Summary: It all started with Kurt's idle comment "I wonder what they would do if my 'gayness' actually did infect the Glee club? I bet it would be hilarious." BEST PRANK EVER! (Slashyness abounds.)
Pairings (both real and implied): SantanaxBrittany, PuckxKurt, MercadesxRachel, QuinnxTina, MattxMike, and FinnxArtie
Disclaimer: No I don't own Glee nor any of the characters and Quinn's outfit was inspired by Aishuu's "Let the Rain Sing You a Lullaby" (A really cute AU which explores how things might have happened if Kurt was the father of Quinn's baby.)
Warnings: Slash (both real and implied pairings of boys with boys and girls with girls doing sexy things with each other.)
AN: Unless I suddenly get inspired to add more this is just going to be a one-shot
It was Kurt's idle comment that started it all.
It had been just another day at McKinley High, classes, jocks, teachers, Coach Sylvester chewing out the morons who got within hearing distance, a dumpster dive here, a slushie facial there…it was a regular day. The Glee kids were gathering in the choir room (as per-usual) waiting for Mr. Schuester to arrive and actually start rehearsal when Kurt flounced in with a huff rubbing absently at his shoulder.
He had just come from his most recent encounter with the hallway lockers via some oh-so-helpful jocks, another regular occurrence at McKinley, and the potentially-forming-bruise had him just a little more miffed at their standard taunts than normal.
"I wonder what they would do if my 'gayness' actually did infect the Glee club? If we actually had a 'homo explosion' and everyone came out gay? I bet it would be hilarious, they'd probably all run away screaming."
Now normally Kurt's slightly bitter mutter would have had no effect at all, but Puck, who had passed by Kurt just in time to hear it, was struck with an idea. Now Puck had used to be one of the coolest (or most bad-ass as he would say) jocks in school until he had joined Glee and the other guys had all but turned their backs on him. Ever since they had dared to slushie him had had been trying to think of a cool, original, way to get back at them and this- this was an idea for the BEST PRANK EVER!
Now he just had to figure out how to get the others to go along with it.
He'd decided not to include Kurt. Oh the guy had been the original idea behind the plan true, but he was already openly gay so it wasn't like it would be a surprise or anything if he came to school in an 'obviously gay' outfit. That sort of stuff was just like…normal daywear for him. Besides, he made a good excuse to convince the other's to go along with it.
It took a little while but Puck eventually convinced them that it would be a great way to protest against the way Kurt (and the Glee club in general) was being treated. Eventually the idea of throwing all the jock's comments back in their faces while promoting 'team solidarity' (Rachel's words) had made them agree to set aside their dignity and 'dress up and flaunt it.'
And ok, so he wasn't normally the nicest of guys and that protest stuff might have seemed a little odd coming from him, but if they two-birds-with-one-stoned it on this that was ok right?
Several articles of clothing had been borrowed from Rachel's dads for the performance and (with the help all of the girls except Rachel) they had managed to put together some pretty neat costumes. (Of course the costumes were like ridiculously stereotypically gay, but that was the whole point so it was ok.)
The PLAN was to be put into motion the following Monday.
Prepare to freak-out McKinley! You don't know what's gonna hit you!
They had decided to come to school separately to increase drama of it all. Talk would start as soon as each of them was spotted but this way it would build (like some crazy gossip-orchestra) until they all came together for a final showdown that would really freak the jocks out.
It wasn't just going to be the clothes though. They had all agreed that throughout the day they would have to allow themselves to be 'caught' in increasingly 'inappropriate positions' by the jocks if they really wanted them to believe it.
It started with Finn and Artie.
As per The Plan, Artie had allowed Finn to drive him to school so they could open the show. The moment Finn stepped out of the cab of the off-white van everyone in the parking lot froze.
The tall boy was wearing a pale pink shirt with a lavender corvat of all things, tucked firmly into a pair of brown slacks with dress shoes. He then proceeded to, not only, open the door for Artie but lift the other boy into his wheel chair. Finn then bent over, whispering something into the smaller boy's ear, before gently turning and pushing the chair into the school. Their classmates just stared in stunned confusion while Artie laughed. The more observant ones realized that the normally sweatered Artie was wearing a riffled shirt, like something out of 17th century Europe, and were even more confused by what they had just seen.
Wide-eyed stares followed the two girls down the hallway after second period. Was that really…? No way. It couldn't be possible…but it was!
People had been shocked into silence when Quinn Fabray had come to school decked out like a Goth. The ex-cheerleader was wearing a black fishnet top, mini-skirt draped in chains and combat boots. Her arms were covered from wrist to elbow with armbands and plastic bracelets. Fingers and neck were decked out in rings and chains. Even her hair was up in short ponytails laced with black, blue and pink clip-ins. She even had black nail-polish! It was bizarre…but not as bizarre as the fact that she was now strolling down the hall hand in hand with that Goth-Asian chick.
