That awful nightmare I had..

Warning: nothing I just hope you cry over this one..

Disclaimer: everyone's doing this thing so I thought just because the cool ones are doing it..XD I don't own death note, Matt or Mello, same goes for the albino sheep U.U".. I just own this plot and this account xD

I open my eyes and the brightness of the room instantly blinds me, I shut them tightly and turn to my side as memories from my nightmare flows to my mind..I suddenly open them, desperately hoping for him to be laying next to me, but he's not..I look around the room, no trace of him, like he never was here. But he was, I remember..

That awful nightmare I had..

I sit up on the bed brushing behind my ears the strands of my hair that are blocking my vision, I stand up, walk to the dresser and get ready, I wear my rosary after I'm done zipping my leather vest and glance at the unmade bed. I smile as I see him turning around in his sleep, breathing evenly, his chest moving with every intake of breath, I walk away his beautiful image imprinted in my head and a light smile still plastered across my lips.

That awful nightmare I had..

I go to the kitchen and there he is, sitting on a stool, resting his left elbow on the counter while dipping his spoon in the cereal bowl with his other hand, I walk past him and make my morning coffee. I pour it in a mug once it's done and sip it silently admiring as he picks at his food then just holds the spoon, and simply stares at it. I smirk remembering the mornings back at Whammy's, he still has those stupid goggles and his hair is as messy as ever, he hasn't changed much, he's still a lazyass gamer..and I love him like that..

That awful nightmare I had..

I walk down the street, he's not by my side, I don't know where he is..I try not to think about it. I hear my 'name' being shouted and I turn around to see him running toward me, I release a sigh of relief but can't help but think that this feels too familiar, like it happened before, but it couldn't have..

That awful nightmare I had..

He catches up with me and we chat on the way to the park, I sit on a bench with him beside me but we keep some distance between us. People are giving us dirty stares, they always do, but I don't care, I have him..Matt says to me that it's because I'm wearing skin tight leather, he motions at my bare hips and stomach, I don't bother to smack him upside the head anymore, we've had the same conversation too many times, I simply smirk and point out that he's the one wearing goggles..

That awful nightmare I had..

I go to the grocery store with him following close behind, I buy a few chocolate bars and a pack of cigarettes for him, we both have an addiction..I hand him the pack but he refuses it grinning, for whatever reason that may be, I simply pocket the object and we walk back to the apartment. Once we're in, I place the pack of cigarettes on the table and sit on the couch. He soon follows suit, taking out a single cigarette and smoking it as if I weren't there, a familiar sight I must say, I've seen him do it discreetly on the balcony or when he was working on a hacking job, but never like this. I would have stopped him but I don't, because I remember all too clearly..that awful nightmare I had..

I turn on the TV and watch the news completely absorbed in the magic box, I glance next to me, where he was sitting not ten minutes ago, but he's not there. I jump off the couch calling his name, I look for him in the bedroom, the kitchen, I can't find him. I walk to the bathroom and take notice that the door is just as I left it, I take hesitant steps inside hoping he'd be there and he is, taking a bath, shampoo bubbles flying all around him as he claps his hands, like a kid, I think as I walk toward him smiling, I can't seem to stop smiling when I'm around him, but I don't care..

He's here..I have him..it wasn't true..

That awful nightmare I had…

I tell him that he scared me, by just disappearing from the living room like that, he simply grins not answering, the white bubbles are all over the tub, reaching past the middle of his torso. I sit on the closed toilet seat watching him, he doesn't object, we do this often enough, I love him there's no doubt about it, but I'm scared, I'm scared of what happened, or what will happen, I'm confused, I don't understand, I can't think straight, I try not to think at all, simply exiting the bathroom and closing the door after me.

That awful nightmare I had.

I find him in the living room, sitting on the floor leaning against the couch, playing his Xbox or whatever he likes to call it, he has all too many of those gaming systems for me to remember each name. I sit on the couch and he leans forward a bit, he always does that, I scoot to the other side of the couch and open my legs wide enough for him to lean in between them and keep playing, I smile despite not understanding what's happening, why he's nowhere and everywhere, what's happening? I question but I don't want to think about It much, I wouldn't want that nightmare to come true, I wouldn't want my loved one to disappear..

That awful nightmare I had..

