It is another wonderful morning over the skies, where FIVE large ships keep flying around each other, doing nothing in particular... other than flying.

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Flandre, who wears an adorable pink, high-cut, long-sleeved leotard, with long white tights underneath, is currently polishing a cannon, when Mai approaches the little blonde.

The cute and sexy Makaian is still trying to cover herself by crossing her arms, and now is also crossing her bare legs while blushing and looking around.

"S-say, Flandre-chan?", begins the nervous girl. "Ha-have you seen Yumeko? She, er, said she was making something to help cover me a bit."

The adorably cute vampire stops polishing the cannon, raises her head, swiftly turns around to stare at the light-blue haired angel, and exclaims "WHAT? Someone as pretty and sexy as you wants to cover up? WHY? Covering such a sight would be a sin!"

The shy Mai twitches and scrunches up while her face turns a little redder, and bashfully says "but I don't like being so exposed."

Flandre gasps, walks closer to the girl, pats her shoulder twice, then says "there, there, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were the shy type. You don't look the type."

The Makaian looks at the vampire, relaxes a bit, earning a smile from the little blonde, who says "look, me and onee-sama WISH we could have a body a sexy as yours, so I guess I was just speaking on my behalf there. Didn't mean to scare you."

The angel-winged girl smiles, relaxes as she places her hand on the vampire's and sweetly whispers "F-Flan-chan."

She quickly takes notice of how slowly that little girl's smile becomes more and more sinisterly hungry, and after trying to call for the girl, she notices the vampire's grip got stronger.

Flandre chuckles, easily lifts the girl over her shoulder, and as she takes her prey toward the front of the deck, she says "having said that, you just turned me on, so you're going to take responsibility for this. Now then."


Ignoring the shy girl's screams, the little vampire lifts a remote control, presses a button, a small shed appears in front of her, and she says "I'm almost five-hundred years old, and I've been depraved of a lover for a very long time. I. am. HUNGRY!"

The horror on Mai's face is undeniable, but try as she might, she can't even budge an inch free of that tiny girl's grip, so she resorts to one last, desperate attempt.

"F-F-F-Flan-chan, please reconsider! I-I don't want to be ruined for marriage! I WANT MY FUTURE!"

Flandre's sinister chuckle sends a chill down the Makaian's spine, that is interrupted by a hard pat on the butt, then, with her usual, sweet and innocent voice, the little vampire says "don't worry, I won't ruin your future. I'll just do some things, fondle and grope others, then I'll take what comes out so that I may have a body like yours."

That doesn't help the captured girl relax at all, and just as the door to freedom closes up behind her, she screams "NOOOOOOOOOOO~"

Mere seconds after the door closes, the little shed starts jumping around, while bopping, smacking, oofing, creaking, more smacking, fondling, groping, a ting, some french fries, a soda, and loud, excessive lewd sounds start to vibrate all over the glass-like ship.


Poor Mai screams as though she's just been split in half with a blunt stick, and just like that, all the sounds stop.

The wind whooshes softly, a few fairies giggle as they fly under the ship, and somewhere out there, Nitori is watching you clean yourself, and taking notes of your hygienic behavior.

Flandre walks out of the room, shining every so brightly, while holding a vial with some oddly colored content, and while looking at said vial, she says "ah. Blood, sweat, juices, shame, drool, and some heated pants. Now all I have to do, is drink this, and I'll be a hot mama-"

Mai stumbles out of the shed with her clothes turned around, her hair a mess, and panting hard, yet she manages to say between pants "so *pant* many *pant* things lost! *Gulp* Are you *pant* sure *pant* I'm still pure?"

The happy vampire turns around with that innocent smile of hers, then: "Ah." She watches as the vial on her hand slips overboard, and a few seconds later, Remilia screeches as though she's been stabbed on the back by Mister Green on the deck with the kitchen knife.

That seemingly innocent vampire slowly turns her head toward the weakened ice witch, whose reaction; which is to shiver and cry like a desperate little girl; is totally understandable.

The insatiable lust in her face, those vicious glints in her eyes, that dribble coming out of her slurping mouth, and that sinisterly low chuckle, is more than enough to warn dear Mai that she should get the hell out of there, but locking eyes with the vampire has left her immobilized.

"Round two starts now," sinisterly hisses the vampire, before starting to giggle as she launches herself toward the shy charmed girl and locking that door again, resuming the sounds and screams we heard only a few seconds ago.

Down at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia opens her eyes, and finds her arms in front of herself to be a little too long.

She also feels an odd pressure around her chest, a heavy feeling as she pushes herself up, and then she sees it; a wonderfully perfect cleavage from a pair of round mounds of flesh trying to break free from her now-small shirt.

All her clothes no longer fit the grown-up body she currently inhabits, and quickly takes notice how the sun fails to harm the exposed skin on her belly, thighs, or arms.

Before long, with a rather bratty, yet elegant woman's voice, she demands "SAKUYAAAAAA~ I need new clothes, IMMEDIATELY!"

The sexy vampire turns around when she hears a thud coming from the door behind her, and quickly finds her chief maid sprawled on the floor with a small fountain of blood rising from her nose, a blissful smile taking her out-of-breath face, and a small spirit leaving the mouth, heading straight toward the nice boat at the Sanzu River.

"SAKUYAAAAAAAAAAAAA~" screams the concerned mistress after seeing her maid so close to death on the carpeted floor.

Meanwhile, on the ground, Marisa is drawing a picture of Alice's panties, using an unconscious Momiji, who is strapped to a articulate wooden dummy, as her model. (I seriously don't understand how that's working out for her. Seriously.)

She is looking good, so she better not complain.

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei Shrine, Rika giggles sweetly as she places a round brown tray with her mistress' tea on it next to Reimu, and happily says "here you go, My Lady Reimu. A nice, warm, cup of tea for you.

The shrine maiden smiles and opens her mouth while raising her hand, then the maid replies "oh, no trouble it all. It was my pleasure!"

Said maiden doesn't notice the vile grin, or the vicious glint escaping that angelic maid's eyes as she picks up the empty tray from the ground.

Ah, what a lovely morning; Reimu sips; with the wind gently caressing her lovely face as she; sips again; sips from her tea mug again, and how it causes the leaves to sing their song to her while she; sips again; enjoys her quiet time.

And now her body starts feeling odd.

Her cheeks and ears turn tomato red, her body becomes a bit stiff as it gets hotter, a tickle and an itch slowly rises from her stomach and nether regions so that soon, her whole body is extremely sensitive to all, and soon after, she places the tea mug next to herself to prevent spilling.

With teary and confused eyes, she turns around and whimpers at the angelic maid, who is already sitting beside her mistress, and holding her tight against her own body.

Somehow, Reimu is unable to resist this, even though she feels she wants to push that maid away and run away to her room, and now her body is feeling those meat-mounds pressing against her back, and how the angelic girl's touch is becoming intoxicating.

