"Boys!" Rachel shouted, effectively silencing the posturing males. "Jonathan," she shouted to her best friend, "you sit over there." She turned to Puck. "Noah, other side of the room."
Both boys looked down at the tiny Jewish girl who looked ready to lower the boom on them if they didn't obey. On any other day, both would be lying if they said it didn't turn them on a little to see this side of Rachel. But, at the moment, she looked kind of scary, so they obeyed.
"Now, the last thing I want to see is either one of you ending up in the hospital," Rachel said. "Noah, you are still on probation, and Jonathan, do you recall a promise you made on the stack of Judy Garland movies at the beginning of the year?"
"I did not anticipate this," Jack argued.
"Do you remember?"
"Yes!" Jack growled.
"Then I want you both to sit down and rationally handle this problem," commanded Rachel. "Understood?"
"Berry," Puck interjected.
Puck nodded. "By the way, Berry, I know you weren't trying for it, but this whole 'ordering me around' thing kind of makes me hot."
Puck nodded, meowing at her seductively. Rachel turned away from Puck and returned to her seat. Jack looked at Puck, who returned his stare with the same venomous intent. Rachel moved the chair in-between the two riled up teenagers.
"I'll start with you, Noah," she said. "Why do you not want your mother going on a date with Jack's father?"
Puck clenched his jaw.
"Is it because of the fact that someone wants to date your mother?"
"No," Puck protested. "I want my mother to be happy…"
"Then find the nearest youth hostel and move out," Jack snapped from the corner, only to be rewarded by a Rachel Berry terror glare.
This effectively silenced the ego with legs and he turned away from the glaring girl.
"Continue," instructed Rachel.
"I want my mother to be happy," Puck looked over Rachel, making sure Jack didn't interrupt. "But, I don't want her to make any mistakes…"
"And you think dating Jack's father would be a mistake on her part?"
"Yeah, I think it would," Puck replied.
"Is it because you think that Mr. Harmon would hurt her?"
"Excuse me," Jack interjected. "My father happens to be the most decent man on the planet; he would never hurt your mother."
"Really?" Puck asked.
"Yeah," Jack said.
"He's your dad, I'd expect you to defend him," Puck argued. "For all I know, he could be just like you."
The tenor took a breath.
"Look," he said, "it's obvious that neither one of us wants this date to happen. So, I'm going to offer you a chance to stop this romance plane before it gets off the ground."
Puck turned back to Jack.
"Cause the last thing I want is for us to be the next Hummer and Gigantor," he explained. "I'm willing to work against this if you are."
"Wait a second," Rachel said.
"Zip it, woman!" Jack exclaimed, covering Rachel's mouth.
Rachel countered by biting Jack's hand. He released his grip on the tiny girl's mouth.
"You bit me!" he shouted.
"No shit, Captain Obvious," Puck quipped.
"Shut it, Puckerman," Jack snapped. "Do you want my help or not?"
"If it means I don't have you for a stepbrother, I'll work with Xenu," Puck said, extending his hand to Jack, who took it.
"Close enough," Jack proclaimed.
"It's just one date though," Rachel protested. "One date does not mean they're gonna get married."
"Rachel," Jack said, "my father is going to turn sixty-two in about two weeks, believe me, he's not planning on wasting any time."
"Yeah, people our parents' age don't take the time to make their relationships meaningful," Puck said, no doubt missing the irony of the fact he was making such a statement.
"I usually don't agree with Fagin over here, but when you're right you're right," Jack said.
"What did you call me?"
"Not important," Jack said. "Let's roll, Puckerman."
"Because I am anything but that," Puck declared, following after Jack.
Rachel watched them vanish from the room, leaving her to scratch her head at the formation at this bizarre and unholy alliance.
"It's just one date," she squeaked before sitting down, let out an annoyed sigh, and returning to her book.
Jack looked up from the menu at one of the more high-end restaurants on the outskirts of Lima. He readjusted his tie, which now made his gray Calvin Klein suit look even more perfect than it had been when he picked it out earlier in the day.
'Fashion plate. Talented singer. Brilliant actor. Rich and gorgeous. Is there anything I'm not good at?' he mused to himself. 'Besides picking accomplices.'
