This is a Climax Springs / Hickward outtake written for Birthday girl, Sandy Sherrill over at SouthernFanFictionReview (dot) com. I wrote this to brighten her day because she is a seriously kick ass lady. If you're not familiar with her website, you need to check it out. RIGHT NOW! GO! This story will be waiting for you when you get back. I promise.


The Christmas Tree

"Ma'am, I's believe I's has the perfect tree for yous just yonder over that there hill. I's grab my chainsaw and I's head that way. Yous can come wit me to sees it if yous wants to," I said to the pretty lady that stopped by the tree lot.

You see, Emmett and me we was selling the Christmas trees this year to raise money so Emmett Jr. the first could get his new teeth. The little rascal done knocked the old ones clean outta his head while he was playing around on the tractor with Emmett Jr. the second. The doctor done told them he didn't need to buy no new teeth since the ones that fell out were his baby teeth, but Rose don't trust that there doctor. She don't want her kid walking around with no teeth the rest of his life.

I thought the doctor probably knew what he was talking about, but I ain't one to go against Rose. She could get mighty mean at times.

"I would like to see it. This is a very special tree and I want to make sure it's the perfect one," the nice lady said to me as I was bending over picking up my chainsaw. When I stood back up, I saw her licking her lips and turning her head the other way real fast-like. I didn't know what that was all about, but I reckon she has a case of them chapped lips. I just hope she don't put that ointment stuff on them where Jasper can see. He's sure that stuff is made by the spies.

"Foller me, ma'am. It's just a little hike up the hill here. We's be there in no time," I said as I started walking toward the trees.

"My name is Sandy Sherrill, but please, call me Sandy," she said all nice-like.

"Yes, ma'am, Ms. Sherrill. Sandy, ma'am," I said, sounding dumber than two sacks of hair. "I's Edward. It's a mighty pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

She sure was prettier than a new sheep on the farm.

"It's real nice to meet you, Edward," she replied as I stopped walking so I could do the polite thing and offer her my hand. I held my hand out to shake hers and she grabbed it and squeezed it tightly, rubbing her thumb over the top of my hand several times. I guess that's how they do the hand shaking in the big city.

As we walked, it felt like something done took a bite outta my rear end, but when I turned to see what it could be, Ms. Sandy, she was smiling real wide-like. She was looking around at the trees and whistling a happy little tune I didn't know. I thought it might have been a squirrel that done bit me, but I reckon it was nothing if Ms. Sandy didn't see it, so I just shrugged it off.

It's pretty darn warm outside for being in the middle of December, and I started to work up a mighty fine sweat as we trekked up the hill. I sure am glad that I took my Carhartt off before heading up here, leaving me only in my overalls and boots. Real men don't wear nothing under their overalls - not shirts or the underpants. Or so I'm told by Emmett. Whether that be true or not, I reckon I don't know, but I do it anyway because I'm a real man. Don't want no one thinking I'm not.

After about twenty minutes, we finally made it over the hill and then we were standing in front of the biggest dern Christmas tree in the whole wide forest. It was a real nice one, too. I put the chainsaw down at my feet and stretched my arms up over my head, reaching for the clouds. It sure did feel good to stretch my muscles after hauling that chainsaw up here.

"Wow," Ms. Sandy breathed next to me. "I bet it's at least ten inches."

I turned to her and her head snapped up real fast and she looked me in the eye.

"I's think it's about ten feet, Ms. Sandy, not ten inches, silly," I said to her with a bit of a smile and chuckle. She looked at me all confused for a second and that made me a bit confused, too.

"Um, what was that?" she asked.

"The tree, ma'am. I's reckon it's about ten feet tall," I said, pointing toward the tree in front of us.

"Oh, right. The tree! Yes, the tree. I think you're right. It's about ten feet tall."

"Is this the one for you, ma'am?" I asked her.

