Title: Without You Here
Fandom: L&O: SVU
Rating: T for teen. Rated mainly for language.
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the SVU universe. Any writing is done purely for recreational purposes. No ill harm is intended.
A/N: This is the first part of a two part story that I've been wanting to write for a long time. It's Alex/Olivia. I figured that people can always use more of what in my opinion is one of the best pairings on SVU. I'm going to warn you though. This story is extremely sad. So I will tell you now that you'll need some kleenex. Chances are you're going to need at least a few. And hey, if you need a good cry, this should be it. There is some fluff before hand, so it's not all tragic. Please read and let me know what you think. Like I said, this is part one of two. I plan on having a chapter that takes place roughly 15 years from the end of this one. If you read, you'll know why. Anyhow, without further ado. Here's what I consider one of my finer works.
Olivia squinted as she climbed of the backseat of the conspicuous black SUV deep in the bowels of one of the cities public parking garage. The dim lights flickered, casting shadows into the darkness around them. Olivia squeezed her hands into tight fists as she tried to work out the jitters in her system. Elliot quickly slid out of the back seat behind her, slamming the door shut. His jaw clenched for a moment in displeasure.
"Well that was worth a whole lot of nothing," Elliot said bitterly as they started to walk, "All we did was mention Calahan's name and he started screaming for us to be removed."
Olivia flinched at the offending high-pitched noise of tires squealing on slick pavement. She turned just in time to see the SUV speed off into the night, accompanied by two other vehicles. Their faceless witness was probably being briefed about his new identity at that very moment as they prepared to make him disappear all over again. Olivia was just as annoyed that they had gone through with the entire cloak and dagger routine only to come up with something they could have been told over the phone. The fact is, they were lucky they even got the chance to meet with the witness face to face, even if it was in the back of an SUV at three in the morning. Somehow, Alex had managed to pull some strings with one of the WPP officers at the bureau. They were hoping their 'unidentified' witness, a former member of the Italian mafia, would have been able to close their serial rape case for them. Unfortunately, one mention of the name and their witness freaked. Of course, it just so happened that the man they were inquiring after was the very same man he was trying to hide from. Olivia had never seen someone freak out like that, especially someone who worked in the mob, and whose entire life was spent carrying out hits on their competition. The truth was, that the man was absolutely petrified that somehow the detectives would lead the man he was most afraid of right to him.
"Well," Olivia muttered, coming to a stop a few meters away from where their car was park unceremoniously. "At least we can say we tried. We did what we could. Although, I expect Alex isn't going to be too happy we didn't get anything useful." Almost as if the blonde had been reading her mind, a car pulled up next to them in the parking garage, Alex climbed out of the front seat, accompanied by a blue suit with an earpiece.
"You guys get anything?" she asked anxiously. Olivia found herself trying not to groan as a result of her own feelings of disappointment and failure when expectant sparkling blue eyes met her own. Alex's expression remained impassive as always, but Olivia knew she could always gauge the blonde's feelings just by looking into her eyes.
"Afraid not," Olivia said with a sigh. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the recorder she brought with her. Pressing her thumb down on the button with the green arrow the cassette jumped to life. Alex stood at a tension, her attaché clutched tightly in her hands. She held the briefcase in front of her. Olivia's eyes raked over Alex's flawless body, drinking in every detail hungrily. It had been a long few days and she'd hardly been able to see her lover, let alone talk to her. Olivia felt her heart melt a little as a warm reassuring smile graced its way onto Alex's lips as a way to show Olivia that she understood and wasn't the least bit upset about the failure.
"Mr. Chekov," Olivia's voice echoed throughout the empty, silent garage as the tape started to play back, "I'm Detective Benson and this is Elliot Stabler. We're with the NYPD and we need to ask you a few questions." Alex's lips pursed tightly as she devoted her full attention to the tape.
"Is this why they dragged me here?" a distorted voice sprang to life all too quickly, "So that I could talk to some stupid cops about some murder case?"
"It's a rape case actually," Elliot corrected. "We work with special victims."