He had managed to snag a last minute reservation when the previous couple canceled. Well, they didn't so much as cancel as not show up. That sort of thing happens when you find out that someone has sunk their private yacht. Not he, or Mohawk Jew, had anything to do with it, it just sort of happened by happy coincidence.
Jack surveyed the distance and trajectory between the table he was sitting at and where his father and Mrs. Puckerman were stationed. It was close enough for him to see what was going on, but far back enough for him to not be spotted.
He was soon joined by Puck, who raced from the kitchen to the table, out of breath.
"What the hell is this?" he asked, observing Puck's idea of formal attire, a black hoodie and matching sweatpants. "And the entrance? I told you I had gotten us reservations."
"No you didn't," Puck screeched, thankful no one he knew could hear him.
Jack grinned. "Oh yeah, I didn't. I told Rachel."
"Of course," Jack said, biting his lip. "To be honest, I think she needed to get out of the house. Ever since she and Finn broke up, she's been isolated. I figured it would be good for her to have a nice dinner with a friend."
"We're not here to eat," Puck said. "We're here to make sure this first date doesn't turn into a second one."
"I know," Jack confessed. "I can multitask."
"Mr. Harmon," the maître-d called out to Jack's table. "That young man broke into this…"
"It's okay, Reynolds," Jack said, slipping some money into the older man's hand. "He's with me."
"So, what's the plan?" Puck asked as the snotty waiter turned away, waving off the security.
"Thought you'd never ask," Jack said.
"Don't look now," Kristopher cautioned, "but, I think our sons are watching us."
Lisa almost turned, but Kristopher grabbed her hand.
"Don't," he said. "They'll notice."
Lisa laughed, looking back at Kristopher, whose white hair was shining in the dim lights of the restaurant.
"I think we've run into something of a roadblock," Kristopher said. "My son apparently doesn't like your son."
"But, they're in glee club together," Lisa stated.
"Just because you're on the same team with someone doesn't mean you like 'em," he said sagely. "I think they're trying to sabotage this date."
"Why would they?"
"Imagine if your father dated the mother of the person you hated the most."
"So, what do you have planned?" she asked, smiling devilishly.
Kristopher moved in closer, whispering in her ear. He caught a sniff of her perfume and had to pull back quickly.
"I like that plan," she said. "Guilt is the perfect weapon."
"May not work as well on my son as it would on yours, but it's worth a shot."
Kristopher watched her smile, it was electrifying. Considering that he was a 61-year-old man who had suffered from two heart attacks in the past, electricity could be a good thing or a bad thing. But, he was willing to wager that this sort of electricity would be just fine.
"You put what in his underwear?" Puck asked, stunned that Jack Harmon had gone for such a simple trick.
"I didn't stutter, did I, Rachel?" he queried toward his best friend.
"I'm not a part of this," Rachel stated. "I'm here for the meal. If you two wanna mess this up for your parents, you'll have to do it without me."
"I put itching powder in his underwear," Jack said. "Now, that may seem simple at first glance. But, it is merely step one of my plan."
He took a breath, pausing for dramatic effect. Puck glared at him before he continued.
"Step two: Depending on how well the night goes, there will, no doubt, be some nookie. Especially if your mother is anything like you."
"Watch it, Harmon," Puck growled. "Probation or not, you and Karofsky are on the top of list of people to go Death Star on."
"I hope I'm number one," Jack said smugly. "To continue. By the time his boxers come off, he'll have scratched himself so red; he'll look like a Snork that's gone through a domestic dispute. Any woman in her right would look at that and never want to see him again."
Rachel's salad bits dropped out of her mouth as Jack concluded his plan.
"That is disgusting," she said.
"That's stupid," Puck added. "First of all, it's not gonna get that far. Second, your plan sucks. We need something that makes a scene and makes them know they shouldn't be together."
"Okay," Jack conceded, a look of annoyance mixed with sarcasm in his eyes. "What's your plan, O Great One?"
"So, he put itching powder in your underwear?" Lisa asked, trying her hardest not to laugh as Kristopher led her to the dance floor.
"Yep, but I caught on," Kristopher said. "He thinks he's slick, but he forgets I've seen every trick there is and probably did them twice. Plus, he's never been good with improvisation."