Or at least they were pretty sure it was the Goth-Asian chick. She wasn't looking herself today either, dressed in an ankle-length tie-died skirt and loose green blouse with flowing sleeves, she was looking positively hippie.
The two girls were laughing and even swinging their arms back and forth as they made their way through the corridors making absolutely no attempt to hide what they were doing. If they had been in their normal outfits people might have thought nothing of it, but the outfits made them take notice and so the handholding was eyed with suspicion.
Lunch was another eye opener.
People were used to hearing Rachel's offer her (rather loud) protests for or against anything to vegetarianism, to her gay dads, to the life expectancy of shrimp of the cost of Africa if they didn't help the environment however they were not used Mercedes backing her up.
Mercedes was loud, proud and black. Oh everyone knew she was best friends with the gay kid but almost no one ever really bothered her specifically. Yeah the girls picked on her a bit for her weight but most of them were too scared of her to get straight up in her face. Mercedes was seen as kind of cool in her own little minority way and everyone knew that Mercedes and Rachel Berry, school loserextraordinaire, didn't get along even if they were both in Glee.
So seeing them together, trying to promote feminism of all things was unusual to begin with…and then there were the outfits.
Rachel, the girl almost never seen out of mini-skirts and fuzzy animal sweaters, was wearing a pair of jeans, tight in the waist and then flowing loose, with various campaign patches sewn on. Her midriff was bare, also unusual, but what topped it off was the tight pink-T with the words 'Boobs are Better!' blazed across the front.
Mercedes, well ok initially she didn't look that different, she was wearing jeans with a beaded shawl tied around her waist. Her black-T had 'Women Rule!' scrawled across the front in pink, but when she slipped off her small jean jacket everyone was able to see the 'and Men Suck!' with the small image of two stick-figure guys in a 69 under it on the back.
Everyone was still pretty much set to ignore them, they were just spouting stuff about girl power and not needing guys…and then Mercedes slapped Rachel's ass. In front of the whole lunch room.
An uproar might have started at that point (so far everyone had been to shocked by what they'd been seeing for any of the jocks to pull their usual 'loser suppressing stunts') when they caught a glimpse of the boys in the courtyard.
Mike and Matt were dancing.
Ok, maybe that wasn't so unusual either. Except that they were dancing together, like 'as a pair' together.
Matt looked like he'd just stepped out of a Frank Sinatra movie, vest, hat and everything, though his shirt was unbuttoned enough that they all got a flash of chest as he moved.
Mike was in a skin-tight black-T and leggings. With a wrap-skirt. More staring ensued.
Mike was flipping and spinning, pulling moves more suited to a gymnast or ballet dancer than his usual style, Matt both worked with him and as counter point interjecting the strange show with more swing-moves and other classical dance styles. He lifted and dipped the slighter boy, and girls groaned in appreciation of his toned muscles even as they noted that the boys were touching each other far too much even for some crazy dance routine.
Then the bell rang and the Glee kids rushed off to class before the jocks could muster up a proper 'punishment.'
By the end of fifth period the rumors were being muttered everywhere though no one really had a clue as to what was going on except that something was up with the Gleeks. So it wasn't quite so much of a shock to see Brittany and Santana out of their usual cheerio uniforms even if they were still stunned by what they were wearing.
Brittany had her hair up in a tight bun, making it appear short, topped with a cap. She had an open plaid button-up over a white tank, baggy jeans, and work boots with the tongues hanging out. Meanwhile Santana was her complete opposite. Were-as Brittany seemed to be trying to look like a trucker, Santana looked like she was going to some sort of fancy party. She had on a tight whine-red dress with an open back and a slit up the thigh that showed off her long legs. Her sandaled heels matched her dress and twined around her calves all the way to her knees. A single pearl necklace adorned her throat and wrist respectively and her hair was done up in a mass of luscious black curls.
However no one was expecting for Brittany to suddenly swing Santana up in her arms, slam against the lockers and then start making out.
Every eye in the hallway bulged.
Everyone knew about Santana and Brittany, but it was one thing to know, sort of, what they occasionally did with each other in front of guys. It was entirely different to see the two of them suddenly go at it in the middle of the hall.
But they were cheerios.
And, well, it was kinda hot…
So the jocks just watched instead of starting something as they'd been planning to with the next 'incident' after lunch.
Kurt was having a rather horrible day. Oh, not the worst by far, but awful enough. It had started when he'd realized that he'd run out of his favorite facial cleanser this morning. Then he couldn't find the scarf he'd wanted to perfect his outfit (he'd eventually found a stand-in but it was still enough to put him in a bad mood) which made him late enough that all he could grab for breakfast was a slice of toast. He'd hit every red light one the way to school and so, though he missed the early morning dumpster-toss brigade, he was running late to class.