Rika starts to chuckle sinisterly, which shortly becomes a mischievous giggle, and after pressing her Mistress tighter against her body, like some Venus Fly Trap, she whispers "I'm sorry, my lady, but you're just too cute."

She activates her Soraogan blood limit, envelops herself and her cute mistress with her wings, calming the red and white down, though she continues to pant, and says "look, this fan fiction is a non-canonical mess, so I thought it's a good idea to act a little out of character, and so I drugged your drink, so that I may enjoy your cuteness to the fullest, and I will do just that."

Inside the shrine, there is something shivering inside a rolled-up futon, and we conveniently see this while that maid says "don't you worry about a thing, My Lady. Tenshi is also drugged, and just about ready for me. Ahh~ I'll take my two, most favorite girls for myself today! A shame Suzaku didn't want any part of it."

Suddenly, a shady figure falls from the sky, and lands five feet before the Living Quarter's open door, where Rika is enamoring her mistress, then a sword rings as its unsheathed, and the figure says "STOP RIGHT THERE!"

The new girl has short, thick brown hair she adorns with a green leaf on top, a pair of raccoon ears, a thick raccoon tail that's as long as she is tall, and she's wearing a pair of round glasses, a sleeveless purple vest that does nothing to hide her round, voluptuous breasts or her cute bellybutton, a pair of brown pants, and matching brown, calf-high boots, and a yellow belt with pouches and her sword's sheath.

Also, on her shoulder perches the red Vermilion Bird Suzaku, who opens her deep-red wings to reveal a few white linings under her feathers, and tweets a threatening tune.

Rika sweats when she sees her familiar with the new girl, and nervously says "erm, what are you doing here? Um, I don't mean to be rude, but there's something very good going on here, so could you please leave? Like, right now?"

The girl roars and says "my name is Mamizou Futatsuiwa, and I come here for your balls! GIVE ME ALL YOUR- ...ARGH! To HELL with this!"

The tanuki smashes her sword on the ground with all her might, making an imprint of it on the dirt, looks at Suzaku, and says "I'm not doing it, goddammit! I'm a GIRL! A REAL GIRL! I don't have those things, and I REFUSE to keep going along with that stupid rumor!"

"Hey, I told you to stop Rika-sama from doing out-of-character things, not come asking for balls!" quickly exclaims the telepath bird, forgetting she's currently tuned so that everyone hears what she says.

"I KNOW," stresses out the raccoon girl through gritted teeth. "But this stupid, fat, bloated author is making me say stupid things out of his own, damned selfish need for amusement!"

She points toward nowhere in particular, and demands "you hear me, Willie! I'm not like that whiny Chiyuri! I HAVE BOOBS, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM!"

The red bird flies away, thinking "no way I'm getting into that. I'm saving mama Reimu myself."

Suddenly, a waterfall falls on Mamizou, and stays concentrated where she was standing.

She screams as loudly as she can, only getting some gurgles out of the water, when suddenly the water starts to gradually arch back, and back, then it sneezes the tanuki youkai straight toward the Human village, where she crashes at a suspicious school, causing an explosion of popcorn and lemmings that just run away, before it's too late for the SDM's Ball.

Back at the shrine, a childish woman calls "JUMY~ Oh, I've been looking for you forever!"

Flandre is still in her leotard, all grown up, with an amazing set of breasts that barely fit her outfit, and even though even her belly button is well marked there, that's about all we get to see, and even though that bare-legged leotard is so tight, she seems quite comfortable in it.

She hugs the water dog's large face, making him shrink while blushing, then carries him, making him howl quite happily as she presses him against her belly, then she looks to the shrine and says "thanks for the synthesis thingie you did to my new clothes, Rika-chan~! I'll be going now~!"

With that, the sexily adorable blonde vampire that now mysteriously holds a brown sack with clothes, takes off to the sky, while Rika is being flapped away from the heated Reimu by Suzaku, who says "no, I don't care if that barbaric method will cure her, I won't let you break your character like that!"

"But she's so cute~," complains the maid.

Before long, the red and white karate-chops the bird, throws her away, and before the angelic maid can react, the shrine maiden jumps on her, and we can see the maid's clothes being thrown to the air, while said girl screams "no~ This was supposed to be the other way around! Please help me, Tenshi!"

The futon with Tenshi's boots unrolls to reveal a picture of the celestial, waving happily toward the camera.

Chibi-neko Ran grabs the picture, stares at it, places her hand on her cheek, then sighs and softly hums "hun, hun, hun~" while nodding thrice and softly.

Later that morning, above the Human Village, the S.S. In Your Face Murasa is running away from the Palanquin, and in their run, they are exchanging cannon blasts, and sending plenty of debris down on the humans.

"GET THOSE GODS DAMNED SHIPS OUT OF HERE, OR I'M IMPOUNDING THEM!" shouts Kotohime through a Nitori-brand loudspeaker.

From Kyo's blue-roofed house, a blur flies straight toward the Palanquin, which is just a mere inch from finally leaving the village's premises.

From the S.S. In Your Face Murasa (damn that mouthful), Maribel looks back at the large ship, and shouts "they're still after us, Captain! What do we do?"

From the Palanquin, surprisingly enough, it is Byakuren who shouts "give us the cereal, or prepare to be boarded!"

From the distance, chibi-neko Ran can be heard humming "HUN-HUN-HUN", while Inubashiri is tanning her, back over at the Moriya Shrine.

Anyways, back at the captain wannabe's ship, said blonde grips her twin tails and shouts "GROAR! They're after my Lucky Charms! HIT THEM HARD!"

The rear cannons on Chiyuri's ship double their firing rate, while the front cannons on Murasa's ship take some of those cannonballs and shoot them back, while the rest just make holes on the nice, polished woodwork.

While the cannon fire continues, the daring blonde in twin tails lifts her box of cereal to the air, and declares "you'll never get your hands on MY part of this balanced breakfast!"

A blur swoops down, catches the cereal box, then the chase, the cannons, AND the music stop playing, while the scene slowly moves to the high mast on the bamboo ship, where the blur reveals herself.

"Tremble in fear, for I have come to own thee, losers!"

The girly voice comes from none-other than Medicine Melancholy, who has blonde hair, blue eyes, and wears a cool red bandana over her forehead, an open, dark-red vest with golden shoulder-guards and lose golden ropes on the chest that are supposed to hold it shut, a purple shirt underneath with a dark-red cross sewn on the chest, baggy black pants, black slippers, and holding her pants is a black waist and shoulder belt that holds two guns, two swords, and a tengu mask.

She unsheathes her rusty sword, points it at the deck, and shouts "all your ships belong to ME, Purple Mist, the Pirate Terror!"

Washtubs rain from all over the sky, knocking out everyone with a loud clang; everyone except Medicine, and-, er, I mean, Purple Mist, and Agava, who somehow missed hers after the tennis ball rolled down the deck.

Even all the way at the Palanquin, clangs and klungs can be heard along complaints, as the washtubs knock one girl after another, leaving all five ships littered with limp bodies and dizzy, moaning, defenseless girls.

