Spike sang as he came out of the shower, scattering four or five towels – and why did he have to use so many except it was Spike so of course he did – every which way; one on the couch, two or three on the floor, and another on the kitchen table. "Shall I play with him pa rum pum pum pum? On his bum."
Xander didn't even blink. Spike had been corrupting Christmas carols for weeks, the lyrics becoming more and more obscene the closer it got to the holiday. Playing with his bum was relatively mild compared to, say what Spike had sang before his shower, something about the three wise men and camels that had left images in Xander's head… Let's just say he was really hoping Willow had some sort of memory erase spell because he was desperate. Even so, there was no need to egg Spike on, not that he needed the help, and Xander kept his eyes on the dishes, carefully scrubbing blood out of a mug and so focused on ignoring Spike that he missed the vampire spinning his final towel until with a whip!, it hit him in the ass.
"Hey," he shouted, dropping the mug as he turned towards Spike. "What the hell do…" He trailed off. Spike was naked. Of course Spike was naked. He'd only had five towels and they'd obviously been scattered across the room, not that he was sure how he knew that given that his eyes were riveted to Spike's cock, standing at attention like one of those guards at Buckingham Palace, proud of his position and where did that image come from?
"See something you like, pet?"
Xander dragged his eyes, and weren't they kicking and screaming about it, up to Spike's face. "Why do you always do this?" he hissed. "You know Willow is due here in about a half hour. For once I'd like the place to be almost presentable."
"Willow knows you're a bachelor, supposed to be a slob."
Xander could see Spike's hip twitch but refused to look. "No."
Spike smirked, took two steps forward, and ran his fingers through Xander's hair, massaging the scalp. "Not fair," Xander moaned. "You know I can't resist a good massage."
"A great massage," Spike corrected. "Come to bed, luv?" he whispered in invitation.
"Is that a trick question?"
Spike, laughing, grabbed Xander's hand and had started leading him to the bed only go find himself yanked backwards as Xander stopped dead in his tracks. "But no chaining me to the bed, naked mind you, and leaving me for Willow to find. I'm still scarred from last time."
"Cross my heart and hope to die," Spike replied, tugging on Xander's arm.
"That only works if you're not already dead," Xander said as he let Spike lead him to the bed.
"Scout's honor?" Spike asked.
Xander rolled his eyes. "Eating one once doesn't count."
"I have better things to do with my time," Spike promised.
"That's what I'm worried about," Xander said as he fell onto the bed.
Not like I'm going to try the same trick twice, Spike thought. Been there, done that. Always more fun to play a new game like how long before Willow asks why you won't sit down – Spike glanced towards the paddle he'd left on the bedstand – and watching the babble flow as you try to explain without mentioning sex or that your arse is so sore you won't be able to sit for two days.