Warnings: Underage, AU, incest, language, homosexuality, scenes of a sexual nature.
There. You have been warned.
A novel holiday, usually spent with family and close friends. Celebrated with merriment, presents, and a general feeling of warmth and love. The stage consists of a snowy backdrop with tall evergreens that fill the home with a musky pine scent that can only be overshadowed by the delightful aroma of a pie in the oven. Christmas, a holiday to spend away from the everyday worries of work and school, a time to relax and unwind in a comfortable environment.
Now let me show you my Christmas.
You can forget the family and close friends. Not that family won't be present. They will be everywhere. But I will be nowhere, trying to avoid them all. They dote on me. Pester my thoughts with their plastic encouragement. How their voices sound when they ask about me…or my brother, the change in their tone…is drastic. It's expected. It definitely isn't your kind of Christmas. You'll find a lot of snow but there is no escape from the bitter cold. Not when the house is as frigid feeling as the street outside. We have a boring, slender tree with store bought trimmings and baubles. It stands wedged between the piano and my father's favorite lounger. You have to look hard if you want to notice it standing lonely in the sitting room. There aren't any delicious aromas coming from the kitchen. Kretcher isn't very good at baking, for being an elf. So the house smells like it always does-, deceit and my mother's floral perfume.
Oh and love? If you can tell me what that even means, I will tell you if it happens to radiate within Number 12 Grimmauld Place. But by the look of the greeting cards I see stacked inside shop windows, my guess is that you wouldn't find any love here either.
"Mother?" I called once I managed to get the front door open. I dragged my bag in beside me and shook the snow off my black cloak.
"Budge up, Reg. I can't fit through the front door with your fat arse blocking the entire entrance,"
My brother, Sirius. Always so caring. I moved aside anyway and let him into the foyer. The house was dark but it was always dark. No change there. Sirius dropped his rucksack on the floor and strolled right into the sitting room. I stared at it as if it had offended me. It did in a way. Carelessness offends me. And my brother was very, very careless. I picked up his bag for him and started up the narrow staircase. It creaked a little. I was very used to the sound. At the first landing, I noticed that the portrait of Aunt Elladora is a little crooked. I sat the bags down to straighten it then go on my way again. When I reached the second floor, I looked back at the portrait. Aunt Elladora's image winked at me and smiled, then went back to admiring her collection of beheaded house elves.
Oh, to be a pureblooded wizard.
I stopped in Sirius's room first. It was as dirty and as unorganized as it had been during summer break. Kretcher wouldn't clean my brother's room unless Mother said so. And she never does. I suppose she can be just as careless as her oldest child. But no matter. I gently placed Sirius's rucksack on his unmade bed and left his room. I unlocked my door and open it to reveal a perfectly situated room. My obvious liking for the family crest is the first thing I looked over. The carving on the bed post was the most exquisite one. I sat my bag down and walked over to the window to open the curtains. Below was a view of the back alleyway. We didn't live in the best of neighborhoods. Lots of rowdy Muggles coming and going. I sighed softly against the glass, and watched as a fog formed. I wrote a letter R in the steam and watched as it slowly dissipated.
"My little Regulus, home at last," said a sharp, overly sweet voice that I knew belonged to my mother, Walburga.
She walked slowly across the dark wooden floor and pulled me against her. I smelt that floral perfume she always spent so much money on. But it doesn't make anything smell better. Only worse. I tried not to inhale during the embrace. I finally got to exhale once she let go and stepped back from me. My mother stared at me, up and down, as if she were checking to see if I had changed in so short of time. I was still the same fifteen year old boy that had left in September. Still the same lanky, dark haired, dark eyed boy. I gazed at the heavy wrinkles on my mother's face. They grew from around her thin lipped mouth to across her sunken cheek bones. Her eyes were the strangest part. They're dark green with flecks of an inky black color. They shine so strangely they seem to glow outside her skull. I am happy, as I am sure Sirius is, that neither of us had inherited my mother's eyes.
"Not so little anymore, Mother." I said quietly and get a pinched cheek as my reward.
"Oh how I long for the days when you and your brother were babies, and at home…such a simpler time. But now I get to enjoy the astounding, intelligent young man you are becoming." she said with a note of bitterness. She probably was busy wishing Sirius had been a miscarriage, like her last pregnancy.