Chiyuri is the first on her ship to stand up, and with a raised first of rage, she shouts "WHAT THE HELL, WILLIE! I thought we had a truce!"

"Nu-hu-hu-hu~" laughs the blonde poisonous pirate, getting everyone's attention. "This isn't about you, whiny blonde with the nice ass and the average boobs. It's about how I own that fat, hairy ape!"

"What 'chu talkin' about, girl?", asks the captain wannabe.

Medi... er, Purple snaps her fingers, and out from under her vest comes Su-San, wearing the exact same outfit as Medicine, only her vest is purple, and her shirt is dark-red with a purple cross on the chest, and she's carrying a tiny black stick with rounded edges, with one of the edges latched to a long grey lace that is meant to be used as a necklace.

Purple Mist grabs the stick, shows it off, and says "I HAVE THE REAL POWERRRRRRR! This... is Willie G.R.'s USB, and in here he has a lot of stuff, including his fictions. As long as I have this, he does what I say, and WHEN I say."

Yumemi's eyes glint at the sight of my USB, and exclaims "OOOOOHHHH! Chiyuri, if we had that, WE would be the ones in charge around here!"

Ail falls on Yumemi, knocking her out at once, and scratching the back of his head while sitting up straight on top of the redhead, he looks around in confusion, and asks "and where the heck am I now? Seriously, I thought Eirin said there would be no side-effects!"

Chiyuri snarls, points at the offending girl, and shouts "take her out, and get me that US of B thing she has, you scallywags!"

The S.S. In Your Face Murasa cracks, shatters to pieces, and everyone on it, except Agava or the mast, fall to the ground, where hungry sharks are waiting for them.

Ignoring the yelps of pain from the girls, the vicious snarls of the sharks, the screeching of the poor girls, or the incessant splashing of water, the shadow youkai sighs and floats away, while saying "eh, I'm taking a nap."

Purple Mist laugh manically as that mast remains floating as if the ship was still there, then declares "and now, to read what he's written about me in that stupid corssover nobody cares about!" (She's lying through her teeth, I swear!)

Mima's gigantic, translucent face appears in front of the sun, smiling ever so soothingly and motherly at the ground, then turns forward to stare at nothing in particular, and says "let's move on to the next scene, shall we?"

With a flick of her wrist, the scene's division appears.

At the Scarlet Demon Ark's living room, Remilia is currently chewing off Flandre for making her all grown up, but, of course, the blonde isn't really paying any attention to her older sister, and is giving Koakuma, who's behind Patchouli, who's behind Remilia, who's behind Jumy, who's on the floor, a very lustful and dirty look.

The little demon knows that look, and wishes she could respond, but she's not sure if it's safe for her to do so for various reasons, one of them being the fact that Meiling hasn't been the same since she was eaten by said blonde, and that's when that girl was a little girl.

Now, with all that plot crap and scenery plastering out of the way, let's move on.

"And another thing, young lady," sternly says the sexy vampire in a very elegant white dress with a wide opening at the chest that shows of her cleavage, a blood-red band around the waist that accents the shape of her womanly figure, and probably NOT wearing any underwear beneath it.

"...Because of what you did, Sakuya lost a lot of blood. A LOT OF IT! I had to call in that doctor who wanted ME to pay with MY BODY! Do you realize the severity of the crimes you have committed against the crown?"

"Pst... Remi," whispers the hooded magician.

"WHAT?" barks the angry gir... woman.

"There's no actual crime here, just a rape, and a near death. Besides, you don't wear a crown," whispers the smartass in a robe, keeping her face as flatly unfriendly as ever.

Remilia's face does a terribly terrifying 190-degree turn to glare at her friend, and with a smile on, she sinisterly whispers "I got the biggest boobs here, so what I say, goes without question."

Patchouli has become a miniature figure of herself, which shivers as it whimpers "mukyuuuuun~", and is carried away by chibi-neko Miko.

Ignoring this, the elder Scarlet turns to face her sister, only to notice that lusty look on her face, sweats, and says "crap, she's in heat. RUUUUUUN!"

The bouncing vampire takes off before the sexy devil, who cries and shouts as she runs "no, don't leave me alone! She'll come after MEEEE!"

Flandre just watches them run, licks her index finger, slowly slides it down her neck until she reaches her chest, then whispers "it's **** hunting season."

Just as the blonde takes off into the darkness after her older sister and the little devil, Suwako, who wears her regular hat, and a tight black suit that seems to ride up her butt, walks toward the door and presses herself against the wall.

There, her suit takes the very same color as the wall as she presses two spots under her ear, and says "BaBarian, I am in."

The scene becomes dark, a full-colored image of Kanako appears in a small screen above Suwako's smaller screen, along with the numbers 34.34, above her, a vein pulsates on the wind goddess' forehead, and she angrily grumbles "watch it fly sucker, or I'm kicking your upridden ass all over the mountain."

Ayalina dive-kicks Kanako right out of the chair, sits in her stead, and smiles while looking at the numbers and saying "BABA. How clever you are, you little-"

Ail's mother has long brown hair she makes into a ponytail, deceivingly cute maroon eyes, and is currently wearing her plaid green dress with the apron over it, and is lifting her sexy leg over her dress for us so we can see she's wearing black slippers.

She clears her throat, then says "right, on with the show. Froggy, your mission is simple, and I don't want to hear any buts about it, or I'm keeping the other half of the payment, understood? Now, Ail needs more experiences with women-"

"Hey, my Sanae is woman enough for him, AND MORE!" furiously whispers the blonde goddess.

The woman raises her hands defensively, and quickly says "I know, I know, but he's such a saint! It's so boring! He needs to experience other women, and those vampires are HOT! I mean, did you see those things jiggle on Remilia? I mean, COME ON! It's matching Sanae's bounce, so it will make things easier!"

Kero-chan's and her hat's eyes become flat as she looks up at the image of the woman with great disbelief, and flatly says "you are a sick woman, you know that. And why that blue-haired brat? Her sister's in heat. She'd rape him before he can use his gaps to escape. She's perfect!"

Ayalina smiles, lifts a brown bag filled with sweets and green faith stars, and says "I guess I'll be taking these and keeping them for myself after all."

"Ahh, ahh, no, I'm sorry! I'll do it."

"Look, just get Remilia. I know what I'm doing. Besides, Ail sees Flandre as a little sister. He'll never touch her."

"Fine. I'll catch her easily, now that there's some sort of uproar going on around here."

With that, Suwako turns off her communications, and proceeds to sneak further into the mansion-like ark.

She stops and hides behind the large sofa when Renko and Maribel enter the room, the blonde one whispering "I don't get it. If Miss Z*lda is in danger, shouldn't we get L*nk to help?"

The brown-haired girl covers her friend's mouth, and whispers "it's Luna and Kyo! Jeez Mary, do you want to get a lawsuit on the author?"

As they walk away, the blonde sticks out her tongue and says "sorry. It's just that I got this Tri-Pyramid, and got thinking about them instead."