"Yes, definitely the one," she said, but it didn't sound like she was talking about the tree. I didn't say anything, but I picked up my chainsaw and walked over to the tree. I pulled the cord on the saw to start it up before placing the chain against the base of the tree. In seconds, the tree fell to the ground with a swoosh.

I sure do like the sound of a felled tree.

"Well, there's we go, Ms. Sandy, ma'am," I said as I dusted my hands off on my overalls. "Let's get this here tree back to the lot."

I slung the chainsaw over my shoulder and bent over to grab the trunk of the tree. Behind me I hear a loud sigh and I reckon Ms. Sandy ain't looking forward to the hike back down the hill. I reckon a city girl like herself ain't use to the great outdoors much. That's alright though, not all the ladies are the country folk type, but Ms. Sandy, I was sure she's good people.

We make the hike back down the hill and it takes a bit longer than the trip up because I'm pulling a mighty big tree, but we reach the tree lot and I notice Emmett took off on the tractor, again. I reckon he wanted to pick up some more Pabst before Rose cut him off for the night.

I know I could sure use a nice cold Pabst right about now, after working up a bit of a sweat hauling that tree. I sure hope he gets back soon, but knowing Emmett, it'll be a while. He's slower than a two-legged coon dog on a Monday morning. Hopefully he don't wreck the tractor again.

"Well, Ms. Sandy, all I's gots to do is load this on the roof of that there fancy car of yours and yous be all set to go," I said, smiling a little bit before lifting the tree and placing it on top of the car. It sure is a mighty heavy thing. I don't know why anyone needs such a big tree, but I reckon that's none of my business, anyhow.

"Thank you, Edward. You have been a great help. How much do I owe you?" Ms. Sandy asked as I tighten up the ropes, securing the tree to her car.

"Well, I reckon for a ten foot tree like this one here it'd be 'round seventy five dollers, if that'd be 'ight with yous," I said as I made my way to the barn where we have all the money things. I opened the door for Ms. Sandy and let her walk in first, because my momma raised me to be a gentleman and I never go against what my momma learned me. I followed her in and let the door shut behind us, the smell of hay and horse manure was strong, but I do love that barn smell. Boy howdy!

"Oh, no!" Ms. Sandy said with a pout on her face. "I don't think I have that much money on me, Edward. I really want that tree, too. So tell me, is there anything else I can do to pay for it?"

I looked at her for a moment, and scratched the top of my head, thinking. She was a battin' her eyes like a toad in a hailstorm.

"Um, well, I's reckon I's not sure, Ms. Sandy. Are yous any good wit the chickens?" I asked her because we always need help collecting the eggs in the coop. Emmett was banned from going in that there chicken coop about five years ago for pretending to be a wolf and scaring the chickens something awful, and Jasper won't come near it - he says the chickens work for the spies. So that leaves me and Rose to egg collecting.

"I wasn't talking about chickens, sweetie," Ms. Sandy said all soft and deep-like. She sure has a pretty voice. I bet she could make a mighty fine living on talking on one of them there television shows that Rose loves so much. Every time we make it to that fancy Wal-Mart store, she watches them for hours until a man in a blue vest tells us we need to be moving on.

"What did yous have in mind, Ms. Sandy?" I asked her, hesitantly, not quite sure if I wanted to hear what she was thinking of in that there head of hers. She was looking like she was planning something. Maybe she works for those spies Jasper is always going on about. I reckon I should listen to him and those spy stories more closely, because he may have done told me about the tree spies and I didn't listen.

"Well, Edward," she said as she took three deliberately slow steps forward, putting herself right in front of me. I took a couple three steps back until my backside hit a bale of hay. Ms. Sandy followed me, so close I was able to feel her breath on my chest. "I was thinking of something like this." She reached her hands up and real fast-like unclipped both sides of my overalls and then they fell to the ground with a whoosh.

I stood there, shocked, and I don't mean because of the sudden coldness brewing about my nether regions.

I felt a hand wrap around my pecker, stroking it gently, and I just knew my eyes were about to pop clean out of my head by that time. It would appear that I was frozen plumb solid and struck mute because I just stood there as my body started to react to her touch.