Many people don't know that my mother lost a child. It was never spoke about, and I'm wasn't even supposed to know. But relatives talk and walls have ears…my mother wanted a daughter after producing two sons. She wanted someone to marry off and then spoil the grandchildren. Now she just pushed all the responsibility onto me. I was constantly being introduced to the female children of purebloods. My mother often tried too hard to get me to shed my social anxiety. It led to meltdowns where sometimes I didn't even talk at all. Girls were fine when I studied with them or spoke with them about sport and weather. But I didn't really see myself holding hands with one, or going down to Hogsmeade on one of the school trips with one. In fact, if my mother knew whom I fantasized about, I would have probably been as exiled as Sirius. They were the right blooded people of course. They just didn't have the anatomy my parents had probably been expecting.
My mother pulled me into another chokingly floral embrace. I sighed against her breast as she whispered, "This will be the best Christmas party ever. I'm sure you'll love the Parkinson's daughter."
Nineteen more days until Christmas. Eighteen, if we're counting down to my misery.
Christmas eve was a big deal in our family. It's the one time of year where my family can all get together and brag. They exchanged financial and networking contacts. And of course, their favorite part, playing matchmaker. That year it was me with Cornelia Mae Parkinson. I had seen her at school of course, as we were in the same year and house. It was also that reason that I chose to avoid her. She wasn't even that pretty, with her upturned nose and bright red lip color. She smelled flowery like my mother. It was putrid.
"I didn't know they would be pawning dogs off on you Reg." Sirius whispered as we sat down to dinner.
I did something I usually never did. I kicked him as hard as I could in the leg. He just smiled at me in his own little way. I pouted and picked at my Christmas pudding. It tasted like raw flour mixed with vegetables. But everyone else was lapping it up like they lapped up the fake compliments that were being dished out. I slid mine onto my napkin and then under the table.
Sirius leaned close to me and snickered. "I saw that."
"You did the same thing," I whispered.
My brother laughed at me again. I was sick of looking at him and instead looked across the table, only to see that Cornelia Mae Parkinson was watching my every move in sickening admiration. I gulped half my goblet of wine and stared out the window for the rest of the meal. Which, by the way, I didn't even consume.
After dinner they rounded everyone up and dragged them into the parlor for more simpering conversation. I sat down into my dad's favorite lounger and gazed into the fireplace. The flames caressed my entire body. I finally felt relaxed for the first time that evening. That was until I heard my stomach give a small roar. I hadn't eaten since the previous evening and now it was starting to haunt me. I knew Kretcher would feed me if I could make it down into the kitchen. Slowly I got out of the warm chair and slipped out the door of the parlor.
And walked smack into my brother's broad chest. I looked up to see Sirius smirking, still.
"Why does everything I do amuse you?" I asked sharply, placing my hands on my hips as a defensive stance.
"Because everything you do is so amusing, Reg."
I sniffed. "Well then stop watching me!"
He snickered. "I can't. I'm sooooo obsessed with your every move!"
Sirius lunged at me and started to tickle my sides. I bit down into my sweater sleeve to keep from laughing so that no one would come looking. His hands slid underneath my sweater and tickled my bare skin, over my chest and up my back. His hands were warm, which was unexpected, but welcomed. I was always cold. I had gotten too unnaturally thin.
"Sss-stop it…now!" I hissed and Sirius stopped.
I collapsed against his chest. He let me lay on him for a minute and then pushed me upwards.
"You're so weak," he said happily.
I felt my eyes narrow as I straightened my sweater. I didn't even bother commenting and just headed towards the stairs to our basement kicthen.
Sirius grabbed my shoulder. "Nothing's down there. If you want to eat, you should of swallowed dinner instead of being prissy and barfing it into your napkin."
"That dinner was disgusting." I said flatly. I must have been making some kind of face, because I made Sirius laugh at me.
"I have some candy from Honeydukes upstairs that I could give you…"
I felt my heart skip in joy. Finally. "What kind?"
"Fizzing Whizbees and some of their chocolate. Went with James last trip,"
My mouth watered like an animal's. "Let me have some? Please?"
I leaned forward into his chest and looked up at his eyes, trying to seem pathetic enough for a pity present. He only snickered.