I reach a hesitant hand forward, trying to catch a lock of his hair and play with it like I always do in this position, but my fingers close around thin air, and I can't reach him, his image is there but, I can't touch him. I frown and reach forward more but before I get to do anything, the phone rings. I retrieve my hand and reach for my cell in the left pocket of my pants, I look down again, where Matt was sitting but he's not there, I hear a chuckle and a comment about how my pants are tight and how my cell, let alone my hand fits in its pocket. I smile relieved that he's there and take the cell phone out, I find it to be an unknown number but I know who it is, the only one that knows how to reach me, that big headed albino twat. I answer the call with a "what do you want sheep?" and he takes a few seconds to answer me, his voice is soft but unlike it usually is, I detect some hidden emotion, he's apologizing I don't understand what he's saying, he says he knows what it's like to lose a loved one, he knows how it feels, he knows how much pain I'm going through right now, he's apologizing again, for my big loss, I glance at where Matt was standing but he's not there. I stand up, cell phone still held to my ear, I hear Near telling me to be rational and not do something stupid, but I don't understand what he's talking about, and I don't ask him, I'm afraid of the answer..

Because of, that awful nightmare I had..

He finishes the call with another apology and a prayer, one that makes my heart leap in my chest, I turn my head looking around the room frantically, I hurry to the kitchen but he's not there, I take notice that there is still a bowl of the cereal on the counter, but it looks like it had been abandoned for some time now, I walk to the bedroom calling his name, desperately hoping for an answer, I drop the cell that was still in my hand at this point, panicking as I see the bed unmade from one side, my side..

That awful nightmare I had..

I run toward the bathroom, I can't even hold it anymore, that ache, the pain welling up inside of me, it's tearing me apart and I'm terrified of the truth, I turn the knob and hurry inside, scanning the bathroom for any signs of him, I walk to the shower and push the curtains aside, but there's nothing there, the tub he's been using a few minutes ago is dry, not a single drop. My tears fall down and I lean against the tub as my knees give in, I don't know what's going on! I'm lost and confused..but am I? it's all because of..that awful..nightmare I had..

I clutch my rosary to my chest and my heart pangs harshly almost as if it's breaking my ribs and thrusting out of its cage. My vision's blurry, my mind still only thinking about him, Matt..I remember and it hurts, god it hurts..I was the one to kill him, oh dear god, I remember that nightmare, it happened, I watched him die, I slam my hands roughly on the edge of the tub, tears streaming down my face, I call his name in my mind repeatedly..

Matt…

His image, that was buried there is awfully clear for me to see, he's laying on the pavement in a pool of his own blood, countless bullets have gone through his flesh..dear god what have I done? Near's words hit me again, another knife to my aching heart "I pray to god that Mail Jeevas rests in peace"…

I slam my head on the edge of the tub, pain is what I feel, as I remember, it's all my fault, we all know it is, I should have been the one dead, not him, not Matt, all he's ever done was be by my side, an amazing friend, the best of friends, that was what we were, I love him dear god, I love him. My lover, my friend, my all, where is he? Where are you Matt? I shout standing up clutching my rosary, where are you? I shout again..forgive me..I whisper but will he ever hear it?

I don't know what I'm doing as I walk to the living room and find my gun on the table..beside a closed pack of cigarettes. I can't live anymore, he's not here, I don't care about anything at all except for him, but now he's gone..I shut my eyes tightly, tears endlessly running down my cheeks , I feel the cold Metal of the gun pressed against my temple..I want to see him again, I want him to know how much he means to me, I want him to know how much I really love him, I want to do a lot of things..

I turn off the safety and take a deep breath, my finger slowly pressing on the trigger..I feel a feather light touch on my wrist and I open my eyes, I see him there smiling that adorable smile of his, he tries to lower my hand but I don't let him, it must be another hallucination of mine..don't do this he says Don't end your life I smileback at him, the tears still flowing, "goodbye Matt" I say "I love you, forever and always" I finish not taking my eyes away from him, standing there, I'm scared if I do, he'll disappear again..I want his image to be the last thing I see, the last thing I think of..

I press the gun more roughly against my temple, I keep staring at him even as I hear the sharp sound of the bullet, even as an indescribable pain tears through my skull, even as my arms fall to my sides and I drop to the floor on my knees, only when I can't feel my body anymore, when I feel so light, like I'm exiting my corps, maybe I am..that's when I look around and find myself in darkness..

But he's here, I can feel it, his hand reaching toward me, he takes mine in his..and I still remember it..

That awful nightmare I had…?

Sorry …XD

I had this idea when I was in the shower ^^""""""

I thought I was done writing XD..I guess that's not gonna happen =="

Anyway…I hope you liked It, I'm kinda proud of this one XD

Um..is it too much to ask for a review? Please I want to know your thoughts about this.. XD

In case no one understands : Matt is dead and Mello keeps having flashbacks about him, he's in denial or whatever they call it..I know it's not cool publishing this on Mello's birthday but..I couldn't stop myself _"""

My birthday is in two days XD …I dunno why I said that _"""

Anyway…this long and boring author note is over ..all you gotta do is add to favorites and review U.U"" XD