"And we could really use your help," Olivia said finally, picking up right where Elliot left off. "We're looking for a man that we think is responsible for our rape/homicide. His trademark involves carving distinctive religious relics into his victims after he strangles them. He's umm…" They could hear a momentary pause and a shuffle as Olivia checked something in her notes, "known as the Venetian." They all jumped together as the man started screaming. Olivia could remember feeling shocked, at the man's reaction to the last few words. She jumped back a little as the man pushed himself back into the seat, putting as much distance between them as he could. His hysterical screams echoed around them as the tape continued to play, causing a shiver to shoot up Olivia's spine.
"What is it?" Olivia's voice poured out of the speakers. Through deciphering the tone, Alex could tell that Olivia was trying to undo whatever it was she did to set him off. "What did I say?"
"Are you doing this on purpose?" the man yelled. "You trying to get a rise out of me?"
"No. I…" Olivia's confused voice stuttered, "I don't understand."
"I'm the Venetian," the man shouted, "That was my signature! I killed that way. Don't you see? He's trying to send me a message. He's going to kill me!" Olivia took a deep breath, quickly trying to salvage the interview.
"Who is trying to kill you, Chekov?" Olivia asked all too quickly as he continued to yell at them to leave. "You need to tell us. Is it Calahan?" Chekov started pounding on the back windows. Olivia and Elliot could only gasp, astounded by his behavior. "I'm done. I want out! Get out! Get them out of here." With a sigh, Olivia's thumb, slid over the stop button, and with a click, the sound stopped.
"So that's it," Alex said, her voice tinged with disappointment.
"I'm sorry, Alex," Olivia said honestly, running a hand through her hair, looking distressed. "I really messed up. I…." Alex stepped forwards, dropping her briefcase onto the concrete floor so that she could stop Olivia's own guilt trip. Quickly, Alex was placing a finger on Olivia's lips, effectively stopping Olivia before she could degrade herself anymore.
"Stop it, Liv," Alex said finally, peering into swirling chocolate brown eyes, "You know it's not your fault. How were you supposed to know he would freak out like that?" She took a deep breath. "The fact of the matter is, we haven't been told anything. The federal bureau has been trying to keep it all under wraps for a reason. I'd be surprised if they hadn't known the motive for Dr. Hayek's rape, torture, and murder all along."
"Well, they could have definitely saved us some time," Elliot nodded, "If they would have just told us in the beginning."
"You know that wasn't an option," the man in the blue suit spoke up finally. Olivia was trying to remember the man's name. It was something common like Rodgers or Smith or something. Not that she really cared.
"I still can't believe that Elena went through all of that just because they were trying to draw out a witness. I mean…geez. That crime scene was gruesome as can be. She shouldn't have had to go through that." That was something everyone could agree with. Alex had seen the crime photos, and Elliot and Olivia had witnessed it first hand. As SVU detectives, they were used to seeing their fair share of carnage and death, but even so, this particular crime scene had been extremely hard to stomach.
"I have a bad feeling about this. We shouldn't have pushed for the interview," Olivia said, starting to pace back and forth. "We might as well have led them right to him."
"I'm sure it'll be fine," Elliot asserted, "We drove around the city for nearly two hours just to make sure we weren't followed." Olivia closed her eyes for a long moment, willing the bad feeling in her stomach to go away. And yet, she couldn't get it to vanish. Alex stifled a yawn, checking her watch.
"Well," the blonde breathed, "It's getting late. And since there's nothing else we can do, I'd say we should just call it a night."
"I agree," Elliot chimed in all too quickly, "It's nearly four. Kathy's no doubt worried about be. And frankly, I'm exhausted." Olivia nodded, silently agreeing. She wanted nothing more than to curl up under the covers of her bed, with Alex in her arms.
