Comedy Combat: Take Two!
Written by Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR
Summary: Comedy is versatile. It can be used to cheer someone up, to distract someone, or to make people underestimate you. But one woman saw it as a means of combat. And now her son shall take it up as well! No Parings.
"Very well, then. We shall move on towards our next match-up," Gekko Hayate, proctor of the third stage of the Chunnin Exams said.
While the computer flashed through the remaining names, Naruto could barely hold in his excitement. After seeing so many of the other Ninja show off their stuff, he was eager to really give his peers a show.
'Hee, hee! Just wait until they get a load of my new combat technique. It'll knock em' dead! Laughing, that is! Too bad I can't say the same thing about the unlucky guy that has to face me!'
Finally, the computer chose the next two contestants. The names, Naruto Uzumaki and Kiba Inuzuka were displayed.
"Alright! It's about time!" Naruto said with a huge grin as he did a pose. "Hey, Kiba! Nothing personal, but you're going down, Dog Boy!"
"Heh, you wish Naruto! A weak punk like you doesn't stand a chance against me!" Kiba gloated. "Looks like we hit the jackpot, eh, Akamaru?"
The little snow white dog on top of Kiba's head let out a bark of confidence
Sakura looked towards Naruto with a look of concern on her face.
'I know that Naruto said he had a new way of fighting, but…just be careful out there, Naruto.'
"Humph. So that little orange eyesore's up next, huh?" Kankuro sneered. "This won't take long at all. I say it only takes a couple of hits to bring him down."
"Yeah. If the rumors I heard were true, then this kid's even weaker than that bun-haired girl I fought. And considering that I took her out with ease, this guy isn't even worth observing. I bet he'll go down with just one hit." Temari scoffed.
"Poor Naruto. Of all the people to face, it just had to be Kiba. Dog-breath had the highest marks in Taijutsu class, aside from Sasuke-kun. If he manages to land one hit on Naruto, then it's all over," Ino said, shaking her head.
"I wouldn't be so quick to write Naruto off like that. But I gotta agree that he definitely has the disadvantage in this fight. There's a chance for him to win this, but it's a very small one," Shikamaru replied.
"Well, if anyone can defeat Kiba, it's Naruto. He's easily the most determined of all of us, and that might give him the edge he needs!" Chouji said, still snacking away on his chips.
"…We are still talking about the same Naruto we grew up with, right? He may be willing to go the distance needed, but the fact that he simply doesn't have the skill to reach that distance can't be ignored!" Ino declared. "Both he and Sasuke-kun were a mess when we defended them and Sakura from that Sound Team. And it took really good ninja like Shino and lazy boy over here to defeat them. And considering that Naruto isn't even in the same class as them, what makes you think he'll do any better against someone like Kiba?"
"…Just call it a hunch," Chouji shrugged.
"So, that Uzumaki kid is up, hmm?" Neji said.
"…Yes…" Lee answered, keeping his eyes completely on Naruto. 'Well, Naruto, as a fellow Genius of Hard Work, I am looking forward to your performance! Show all these people that it takes more than coming from a respected clan to emerge triumphant!'
"Okay, Akamaru! Let's make this nice and quick. The less of our moves we have to show off, the better," Kiba said. The two of them jumped from the platform and into the arena.
"Heh, that's my line, Kiba!" Naruto smirked; leaping over the railing in what was no doubt a cool, heroic way.
…Except for the fact that his foot caught the railing, which caused him to fall flat on his face instead.
"…I meant to do that…" Naruto groaned, slowly getting back to his feet.
Kiba nearly fell backwards on his ass, he was laughing so hard. "Are you for real? How does someone as clumsy as you think you stand any chance against me?"
"Ah, shaddup! That was just an error in judgment, that's all! Trust me, when this is all said and done, your face will be too busy eating the floor to be doing any laughing!" Naruto growled, rubbing his bruised face. "And why did you bring that little puppy? Get him outta here so that he won't get trampled during your beatdown!"
"This 'little puppy' is my partner, numb nuts," Kiba frowned. "Whenever I get into a fight, he's always there to back me up. But I have a feeling that this time I won't need his help. Pounding you into a pulp should be a piece of cake!"
"Heh, just you try it, dog-breath," Naruto said with a toothy smirk.
As the two got ready to rumble, Kakashi thought about how far Naruto had gone since he first came out of the Academy.
'Naruto, your growth as a ninja has been nothing short of amazing. I can remember when you were nothing but a loud mouth with big dreams, and nowhere near the skills to back them up. But ever since the mission to the Wave, you've been growing at an astounding rate. And to top it all off, you've even begun to inherit your mother's style of fighting. Heh…these people will be in for one hell of a show…I just hope you've mastered enough of the basics to use the style in an effective way. The last thing we need is for…him to make an appearance…'
Kurenai, on the other hand, was thinking the opposite. 'Sorry, Kakashi. But that little boy Naruto doesn't stand a chance against Kiba. She thought with no little amount of pride.