Lisa laughed, extending her hands out for Kristopher to take the lead.
"Ready to roll?" he asked.
"Yes, I am," she replied.
Kristopher spun her out onto the dance floor as the music began to play. Counted the beats before he began to sing in a level and strong baritone:
"We've just been introduced, I do not know you well, but when the music started something drew me to your side.
The older couple moved slowly, as if they had no idea of what the dance would entail.
"So many men and girls are in each others' arms," Kristopher crooned. "It made me think we might be similarly occupied."
Kristopher let go of her for a second, pulling her back into his arms on the last note.
"Shall we dance?" he asked. "On a bright cloud of music shall we fly? Shall we dance? Shall we then say," Kristopher tapped Lisa on the nose playfully as they moved across the floor, "'Goodnight and mean 'Goodbye'?"
His eyes lit up as the lyrics came rushing from his brain to his lips.
"Or perchance, when the last little star has left the sky," they circled each other, their hands only inches away apart, "shall we still be together with are arms around each other and shall you be my new romance?"
Kristopher dipped Lisa and pondered aloud: "On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen: Shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we Dance?"
"Still wanna break this up?" Rachel inquired at the slack-jawed Jack and Puck. "I think it's romantic."
Jack raised his hand in Rachel's face.
"Silence, She Who is Alone," he growled before screaming in pain and grabbing his ankle. "Those heels hurt."
"Serves you right," Rachel said.
"This is disgusting," Jack said. "They're using The King and I in some vain attempt to make us feel guilty."
"I thought you said they couldn't see us," Puck said mockingly.
"Oh, my father can see us," Jack said. "He wouldn't be putting on such a display if he couldn't." He quickly turned to Puck. "Stay strong, Fagin, don't let your inborn Jew guilt get the better of you."
"I know!" Puck rasped, looking at how happy his mother looked on the dance floor.
"You're doing great," Kristopher whispered to Lisa. "You wanna take the lead?"
Lisa's eyes went wide. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Take the lead," he repeated. "I'll count."
Lisa smiled and took the lead, singing, "Shall we dance?"
"One, two, three and?" Kristopher counted.
"On a bright cloud of music shall we fly?" Lisa added, spinning around Kristopher, who caught her.
"One, two, three and?"
"Shall we dance?" she asked, her legs a little limber as she and Kristopher moved across the floor.
"One, two, three and?"
"Shall we then say "Goodnight and mean "Goodbye"?" Lisa couldn't help but laugh. This was kind of fun.
"One, two, three and?"
"Or perchance, when the last little star has left the sky," Lisa inquired, "shall we still be together with are arms around each other and shall you be my new romance?"
She spun herself, her back pressing against Kristopher's chest.
"On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen…"
Lisa twirled out of the older man's arms, singing with him.
"Shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we Dance?"
The music came to an end as the seated costumers applauded the couple. Lisa blushed at this sight.
"We're a hit," Kristopher said confidently. "You've got a natural talent for this,"
Lisa couldn't help, but smile like the Cheshire cat. She hadn't had this much fun in a long time. Unfortunately, the fun was ruined when she saw Noah storming out of the restaurant, accidently plowing Kristopher's son, who was screaming, from what she could tell, profanities in various foreign languages, to the ground.
"I should check…" Lisa said.
"Go," Kristopher said. "I'll handle Jack."
Lisa moved from the dance floor and followed after her son while Kristopher pivoted his head around to face his son, who was smiling sheepishly. He stepped back, whispering something in Rachel's ear.
"Get ready to distract him," Jack ordered, his feet nearly digging into the ground.
"By doing what?" Rachel asked, annoyed at Jack's command.
"I don't know," he said. "Talk about animal rights. That always put me to asleep."
Jack turned to run, only for Rachel to swing a leg out and trip him. Jack's head slammed off of the floor for the second time in less than three minutes and rolled onto his back.
"Hello, Jack," he heard his father say, the lights in the room flickering on and off.
"Hi, Dad," he said in a shaking voice. "Hey, can you tell them to stop flickering the lights on and off?"