They had been seeing eachother for nearly four years and had exchanged rings just last year. To this day, it was still a mystery to her how she'd gotten so lucky. After the tragedy of losing Calvin, Alex, along with Elliot's help of course, had been the one to pick up the pieces. They started stealing time with one another in between Alex's rather lengthily trips to aid woman in Africa. Even though they tried to keep it casual at first, as they were both afraid of overly investing themselves and getting hurt, quickly they realized how perfectly they accentuated one another. They brought out the best in one another. They're both so strong, and independent woman, and yet? They never felt whole until they truly found one another. They'd been deeply committed and in love ever since. Sure, they had their battles just like everyone else, but were smart enough to keep work out of their personal life for the most part.
It was amazing how deeply Olivia loved Alex. Even now, after all these years, Alex could make Olivia's stomach churn by just walking into the room. And the sex? Well, let's just say that they had no problem acting out their love over the course of their relationship.
"Okay," Alex smiled. "Then that's that."
"You need a ride?" Olivia asked hopefully. She didn't want to have to part with the blonde again. She needed time with her wife and didn't think she could handle another few days without seeing her.
"Actually," Alex's annoying friend from the agency interrupted "We'll have to meet you back at the precinct. Alex has to fill out some paperwork regarding tonight's interview. It's standard procedure."
"Oh," Olivia's voice betrayed her disappointment slightly. She tried not to show too much emotion as she walked over to Alex. "Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you at home then. Your car is at your office, isn't it?"
"Yep," Alex nodded,
"You sure you don't want me to wait for you?" Olivia asked, "I can nap in the crib until you get there."
"No, it's okay," Alex shook her head, not wanting to cause Olivia the trouble, "You head home and I'll see you when I get there. I have no way of knowing how long this will take." Olivia nodded and then reached for Alex's hand, giving it a squeeze. Alex, not wanting to leave the brunette detective either, took a step forwards. With a flourish, Alex's hand darted up to the lapels of Olivia's leather jacket, pulling Olivia towards her with surprising force. Lips crashed together in a manner that would make anyone blush. The kiss was hungry, a promise of what was to come for the detective when she got home. Olivia moaned into the kiss as Alex's hand found its way up into the detective's short hair, the soft strands, tangling in her fingers. Elliot looked away uneasily, not wanting to intrude on something so deeply personal. He knew how much his partner loved Alex. And because the ADA made her so happy, Elliot cared deeply for her as well.
Olivia's heart pounded in her chest as she hands found their way to Alex's stomach. No one else knew, but they had gone to a doctor who specialized in invitro fertilization in hopes of starting a real family a few months before. During the time Alex took off, a month before, they had several embryo's implanted and were waiting to find out if any of them took. It was hard for Olivia not to think about the fact that in just a little while, Alex could be growing their own child, a child of her own that Olivia would love unconditionally. Alex moaned again, feeling Olivia's hands pressing into her stomach, almost as if she already knew the truth. After, Olivia's lungs ran out of precious oxygen, she was forced to pull away, but not before her tongue, brought Alex to the peak of arousal. Slowly, the brunette pulled away, stealing one last chaste kiss from her lover.
"I'll see you at home?" Olivia whispered softly, stealing one last kiss from her lover.
"Definitely," Alex replied happily, her eyes twinkling. "Liv, we've got to figure something out. I've hardly seen you this week and it's killing me."
"I know," Olivia choked out, brushing Alex's face. "It's alright, baby. We'll work something out. I promise." Olviia cleared her throat, looking deep into Alex's eyes as sher nervously tried to think of how to say what it was she wanted to ask her lover. "I…I've been thinking," Olivia swallowed, hardly daring to breath, "Maybe we could take some time off. We didn't use all of it last time, and I know I have some days saved up. Cragen has practically been begging me to take some time, so we could do it…if you wanted."
"Oh, Liv," Alex's eyes beamed with happiness as she threw her arms around the older woman, hugging her tightly. "Of course. I'd love to. Maybe we can go to Europe this time."