"Mmm, I think I was right about the ten inches," she said as my pecker grew in her hand. I slowly looked down, it felt like I had been sipping the moonshine all morning, and took a look at what she was doing. My pecker was so hard it could poke a hole in the side of the barn.

I was hornier than a nine-peckered dog in a kennel full of bitches.

Ms. Sandy dropped down to her knees, and I'm pretty sure I made a sound that is usually heard by the pigs out in the sty, but I couldn't really think or care because she put her mouth on me-down there. My eyes began to roll to the back of my head. I never had a lady do this to me before, and I never knew what all the fuss was about. Now, I know.

I do declare.

I was unable to take my eyes off of her and what she was doing to me. I watched as her cheeks hollowed out and sucked my pecker real hard, like it was a mighty tasty lollipop you get at the Kum-n-Go. My hands flew to her hair when I felt her wet, hot tongue swirl around the tip.

"Boy howdy." was all I was able to say. My hips started thrusting forward without my say so. I tossed my head back, looking toward the heavens, and squeezed my eyes real tight. Pleasure, the likes I never felt before, was rushing through my entire body. I heard myself moan out, sounding like the heifers in the field right about eating time.

I looked back down at Ms. Sandy and saw her watching me, her big eyes fixed on my face. She pulled her mouth off my pecker, suddenly, with a popping sound.

"Do you like this, Edward?" she asked while her hand quickly stroked me up and down.

"Yes, ma'am," I grunted out.

"Good." She brought her mouth back to me and licked the entire length of my pecker before taking the tip back into her mouth. Her head started to bob up and down like one of them there ducks diving for fish over in the pond.

A couple three minutes later and I couldn't take no more. "Ms. Sandy, I's gonna...I's think I's gonna spurt my stuff." I tried to warn her, I honest to goodness did, but she didn't pull away and a short spell later I felt the pleasure hit the roof. I knew my stuff was spurting in her mouth, but she didn't pull away, rather she started to swallow my spurting stuff down.

When I was done, she pulled away and looked up at me.

"Very tasty, Edward. How was that?" she asked.

"I'll be, Ms. Sandy, that was...that was...well, I's happier than a woodpecker in a lumberyard rights about now," I said between heavy breaths. My overalls were still at my feet and I was leaning against the bale of hay behind me. I was sure my legs couldn't hold me up because they were shaking like an old dog shitting hammer handles.

"Good. I was happy to do it," she said as she stood up and to went fishing in her bag.

I reckon I was still struck a little dumb, because I couldn't move and my heart was going a pitter patter.

"Well, looky here!" Ms. Sandy exclaimed. "I do have the money to pay for that tree after all. Here ya go, Edward." She put the money down on the table and turned to look at me.

"It was lovely to meet you, Edward. I'll be sure to come back here every year for my Christmas tree. I can see they are the best ones around." She stepped back in front of me and got up on her tippy toes and gave my cheek a kiss. I felt my pecker twitch a little. I reckon he couldn't wait to see her again next year either.

"Sure thing, Ms. Sandy, ma'am. Yous sure are good people. Yous come back and we's take real good care of yous," I said. I was still breathing like I was a running from an angry bobcat that got caught in a piss fire.

"Mmm, I'm sure you will, sweetie. I'm sure you will," she said with a smile. And with that she strutted out of the barn, got in that there fancy car of hers and drove off.

I was still a little flabbergasted about what just happened, so I didn't hear Emmett pulling up in the tractor. But when he walked into the barn, carrying a case of the Pabst in each hand, he froze and looked me up and down. He tilted his head to the side and looked like he was a monkey trying to work out what one plus one was before he started talking.

"Edward, why yous have your pecker out?"

Hehehehe. Oh, Edward, what are we gonna do with you? You can check out Climax Springs on my combined profile with NowForRuin. The link is on my profile.

I hope you like this little bit of crazy. If you did, let me know with a review!