I did not jump, I was pushed.

'Music, the change, fire, Gabriel....' the thoughts echo thoughout my head as I watch the Shattenjager toss the note Grace had left him as she walked out of his life back, onto the the desk. Even though he killed me I still love him and my heart aches because I'm not able to reach out and comfort him.I don't blame him for killing me, who would want to live forever with this curse? Emortality has always been an age old quest for mankind, but it is not something to search for, not something to want. It's a curse. I'm kind of glade I'm not longer alive so I can take the lives of anymore innocent men. I wonder how it would have been like if Gabriel had accepted my offer, if he had became mine to hold and to love. But no, I know that it was never ment to be. He is part of the Light, the beautiful golden rays that rain down apon humanity, me I'm the dark. The light and the dark were never ment to come together, to love one another. But, I didn't want this, I didn't want to become like *Him* Like my father. It was because of him, that I have this curse, I never had a choice. I never had a chance to be anything or anyone else.So can I really be blamed for my actions? Yes. My actions are my own, I should have been able to surpass the temptation, but the urge for a companion was to strong. I had taken the lives of many men, all strong, all innocent, all beautiful. But for all the curse had been to strong, and they had died, leaving me all alone once again, lost in the shadows. Then I met Gabriel, I somehow knew he was different, I fell in love with him at first sight. How I wished I was the one who made love to him instead of Detta or Grace. I wish I had been the one who held his warm body close to mine, the one to kiss and caress his tender, beautiful lips, the one to run my fingers threw his silkily golden hair.
I see myself reaching my transparent hand out towards him, as he sat on the couch, tears streaming down his face. Those tears, much like the tears he cried when he was forced to kill me. I draw back my hand, knowing that the coldness of my thouch would make him shiver. Since I died I was trapped between the world of the living and the world of the dead, I have vowed since the moment I died that I would always watch over the man I love. I wonder, if there had been anytime he had hated me, anytime during the time he bore the curse, had he wished for my blood? Ludwig did.
I feel tears well up in my eyes at the name of my past lover. He had been such a good man, but he was killed. I killed him.....I killed him, I killed him, I killed him.
The words echo threw my head making me cringe. I'm just a dark evil soul, but I don't feel evil, no, I was just a victim like all those whom I so loved, and would always love. I let my eyes fall to Gabriel's talisman. The light beckoned me to come and embrace it, but I was forever trapped within the shadows, so instead I say a silent prayer to all those I had loved and taken and to Gabriel, my last a purest love.
"Please don't hate for I've done, or for who I'm, and know, I did not want to be what I'm, I did not want to do what I have done. I did not jump, I was pushed.