"Okay. The match between Naruto Uzumaki and Kiba Inuzuka shall take place…" Hayate began, raising his hand.
Naruto and Kiba both tensed up.
"…NOW!" Hayate declared, swiping his arm down with one quick movement.
The Dog-Nin hopped back to the other end of the arena, plucking Akamaru off of his head.
"You can sit this one out, boy. I'll end this with one blow," Kiba said, setting Akamaru down unto the ground.
After that, he slowly bent down on his knees, putting his hands together into a sign.
'Time to get this show on the road…' Kiba thought. 'Ninja art of Beast Mimicry…'
A dense blue chakra flowed throughout the feral-ninja's body, his appearance taking on a more beastly form. His nails became longer and sharper, his voice sounded more vicious, and he was even on all fours like a dog.
'Well…talk about a makeover gone horribly wrong…' Naruto thought a bit nervously.
"Here I come." Kiba growled. With impressive speed, he charged towards an unprepared Naruto, and delivered a powerful strike to his gut with an elbow.
Naruto's mouth opened in silent pain for a moment. But before he could be thrown back by the force, he gave a little smirk…and poofed into little streams of confetti, witch rained down onto Kiba.
"What the…?" Kiba began, confused. 'Was that some kind of clone jutsu? But what kind of clone bursts into confetti?'
"What's the matter, Kiba? Stunned by my Confetti Clone?" Naruto taunted from right behind Kiba, startling the boy.
"Why you…!" Kiba snarled, whirling around to sock Naruto in the Jaw…only for Naruto to explode into confetti again. "Tch…where is he?"
Akamaru barked a warning to Kiba, telling him that the blond ninja was right behind him again.
Kiba quickly whirled around to attack Naruto again. …But what he didn't expect was to have a pie thrown right into his face.
"Take that, Kiba! Lemon Pie Punch!" Naruto said with a huge smile.
Kiba just flinched as he got a good whiff of the pie. He always hated Lemons. His face was downright murderous as the pie fell off of his face, the Lemon cream still all over it.
"…Huh. Of all the things to attack with, a pie wouldn't have been my first choice," Shikamaru said, scratching his head in confusion.
"Ah man! Why couldn't I have been hit by that attack? I love pie!" Chouji sighed.
"…Temari?" Kankuro began.
"Yeah?" Temari replied.
"Am I just seeing things…or did that kid hit Inuzuka with a pie?"
"…I saw it too, so I don't think it's just you…"
Naruto was laughing his head off, ignoring the way that Kiba's entire body was twitching.
The boy really hated the smell of lemons.
Kurenai was not amused. At all.
"What is the meaning of this, Kakashi? Is your student just treating this like a game of some sort?" The woman growled.
"Heh. You'll see in just a second how much of this is a game," Kakashi replied with a hidden mask smirk.
Kiba finally shook the cream off of his face, and glared at the laughing Naruto. "You think you're real clever, don't ya you little bastard? Just wait until I get my hands on you!"
"Is that a threat, Kiba?" Naruto asked, smirking now.
"No, it's a goddamn promise!" Kiba snarled.
"I'll look forward to it. But first…" Naruto said, bringing a present wrapped with a green bow from out behind his back. "I hope you'll accept this token of my friendship."
Before Kiba could do anything else, Naruto tossed the present towards him, causing the Inuzuka to catch the present without thinking.
"There ya go. Enjoy that!" Naruto said with a cat-like grin.
"Are you nuts? There's no way I'm taking a gift from you! I'm just gonna smash it!" Kiba barked in anger dropping the box and raising his foot to stomp on it.
"Kiba, wait…!" Kurenai shouted towards the Genin. But it was too late.
The second Kiba's foot squashed the box, an explosion of yellow smoke came bursting out of it, engulfing the Dog-Nin.
"AUGGHH! Lemon Powder!" Kiba shouted over his coughing, feeling a bit nauseous.
"Ha Ha Ha! Just in case you didn't get a good enough whiff of that Lemon Cream! You're welcome, by the way!" Naruto crowed in laughter. "And if you think that the worse that my Comedy Combat style can do, then you have no idea what you're in for!"
"…Comedy Combat?" Kiba roared over his coughs.
"That's right. Me and my new way of fighting are gonna take you down, Comedy style!" Naruto declared with a victory pose.
And that is it for the first chapter of my remake of The Art of Comedy Combat! Hope you enjoyed the new moves I employed in this remake, and Catch you Next Continue!