"It's a deal," Olivia said, kissing Alex's cheek. "Okay. I think we've tortured the boys enough. I'll see you at home." Alex smiled, picking up her briefcase as she climbed into the front seat. She turned her head as they drove away, watching as Olivia and Elliot clambered into their unmarked car. The smile couldn't be wiped from her face. She couldn't wait to tell Olivia the good news. She'd gotten the call from the doctor today, confirming that she was pregnant. Her thoughts started to race around her mind as she imagined holding their baby, Olivia stroking her hair and looking at them with a beaming smile and a look of love in her eyes. She wondered how she'd ever gotten so lucky. Inclining her head to look out the window she began to drift in and out of the present. There were so many things she couldn't wait for.
Meanwhile, Elliot and Olivia were minutes behind. Olivia looked up as Elliot reached over and squeezed her hand.
"That was some display back there," Elliot smiled, his green eyes twinkling merrily.
"Like you didn't enjoy it," Olivia teased back, blushing slightly. Elliot chuckled, checking his speed.
"So how is life going for Mrs. Olivia Benson-Cabot?" Elliot asked finally. They'd been working so much lately that they hadn't really had much time to make small talk and catch up about their personal lives.
"Wonderful," Olivia replied honestly, "Although it would be nice to get to spend a little more time together. Gosh, now I know how Kathy's been feeling all these years."
"Yeah," Elliot agreed, "I never said it was easy. I'm sure you guys will be fine."
"More than fine," Olivia smiled. "I've actually been meaning to tell you something…"
"Oh?" Elliot took his eyes off the road for a moment, an expectant look on his face.
"Not that it's a big deal or anything," Olivia announced, trying to downplay how excited she was, "But we're trying for a baby. Alex and I went to a specialist a few months ago, and went through the first round of invitro last month. We're waiting to find out if it worked."
"Wow," Elliot was practically gushing with happiness. "That's great, Liv. Really! I'm so happy for you!"
"I'm just hoping it worked," Olivia found herself replying, "Invitro costs a miniature fortune."
"No kidding," Elliot chuckled. "So are you going to be the human incubator, or is Alex?" Olivia found herself laughing at Elliot's not so glamorous way of questioning.
"Alex," Olivia replied, "Her uterus is a lot healthier than mine. After all, she's still in her prime and I'm…well…just getting old." Olivia laughed, at her own explanation. "Of course, giving birth is something I've always wanted to do, but it won't matter just as long as the baby is happy and she's ours." Olivia jumped, as a black car, struck their back bumper, followed by another appearing on their left.
"Shit," Elliot pushed his foot down on the gas, accelerating quickly. "We've got company, Liv." Olivia's head whipped around, seeing another car that was trying to cut them off. The bad feeling in Olivia's stomach multiplied threefold. This really couldn't be good. Olivia pulled her service weapon from her belt, ducking down as one of the back windows of one of the cars opened and gunfire started. Elliot swore under his breath, trying to drive and avoid hitting the other cars. Olivia fired back a couple of shots, reaching down for her radio with her left hand. Quickly she radioed for back up, knowing that they were going to need it.
"They found us," Olivia said finally, "It's got to be Calahan's cronies. It's just gotta be."
"Then we're in a bad place," Elliot spoke knowingly. "After seeing what they did to Hayek, I can only assume that we're in for the same."
"We're going to have to try and lose them," Olivia said as Elliot, jerked the wheel, skidding through an intersection and onto another street. A third vehicle tried to cut them off, and Olivia threw her hand forwards to keep her from hitting the dash as Elliot slammed on the breaks.
Alex and the mindless FBI agent were a few minutes away when Olivia's voice cracked over the radio.
"Portable to central," Olivia's voice crackled over the radio, "This is officer Olivia Benson requesting back up. Over."
"This is central. What's your position?" Alex's heart skipped a beat as Olivia rattled off a pair of streets names and then proceeded to announce that three unmarked vehicles were pursuing them in a elaborate chase. She swallowed over the lump in her throat as she heard gunfire. Elliot yelled something that broke up over the radio and Alex jumped. Throwing out her hand.
"We have to go back!" Alex yelled. "They're in trouble."
"We can't help them," Agent Rodgers replied. "I've got nothing but a service weapon. Let the NYPD handle it."
