Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters please don't sue I am just a poor housewife/sahm

A/N: new to fanfic this is my first one hope you enjoy slight A/U


Dammit what the hell did he just do ? Panic was consuming him, his heart was trying to choke him, it was so far up in his throat. "Damn Damn Damn" He growls smacking the steering wheel. Finally he lays his head down on the wheel . He is grateful that half the team including coach is out with some Monkey Flu so practice had been canceled. Starting up the truck to leave he can't wrap his mind around the fact that he just kissed Kurt Hummel.


He has been so alone, pushed shoved like shit on someones shoe. That bastard " what the hell" he says suddenly angry then he lets out a sigh as more confusion washes over him. He is so tired , tired of being scared , tired of this blind ass school and his friends. A day late dollar short types they help him up but don't stop the fall. Que the music for the fucking Twilight Zone, the resident cave man bully of Mckinley High just kissed me.

Wiping the last of the tears he pulls himself together . Too many emotions for one body to contain, fear ,rage ,disgust and desire. What the hell, with that last thought he runs out of the locker room and smacks right into Finn


The house is dark when he gets home, his dad must still be at work. He sighs with relief. His sister Melissa won't be home for another hour. When he gets inside he tries to block out his thoughts with work. He starts a load of laundry, puts a roast in the oven for dinner and sweeps the floor. Even though he keeps busy he can't block out Hummel " damn he tasted like cherries" he mumbles. tears stream down his cheeks . Self hate, loneliness and embarrassment fall on him as he remembers.

Kurt's rejection and put downs threaten to drown him, as waves of shame crash over him. He can't seem to catch his breath . He laughs a little crazy laugh, why wouldn't Hummel not want to kiss the boy who has tormented him for two years ? " You always hurt the ones you love" , He smirks as he recites the line from Buffy, one of his favorite shows. He knew he could never have Kurt. Never let anyone know he hurt so bad. He couldn't love him like he wants so he hurts him instead. Now he starts to panic again, what if Kurt runs his mouth, everything will be over. He is afraid of what his father might do. He needs to stay around to protect Melissa. Beads of sweat run down his face. Oh God he's gonna be sick. ( He barely makes it to the bathroom)