Do you remember that time we snuck out to that little spot when we got lost and got the perfect view of the Golden Gate Bridge?
What were we? Fourteen?
I don't really remember that stuff. My memory is slowly coming back to me, but the first thing I saw was your face. And the second thing I remembered was that little scar on your back from what almost killed you that you told me at the time was "just a little cut" and told me to focus on people who really needed my help. I remembered the that look of annoyance you used to always give me and the smile I would catch when you thought I wasn't looking.
Then I remembered that night.
You didn't like me. I was still "Lighting Boy" and I hadn't earned your respect. Respect was always very important to you. You thought it needed to be earned, it could never just be given. But I was on my way from being more than just the son of Jupiter. I had to admit that I liked that you didn't automatically liked me because of my dad but that you saw me needing to prove who I was.
I remember how much I wanted you to like me because of that. I was given approval by all but you, and I wanted it most from you. You were the new kid, the shiny new toy with new secrets, and everyone was desperate to know if they should chose you for their team in Capture the Flag or not. But, after you blew me off like the egotistical Son of Jupiter you thought I was, I wanted to know you.
That night I thought I finally did.
As we sat there, I suddenly took notice of everything through my tired haze. There were a million stars, and the moon shone over the water and onto your face. The night itself was beautiful, but there was something about you.
You had always been beautiful. That intimidating kind of beautiful that honestly made me a little scared of you. But that night, you were more than beautiful or cliché words that people write in these letters.
You were… relaxed. For the first time since I had met you, you were just you. No hiding behind glares and armor. No walls built up around you. And no look of distrust painted in your eyes.
As I kept thinking about that night, I remembered another night. Another night where we sat by the lake. We were sneaking out of our room before the war to get a breather, and nothing was off limits.
We were insane. We were crazy. We drank. We danced like little kids to blaring Green Day. We stripped down to our underwear and jumped in the lake. We just so mad at everything that losing our minds seemed to make sense. But, when the bottles were empty, the music turned off, and we were lying on the cold beach, we did the worst thing we could probably ever do.
We talked. About everything.
War stuff. Our job. And then it got personal.
You were the first person I told about Thalia, my older sister who I lost so many years ago. There was a long silence, and you surprised me. You told me the story of how you got to where you were, every detail and every secret you never wanted to admit.
This was worth remembering.
Not because of how insane we were but because, all of sudden, I found another little secret.
Something of mine that I never wanted to admit.
Reyna, I was completely and utterly in love with you.
Not that admiration or the occasional crush I got on you that came and went.
No, this was love.
And I couldn't do it.
As I began to remember the rest of my year before I was taken, I realized how much time I just sat there. I thought about everything I left out. I thought about every time I almost kissed you but settled for a friendly hug instead. I thought of every night I just told you goodnight instead of telling you I loved you.
Could you ever love me?
I know you. You don't do relationships. And I knew that I may not be the exception like I hoped to be. I couldn't lose you, and I just couldn't let that happen.
…Enter in a loss of memory and a beautiful girl who loved me and was ready for a relationship.
I don't think I really know her. Or maybe because I hold you two in comparison, I can never think I know her because of how well I know you.
She doesn't know me. She thinks she does, but there is so much she doesn't know and that I just can't tell her. There is so much that I can't either, things that you just have to be there to see…
I've tried before to tell her those things, but my words got caught in my throat. And I didn't say anything. Then not saying anything turned into lying.
Now here I stand.
She has been watching me after that brick hit me, and it has given me a lot of time to think. New memories came back from New Rome and from seeing you. I'm slowly finding myself through finding you.
Piper is now in her room, getting some well needed sleep, and I am alone and unable to sleep. And, on the corner of my desk, there is a notebook and a few pens. I stared at them for a few hours, and I suddenly had to tell someone.
Someone I trusted more than anything.
And that someone was you.
Maybe the wind will carry this to you, maybe it won't. But I kind of hope it does.
I want you to know that I do love you. Maybe Venus had other plans for us, and maybe we can't even be friends again.
But we were. For a while, we were King and Queen. We were best friends and worked together like a perfect fit. We were supposed to be together. In another life, we would have. I would have worked up the nerve.
But now that everything is up in the air, it only feels fitting that I throw this into the air.
If I hurt you, I am so sorry. No, not if. I know I hurt you, and I regret it. I was so consumed with this new life I had that I didn't even think about the old life I had. I didn't even think of you.
Now I do…
No matter what, I'll always be,