"I don't think you're hearing me correctly," Alex said harshly, her stubbornness coming through. "We need to go back! Now!" Alex held her breath as Rodgers looked over towards her, reading the challenge in her eyes. Alex relaxed a little as the agent called into his radio and pulled a U-turn.
The muscles in Olivia's back tightened as one of the cars, nearly pushed them off of the road. Elliot made another tight turn and within seconds they were, manipulated into a dead end. Elliot slammed on the breaks, hitting his hands on the wheel.
"Fuck!" Elliot hissed, whirling around in his seat. He shifted into reverse striking one of the cars behind them as he struggled to bulldoze his way out of there. "We're screwed."
Olivia leveled her gun at one of the men, climbing out of the car behind them. With a pull of the trigger he went down. Then all hell broke loose. She counted the men pouring out of the cars behind them. There were eight. Great so they were outnumbered 4 to 1. Elliot had been right. They were screwed, and there was no way out, except to make a stand. Olivia felt slight relief as she heard sirens in the distance, and they were getting closer. They needed to buy time, without getting slaughtered in the process.
"We're going to have to make a run for it," Elliot's voice boomed as he took down another shooter. "See that alley? We've got to make a run for it."
"We'll never make it," Olivia replied, looking at the alley in question. It was a good 20 yards from them, and yet they had no choice. All of the windows had been shot out of their as glass rained down and littered the seats and the floor. Loud pops sounded in the air like thunder.
"I'll cover you," Elliot said quickly as he downed another man clad in black. "We're going to have to time it just right. You ready?"
"Yeah," Olivia hissed, throwing open her door.
"Okay," Elliot replied, "Get ready to run in…Three…two…one…Go!" Olivia launched herself out of the car like her life depended on it sprinting for a dumpster at the edge of the alley. She'd use it for cover to buy Elliot some time. She winced as bullets rained behind her. She couldn't bring herself to look and merely kept her eyes on the prize. Her lungs squeezed painfully as she reached it, her chest bobbing up and down as she replaced the air. Quickly, she set her gun on one of the hostiles, with a loud pop, he dropped to the pavement like a brick, his gun spewing rounds into the air as he did so. Finally, it stopped. Men were screaming, angry at the loss of their fallen comrades. Olivia centered her aim on another hostile and dropped him. Math told her that three dead left them five to go. Those were better odds, and yet it meant nothing, if she couldn't get Elliot away from the pack.
Olivia's eyes darted around as adrenaline pumped through her veins. Elliot was clambering his way around the front of the car on his knees as bullets struck the metal causing pieces to break off and fly into the air. Olivia squeezed her trigger hitting one of the remaining five in the leg. He dropped, but she hadn't disabled him enough and he was still shooting off rounds. Olivia swore, checking her clip. She had two bullets left, and another eight in the other clip on her belt. Taking a deep breath she pushed the clip back in, aiming for another hostile working his way across the opposite side of the street. He fell, buying a little more time. In an instant, she and Elliot locked eyes. He was ready to go for it, and Olivia could only stare back, silently petrified.
Olivia's heart jolted as one of the men appeared out of nowhere just as Elliot sprung his way out from his cover and into open air. Olivia jumped into the open, firing just in time to drop him before he hit Elliot. Unfortunately, that's where their luck ended. She was out of bullets with two hostiles remaining. Elliot screamed out as one of the men's aim was true and a bullet whizzed into his shoulder. Olivia's body sprang out into open air as she rushed for him. Her hand fumbled with the clip as she tried to reload, knowing that Elliot was dead if she couldn't get to him in time.
Finally, the clip slid into place, as her foot pushed off of the curb, she aimed at the man who was trying to finished him off and pulled the trigger. Air hissed out of her lung as she realized she missed. She dropped to her knees beside Elliot trying to pull his body back under the cover of their car. Elliot moaned as she tweaked his shoulder. His gun had fallen out of his hand.