"I'll let you have the lot. For a price."
I stood back up. "Erm…I don't have any money with me…"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Please. I don't need money."
"Then what do you want?"
His smile became very, very wicked.
"Kiss Cornelia under the mistletoe."
Suddenly I felt my stomach bottom drop out. "You cannot be…you can't be…"
"Serious?" Sirius chuckled. "Oh yeah, I am. One kiss and you can have all my candy."
I wanted to vomit. "Promise…and you will lie to whomever asks where I am for the rest of tonight!"
He laughed harder, his dark eyes twinkling. "No problem. Mistletoe's in the foyer."
I turned to retreat into the parlor. I was scheming in my head how to best convince Cornelia I needed her for a moment alone, without having to actually spend a lot of time alone with her. I looked behind me to see Sirius biting into his lip to keep from bursting out in full on barking laughter. My cheeks turned bright red and I shut the door behind me.
That candy better be worth it. I knew it would be. There was none in the house and who knew where Kretcher went to. I spied Cornelia Mae Parkinson in the corner of the sitting room, looking rather haughty and bored with the entire evening. She may be unattractive and stuck up, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew I had been avoiding her all night. So, I expected the foreboding look she gave me once I approached her. I tried my best to look shy and awkward, which wasn't too hard.
"I'm sorry we haven't had the chance to talk much…I've been feeling a little ill." I said shakily, hoping I was as pale as I wanted to appear.
Her expression softened considerably. "Did you eat something funny?"
"No, no…just the cold weather, I'm guessing." I thought about adding in a fake cough but became worried that it would sound too…well, fake.
Cornelia smiled a little. "Well it's fine. Your family throws nice parties,"
What a bold faced lie. She was well trained. "Thank you. I rather enjoy them myself," I lied right back.
We stood there grinning at each other like idiots. Sirius was probably watching, laughing quietly to himself. My stomach grumbled unpleasantly and I remembered the dare I was supposed to be completing.
"Erm, would you like to see the hall portraits? We have quite a few out there…" It sounded so stupid. How could someone buy that? I mentally started kicking myself.
She bought it.
I escorted her into the foyer. I began showing off the beheaded house elves, looking above for that sprig of mistletoe that Sirius had mentioned. I thought maybe he had been leading me on, but then I saw it hanging over the front door.
"My mother mentioned your Aunt Elladora once," Cornelia was rambling. She looked sickened by the elf heads.
"Oh?" I said stupidly and bent beneath the mistletoe to untie then retie my shoe.
Cornelia came back to my side, still looking bored. "She was quite the…political activist,"
I almost gave myself away by snorting. "Yes,"
When I righted myself, Cornelia's dull gray eyes were staring into my darker ones. I gulped heavily and felt her lips touch mine. Inside my head, I cursed. If she kissed me, did that mean I lost the bet?
I pulled away first. In the distance I could hear Sirius's soft laughter. But I couldn't tell from where. To cover him and myself, I blushed and raced upstairs. I threw myself into my room and shut the door. I couldn't believe how heavily I was breathing from such a wasted first kiss. When I opened my bedroom door again, I looked down over the railing to see that Cornelia had thankfully retreated from the foyer. I turned to go back and hide in my room. Screw the stupid chocolate. But I ran right into a very amused Sirius.
"She kissed you!" he exclaimed then started chuckling. However, he was holding a Honeydukes box. He handed it over without saying any more about it.
"Thanks," I murmured and bit into a bar of their best chocolate. It made the weird shaky feeling I had go away.
I went to go back into my bedroom, but Sirius shook his head. "You know Mum is letting Grandmother stay in your bed tonight, right?"
I choked on my candy. "Wh-what?" I was almost gagging.
Sirius thumped me on the back and forced me to swallow. "You have to stay with me tonight."
"Well can I go in now? I don't want to be around when everyone leaves,"
I watched my brother think about it. People thought we hated each other. The opposite was true. We just never associated at school. But during the holidays, he was all I had and vice versa. He finally nodded and let me pass into his bedroom. I flopped down into his covers and sighed quietly. Sirius didn't smell like anything else in the house. I sniffed his pillow carefully. It was like a mixture of something faintly musky and whatever shampoo he was currently using. It was very masculine. I sighed contentedly and drifted off into a deep sleep…
"You weren't supposed to be in my bed, little twat," Sirius said loudly in my ear. I shot up.