Kero-chan clicks her tongue, and slyly whispers "you'll never catch ME referencing those videogames."

Her froggy nose grew seven feet longer that day, but regardless of that, she continues her mission. (OH SWEET IRONIC HYPOCRISY, thy name is karma.)

That's when Medicine walks through the floor, as though going up some stairs, looks around, and says "nah, I don't want this one. On with the next."

With that, she reaches for mid-air, grips nothing, turns nothingness, a door to the Palanquin's deck opens up, and she walks into it, breaking the laws of physics, and not getting punished for it, because if she does, there goes my USB.

Suwako looks at nowhere in particular, and says "grow some balls, will you, Willie?"

Mamizou appears before the frog-girl, claps her hands together as if praying, bows to the girl, then twirls in place, smacking the girl with her tail and knocking her out on the floor in one hit.

With that, the tanuki dusts her hands and walks away, chuckling "that plumber's got nothing on me."

Over at Heaven, Tenshi is looking tense as she stares away from the city, and under her breath, she manages to mutter "grumble-grumble Reimu... Rika wants her. Not me. ...Want Rika for myself."

Iku approaches the Eldest Daughter, and having read the mood, she calmly says "why don't you just go and have a look."

The celestial gasps with delight at the suggestion, quickly lifts her sword, places it so the hand guard is even with her eyes, then loudly declares "Sword of Hisou! Give me sight beyond sight!"

She stands still with the sword close to her face, staring at nothing for a whole minute, when Iku grumbles angrily and strikes the celestial behind the head with her fist.

The blue-haired cutie coughs up a banana, after the shock from the impact, turns around, and curiously demands "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

When the girl realizes what had just happened, her gaze slowly turns down to that banana she just coughed up.

The oarfish joins the celestial and the silent stare, and asks "um, what is that?"

Tenshi shrugs while shaking her head in confusion, bends her knees to pick up the mysterious tropical fruit, and after standing up and presenting it to Iku, she holds it upright and pinches the top.

"Ca-careful, Miss Tenshi! It could be dangerous!", warns the dragon messenger as she hides behind the celestial, peeking her cute and cautious face over said girl's shoulder.

The celestial looks over her shoulder, and angrily says "aw, pipe down. It's just a fruit."

She looks at the yellow fruit with interest, and asks "but still, how the heck did I spit this out?"

She pinches the fruit's skin tighter and pulls it open without hesitation, revealing nothing inside.

"Well that was anti-climactic. What a serious let down."

After the blue-haired one's complaint, a large watermelon grows from the banana's seed, and falls down on the soft clouds that make the surprisingly solid ground.

Both Tenshi and Iku had flinched after the event, and are currently frozen in a pathetically frightened pose, but when nothing else happens, the blue-haired girl anxiously asks "what just happen now?"

The girls relax, and the brave celestial leans closer to the watermelon, pokes it lightly with her sword, and says "what's with the fruits? Seriously."

The large melon bursts, and Suika jumps from within, cheering "NO BOOBS AHEAD!"

Tenshi punches the oni hard on the head, and furiously grumbles "that joke doesn't work in English!"

Suika, who remains standing as if there's nobody punching her, looks up at the cute celestial, and asks "what's English?"

Medicine crash-lands in front of the three girls, yet is straight on her feet and completely unharmed, raises her hands above her head and cheers "TA-DA~", and a washtub falls above her, stops before touching her, floats over to Tenshi, and smashes her HARD before she even has the time to blink.

Iku looks at the poisonous girl, looks around at the sky, gasps, then runs away while shouting "RUN, RUN AWAY, FOR SANITY'S SAKE!"

Suika, who seems delighted as she pokes the unconscious celestial, looks toward the messenger of the dragons, and asks "what's her deal?"

Medicine snaps her fingers, then the chibi-nekos Ran, Yumemi, Miko and Damien, jog right behind the blonde, all grab one specific spot on the clouds, pull with all their might, and like a flushing toilet, the entire scene is swirled into the center of the new hole, even though Miss Purple Mist is completely unaffected.

The nekos and Suika (not the unconscious Tenshi) scream as they are sucked into the hole, and as soon as the scene is totally drained, the poisonous girl snaps her finger again, and says "oh yeah, so awesome. I ALWAYS wanted to try something like that."

With that, she jumps over the separation line toward the next scene.

Meanwhile, Suwako has reached the locked door to Remilia's room, but like I said, it's (un?) locked, and she obviously doesn't have the key.

She lets out a frustrated snort, walks a few steps into a dark corner, kneels under a cardboard box, then places her fingers on a spot under her ear.

"Sexy-Mama. I have reached the target's room, but I'm not sure if she's even in there. Worst, it's locked. I can't get in."

Ayalina appears once more on the screen above Kero-chan, looks a little disappointed, and says "really? Well, don't go wasting time unnecessarily, froggy. Use the Ero-Eye and see if she's in there."

The girl twitches after realizing her own stupidity, crawls while under that box to the front of the door, pulls one of her hat's eyes off and places it in front of her right eye, then twirls it around, as though adjusting it.

Now she is seeing Remilia's adult silhouette pacing around the room, and apparently rubbing her belly while turning around and trying to look at her butt, apparently.

Along with the vampire are some numbers, stats, a commercial about airplanes, and the suggested purchase of some questionable reading material.

"Affirmative," whispers the blonde. "She's in her room, pacing around, jiggling her bobs, and checking her own ass. I have to admit, she. is. hot."

Ayalina links her fingers under her chin while giving Suwako a very lusty grin, and says "who knew Froggy was such a pervert. Anyways, since she IS in there, you now have to find a way inside. My son's manhood is at stake. There can be no mistakes on this mission!"

Suwako sighs, then says "fine, I'll get your bloody key, get that sexy vampire, and take her home so I can have some sweetened faith!"

With that, the communication is cut off, she places the Ero-Eye back on her hat, then stands up, throws her box away, and whispers "time to get to work."

Medicine appears in front of the blonde goddess, smiles, then grabs the paragraph and pulls it down, reads until the finds what she's looking for, changes the word "locked" to "unlocked", then releases the paragraph so that the scene stretches it back to its original place.

She looks at Suwako, bows her head, winks, then says "just messing with Willie's plot," then casually walks away, disappearing into the darkness.

Froggy is not sure of what just happened, and scratches the back of her head while thinking, but the door is unlocked, so she just shrugs it off and reaches for the knob.

Inside the room, Ayalina has Remilia already gagged, tied up around her waist and ready for delivery, and after noticing the goddess in there, she smiles and says "ah, Froggy. You took too long, so I came in to assist you. Guess there was no need for you after all."

Ignoring the flipped finger and death glare from Moriya's glowing red eyes, the hot young-looking mother takes a piece of paper out of her pocket, giggles, and says "oh yeah, the bikini. Froggy, I do need you after all. First, close the door, then help me change her into THIS!"

"PAH! You'll never get away with this!", exclaims the adult Remilia after freeing herself from the gag, shaking her jiggly chest while doing so.