The jocks hadn't appreciated him missing their daily 'appointment' and had made it up to him after second period when they'd caught him in the hall.
Cleaning up after that had made him twenty minutes late to his third period (he would have skipped but it was Spanish with Mr. Schuester and he would notice when Kurt showed up for Glee)Only to find out that he'd missed a pop-quiz. He then had to skip lunch to make it up. (He was good at Spanish and the quiz had only taken, like, five minutes but then Kurt had to deal with Mr. Schuester trying to 'talk' and convince him to go to Miss Pillsbury if he was having issues- like that would do any good- and before he knew it the bell was ringing for his fifth period class.)
The instant he'd stepped back into the hall he'd been 'mass slushied' by the jocks exiting the cafeteria and had to go change again, making him late for another class. (That one he had just ended up skipping as Mr. Bouar probably wouldn't notice if the building fell on him, let alone if Kurt missed a day. He'd ended up hiding in the auditorium, though he kept his ears peeled in case Mr. Schuester showed up.)
He hadn't seen any of the other Glee kids today, not even his BFF Mercedes, which only served to depress him more. It wasn't like he saw them all the time (he only had one or two classes with them and he was so frazzled today it was no surprise he'd missed them in the halls) but he still wished he could talk to one of them. A little venting would do him good right about now.
As he skirted the large crowd hovering around the science wing on his way to sixth period, he heard a few girls muttering about Brittany and Santana making out down the hall.
He was a little surprised at their boldness, they weren't usually that obvious at school even though everyone knew about them, but then again it was Brittany and Santana. They were probably working their girl-on-girl mojo to catch a few more guys to pay for their dates.
A part of him was sad that he'd never be able to pull something like that off without getting beaten to a pulp so he detoured around the area. If he didn't have see it, and the sort-of acceptance they had here, he wouldn't be nearly so jealous of them later.
He was stared at all through class. The other kids making vague comments to each other about 'gayness everywhere today' and 'crazy Gleeks' but he wasn't really sure what they were going on about. Maybe Santana and Brittany being so blatant hadn't gone over quite as well as he'd initially thought.
He was on his way to his last class of the day when the jocks caught up to him again.
Seriously? That's the third time today. They usually aren't quite this persistent.
Karofsky was leading the bunch, as per-usual these days. "What's up fag? Being a freak by yourself not good enough anymore or something? You convince your freak-friends to play with you?"
Kurt cocked and eyebrow even as the group shifted to box him in near the end of the hall. "What on earth are you talking about?"
The Hockey player balled his fists and did his best to loom over Kurt's smaller form, "I'm taking about all that shit you Gleek-freaks have been pulling all day. The weird clothes and the- the touching and shit."
"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." And he didn't. Not a clue. What's been happening today and why didn't anyone tell me about it? He fluttered a hand to gesture to his outfit. "As you can see I'm dressed as fabulously as always. If this were some sort of glee-club thing I'm pretty sure I'd be in a 'weird outfit' too. And Santana and Brittany kiss all the time. I thought all you guys knew that? Isn't it like 'their thing' when they date people?"
Karofsky sputtered with rage and looked like he was about to take a swing when a familiar voice interceded.
"It was a surprise."
Karofsky, and all four of the guys with him, jumped and turned to stare at Puck over Kurt's shoulder, jaws dropped in horror. Kurt twisted his body around to get a better look at the boy behind him only for his brain to stutter to a halt.
What the F***?
The boy, punk, self declared bad-ass of McKinley High looked absolutely ridiculous! He was wearing a skin-tight wife-beater, tucked into one of the tiniest pairs of jean shorts Kurt had ever seen. His Mohawk was spiked slightly with the tips sprayed blue and the boy was wearing makeup. And not just any makeup either. No, he was wearing blue and pink eye-shadow dusted with glitter and sparkly lip gloss.
…He looks like a stereotypical gay pool boy. With make-up. But OMG those muscles look delicious!
I think I might faint. Any second now. Or maybe this is all just some completely bizarre dream? That must be it. There is no way that Noah Puckerman is standing behind me in that get-up. No way.
Kurt discreetly pinched the inside of his arm and looked over his shoulder again. He's still there. OMG this is REAL? What the Hell?
…and he just try to speak in falsetto?
"You see," the Puck-illusion-that-just-might-actually-be-real continued (still in that slightly higher than normal tone), "we've all been gay for a while now but we thought we should come out all at once. Like a surprise! So our dear friend Kurt here wouldn't be alone anymore." Then the boy did something even more surprising. He moved forward and pressed Kurt tightly into his side.
