A Very Sporky Christmas Special

By Lucidscreamer

(For Christmas 2010. Consider this one an outtake for "Millennium Spork", in which things take a slightly slashy turn amidst the usual insanity. If light, humorous Puzzleshipping isn't your cuppa, stop reading now.)

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi.

The Pharaoh was not happy.

He not-pouted as he watched Yugi teeter on his tip-toes as he attempted to put a shiny plastic star on top of a fake pine tree. On the other side of the room, Joey and Tristan were having a battle to the death with a pair of oversized PVC candy canes. So far, they had rained candy-striped demise upon half a set of bookends, two table lamps, and a glass dish in the shape of a chicken. (Mrs. Mutou hadn't seemed to mind the loss of the latter, though she had given up on refereeing the rambunctious boys, and she and Téa had retreated to the front stoop to watch Grandpa finish hanging the multicolored lights on the front of the shop.) Frankly, this whole "Christmas" ritual was confusing the hell out of Yami.

"I still don't understand," Yami said, not-pout deepening. He folded his arms and contemplated slouching lower into his overstuffed chair by the heater. Slouching was un-pharaonic. On the other hand, it would put him deeper into the electric blankets he had practically mummified himself inside and it would add to his air of insouciance. Decisions, decisions...

Yugi sank back onto his heels and glared at first the star, then the tree, which was at least a foot taller than he was and seemed to be affecting an air of smugness one didn't normally find in artificial greenery. He glanced over at his darker half - his much taller, much lazier darker half, who was currently cocooned in every warming device known to man and refusing to come out before spring. "Don't understand what, Yami?"

"All... this." Despite having both arms inside the blanket (and three sweaters), Yami managed a gesture that took in the room, with its evergreen swags, red ribbons, decorated (all but the topper) tree - and festive candy cane jousting, courtesy of Tristan and Joey. "If you wanted to celebrate the birth of a god's son, may I point out that your timing is a bit off?"


"Seriously, Yugi, what part of 'Son of Re' are you not getting?" No offerings, no gratitude, and now this. Yami slouched (regally, of course) and scowled at his partner. "In my own time, I didn't even live long enough to celebrate a single Heb Sed. Would it kill you to give me one tiny festival of my own?"

"If you'll come over here and put this stupid star on this stupid tree, I will personally sacrifice a hamburger in your honor."

Yami thought it over. Leave his carefully constructed cocoon of warmth (which currently included sweaters, gloves, scarf, two pairs of woolen socks, long underwear, heated house shoes, two electric blankets, and a space heater - and he was giving serious consideration to summoning a few of the fire-based Monsters) and put the star on top of the tree... for a hamburger?

"Hey, Joey?"

Joey stopped pummeling Tristan with the giant candy cane long enough to glance over his shoulder. "Yeah, Pharaoh?"

"How much does a hamburger go for these days?"

"Depends. You can get one of the little cheap-o ones for, like, a buck."

Narrowed eyes turned to glitter at Yugi, who gulped.

"Guess that's a 'no', huh?"

"What was your first clue?"

That would be the Shadows gathering around Yami's chair, though Yugi figured he was better off not mentioning them. Instead, he set down the star (all these tall people around and he got stuck decorating the top of the tree? Who had planned the division of labor for this gig, anyway? Somehow, this was surely all Shadi's fault...), crossed over to the staircase, and took one of the Christmas stockings off the banister.

"How about if I give you one of your presents, now?"

Interest perked Yami right up. He straightened and wiggled an arm free of his cocoon. "Gimme."

Yugi rolled his eyes. "You've been hanging out with Dupli-Yami waaaay too much. It's not good for you."

"You're just jealous because my badfic double isn't... quite... as annoying as yours."

"Hey! He's getting bet-" Well, okay, not better. Somewhat less homicide-inducing, maybe. "He's not that bad." Yugi's endurance had improved to the point where he could almost stand to be in the same room with Emo for nearly a minute without wanting to pummel him into the ground. "Stop changing the subject or I won't give you your present."

Reminded of his priorities, Yami wiggled his gloved hand in the air. "Right. Gimme."

The fluffy Christmas stocking hit him in the face and plopped into his lap. He not-pouted at Yugi.

"Oh, don't give me that look. Just open it already."

Yami tugged a flat parcel from the stocking and tore open the gold foil wrapping paper. He frowned at the folded piece of cardstock, on which someone had drawn a rather crazed-looking desert hare. "What is it?"

"A plot bunny." Yugi perched himself on the arm of Yami's chair. "I negotiated with one of them-" They both shivered a bit at the reference to the fanfic writers. "-and got us starring roles in a story set on a tropical island. I know how miserable all this winter weather has been making you."

"You did that for me?"

With a nod, Yugi leaned in and gave Yami a chaste peck on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, Yami."

Yami took another look at the plot bunny and noted the genre. Slash, huh? Looked like his holiday would be heating up in more ways than one. He pulled his partner down into the blankets with him and claimed a kiss that was anything but chaste.

"Yugi?" He murmured against Yugi's neck once he let his partner up for air.


"Can I still have a Sed festival?"


Yami tugged his partner's earlobe into his mouth and felt Yugi melt against him.

"Fine," Yugi grumbled, tilting his head to give Yami better access. "But only a little one."

Heb Sed - Sed Festival. (For more information, Google it.)