As the door closes up, the maroon-eyed woman reveals a small white bikini with a triangle-shaped top, a triangle-shaped bottom, and very little coverage.

The vampire's face of utter fright is the last thing in this scene before that door completely closes up and we are forced out due to magical author powers.

After the mandatory mess inside the room, the grunts, screams and moans (what?), we're back inside the room, where the adult Remilia Scarlet is tied by the wrists and ankles, and has been forced to wear that small and tight white bikini that fits her oh so damn well!

Suwako's panting hard and blushing while staring at the vampire, then whispers "I gotta try doing that to Sanae."

After analyzing something, the lusty goddess normalizes herself, then asks "hey, Sexy-Mama? How did you get in here?"

Ayalina coos playfully, points a black remote toward the ceiling, presses the button to open up the secret exit outside, and playfully says "I found the sneaky way in."

"I'm going to KILL YOU BOTH!" threatens the bound vampire, not really scaring either of the girls.

With that, they take off, the sexy mother holding the sexy, bound vampire princess style, off toward the Moriya Shrine, while said vampire woman screams and shouts in hopes that somebody will help her, but nobody ever comes.

Ail's mother looks curiously at Remilia, then says "that's odd. Your skin isn't shining like diamonds under the sun. What gives?"

Annoyed, the blue-haired woman clicks her tongue, and says "what kind of a wuss of a vampire are you talking about? We burn under the sun, not shine! Jeez!" (Ha~ I did that. Yes I did.)

"Ohhh" exclaim the abductors in unison.

Over at the Suspicious Keine's Suspicious School, Budou is thinking hard while trying to solve a history riddle.

The suspicious woman looks at nowhere in particular, smiles vilely, and says "it's not over yet."

Chibi-neko Ran peeks her head in front of the suspiciously Suspicious Keine, suspiciously, and nods thrice while humming "HUNHUNHUN!"

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei Shrine, Rika has locked herself inside her room, and is currently working in darkness, giggling while talking about how cute her mistress is.

She tops hammering, yammering and tinkering, lifts something from the ground, giggles with glee, and says "synthesis complete. These materials I bought form that suspicious shop owner are top grade. They are PERFECT! My lady will love them, I just know it!"

The girl in shadows stares at the dual-pointed item with suspicion, then whispers to herself "hmm, suspicious. That woman had all the materials I needed, and so cheap too, and of such high quality. This is too suspicious... But now is NOT the time for that! I must not ignore my lady's love!"

Outside the maid's room are Hatate, Tenshi, Kogasa, Youmu, Marisa, Shinki, Yumeko, Luize, Suzaku, and of course, Reimu.

They are currently enjoying the lunch Rika had made earlier, while the vermilion bird is keeping a watchful eye on everyone, to assist them in her master's stead, while the angelic maid is freshening up. (Yeah right)

The sweet angel girl walks to the living room, stands under the doorway to the rooms corridor, clears her throat, then hesitantly asks "um... my lady? D-do these suit me?"

All the guests in the room stop eating and talking in order to stare at the sight before them.

There stands Rika Onkamikami, wearing her kimono-like outfit that just makes her so curvaceously adorable, those deathly cute wings that make her desirably huggable, and now, on her ears, she wears a tiny replica of her own wings, which happen to be adding more charm to her bashful blush as she turns her head slightly to the left.

The girls in the room stare silently, and even Yumeko is left speechless of the sight before them, but then, disaster strikes.

Rika's shyness gets the best of her, and after noticing all those eyes on her, she twitches and lets out a frightened sigh, rapidly flaps both back, and ear wings, and softly asks "wh-what? N-no good?", while still looking bashfully to the left.

There are several thuds, a squawk, more thuds, and when Rika looks forward, she screams with fright, making both set of wings spread with tension.

All the girls and the bird lie on the ground on pools of blood that run down their noses through their blissful faces, yet somehow, after such blow, the sexy blonde Makaian maid in her tight leotard remains on her hands and knees.

Yumeko grunts and moans as though in great pain while her nose keeps dripping a lot of blood, and while Rika screams and asks what happened, she grunts to herself "hold it together Yumeko! You are strong! You can survive this!"

The angelic maid goes to her blonde Makaian sister, holds her by the shoulders, making her look up, and with that frightened and concerned face, the sweet angel exclaims "onee-chan, please help me! Mom and Miss Reimu are out cold! WITH SMILES!"

Looking upon this face, Yumeko whispers "onee-chan?", and her consciousness slowly slips into the world of blissful beauty, where many Shinkis of many sizes and ages, are running around a field of pastel-colored flowers, and where one of them is currently hugging Rika tight while rubbing her head and cooing motherly.

Before long, that sweet Rika looks at her sister, and sweetly says "I love my onee-chan too."

Yumeko's entire body stiffens, she seems to choke on herself, she falls on her own pool of blood, and with a happy smile on her face, she repeats "onee-chan will hug you. Onee-chan is here for you."

After the blonde maid's demise, Rika, who currently holds her happy mistress' body princess style, looks around, flaps her four wings, hyperventilates, and screams "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Outside the shrine, Aya flies by, looks at the bloody mess, notices Rika in distress, then chokes and falls after her nose bursts with blood.

Short after, Nue flies by, and dies, then Mima flies by, squeals in delight, and dies (somehow), then Koishi flies by, giggles goofily, then dies after crashing her face on a tree.

Rika has had enough, so she skillfully pulls her ahoge off, her wings become black, then she exclaims "forget this! I have to save My Lady!"

Eientei explodes, and while Eirin is flying off to the distance, Medicine is walking out of the fire, completely unscathed, and holding a bag full of Moonstones and Kaguya's rare items, humming contently, while from the distance, the Hakurei maid screams "WHYYYYYYYYYY! ?"

Back at the ridiculously named ark, the "starving" Flandre has cornered Koakuma and Patchouli inside their own small library replica, and now, both the vampire and the little devil are facing off.

"So~ You think you got what it takes to seduce this little devil?"

The sexy adult Flandre traces the tip of her tongue over her upper lip, grins, and says "I'm going to enjoy your body to the very last detail."

Koakuma slurps as she mimics the tongue-tracing, both girls' eyes glow with intensity as they stare at each other, then the vampire suddenly vanishes, and reappears wearing a simple kimono with the top lose and slightly open, and lounging on the floor while tracing her finger over her hips.

The little devil's eyes bulge a bit, then she disappears, and quickly reappears in an indecently translucent white swimsuit, and is arching her back and flapping both head and back wings while Jumy grabs her swimsuit from the butt, and pulls hard, revealing that devil's perfect assets.

The blonde vampire blushes, clicks her tongue in annoyance, vanishes, then reappears with a kitchen stove in front of herself, and wearing a pink apron over her front, and absolutely nothing else, though the ribbon on her back is censoring the more glorious features behind.

The redhead's cheeks turn pink as she gasps, especially when she notices how, from the sides, those ample, bouncy pearls on the vampire seem to slip dangerously lose.