My watch informed me I had been asleep for over five hours. I yawned and looked at my brother. He was sitting on the bed. He had taken off his sweater and was now wearing nothing but gigantic baggy pajama bottoms.
"I couldn't help it…" I stretched in a rather feline like way and saw that Sirius was still staring at me.
"You can sleep here if you want, I suppose…" he said weirdly. He was staring at my hips. I flushed oddly, feeling my cheeks redden.
Sirius got under the covers and blew out the candles on the bedside table. I slid my tight black pants off, kicking them to the floor. I decided to keep my turtleneck sweater on. It was soft and only made sleeping more comfortable. Plus, for whatever reason, the idea of exposing myself so much around my older brother suddenly felt strange. I hadn't ever felt like that before. And this certainly wasn't the first night we had shared a bed together.
I drifted slowly back to sleep. In my dream I was being chased by Cornelia, who was covered in mistletoe. Mother was throwing candy bars at us and laughing like Sirius usually did. Somehow I ended up naked in my parent's bed and someone was between my bare thighs. The dream me was even blushing pathetically. Right before the dream changed again, I could swear it was Sirius who was with me in the bed. It made my stomach flutter and my skin get too hot. I shouldn't feel that way…he was family. But he was also licking around my arse. The dream me couldn't help himself. I started stroking myself, hard. Sirius was so passionate. He tenderly kissed all around my entrance and over my thighs…I liked the way his hair brushed up against my legs. This dream was so cruel…why would I think of this…
"What the FUCK are you doing?" A loud voice screamed into my dream. It shattered instantly once I opened my eyes.
Two things were wrong once I came down to earth. One was that my hand was in my underwear, slowly stroking my cock. The other thing was that I was laying over top of Sirius. He hadn't shoved me off, which was shocking. I stared down at him in confusion.
"Why are you doing that in MY bed?" he demanded, wriggling from beneath me.
I moaned softly. After all, he was right below me. It was moronic of him to move that way. I unhappily removed my hand from my dick and rubbed it casually over my underwear. It wasn't like the moment could get any stranger.
Sirius looked up at me, but not in disgust. He seemed almost curious. I was about to get off of him when he took my wrist and yanked my hand away from my crotch. Then he placed his hand over my erection before I could protest. He squeezed it roughly, and I moaned again. I hated the sound. It was like a kicked dog whimper.
But my brother didn't seem to mind. I felt almost drugged as he rubbed my cock over my underwear. He was enjoying my dead puppy whines. It was totally unfair. I hadn't wanted to feel exposed and now I felt more exposed than ever.
"Take that fucking turtleneck sweater off. You look like a pouf," Sirius smiled. I knew he could see the irony in this just as I did.
"I don't want to. It's…comfortable," I bit down into my lip. Sirius had moved on to finding my balls and rubbing them over the thin fabric.
"Then sit up a little." he stopped touching me. I whined in displeasure but did as he said anyway. Then he pulled my underwear down to my knees, carefully letting my cock out into the cool air.
I shifted on his chest and turned bright red. "Why are you doing this?"
He didn't answer me. Instead, he pulled me forward and slid my entire cock down his throat. I felt my eyes widen in their sockets. A girlish mewl escaped my mouth before I had time to stifle it. Sirius didn't mind. He started to thrust my cock in and out of his throat. It felt so insanely good, the fact that this was completely inappropriate didn't really seem to matter. This probably wasn't even the first time my brother had sucked cock. Now that surprised me. He was always bragging about fucking girls. Maybe there was more to him than people believed. However, this was most certainly the first time anyone besides me had touched me. I wasn't very good at first times. My first kiss was with a total stranger and now my brother would be my first oral experience.
Oh, to be a pureblooded wizard.
Sirius was managing to hold me still while deep throat fucking my cock, and stroking his fingers over my arse. I knew what he wanted. But for some reason that was even harder to give away. Fingering me would hurt. I wasn't an idiot. I shifted awkwardly and he sensed it immediately. He let my stiff seeping cock drift out of his throat slowly.