"Leave me," Elliot yelled, "I'll be fine." But Olivia couldn't do that. Not to her partner of 15 years. Hell no. Olivia turned and fired, hitting the gunmen that struck Elliot just as he tried to put the nails in their coffin. He went down without more of a fight.
"Liv!" Elliot shrieked as he saw something Olivia missed. She whirled around just in time to be thrown backwards into the car, three rounds from an automatic pummeling their way deep into her chest. Olivia couldn't even scream out as air was stolen from her lungs. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears as she hit the side of the car and slid down, her legs unable to support her surprisingly heavy weight. Elliot yelled out in anger, reaching for his gun, downing the shooter. Olivia's chest heaved as she tried to replace the air so cruelly stolen from her lungs.
Panicking, Elliot started crawling for the radio he had dropped to the pavement. He had to call for more help. Finally, his hand closed around the small black receiver and he choked out something into it. They called back to say they were almost there.
Olivia's body began to shiver and shake as her body started to fight back. Elliot was trying to crawl towards her, but he'd already exhausted all of his strength and couldn't make it. his arm gave out on him and he dropped onto the pavement, gasping for air.
Olivia's eyes blinked open and closed, darkness encroaching on her peripheral vision. She clung to consciousness, trying to make sense of what was going on around her, but she couldn't. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. It was almost painfully slow. With detached interest, the sound droning on in her mind, Olivia heard more gunfire and yelling.
In several more seconds, a body, was dropping in front of her. An officer clad in a blue coat. His lips were moving but she could hardly hear him. He reached out, trying to put pressure on her wounds. Olivia screamed out at the pain, the fire that seemed to be eating it's way through her chest.
Alex was out of the car before it came fully to a stop. Several squad cars blocked off the street, as officers ran to and fro. An ambulance was speeding to a stop just inside the roadblock. One look and she knew. She started running. She ran like her life depended on it, as if dogs were nipping at her heels. She couldn't breathe, but continued to push herself forwards at an alarming speed.
"Miss! This is a crime scene! You can't go in there!" One officer screamed for her to stop but she ignored him. Her eyes fixed on the wreckage of a squad car halfway down the street.
She spotted Elliot first a mere dozen feet from the squad car, blood spilled out around him as a cop, pushed down on his chest, trying in vein to stop the bleeding. Elliot saw her, frantically trying to push himself up off of the pavement. Alex locked eyes with him and immediately her heart stopped. His eyes told her all she needed to know.
"Elliot! Where's Olivia? Where is she?" Alex's voice squeaked as it broke under the words. She wasn't going to try and pretend that everything okay because she knew it wasn't. She was better than anyone at keeping composure in awful situations, but that ended when she was in fear of losing the love of her life. She saw his eyes dart to somewhere and immediately her feet carried her in that direction. She nearly screamed as her eyes fell on Olivia.
Gone was the strong fearless detective she had seen for so many years. Olivia whimpered, as she tried to move, her body and the lack of oxygen in her lungs was the only thing keeping her from truly screaming out in pain. An officer was in front of her, blocking the full extent of her injuries from view.
"Oh my god," Alex cried as she rushed forwards, dropping down to her knees. Olivia whimpered again as the officer pushed on the detective's chest, trying to stop the blood that was gushing out. Without thinking she pushed the man's hands away from her lover. She didn't want him touching Olivia as he was only causing her more pain.
"Ah…God…It hurts…I...I couldn't..I tried…" Olivia choked out in between moans and whimpers. Her body shook uncontrollably, her hands clenched so very tightly. Her body was fighting for life, fighting for consciousness. Tears streamed down Olivia's face as her eyes blinked rapidly. She was looking right at Alex, but was acting like she couldn't see her. "P…Please…you have to…my wife she…"
"Shhh," Alex whispered, her hands framing Olivia's face. The detective whimpered again as the pain bordered on being too much. "Liv, it's me. It's Alex. I'm right here." Alex cried out in relief, as Olivia seemed to see her for the first time.
"Alex?" Olivia choked out through labored breaths. Blood poured from the three wounds that Alex knew were fatal. The love of her life didn't even stand a chance. There was nothing she could do. Her life. Her everything was going to die right there in front of her and there was nothing he could do.