Koakuma growls inward, disappears, and reappears on an all-around weight lifting machine (Suspicious Keine brand), wearing her tightest, reddest, metallic-like, armless and legless lycra leotard, and is now doing leg exercises.

She lifts that leg as high as she can, while we look at Patchouli, who is staring flatly at the whole situation from behind, and taking notes.

Flandre starts to sweat and pant at the sight, but shakes her head and softly growls "not done yet," and disappears.

She reappears in a small, black bikini, lying on her back on a beach towel, where some artificial light shines down on her.

She stretches up and moans contently, making her top squeeze her glorious mounds and almost break in half, then suddenly turns on her belly and seductively whispers "oh, I can't reach my back. Could you put some sun block on me, sweetie?"

She gasps and exclaims "oh my!", when her top suddenly breaks off, and Jumy comes and takes them away in his mouth.

A bit of blood trickles down Koakuma's nose, who seems to be breathing some puffs of steam out of her mouth while her face turns red, and her eyes seem to lose focus.

She punches herself on the head, disappears, then reappears in a maid's outfit that's missing half of its already mini-skirt, and the shirt under the apron.

She mimics dusting some books on the top shelves, making her bouncy chest attempt the escape of their white prison, lifts her left leg up, as if trying to reach higher, to reveal her garter belt and black, frontless and backless panties, and seductively whispers "it'd be so embarrassing if the Master were to see me like this."

Flandre's eyes lose their focus, her face turns red, steam puffs out of her panting mouth and ears, yet she somehow disappears again.

She reappears wearing a tight dress with a mini skirt that barely covers her pink-striped panties, thigh-high black and white striped socks, red shoes with high heels, and a cute little headdress.

The little devil gasps, shakes, a mushroom cloud explodes on her head, yet she holds her ground, stares back at the vampire, feeling weak, heavy and hot, and says "you *pant* are good."

She suddenly disappears again, and reappears wearing a violet, indecently translucent baby doll (sleep dress), standing on her knees while licking the back of her hand and looking at the blonde vampire.

The blonde woman slumps while panting, slurps as she cleans the drool off her mouth with her arm, and asks "one more?"

The girls vanish, then quickly reappear with different outfits.

Koakuma is wearing a tight brown fairy dress with an almost non-existent skirt, barely-existent chest cover, and a single spaghetti strap over her right shoulder, and Flandre is wearing her pink leotard again, only this time, she pushing her breasts out of the cleavage cutout with her crossed hands.

Both girls pant hard and steam puffs out of them as they look at each other, then the little devil says "dammit. We're still even."

"We can't both be on top, for Vlad's sake!", spits the heated vampire.

That's when both girls' eyes widen, then their gaze suddenly turns to the background, where Patchouli stands with her unfriendly eyes under a blue shadow, and where Mai suddenly appears to the magician's right, casually saying "that's why I want the robe. Too bad she's with mom at the... eh? Yuki?"

Knowledge suddenly raises five crystals, each of different colors, erects a powerful, multi elemental barrier, and declares "you are not touching either of us, you understand? We are NOT part of your lewd games!"

The winged Makaian's eyes turn white, round, teary, and with confusion on her face, she looks all around and cries "where the hell am I?"

And that's when she notices the faces of Koakuma, and particularly Flandre's, as they walks closer to them (the prey) with those vile lustful grins on their faces, shivers, and says "no, not again! I'm not READY FOR THIS AGAIN!"

"Don't worry," begins Patchouli. "They'll never get past my barrier."

Medicine enters through the left of the scene, stands in front of Patchouli, rips her robe off, leaving her in purple bras and panties, snaps her finger at Mai, braking the magical barrier, then says "now get with the action."

With that, she walks away to the right, leaving two defenseless girls at the mercy of two lustful demons whom are hot, and hungry for fresh meat.

Both Mai and Patchouli hold each other tight, trembling under the looming shadows of Flandre and Koakuma, but that's until they gaze into those two pairs of red eyes, and just like that, their fear becomes a blissful, warm and fuzzy feeling, along with an itch and a tickle over their heated bodies.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Youkai Forest, the green-clad Kyo, and the blue-clad Luna in a dress, are swinging swords and shooting beams, killing giant octopuses that spit rocks, blue and red goblins with spears, and Damien, who's already down on the ground, and is being lifted up and thrown like some sort of object.

It's not so bad. Any enemy killed with his body drops twenty rupees, and a pot of honey.

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Ail and Sanae travel as guests of the Makaians, a favor from Shinki herself, and are currently lounging on the deck of the simple, yet demonic glass ship.

He is currently wearing his purple swim trunks, and she is wearing her metallic-rose colored one-piece swimsuit with a diamond-shaped opening at the chest and open around the hips.

She sighs contently, reaches for her man's hand, grips it gently, and says "this is so relaxing. Now I'm glad you're friends with these girls."

The dense one chuckles playfully, then says "please remember, Sanae is the only girl for me."

This adorably cheesy one-liner earns him one loving girlfriend on top of himself, and leaning closer for a kiss... that never happens.

When the expected kiss takes too long to happen, Ail opens his eyes and asks "what's the matt... er?"

Ayalina is currently pushing Sanae's head away from her son with her index finger pointed at the forehead, and smiles as she says "sorry, but before that, my boy needs to level up to seventy."

The green-haired girl tries to force herself against the mad woman for that kiss, while the golden-eyed boy asks "mom, what the heck are you talking about?"

Yuki appears next to the boy, and says "this AWESOME lady wants you to be with another woman to raise your man points, so that you and your girlfriend can have a more 'passionate' relationship."

Ayalina holds Sanae by the neck, while she tosses a treat at the fire witch in a leotard, who has dog ears and a wagging tail, and still manages to look cute AND sexy.

Ail frees the shrine maiden from his mother's grip with a pair of giant pliers, rubs her back while hugging her; apparently this is helping her breathe again; and angrily says "could you please stop that, mom! Stop trying to make me cheat on Sanae. It's getting annoying."

Now it's the boy's turn to suffer from suffocation when his own girlfriend returns his embrace with a rib-cracking hug, while cooing contently and rubbing her face against his head.

The hot young mother and the crazy fire witch stare at the scene, moan simultaneously in delight, then Ayalina casually walks next to her son, quickly chops his neck, then grabs his limp body as soon as it falls.

"Aright then Sanae-chan. I'll be taking him now. You be patient and keep yourself heated up while I help him level up."

The shrine maiden pulls her gohei from between her semi-exposed breasts' cleavage, and bravely declares "you're not taking him ANYWHERE! Now let him go before I exterminate you, youkai!"

The young-looking mother sighs irritably while the green-haired girl in pink swimwear rushes toward her for the kill, pulls a square piece of paper from the pocket on her apron, then tosses it toward the offending girl.

Sanae stops her assault immediately after noticing it's a picture of Ail in his underwear, falling on his butt after slipping on a soap bar in the bath room, then jumps and grabs it in mid-air.