Kurt was staring up at the taller boy; his hands pressed firmly against the muscles of the other's chest, and tried to figure out just what the hell Puck was playing at because there had to be some reason behind all this. Puck just smiled down at him. "So what do you think? Was it a good gift?"
Understanding hit Kurt like a lightning bolt. He'd noticed Puck pausing at his offhanded comment last week but he had never expected the other boy to pull something like this! And the other Glee kids were apparently in on it too even though Kurt had managed to miss them throughout the day. A smirk crossed his face. If Puck had done this much already then Kurt was defiantly going to be playing along. The jocks already looked horrified but this could still be so much better.
"Oh it's per~fect." He trailed his hands lightly across Pucks chest. The mischievous gleam in Puck's faltered for a moment before he obviously caught on and decided to go with it. "I was wondering when you'd finally see things my way."
Kurt twisted himself in Puck arms so he was standing, back to front, with the larger boys hands resting gently on his hips and one of his casually thrown back to rest by the other boys neck. "But what about them?" He used his chin to gesture at the shell shocked jocks before them. "I wouldn't want them to be lonely…it's not their fault they haven't seen the better side of things yet after all."
Puck let out a warm chuckle behind him. "True. Maybe they would like a taste of what their missing…?"
"Hmm…" Kurt decided to go along with the other boys teasing. He was going to enjoy this.
Let's give them a little show…
He smirked again and licked his lips teasingly, a silent taunt at the boys who couldn't seem to pull their horrified eyes away from the scene he and Puck presented. Then he decided to put his dancing skills to use as he shimmied his hips, dropped, and then proceeded to roll up Puck's body. The move made it look like he was grinding his whole body back into Puck's (though in reality they still had about an inch or two between them) and as he reached the top he arched his back and let out a little gasp for effect.
Puck had decided to come to school late so his outfit would have the best impact after everything everyone else had already done that day. Chancing upon Kurt just as the jocks decided to corner him was just good timing.
Kurt had caught on pretty quick for someone who hadn't known anything about this and Puck had been amused to let him in on the fun. During his time in Glee puck had come to realize the Kurt had a very mischievous sort of nature when given the opportunity to express it and Puck was interested in seeing exactly what the other boy would do with this.
Ok, he'd known he was asking for it when he'd teased the boy about 'giving them a taste' but he certainly hadn't expected Kurt to do that.
He swallowed hard and then did his best not to get hard as Kurt proceeded to use him as his own personal stripper poll. Undulating like sex on legs the boy had all but grounded against him (except he hadn't, he was just a hairs-breath away which was good-but oh so much worse) and then arched his back as if they were actually, like, doing it. Kurt's eyes had fluttered shut when he'd tilted his head back and the way his lips were parted just so…he looked like something out of a porno. And God. That little gasp-moan he had let out seriously made Puck want to just take him right there, that fact that Kurt was a boy be damned.
And then he'd remembered that the Football player's and Karofsky were still standing right in front of them. Watching.
Puck eyed the other boys to see their reaction to Kurt's little display. All the jocks were red as tomatoes, mouths gapping open in stunned shock and several looked a little uncomfortably aroused.
So it wasn't just me then.
Kurt's eyes (and how had he never noticed how blue they were before) slid open and a sultry smile crossed his face. "So what do you think Noah? Should we let them join us?"
The world froze for a moment. Then suddenly all five of the jocks literally torn down the hallway to escape their former victim in an attempt to avoid getting 'infected' by the gayness they'd been shown.
"I'll take that as a no?" The slight frown on Kurt's face as he said that last line sent Puck into a fit of laughter and he actually had to hold onto the smaller boy to stay standing.
"Oh my God. That was perfect!"
Kurt grinned up at him. "It was wasn't it? I'll admit that that's the most fun I've had in years that isn't shopping related."
Puck just kept laughing.
"Of course now I'm late to my forth class of the day. Ah well, it was totally worth it."
"We'll just go hang in the choir room. I can't wait to tell the others about this."
"And I'll finally get to see these outfits I've heard about. I can't believe I managed to miss all the stuff you guys have been pulling throughout the day."
As Kurt babbled on happily he didn't seem to realize that Puck still had an arm wrapped around his waist. Puck kept it there. The prank had been a resounding success (he would never forget the looks on those punk's faces as they turned to run down the hall) and more than that now he had something new to think about. Kurt's little dance had been sexy as f*** and he kinda wanted to see more.
And hey, if he was stud enough to pull this off and expect to still have a perfect reputation as a straight guy why couldn't he be stud enough to maybe flip it and nab a sexy-as-hell boyfriend instead? It would take planning sure, Hummel wasn't easy, but Puck had a feeling that it would be worth it.