Hi! Just a quick one-shot to go with 6x11. Dean's thoughts on if he would have kept the ring on.
What the hell? Am I seeing this right? Do I actually see Bobby tied to a chair and Sam standing there, knife in hand, raised in the air ready to strike? Bobby? It's a rush of hatred, relief, and unbelievability all rolled up into one when my fist hits the mark. Hits Sam's face. God, he was really going to do it! I look down at him. At my supposed brother. The man without a soul. The man with no humanity. Not one iota of the Sammy I used to know. I look to Bobby and can see unshed tears in his eyes. To him it must feel like he was about to face death at the hand of his own son. He doesn't say anything and I am kinda glad at that as I feel myself slowly sink to the floor. I just can't get my head around it. Man, what a screwed up existence I have.
I just sit on the floor, unable to move. I glance over to where Sam is, he looks so innocent. He looks just like the Sammy I have always known, have always looked after and protected. As my gaze remains on my brother I feel the day's events roll around in my mind. Weird. If I would have killed that little girl when I was supposed to. To keep up with the natural order shit that Tessa and Death always spew in my face. If I would have stuck to the deal and was able to keep that damn ring on... My body shivers involuntarily as I recall the eyes of that nurse. Looking to me for the answer, as to why she died so many years ahead of her time. Why I killed her. And Tessa, her words still filter through my brain. 'Because he screwed up.' If I would have killed that little girl then the nurse would not have died. Her life wouldn't have been wasted just cuz I felt I could stick the rules up Death's ass. Because I wanted to prove that I didn't have to kill the innocent. And if the nurse had not of died then I would not of had to take off the ring to save her husband from killing himself.
I would have gone on as Death, I would still be out there, taking the lives of people, fighting to win. To win the ultimate prize. Sam's soul.
But If I had done that. If I would have been strong enough. If I had kept the ring on. Well, then Bobby, the man who has been as close to me as my own father, would be dead. He would have died. He would have watched as Sam plunged the knife into him. Without care. Without second thought. He would have been killed by the hand of the person that I, that we, have been trying so hard to help. To save. And Sam? He would no longer be my brother. He would be a cold blooded murderer, nothing more.
But I did do it. I did defy the natural order. I did cause the death of that nurse. And the pissiest part of it all is that the little girl still had to die.
And I did take off the ring. I came back here to let Sam and Bobby know that I had failed. That we would have to find another way. And, in the end, because of all this shit, because of my weakness, because of my soul, I did just save Bobby from certain death.
And Bobby? Well, he is still alive and kicking and at moment doing a lot of cursin'. And why? Because I lost the bet. The bet to save Sam's soul.