She now has a dog tail and ears, and is wagging that tail while rubbing her face against that photo, until she notices she's being photographed by a snickering Yuki, and that Ail's mother has taken off with the prized boy on her shoulders.

"GRARGH! I've been TRICKED!", shouts the girl while waving her hands in the air.

A wave of water falls from the sky, lands on the ship, and Shanghai is in her adorably cute swimsuit while riding that wave, which runs over Sanae and Yuki, and takes them both over the rails.

A scene-skip later, still on the ship, Yuki claps while Sanae lifts herself from her knees, wearing a golden power suit with wide shoulders, and a red chest with a tiny green "S" on the right side.

As she looks around, she thinks "she took my Ail-kun just as we were about to kiss, just so that he can go to another woman. This is unforgivable."

A red helmet with tubes on the sides of the mouth and a green visor appears on her head like magic, and after giving a thumbs up to the happy-go-lucky Makaian, she thinks "I will not be able to rest until my Ail-kun is back with me. And so, I set off to rescue him... alone."

Yuki claps again and says "whoa, cool monologue! Anyways, good luck and all that."

V*r*a Suit Sanae flips a thumb up at the fire witch a second time, walks over to the portside (left) of the ship, looks up to the sky, and summersaults over the rails.

And that's when she realizes one very important thing... The suit is very, very heavy, and she cannot fly with it, and so she plummets to the ground below, where uncomfortable things wait to happen after her fall.

The blonde girl in leotard walks over to the rails, sniffling and sobbing happily, and says "what a silly human. But she's so full of life. I hope Yumeko makes some pudding *sniffle*"

Back at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Flandre walks out to the deck, carrying Mai over her shoulder, while Koakuma carries Patchouli princess style, and keeps rocking her around gently, while cooing softly.

Both girls are covered in blankets, seeing as their clothes are still drying, and both have this terribly ill look on their face that seems to settle down a bit after they start breathing fresh air.

"Wow, what light weights," comments the blonde vampire in an elegant red dress, while gently placing her girl on a lawn chair under an inexplicable shade.

"Yeah. We ended up on each other after all," casually comments the little devil in her usual suit dress, while she places the moaning magician on the lawn chair besides the Makaian.

The two perverted girls look at each other after that, giggle, then the little devil seductively asks "how about we go find Meiling next?"

Kimi summersaults from the side of the ship, reaching high above the sky, where Mamizou joins her in the twirling jump, and just when Flandre and Koakuma try to move, the shadow dragon falls and smashes the blonde's head with a Luize sword, while the tanuki smashes the redhead's head with her own tail.

After the inevitable stars start spinning before the struck girls, the blonde Makaian in her cute leotard stumbles all the way to the starboard (right) side of the ship, mumbles something about Shinki's panties being sweet, then falls over the rails and plops into the giant green jello mold Unzan is conveniently carrying over the inexplicable, angry little Nues with shark teeth.

On the ark, Mamizou has Kyouko on her shoulder, and glowers at the two moaning perverts as she angrily says "you should be ASHAMED of yourselves! Setting such a bad example to these young girls!"

Kimi steps forward, grabs the adult Flandre by the back of her head, lifts her up, Orange pops her head from the shadow dragon's back, then said dragon says "for shame! Out little sisters' fragile minds may be scarred forever, thanks to you two perverts, and that damned, fanservice-sick author!"

The yamabiko jumps off the tanuki's shoulder, and casually says "it's alright Mami nee-san. They're lesbians, they can't help it."

Shortly after, the short-shorted girl jumps off her dragon to land to the yamabiko's right, and says "that' right Kimi-nee. Just a couple of raging lesbians wanting some fun."

The seemingly unconscious girls storm to their feet, and furiously shout "HEY! We are NOT lesbians!"

Kimi grabs Orange, Mamizou grabs Kyouko, and both squeeze the two lucky/unlucky/LUCKY(?) girls between their breasts, smothering both and cutting their air supply, while the tanuki youkai sweetly says "no dear little sis, they aren't lesbians."

The shadow girl squeezes her little sister too tight, crushing her bones in the process, and adds "they're just a couple of sick perverts, looking for very disgusting thrills."

Flandre takes a fighting stance, and threateningly says "ohh~, looks like you're both itching for a fight, huh. I'll be taking both your bloods rare!"

Koakuma knows she's totally outmatched, so she just shakes her fist in the air, and shouts from within the dark corridors "you get 'em Lady Flandre! I'll be with you in spirit!"

"At least protect Patchy and the screaming ice witch!", shouts the vampire without looking back.

The little devil rushes outside to the unconscious, panting girls, raises a magical barrier around them, then a washtub falls on her head, knocking her out and canceling the barrier.

Flandre, Kimi, and Mamizou all face palm and sigh, then all look toward a specific point to the sky with a scowl, and shout "CUT IT OUT, WILLIE!"

Spaghetti with red sauce rains down on the girls, and somehow, the chibi-nekos Ran, Sanae and Yumeko are already eating it on the sides, along with Orange and Kyouko.

Both the youkai girl coo and squeal with glee while enjoying the delicious meal, then the three supposed-adults poke their heads out of the food, and the blonde cries "I got sghetti in strange places!"

"ITADAKIMASU!" exclaim the heart-eyed, supposedly-mature dragon and tanuki, just as they jump on the vampire, and begin their gorgeous consumption of said blonde.

Two hours later, the panting, flushed Flandre lies on her stomach with a happy smile on the ground while in her pink underwear, and contently sighs "I just never knew."

The yamabiko and the baton-girl are both tapping their left feet impatiently on the ground, and are placing their fists on their hips as they glower at their two onee-chans, then Orange says "so shameless!"

"We're sowwyyyyyy~" whine both girl with red sauce all over their faces.

The scene frizzles like a broken TV, and now, after it settles we see Wriggle in her natural habitat, licking some sap out of a tree in the Forest of Magic, and ignoring the world around her.

Hatate appears on the background, hiding behind some thick bushes while gazing flatly toward the plump bug, then hides the very second the bug girl looks around.

The green haired girl resumes her happy sap-licking, then Mystia swoops in, screeching like a hawk, knocking Wriggle off the tree and off the scene, and causing a noisy commotion on the right of the screen.

Meanwhile, Hatate jumps out of hiding, and starts taking pictures of the whole thing, while looking amused and amazed.

Meiling sighs as she jumps from the couch, and roars "there's nothing to watch!"

She turns off the TV with the remote, drops back down on the couch like a sloth, looks at herself, then asks "why am I still wearing my pirate outfit? It's my day off."

Dark Rika peeks her head from behind the couch, then jumps and screams "get off the couch, you lazy slob," causing he poor redhead to spring and scream in surprise.

After recovering from the inevitable crash, Meiling lifts herself off the ground, rubbing her chin and under her chest, while whining "hey, that was rude. Attacking me from the back like that was cowardly."

The darkened maid looks down on the redhead, unsheathes and points her sword at the girl's face, then says "what disgraceful behavior this is! You are a LADY! Act like such!"