"It won't be so awful…and you aren't getting away without repaying me, you know," he added mischievously. I let him sit me down in the bed, even though I desperately wanted to cum in his mouth. He slid his pajama bottoms off. I hadn't even thought about his needs. That was pretty selfish of me, considering the holiday. We were only a year apart but Sirius was still more…advanced than me. I felt rather inadequate when I looked down at his dick. He was already hard. I stared up at his eyes and found that he was already staring back at me.
"You don't have to…" he started to say. I knew he was feeling the weird guilt that I felt.
What we were doing was wrong. And we were doing it anyway.
"Yes, I do." I got up on my knees and winced. God, I was so fucking stiff.
I forced his cock head slowly into my mouth, licking over it again and again. I even sucked on it for a moment. Then I knew he was probably wanting more. His hands digging into my long dark hair signaled that I was right. I slid as much of his cock that I could in and out of my throat, making sure to swallow hard around the length of it. How it felt throbbing inside my mouth…I came all over my stomach. Suddenly, Sirius was reaching over me. I swallowed his cock further by accident and he moaned for the first time. His sounds weren't anything like my feminine ones. They were deep and guttural. Hearing them only made my cock twinge. I found my brother could make me hotter than the dizziest daydream. Fuck my life.
Sirius pulled me forward at an angle so he could stroke my entrance without moving my throat away from his stiff dick. I sucked hard at the head, using my hand to jack him off. He coated his fingers in my leftover cum and began pushing his fingertips in and out of me. It burned like crazy but I knew he was enjoying it. I had never touched myself like that, so it had to be insanely tight.
"Sit up," he ordered. I listened.
He forced me to get back in his lap and started sliding his chest up against my cock. It was a weird feeling, but I gasped when our dicks touched. He was purposely making me hard again. I whimpered quietly and then yelped once he suck a finger fully into my arse.
"Sirius…" I cried out painfully. He wriggled his finger around as my muscles screamed in dislike.
"Shh, you'll like it." He then pulled my head close to his and kissed my mouth.
I lost it then. I had never felt closer to somebody before. I kissed back deeply, sliding my tongue around his. I knew for years that girls weren't for me. That wasn't even the half of it. I began to conjure images I knew were disturbing. I wanted my brother to fuck me. Tie me up. Do terribly delicious things to me that I would never forget. I tried to say all that by rubbing my cock against his. Sirius moaned that deep throated growl into my mouth. I wiggled my bum against his thigh so he would know to slide in another finger. He bounced me slowly on his lap, making sure our erections collided in an almost painful way. He came all over my thighs and my cock. But I didn't want it to end. I whined like a kitten and Sirius pulled me into the bed with him.
"If you have it all at once, you won't have anything to look forward too." He smirked. His fingers were still wedged in my arse.
I didn't want them gone so I held his wrist firmly between my thighs. "How do you know what I'm thinking?"
He shrugged. "I'm just amazing." Sirius kissed my neck gently, slowly fucking me with his fingers until I came again.
The sheets had to be a horrible mess. I didn't focus on that at all. What was more important was that Sirius was clinging me to his chest like he never wanted to let go. I didn't ever want him to let go. Sleep was now a curse. Every half second I kissed my brother's lips, making sure he hadn't disappeared. But soon my slumber swallowed me whole. And when I awoke, things were just like before.
A cold dead house. I sniffed and could detect that awful flower smell. Sirius wasn't even in the bedroom anymore. I mourned the absence deep inside my body. I felt near tears and had no idea why. I looked down. I was back in my clothes from last night. My shoes were even back on! And the sheets were bloody spotless. Fuck, had anything even happened? I began to panic. That's when I spied the small parcel on Sirius's nightstand. It was wrapped in shiny silver paper and topped with a blue bow. Attached to the gift was a small card.
'Happy Christmas Regulus. I hope you enjoyed your present last night. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. And, I hope to gift you over and over again. Inside is just something to keep up with appearances. Don't want the family to think I forgot my little brother.
I blushed deep scarlet. So it hadn't been a dream after all. Inside the little box was the strangest thing. It was a decorative pin, kind of like the one that decorated my winter coat. My current choice was a silver snake. However, this one was more festive. A large red and green metalwork mistletoe. I just couldn't help myself. I threw back my head and laughed so hard I thought that my chest would explode.