Pretty Like a Princess
"Puck, I'm not sure you're aware of this, but there is a small child attached to you...why is there a small child attached to you?"
Puck glared at Artie as most of the Glee club watched in bemusement in Rachel's practice room at her house. "Shut up, wheels," he growled. The girl, who had been clutching Puck's leg and hiding in shyness, suddenly went in front of Puck and put her hands on her hips.
She cried a shortened version of Puck's name in indignation, "No-oh! You know mom says that's a bad thing to say!" With that the curly-haired girl slapped Puck's knee. Suddenly the Gleeks were worried for the safety of the feisty girl. Hitting Puck? Even Kurt wouldn't try that unprovoked.
To the surprise and relief of the teenagers, Puck rolled his eyes and picked up the girl, "Yeah, yeah." She gave him a glare and he turned back to Artie and added, with a sigh, "Sorry." The girl smiled, showing off her missing front tooth, and patted Puck's head.
Many of the Glee clubbers had gathered what was going on, but Finn, being Finn, was still a bit slow. "Puck…did you steal a kid?"
Brittany looked confused. "Why would Puck steal his sister? Is Puck Peter Pan?" Santana quickly assured her that Finn was just being an idiot, which even Rachel didn't feel the need to attack her for.
"Guys," Puck said, crouching on the floor with the girl still in his arm's length. "This is Sarah. My sister." Sarah beamed and waved at the Glee club, most of which waved hesitantly; seriously, could anything that cute and innocent be related to Puck? "My mom got called into work today, so I have to take care of her. I figured Rachel would," Puck covered Sarah's ears and whispered, "Castrate," then uncovered her ears, "Me if I didn't show up, so we're watching the munchkin." Puck gave her stomach a quick tickle and stood up, putting his badass face on as if the moment of adorable brother/sister interaction didn't happen.
"When the Hell did we get in The Twilight Zone?" Mercedes whispered to Kurt. The boy just shook his head in disbelief. This could only be described as a "What the PUCK?" moment.
"Well, fellow Glee clubbers," Rachel said while clapping her hands for attention, "We need to start our first Saturday practice! Sarah," she said in a way that was obviously meant to be sweet but really just seemed creepy, "Want to sit over on the couch and watch us practice?" Sarah looked up at Puck who nodded, so she ran over to sit on the couch.
With that the members of New Directions started practice. They were working on an adapted version of "Time Warp" that involved the choreography they had originally done for their production but with added solos. They were currently working Noah into the dance; thankfully the dance was easy—except for the part Brittany and Tina did as a solo—but looked cool as hell when done right. Finally Rachel called a break and the teenagers collapsed into seats and on the floor, drinking from water bottles.
"What do you think, Sarah?" Puck asked, smiling at his sister.
She looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "I think you guys should sing 'I'm Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee'!"
Kurt noticed Puck's nervous laugh and had to ask, "Why is that, Sarah?"
Sarah grinned and said, "No sings it to me every day!" Cue a facepalm from Puck, shocked/amused looks from the Glee clubbers, and an aw from Kurt.
"Noah!" Kurt said, using Puck's first name for the first time, "that's so cute!" Puck grimaced as Kurt sat down between him and Sarah. Kurt turned to the young girl and asked, "So is Noah a good big brother?"
"He's the bestest!" She exclaimed. "He helps me with homework and checks my bedroom for monsters and brushes my hair without hurting me and buys me ice cream and plays with my stuffed animals with me!" The girls and Kurt "aw"ed at the new information and the boys smirked in disbelief. "And that's just a start!"
"You're really a sweet guy? Why do you have to act like such a douche at school?" Kurt asked.
"Woah, Kurt," Puck said, also using Kurt's first name in front of him for the first time. He grabbed his sister and stage whispered, "Don't use those words in front of Sarah!"
"Wait, you're Kurt?" Sarah asked with raised eyebrows.
"Yes, I'm Kurt Hummel," he replied, offering his hand to shake, which she did.
"That's weird," she said, studying his face intently, "you aren't like how No described you."
Puck paled and Kurt's heart slumped. Of course the hot jock had to show his sensitive side only to have it not apply to him. "Well," Kurt said, trying not to let his disappointment show, "I guess I should've expected that." He stood up and started walking away, not going to let his tears show.
Sarah bounded off of Puck's lap and marched up to Kurt. "Your clothes are pretty," she stated and he turned around.
