I am back in my body now, no longer frozen in between life and death. This is my decision and I am so shocked by it. Didn't I realize the pain that would come with this choice? Didn't I understand the torment I would have to face daily?
Feeling the warmth of his hand entwined with mine, I know why I choose to stay. Adam. He tightens his grip, out of desperation, as I sense him loosing faith in me. He leans in, and his soft voice echos in my ear "Mia, I know your there, and I know that you can hear me." His voice is firm, as if he is assuring himself too. "Mia, don't you dare leave me. Mia-" His voice cracks, but he continues anyways. "I need you.."
His voice trails off, and a sharp pain stabs my heart. I'm here! Don't give up on me! Desperately, I scream inside my head. I desire to assure that I'm going to live, but my body wont move.
I had thought this whole time, that if I decided to stay here, that I would be able to. I could just go back to my body and continue life. I hadn't even considered the possibility that my body was too wounded to live, I had believed that it was simply my choice.
Then I hear the only words that could have shaken me even more. "Mia," Adam's voice weak, as he tries to hold back tear. "I love you." Three words. Three words that mean more to me then then finding out I was going to live.
In the time that Adam and me have been dating, never once had we spoken those words. Sure I liked him. A lot. But Adam and I have always believed everyone throws around those words as if they are meaning less. So we had an unspoken pact, that we would not do the same. Now I see he still hasn't broken our 'deal.' He truly loves me. The realization dawns on me, that I do too. I would lay my life down in order to save his; we were in love.
I have to tell him this. But I am physically unable too, so I do all I can; I simply squeeze his hand. That required so much strength that I am now exhausted. I'm hopping this is enough to reassure him of how I feel. "Mia?" Though I'm still incapable of opening my eyes, I picture his face lifting as it did many times in the past. His tone no longer held a note of despair which relieves me.
"Excuse me, Mr. Adam?" I recognize the voice as the nurse who I had taken quite a liking to. "I'm sorry but we are going to have to ask you to leave now. We are going to have to but her under some medication that will require her to sleep."
I sense his gaze resting on me, and he carefully brushes the strands of hair off my forehead. Even through it all, I can feel myself blushing. "Alright, well I will see you tomorrow then. Take good care of her." He says half-heartedly to the nurse.
I am still thinking of Adam when I feel the injection of a needle in my arm. Within seconds, I'm out.
Beep-Beep-Beep. As I return to consciences an over whelming pain stabs me from every direction. I feel myself take a sharp breath in. I must distract myself, something to divert my thoughts away from the agony.
Beep-Beep-Beep. The steady tone from the machines surrounding me, remind me of my chello. The way both echo in my ears, making a constant rhythm. I imagine myself gently plucking chords on my instrument, in harmony with the noise. I focus directly on this thought, which slowly begins to numb the pain.
I am unaware of how much time passed since when I first woke up -Minutes? Hours?- and when Adam walked in. I hear his strong voice ask the nurse for any updates, while he enters the room. Immediately, I drop all thoughts of my music and listen intently. I perceive two pairs of footsteps following him, slow and steadily, and realize they belonged to my grandparents. Then, I fell the strong and confidence stride of my best friend -Kim.
I had lost a lot, but I realize in this moment I still have a family who loves me. And they were right here in this room. All thoughts of pain left my mind, and the only thing I want, is to be able to see them with my eyes. I can hear the heart monitor quickening in pace, and my breathing was heavier as I try to muster the strength to open my eyelids. You can do this, Mia, I encourage myself. For your grandparents who also lost their children. For Kim, who has always been there for you. For Adam -who you cant even begin to describe how much he means to you.
That was all it took for me to open my eyes. At first everything was blurry as I adjusted to the light. Slowly the fuzzy outlines became distinct details, and for the first time since my accident I saw the faces I had almost left behind. I let my gaze rest on each of their smiles, and take in their looks of relief. Even though none of us spoke a word, the silence held a meaning we all understood and sent a feeling of great warmth. I was glad to be back.