It was another hot and sticky morning and I was crouched on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet as my breakfast violently left my body, I knew there was no mistaking it I had to be pregnant! I was over two weeks late, my boobs were sore and praying to the porcelain God had become a morning ritual. All of the pieces started to fall together last week and I know I should have gotten a pregnancy test then, but I guess I was afraid of the truth, I was also afraid of Jason's reaction.
Jason and I have been together since 9th grade, over the past two years he has become my everything, so taking the next step in our relationship last month had felt so right. I thought we covered all bases, I started taking birth-control and we used a condom, but since I had only started the birth control a week before we had sex, when the condom spilled it didn't protect me as I thought it would. I knew my mom had a few spare pregnancy tests she brought home from Planned Parenthood as she and my step father Phil have been trying to have a baby, so pulling myself up off the bathroom floor I trudged across the hall to her room and grabbed three tests from the cupboard under the sink.
How had this happened? I wasn't stupid or lacking common sense, I was the good girl, the responsible one, the girl that found her enjoyment in literature or cooking, the straight A student with a solid plan of attending college at the end of my senior year. My stomach was turning and my hands shaking as sat on the toilet in my moms bathroom and nervously peed on each stick. I lay them gingerly side by side on the counter and paced the room tugging at the roots of my hair as I waited the 5 minutes for the test results. It was the longest five minutes of my life and after taking a deep breath I reached out with a trembling hand to pick up the first test, then the next and the next. A gut wrenching sob left my lips - my worse fears confirmed. It was August thirteenth, a month before my 17th birthday and I was pregnant.
The teenage part part of my brain said - OK maybe the tests are faulty -but I'd never been a teenager, my mom often said I was born thirty-five, so it was the middle-aged woman in me that knew I couldn't simply ignore this and hope that it would go away. I grabbed all three test off the side and made my way over to my bedroom, quickly stashing them in my underwear draw. I picked up my cell, perched on the edge of my desk called my doctor for an appointment.,
"Hello woman's health and wellness center, how my help you" came the cheerful voice from the other end of the line.
" Um, hi, my name is Bella Swan, I was wondering if is was possible to make an appointment to see my Gynecologist ." I managed to stutter out.
"Yes, of course, when would you like to come in?" She asked.
"As soon as possible please." I knew that I had to get this over and done with before the teenage side of me won out. There was a brief pause on the other end of the line and I could hear her nails clinking against the computer keys.
"I have an opening at 11am today with Doctor Cruz, would that be okay?
"Yeah that's perfect." I sighed in relief
"Okay, Miss Swan we'll see you then." I said a quick goodbye and threw my phone and myself down onto the bed. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and squeezed them shut in a vain attempt to keep them from falling, but they leaked out anyway. I huffed and angrily wiped them away with the back of my hand, I didn't have time for a crying jag now, it was already ten o'clock and I still had to get dressed and make the twenty minute drive across town to the clinic. I sent a silent thank you, that my mom and Phil had left together, early this morning, it saved me a pitiful attempt at lying my way out of going to school and saving me the hassle of catching the bus to my appointment.
I quickly got dressed grabbed my moms car keys and drove across town to the doctors office. The waiting-room was full of pregnant women, most had their boyfriends or husbands with them, each with a reverent smile on their faces, thrilled that they were going to be fathers. Was my hope that Jason would be as happy as these men, in vain? Sure we were young but we loved each other - a baby wouldn't change that. I was in no way expecting a fist pump or a high five, like I said before I'm not stupid, but I could hope that he would wrap me in his arms and tell me that everything was going to be okay and that we could do this together, because we had to do this, I was pro-life so I could never kill my baby and the thought of someone else raising it for me, never knowing where it was or whether it was okay sent a cold shiver down my spine. I was still lost in thought when the nurse called my name, and I smiled apologetic at her, not knowing how long she had been trying to get my attention. .
I sat on the hospital bed in the paper gown they gave me and waited nervously for Doctor Cruz. My heart hammered in my chest as the door opened.
"Miss Swan, how are you today?" He asked as he made his way over to the bad where I sat shaking like a leaf."
"I'm okay" I lied "How are you?"
"Good, good, thank you for asking. So what can I do for you?" He asked smiling.
"I think I might be...pregnant" I whispered, looking down at my hands that were clasped tightly on my lap.
"Okay" He breathed out his smile fell, his brow wrinkled and his lips puckered, I got the distinct impression that I just became another unfortunate statistic in his mind.
"Can I ask what makes you think that, Miss Swan?" Yep I definitely just became the stupid teenage girl that can't keep her legs crossed.
"I've been sick for the past two weeks, I'm late and I just took three pregnancy tests at home and they all said positive." I shrugged biting my bottom lip to keep it from trembling.
"Okay, well then we'll do a blood test and see if those tests were right" he said walking over to his desk to retrieve the required equipment and I held my breath and closed my eyes as the needle pierced my skin, the last thing I needed today was a fainting episode and the one thing sure to bring one on was the rusty smell of blood.
"Okay, Miss Swan, you make yourself comfortable and I'll be back with these as soon as possible." He patted my knee as he walked out of the room and I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, trying desperately to keep my mind completely blank, I couldn't think about all this without crying.
It was half hour later that Doctor Cruz came back in with the tests results, I didn't have to be a mind reader, I could tell by the look of indifference on his face what the result was, but he confirmed it anyway.
"Congratulations, Miss Swan, you're about 5 weeks pregnant." He sat down at his desk and looked across at me "Would you like me to go over your options with you?" I shook my head.
"No, I know I want to keep the baby" I said, maybe a little too harshly.
"Very well, as a minor I have no choice but to inform your parents" I knew this was coming, it's not like I could hide it from my mom anyway.
"I know, I was planning on telling her this weekend, she's at work right now, I know that you have to tell her but could you just give me a little time to do it myself first and maybe call her Monday night?" I pleaded.
"Monday night it is then" he said giving me a small smile, maybe I had just eared a little of his respect. Now for the scary part. . . telling Jason and of course telling my mom.
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