AN: Having a bit of fun with the concept of altering scenes from "Jade Dumps Beck" with my own version of Outofcontrol!Beck. So this is the RV scene between Beck and Tori where Tori asks him to get back with Jade.
Warnings: Language, minor-but-not-really Tori bashing
Disclaimer: I don't own "Victorious"
It's All Part of the Act
Tori's here. She's looking at me, all smiles. I could have her. I could grab her right now, and fuck her senseless. Or make love to her sweetly, until everything that's me is lost in everything that's her. I could do that. And no one would even blink twice, because Jade left me. I could become Beckand again. I could be BeckandTori. If I wanted.
But I don't.
I almost wish I did. I wish I wished for Tori's soft smiles and tender looks. But I don't. I want sneering smirks and harsh glares. I want rough words and bruising touches that break me down and put me back together again.
I want Jade.
"You think I should get back together with Jade?" I tune back into the conversation, and my voice is incredulous because I know without a doubt that Tori absolutely does not want me to get back together with Jade. She hates Jade. And she likes me. More than she should like a guy with a girlfriend. Except I don't have a girlfriend anymore. So maybe that's why she's here. Does she want to be ToriandBeck? Does she honestly think I could do that? Just forget the last two years, and be with her?
It doesn't work that way.
I don't work that way.
"Uh-huh." She affirms, but there's a pleading in her eyes. It's not a tell me you love me, more like a tell me you don't love her. The honest answer is neither, but I settle for the middle ground because I can't bring myself to break character and just be myself. Not in front of Tori. Because what if she can't handle the truth of Beckett James Oliver? What if I'm alone again? Completely and utterly alone? What if I break again, and Jade's not there to pick up the pieces?
"You know what?" I say standing and looming over her. "I'm glad Jade and I broke up." And, geeze, I really am the best damn actor at Hollywood Arts, aren't I? The lie just flows right off my tongue, perfect and smooth.
"You're glad? Why?" There's a spark of hope in her voice now. She wants me to say it's because I want her. But it's not. I could say that is. I could be BeckandTori. It would take some learning but I could do it. I could keep up the act. I could just pretend. But I can't. Because she's not Jade, and I don't want anyone else.
"Because I can't remeber the last time she did one nice thing for me." This is true, for the most part. Jade is definitely not a giver. But I like that about her. I fell in love with her, with all of her. Not in spite of anything, but because of everything.
"Psh, didn't you just have a birthday? She didn't get you something for your birthday?"
"She got me a can of lemonade." I deadpan, invading her personal space. I want this conversation to be over. I don't want to deal with Tori Vega anymore. I don't want to keep up the act. I want Tori gone, so I can stop. So everything will just stop.
Tori blinks and looks up at me. I think she thinks I'm going to kiss her. I'm not. Because Jade may have left me, but I'm in love with her. Still faithful. Still hers. I'll probably be hers forever, even if she never even looks at me again. She's clawed her way under my skin and burrowed into my heart until all that's left is Jade West. There could never be room for Tori Vega. There could never be room for anything else.
I pull back, exhuasted by this little farce we've been playing out. "Go home, Tori."
She bites her lip like she's going to say more, but I don't want to hear it. I think that much, at least, filters through my facade and she sees it. She sees how tired I am. So fucking tired of walking around like none of this matters when it's the only thing that does. And she leaves. Says a quiet goodnight with a brief hug and is out the door.
I collapse on my bed, pull out one of the only pictures I have of Jade when she's smiling. I trace over her face with my fingers. God, she has the most beautiful smile. I miss her so much my whole body aches. I cradle the pillow she slept on last week in my arms and breathe in. It still smells like her, and for a second it's like she's back here with me. Back where she belongs in my arms.
For just one second.
AN2: Hey, just realized that Tori never said she was there on Jade's behalf, so Beck doesn't know that this was Jade trying to get him back again. Which explains why he thought she was there to see if he was interested in her. Also, her crush on Beck shouldn't really be taken in a negative light. She's a girl, he's a boy, these things happen. It's not like she went all uber-slut and threw herself at him. Well, not in this fic anyways.