Lisa found Puck standing out in the parking lot. He was half-heartedly trying to get into his truck, she feel the hurt from all the way over the space that separated mother from son. You spend 11 hours trying to squeeze a head that big out of you; you tend to bond with the child.
"Noah!" she called out to her son.
Puck stopped, one of his legs in the truck, and turned to face his mother. He hated what he felt was coming. He'd do something stupid; she'd scold him and use the guilt trip, and make him repeat the process, lather, rinse, and repeat. He knew the spiel by heart by now.
"Mom," he began, "before you even get started; I had a very good reason for showing up here tonight."
As he said this, he turned to face the older woman, realizing that she hadn't even bothered to grab a jacket.
"Mom," he said, reaching into his truck and pulling out his jacket. "Nana would kill you if she saw you doing this."
"It's not that cold out," Lisa protested as her son draped the coat over her shoulders. "You said you had a good reason for being here?" she said. "So spill."
Puck waited for a moment, as if trying to find the right words that would both tell his mother what he wanted to say and get himself out of trouble at the same time.
"Is it because I went on a date?" she asked, giving him the room he needed to speak.
"Yes," he said, seeing the stunned look on her face. "No. It's not that. I know Dad isn't coming back," he pressed, "and I want you to be happy, but...I don't know how to say this…If you keep dating Harmon's dad, you could end up marrying him and that would mean I'm stuck with Harmon for, like, ever."
"And I know that sounds selfish," he said, "because the last thing I've ever wanted was for you to be alone."
Lisa reached out and hugged her son.
"Noah," she said. "I love you."
"I love you too, Mom," he said.
"And I understand why you'd be upset about that possibility," she continued. "But, sweetie, it's just one date. I'm not planning on a wedding yet."
"That's what Rachel said," Puck recalled.
"Maybe you should listen to her," Lisa suggested. "I like Kristopher a lot. And I want to continue seeing him, but I won't if you don't want to."
"I didn't say that," Puck argued. "For all I know, Harmon's dad could be a good guy."
"What I said was I don't want Harmon to be a part of my life no more than he already is."
"Isn't that a problem you two should work out?" Lisa inquired.
Puck nodded. She was right. She was always right.
"Now, let's get inside before we both freeze to death."
"I thought you said it wasn't that cold out?"
"I was lying, smart-ass."
While this was going on, Kristopher had cleared out the kitchen and tossed his son into a chair while he recovered from his all-expenses paid trip to the land of the restaurant floor.
"How you feeling, buddy?" the older man asked.
Jack's eyes fluttered open.
"I'm seeing colors now," Jack rambled. "I see snow. Bright snow."
"That's my hair, genius," Kristopher quipped.
Jack shook his head.
"I am going to have to have a talk with God," Jack said. "Making snow of hair now? That's silly."
"I'm beginning to think I should've taken you to the hospital," Kristopher muttered to himself. "Jack, can you hear me?"
"What?" Jack said, blinking a few more times. "The spin is rooming."
"Wait a couple of seconds," his father instructed.
Jack shook his head.
"How do you feel now?"
"Like I just hit my head off of the floor."
"Because you did," Kristopher said. "Now, the big question is: why are you here, hitting your head off of the hardwood floor of this restaurant where I happen to be having a date?"
Jack gritted his teeth, trying to avoid eye contact with his angry father.
"That's awfully specific," he replied.
"Let's start small then," Kristopher stated, grabbing a chair and taking a seat across from his son. "Why are you here?"
"I was enjoying a nice meal with friends," Jack said, "when one of them turned on me."
"You do know Rachel told me the real reason why you're here?"
"Yes, but I was hoping that bump to the head would give me the powers of persuasion like that chick on Heroes," Jack confessed. "I guess not."
"And you'd be right," Kristopher said. "I think we really need to talk."
"Then talk," Jack said, his expression back to the stone-like appearance everyone was used too.
"I just want to hear from your mouth why you don't want me dating," Kristopher said, his tone having leveled out.
"I have no problem with you dating, Dad," Jack said. "It's just…that woman and her son…Actually, just her son. Do you remember when I used to get thrown into dumpsters?"
"He was the leader of the pack," Jack continued. "I don't think I could…" he rubbed the bruise on his forehead. "I don't want to think that I could end with him in my life on a permanent basis."