"Thank you, Sarah," he replied with a half smile. "It's nice to know that you didn't inherit a bad fashion sense from your brother."
"And you're really handsome," she said, looking confused.
"Oh Sarah, you're going to make me blush," he answered with a grin. He ruffled her hair—now he knew why his dad was always tempted to do it to him—and started walking towards his bag for a new bottle of water.
He was squating over his bag when Sarah marched over and exclaimed, "No talks about you all the time! He thinks you're pretty!" In a split second the room grew silent, Kurt fell in shock, and Puck whispered an explicative he probably would normally never say in front of his sister.
Kurt turned around in his sitting position to face Sarah, who was now at eye level with him. "What did you say?" He asked, not able to believe a word.
"No thinks you're the prettiest person in school!" Sarah said with a grin, but then she looked confused. "But I think you're more handsome than pretty, but your clothes are pretty like a princess."
Kurt eyed Puck and saw him with his elbows on his knees and his fingers massaging his temples. He turned back to Sarah. "What else does he say about me?" he whispered hopefully.
"He says you're smart, you have a pretty voice, that you make him laugh, you're cool, and you have a nice butt." Sarah giggled, "The butt thing is true!" Kurt blushed a bit and Puck sunk deeper into the sofa as if he wanted it to eat him alive.
She frowned suddenly and said, "But he thinks you don't like him, since he was mean to you, but he says he was mean to you because he likes you. But that doesn't make sense." Sarah thought for a moment before shrugging and smiling. "But he'd like to take you to a fancy restaurant and dates."
Kurt was in shock, but of a good kind. Puck, the hottest guy in school, liked him? "Thank you for telling me this, Sarah."
Sarah beamed at him, "No problem!"
Kurt made eye contact with Puck and the two slowly stood up and walked towards each other.
"Do you really mean that, or is this some elaborate plot using a cute little girl to get me to trust you so you can humiliate me?"
Puck sighed. "No," he stated clearly, his eyes full of honesty and various emotions, "No. I really do like you, but I understand you not liking me."
Kurt looked at the dejected Puck and felt a rush of emotion for the former bully. "Well," Kurt said, raising an eyebrow, "Isn't this the part where the 'Puckasaurus' asks me out?"
The smile on the mohawked teen was priceless; Kurt had never seen him that happy. "Tonight at eight?" he asked hopefully.
"Of course," Kurt answered with a smile. Puck looked up hopefully and slowly moved forward. The two touched their lips together in a sweet, simple kiss.
"Yay!" Sarah squealed, running over to the two boys as they pulled apart. "Now No can have those seconds with you!"
The rest of the Glee club looked even more confused. "What do you mean by seconds, sweetie?" Quinn asked.
"Quinnie, you know!" Sarah said. "Like more than one sec!" The room still looked blankly at her. "Mom asked No if he would have seconds with Kurt and he said yes! Secs, you know, like what got you pregnant, Quinnie!"
Puck facepalmed again as he muttered, "Oh my God…"
"He said he'd even take the bottom bunk if Kurt wanted him to!"
"Oh, don't worry, I like the bottom bunk," Kurt reassured Puck before he realized what he had said. The whole group was silent for a moment before they started laughing at them so hard some of them were rolling a bit. Puck and Kurt were bright red in the face.
"Okay, we're leaving, say bye, Sarah!" Puck said in a rush, grabbing his sister's hand.
"Bye, Sarah!" Sarah replied cheekily as Puck rushed them out of the room.
A/N: Oh wow! I found this when I was looking through my old stuff. Why didn't I publish this before? It actually kind of works ending there. So…yeah. Based off a prompt on the Puckurt meme on LiveJournal :D
"With Regionals getting closer, Rachel convinces (bullies) everyone into a Saturday rehearsal.
But Puck's mom is working some massive overtime and since he's the main source of childcare, Puck's forced to bring his sister with him.
Puck's sister totally outs him as the bestest, most awesome and amazingly devoted big brother in the world.
"You should sing (insert adorable children's song here.) It's my favorite and Noee sings it to me every night!"
Puck being absolutely horrified when his sister marches right up to Kurt "Noee talks about you ALL THE TIME! He thinks you're pretty."
So...yeah. R&R? And obviously this was started before NBK aired, and I guess takes place in an alternate reality of some kind...DDK. ADK, either. We'll say this is the same universe of Codependency and Humping. :D