title: ash angels.
pairing: implied beck&tori. slight one-sided beck&cat and cat&tori.
summary: but when cat thinks she's finally got tori back, there's nothing but ashes.
author's note: okayy. so, cat&tori are pretty awesome. but sadly, i did not make them a couple because i'm a cruel person who manipulates her characters. that don't even belong to her.
9 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS SUCKERSS. Sorry Jewish people.
the good girls are always the first to die.
cat valentine is waiting to fall to concrete, waiting to go back to her cosmos up above.
she's cloaked in black, holding herself up. she watches birds fly away, watches how they melt into blue.
(she doesn't watch the coffin being lowered to the ground because cat's never been good at funerals.)
she thinks of days back when she and tori used to play pretend. they were 17 and they giggled as they poured "tea" in plastic cups and they danced around cat's room.
tori talked about beck and how lovely&wonderful he was, and cat only wanted beck&tori to fall in love. (although, cat thinks she's the tiniest bit in love with them both. but shhh. all bad girls have secrets.)
beck breaks up with jade and suddenly, no one can bother to give a damn. there's one less seat at the table and there's no laughs or jokes or smiles.
cat holds beck's hand when he tells her, but he looks peaceful.
he turns to her and he whispers, "i miss her so much."
cat doesn't say a word, because suddenly there's two people who are in love and she can't handle that she's positively in love with them both.
she's forgetting how tori sounds. she's forgetting how tori looks and feels like and (oh my god) she's forgetting how tori could sing.
where is she? why can't she sing for cat once more?
(why couldn't she have kissed her before she flew away?)
beck arrives at her house with alcohol on his breath and his eyes bloodshot. he stumbles into her room, and even though there is no one home, she pleads him to be silent.
he kisses cat sloppily on the mouth and he whispers, "i was in love with her. all i wanted was her."
he collapses on her furry carpet and she lies as many blankets as she can find on him. (she cuddles next to him to make sure he's still breathing because she can't lose him too.)
tori kisses cat's cheek before she goes out on stage. tori's all bundled nerves and red lipstick and glitter, and cat thinks she should be like this more often. tori sneaks a look at beck, and before cat can realize, beck and tori are on stage kissing.
suddenly, it's like everyone's forgotten to breathe. the script says that this is what's supposed to happen, but somehow, it feels too perfect.
(jade breaks a mirror and gains seven years of bad luck.
cat closes her eyes so she doesn't have to see.)
cat wakes up to beck sleeping next to her, and slowly, she reaches up and kisses him.
(in his sleep, he whispers, "tori.")
cat runs. she doesn't know where she's going, but she goes anyway.
tori brings cat to a senior's party. they drink beer and tori finds some vodka and they are blissfully drunk. cat walks away, and is cornered by a boy who is so plainly drunk. she edges away from him, but can't find tori.
cat wanders aimlessly, wondering where tori is, but she only hears muttered words.
cat kisses a boy with pretty eyes and no personality to escape, but she only feels hollow when she pulls away. suddenly, she realizes that she's just thinking about tori so she excuses herself from this boy and walks to the bathroom and throws up.
cat walks home after that, watching the black sky and having the north star lead her to her bed.
cat's running from everyone, from the boy in her room, from the girl in the coffin, from past mistakes and love.
she goes all the way to the train stop and buys a ticket to new york. it costs her practically everything in her bank account, but she knows this is what she needs to do. she's about to board the train when she sees his face.
he doesn't make a fuss about it, just looks at her in this heart breaking way. she signals for him to come and jump on the train, but she realizes he's chained to this place. he is chained to past memories and girls in the ground, and she is not what he wants.
cat waves goodbye, and as the train takes her away from the boy with the broken heart, she says her silent goodbyes.
tori whispers in cat's ear, leaving the faint scent of alcohol and sunshine in cat's ear, "that night at the party, i was raped."
they had been drinking vodka, telling each other secrets. but suddenly, cat feels sober. "why didn't you tell me," she asks urgently.
(someone had hurt her. someone had broken her innocence and cat didn't help when tori needed her the most.)
tori shrugs and laughs her twinkling laugh, her eyes losing their drunken cheer and she lays in cat's bed, her shorts riding up her long legs. "i'm going to bed. i'm not feeling so well."
cat nods, her voice lost and once she hears tori's loud breathing, she runs to the bathroom and throws up.
cat looks back on her memories on the train and her head swims.
(she needs beck to hold her down and to keep her in this moment, as he needs her to forget.)
tori laughs, her eyes bright and cheerful. they swing on the swings, their hands trying to find each other.
cat closes her eyes and through her eyelids, she can see the sun.
cat remembers little things about tori. the way she laughed, the way she made cat feel (like sugar plums and rainbows were inside her stomach), the way she cried with happiness lingering in her eyes.
cat remembers the way the sun fell through her hair in gold sheets.
"are you sure you want to do this," tori asks.
"yes," cat firmly says.
cat falls backwards for only seconds, and it's like free falling. she smiles until she hits tori's arms.
"that was amazing," cat whispers.
cat holds in her sobs. she hasn't cried in two months.
a tear escapes her and she feels like tori's right there, holding her hand.
but when cat thinks she's finally got tori back, there's nothing but ashes.
no one knows exactly how tori vega died. if it was the way she was dancing across an empty road with her friend, tripped, and got hit by a car. if it was the way she fell and hit her head before she got hit.
the only thing anyone knows is the way she looked when she died, her eyes blank and open, her lips laced with a half smile, her hair taking her blood and making it shine red.
some people remember that her friend was with her, how her friend kissed the dead girl's head as if she could mend her. people don't remember (don't know), that this girl was so in love with this dead girl, that she would have the picture of her imprinted on her eyelids.
no one would remember this girl, how she was so anguished and confused.
all they remembered was the silent angel laying on the ground.
cat remembers that moment most of all.