"Gah," Olivia's voice shook, "It hurts. It hurts so much." Olivia wheezed as she tried to breath in enough air. "P…Please….don't leave me."
"I'm here, baby," Alex cooed in-between her own tears. She struggled not to sob, not to shake with her own sobs. "I'm not going anywhere. Just try and relax. Shhh…It's okay. It's gonna be okay." Alex's heart clenched painfully in her chest at the notion of the lie she just told. It wasn't going to be okay. Nothing was. Her world was ending. But she had to be brave. She had to be brave for her love.
"I…I love you," Olivia swallowed, choking on the words as she desperately tried to get them out. "I…I'm so sorry. I tried…. I tried…"
"I know," Alex stroked Olivia's face, before pushing her lips to Olivia's quivering lips. Olivia's bloody hands darted out to grab at Alex's shirt, clinging to the material like she knew her life depended on it. "I love you, Liv. So much." Olivia's eyes were already drifting closed. They had no more time.
"No sweetie," Alex gasped quickly, brushing Olivia's face again, causing Olivia to moan. "I need you to stay with me. Just a little longer." Olivia's eyes closed. "Liv! Liv!' She yelled more urgently, shaking Olivia slightly. Olivia's eyes snapped open again, darting around as she tried to make sense of everything again. Her mind was slowly slipping away from her. She saw the flawless crystalline blue eyes and she knew.
"Alex…1'll…always be….here," Olivia whispered, another cry breaking out of her throat. "Always…I'll keep you…safe." Alex couldn't hold back a sob any longer and it broke free with surprising force. Alex brushed her forehead against Olivia's, no longer caring about any of the blood. She couldn't even think about the lifestream of her lover all over her body, her hands. Another cry broke out of Olivia's throat, the brunette's body shaking more violently, as she coughed.
"We're going to have a baby," Alex breathed quickly. "Liv, you can't leave me. Don't go. Please. Don't go. I…I don't think I can live without you. You're my everything."
"Mother…you'll be a…beautiful…perfect…mother," Olivia couldn't string her thoughts together like she wanted. Alex cried out again.
"No…No, sweetie…" Alex rasped. "I need you. Don't you understand?" Alex's cries became more frantic as slowly she started to come apart.
"Alex," Alex jumped back a little as Olivia choked out the name, blood spilling from Olivia's mouth. Olivia tried to spit it out, only for it to be replaced by more. Alex tried to wipe it away with her sleeve, but there was no denying the truth. Olivia was choking on her own blood and they had only seconds left. "Love…"
"Shh…" Alex whispered, holding her lover in her last moments. "I know…I love you too. Always and forever…" The phrase was something they exchanged to convey the depth of their love.
Olivia gave out one last whimper, her eyes, blinking slowly. "It's okay, baby. You can let go now. Let go, Liv. You don't have to hurt any more. Just let go." Alex stared without breathing as Olivia's body slowly stopped shaking, stopped fighting for life. Within a few beats of her heart, Olivia's chest stopped heaving until it stopped moving altogether. Alex's body took over as emotions became too much. Sob after sob broke out from Alex's lips as she watched the life slip out of Olivia's eyes. It was as if she could see the brunette's soul being offered back up to the creator.
She felt arms gently pull her away as the EMS checked for signs of life. Cragen held her in a vice hug, and she sobbed onto his shoulder, knowing that things will never be the same again. She felt like she'd lost her reason for living. Just minutes ago, she'd imagined their life laid out together and how wonderful it would be. She imagined the joy of family, and now she was bracing for a life on her own. Her only comfort was in knowing Olivia would live on in all of the victims she had touched, in all of the lives she had saved. And in knowing that the brunette died saving someone she loved.
One question burned in Alex's mind. How was she going to survive without Olivia by her side? And just how was she going to raise a son or a daughter all on her own?
A/N: Please don't hate me for the ending. I'll try to update part two soon. Part two is a little happier. I promise!