"You do know this is just one date?" Kristopher asked, arching an eyebrow at his son. "And just because I like Lisa does not mean I'll marry her."
"I know that," Jack said.
"And this thing between you and Noah," the older man pressed. "You two need to work it out. I like Lisa and I want to keep seeing her. And I am going to do so. That means there are gonna be some changes and I want you to be a part of that."
Jack couldn't argue with his father's logic.
"So, you gonna admit you're acting like a presumptuous loon?" Kristopher inquired.
Jack pursed his lips. "The day I admit that is the day you decide to tweeze those eyebrows. I swear, one of them tried to come after me one night."
"Watch it, boy, the trait's genetic."
Puck and Lisa reentered the restaurant as Jack and Kristopher exited the kitchen.
"Is everything good?" Lisa asked, handing the jacket back to Puck.
"It's good," Kristopher confirmed. "How 'bout you two?"
"We're good," Lisa replied.
"Jack," Kristopher said, "meet Lisa Puckerman. Lisa, this is Jack."
Jack extended his hand and shook Lisa's hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," she said.
Jack tilted his head to the side. "Oh my God, you are tiny. How in the hell did you give birth this thing?" he asked, pointing at Puck. "I've seen women your size that have had kids, completely blew out their O-ring."
"Oh, you son of a-" Puck shouted, throwing himself at Jack.
Kristopher dove in between Jack and Puck, hooking the bigger boy's arm.
"Noah," Lisa said strongly. "We talked about this."
"I told you he always gives a bad first impression," Kristopher said, looking to Lisa. "I promise, you get use to it after awhile."
Kristopher released Puck.
"Now," he said. "Noah, is it? If your mother has no problem with it, I'd like to see her again."
He looked over to Lisa.
"Why not," she shrugged playfully.
"And if that's going to happen," Kristopher continued, "we need to know you two can get along. Not like each other. Just get along."
Jack and Puck exchanged glances, the kind that said, "If we were the last two people on this planet…I'd kill him and live out the rest of my life in peace."
Instead of wording it exactly as they were thinking it, Jack and Puck decided to simply nod their heads to say, "You got it."
"Now, shake hands," Lisa said out of nowhere.
Puck extended his hand; Jack did the same, both wishing they had hand buzzers to catch their foe off-guard. The handshake went off without a hitch.
'I will destroy you!' Jack snarled mentally.
'You are about to board the Puck Express. Destination: Pain!' Puck shot from his head.
"Now, if you'll excuse us," Kristopher said. "We have a date to get back too."
With that the older couple walked off, leaving their sons alone. Neither Jack nor Puck had released their grip on the others' hand. They stood there in silence, ignoring the fact that the other people in the restaurant were staring at them, and glared at each other.
'This plan was a real wash,' Jack thought.
'This plan sucked,' Puck observed. 'Well, at least, Berry…'
No sooner had he thought that did Rachel appear. She had a smug look on her face. The boys let go of each others' hands and turned to the tiny girl standing before them.
"So," she began.
"Not a word, Rachel," Jack said, his hand raised in a silencing manner.
She turned to Puck.
"Did you learn…?"
"For once, I completely agree with Harmon," Puck said, "be quiet."
"I guess this won't be as hard as I thought it would," Jack confessed.
"I would rather bait a crocodile with my junk," Puck snapped.
"I can always get you into the zoo if you want to follow through on that promise," Jack countered.
"Wanna talk about promises…"
Kristopher and Lisa watched their sons walk off, tossing insult back and forth while Rachel followed them, trying to get a word in edgewise.
"Think it was a good idea to leave them alone?" Lisa asked.
"Yeah," Kristopher said nonchalantly. "They have to work this thing out on their own."
They returned to their meal.
"As I was saying…" Lisa said.
And that is what became known in the annals of Glee club and the Puckerman-Harmon family as the first ever PACK family outing.
A/N: Finally finished. This took me longer than I thought it would. And I don't even like it as much as I thought I would. Still, I'll leave for you guys to decide. Include your critiques, comments, compliments, whatever opinions you have in the box that pops up after you pressed the button on the bottom center of the page. Until then, I want to wish everyone a good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck as well as happy holidays.