A/N: Okay, since I was a terrible person and didn't get the final chapter to this up in time for Xmas, I decided to upload the final "bonus" chapter right away! So ENJOY~
Earlier that day…
Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the Order
Not a creature was stirring…
It just sat there…. motionless. Still. Immobile. Like a raving idiot. It didn't deserve to sit in front of Yuu Kanda's doorstep with such petty arrogance, all full of itself and stewing in cockiness: a box.
With a warrior cry that was extremely unnecessary Kanda gave the mysterious "box" at his door a brutal kick, managing to blow a hole right through its side that sent it catapulting down the hall with such speed that, if any unlucky passerby were to be hit by it, they would surely be spending Christmas in the hospital. However, the flying box performed a flight free of any turbulence, and landed with a brilliant triple flip fifty feet from where it had initially crash-landed.
Yet still… even after it had been removed from his immediate sight…
It just sat there…
Kanda felt like he was being mocked. He had to be, actually. No one was dense enough to dare give him one of those abominable, insanely ridiculous pieces of shit called Christmas presents. It just didn't happen, for the safety of everyone at the Order.
But what in the fucking hell…?
He didn't know why he did it. He assumed it had been from all the blindingly reflective strands of crap plastered over every inch of the Order's walls (including atop Kanda's door, in which it was quickly disposed of and secured around the decorator's neck with rapid efficiency), yes, that was definitely it. It had begun by fucking with his eyesight, and now it was fucking with his mind, making him do things that made him so incredibly pissed off, Mugen started to glow with instinctive psychic rage.
But the most shocking of things occurred when dear Kanda stalked towards his dear "box" and, with a habitual 'chi', picked it up, an act of pure, drop-dead, immensely disbelieving rarity so extremely out of character, it even frightened the box he now had in his hands.
"To Kanda…" his voice dripped with venom as he read aloud the "box's" label. "Lots and lots of… chi!"
Tipping it over, Kanda allowed the box's contents to topple to the ground, and quickly discovered that what was inside was none other than cookies. But not just any old cookies… they were
As if they were living, breathing organisms of vast and catastrophic destruction, Kanda had whipped out Mugen and diced every cookie into a mini mountain of fine sugary dust, an act of overly-violent cookie bullying that would have definitely made Lou Fa break down and cry if she had been present at that very moment.
However, there was one cookie that managed to survive Kanda's merciless annihilation…
The cookie just stared up at him, its icing shining in such a way as to awaken the duel mode deep within Kanda, an entirely masculine fight response that was almost impossible to turn off in the moody exorcist once activated. This cookie was no doubt the ring-leader, the sergeant of them all…
Because on it, carefully piped and ever so gracefully placed were the words ALLEN WALKER. An explosion ripped through Kanda's head, obliterating the little supply of reason he had left.
"Moyashi…" the tsunami of godly destruction brewing within him was on the brink of being unleashed (as made obvious by the immense twitching of his face).
And then, the storm struck.
Having no immediate target to unleash the storm's wrath upon Kanda immediately began slicing away at the wrap and cookies before him, a tornado of homeless, petrified paper shavings and terminally broken cookie crumbs flying about in the heated currents of Kanda rage. But Kanda didn't care, he didn't care how much of a moronic idiot he looked like, didn't care if he was acting like a psychotically-charged bipolar lunatic to the poor homemade cookies (or what were homemade cookies two seconds ago) at his feet. All he cared about was…
He shot his visitor a look that ensured they would die if they dared breathe another word. However, the potency of his murder face fizzled a little as he realized it was Lenalee before him, her eyes little orbs of pondering lilac.
"What… do you want?" he fumed the words with what he thought was well-contained malice; he was twitching from the effort of it.
"I, uh…" a dangerous little smile spread across Lenalee's face, a smile that Kanda, although obliged not to, would have most definitely sliced right off her face if she had been anyone else. But, she continued, seemingly well aware of the weapon she was choosing to toil with.
"I didn't know you were supposed to demolish Christmas presents like that," Lenalee pouted, a twinkle still firing her eyes. "That can't be very good feng shui…"
Every bit of self-restraint was on the verge of collapsing right then. In fact it was a miracle that it didn't. Lenalee was acting as if she had planned this whole damn scenario right out, batting her eyes at him with far too much guile and awaiting his reactions like a behaviourist acting abnormally, calmly patient for cooperation… it was quite suspicious really… but Lenalee would never do something like that.
There was one particular sprout-ass, however, who was low enough to perform such an act of life-threatening idiocy, and, the more Kanda thought about it, the more sense the whole thing started to ever so slowly make…
"Well," Lenalee had turned around, and was walking away as if having not seen a fully-matured man hacking with ridiculous levels of violence at a tiny little Christmas present. "Merry Christmas, Kanda!"
And, with that, the cremated dust that had at one time been a Christmas present full of cookies was viciously left to rot by a grumpier than hell Yuu Kanda, who was now in dangerous pursuit of a certain white-haired, scar-faced moyashi who had seemingly thought it quite funny to send him a bitchingly fake Christmas present.
A/N: Dear God, I think its time for me to write something serious again, haha, I think all this sarcasm is getting to my head a little _ But I would like to take the time to thank all those who supported this series throughout its debut, because I just love you all so much:
Thank you SO MUCh to the following (in no particular order): Kuraun Kuraun, waterlit, Deviltrigger Dante, Midori Yoshida, DreamMurderZ, Nasha Rei-Kun, cvyy, and AlphaIkaros. And also, to everyone who faved and/or watched this story... THANK YOU SO MUCH AS WELL! I seriously can't thank you all enough, and I hope you all had an epic Xmas! ALLENXLENALEE FOR EVER! 3333