The gate guard raises an eyebrow as she slowly stands up, and asks "um, Miss Rika? What's the matter? What are you talking ab-"

The maid grabs the unsuspecting girl, sits on the couch, sit the victim's stomach on her lap, then starts spanking the girl, while saying "you. were. slouching. on. the. couch. like. some. old. man! BAD GIRL!"

Poor redhead is left to stand up while howling in pain and rubbing her throbbing, sore butt, while the dark maid stands up, and commands "and don't just stand there! Clean up this room and make it look like there was a LADY here!"

Meiling gazes upon those purple eyes in order to attack, but instead is overwhelmed by the charisma emanating from that face.

"HOOOOOOOOOOO~", she howls in adoration as she drops on her knees to bow, and exclaims "I'll honor your request to the very last detail, oh superb one!"

As she says this, she thinks "what the hell am I thinking? My Lady would be so mad at me right now, but I can't help it! This girl's charisma level is as high as Lady Remilia's!"

"MOVE IT!", commands Dark Rika, to which Meiling springs on her feet, salutes the girl, and says "hai!"

In a matter of instants, Meiling Hong changes to a green, short skirted maid's outfit, and is zipping around the entire room, brushing, dusting, mopping, reaching, tripping, swiping, sweeping, mopping again, and then she fondles the dough in the bowl.

The winded maid guard manages to stand straight and in attention in front of the dark one, who smiles vilely, chuckles, and says "nice," then more sternly, commands "now don't forget to act like a girl, or I'm spanking that sweet ass again!"

"H-er, hai," is the only thing the cute, white-disk eyed girl can say, while shivering with fear before the dark maid.

Dark Rika suddenly runs toward the next corridor, and shout "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU CLEAN THE WINDOWS! COME HERE, YOU!"

The sexy redhead sighs with relief, ignoring the screaming fairy maids and the sounds of spanking going around, manages to drop on the couch, and as she grabs the remote again and turns the television on, she sighs "hauuu what a pain. But at least it's over now."

On the TV, the terrified, white disk-eyed Hatate, shivers violently as she creeps away from Wriggle, who is using Mystia's hat to clean her mouth from the inexplicable, thick, whitish substance.

Meanwhile, at the long path to the Moriya Shrine, V*r*a Suit Sanae is blasting round spiny creatures as she makes her way to the shrine.

But that's not important now, for we want to go to Kanako's room, where the bikini-clad adult Remilia, and the briefs-clad Ail, are both looking away from each other; the vampire seems annoyed, while the boy is just confused and wondering what the hell is suppose to happen next.

The boy looks straight at the vampire's face, so as not to cause any kind of misunderstanding, and asks "um, Remi? Wh-why exactly are we locked up in here in barely any clothes for?"

The voluptuous vampire mistress flinches only too obviously, crosses her arms around her breasts, looks away to hide her flushed face, and angrily says "h-how should I know? J-just stay over there and don't talk to me."

Ayalina appears behind her son, holding her hands together while lifting both index fingers, and startles both boy and vampire when she says "this is going nowhere, so it's time I give you two a hand."

"Mom, where the heck did you come from?", asks the boy as he twists his torso slightly to look back.

"Never mind that, sweetie," calmly says the evil mother before pushing her hands forward and poking Ail on a specific point on his spine.

The dense one's body becomes stiff for a moment, and in a second, his Yozoragan blood limit is activated by force.

As soon as he turns around to shout at his mother, he realizes she is gone, turns around to address the hot woman at the other side of the room, and his eyes hide under a dark shadow while his cheeks turn pink, and a force smile graces his face.

Right in front of him is Remilia, looking endearing and sweetly at him while bending slightly forward to show her goods, and staring at him with a blushing, longing face.

She quickly grips him tight, snuggles her face against his right shoulder, and after panting lightly, she whispers "what a man. Such gorgeous wings."

In the course of a single second, Ail thinks "Sanae's going to kill me; I'm going to kill mom; Remilia's gonna rape me; Why am I scared and happy?; I should run, but where?; This is bad/good/bad... good. Someone save me."

Remilia begins to rub his chest with her hand, giggles while looking at him as though in some sort of trance, and sweetly sighs "if you let me go, I'll gouge your eyes."

"THINK OF SOMETHING SWEETER TO SAY!" screams the terrorized boy just before he gazes into the woman's eyes, and gets lost in thought.

The vampire smiles, places her arm around the boy's neck, notices there's a bit of resistance to her charm, yet she smiles, gets her face closer to his, then the wall to outside the shrine bursts open.

Sanae has lost the helmet, abdomen, and shoulders of her power suit, but she's come to rescue her man, and she's not leaving without him.

She looks at the scene before her, stares at her pathetic man as he whimpers "save me, Sanae-chan," and shoots a charged beam of pure plasma straight at his face, smiling while saying "you perverted bastard."

When the smoke from the blast clears, it is revealed both adult Remilia, who still clings tightly to her prize, and Ail, had erected a barrier that nullified that shot.

"DAMMIT SANAE! I said save me, not turn us both into crispy nuggets!"

"What's a nugget," suddenly asks the confused vampire while looking up at the golden-eyed boy.

"Dammit Anilan, you didn't make your move," sighs Ayalina from the door to the room.

"And I wanted to see my grown up lady making a cute face and using her cute voice as that boy ravaged her perfect body," sighs another, very familiar voice from behind the young-looking mother.

Remilia snarls and growls toward the source of the voice, grips Ail closer to her; so tightly, in fact, that her breasts are about to pop free from their tiny, constricting prison; and angrily says "Sakuyaaaaa! What the hell is the meaning of this! ?"

The chief maid is wearing a long black coat over her usual maid's dress, and a pair of sunglasses that makes her look like some sort of big boss.

Without any sort of provocation, the silver-haired girl says "It was I who had you kidnapped, My Lady. I wanted you to seduce Ail, so that you would have all sort of dirty fun with him, but he's too dense to notice, and too devoted to that shrine maiden to fall easily. We needed more ti-WHAT THE HELL! ? MY LADYYYYYYYY!"

Sanae has already knocked out Remilia while Sakuya was focused on her monologue, and is currently holding on to her man tightly, wearing nothing but a tight blue body suit that rides up the crack of her buns like some g-string, though it's still unknown as to the purpose of such a sexy design being inside a metal suit.

Meanwhile, the vampire moans while lying dazed, sprawled all over the ground, where her white, triangular bikini top threatens to slip, teases us with that glorious thought of it slipping when the woman twitches several times, but remains in place, disallowing us, AND Sakuya, the glorious privilege of seeing that perfectly shaped body as life intended it to be seen.

The chief maid is suddenly flying backward as a throttling spray of blood explodes out of her nostrils, and just before hitting the ground with her body, she shouts "oh no~ I'm defeated~~!"

Ail and Sanae stand before the happy maid's body, and some wind starts blowing behind them, making the whole scene look cool, and stuff.

Ayalina cracks a whip, demands "I demand that you two do it, right here and NOW!", then a kiwi (fruit) falls on her head, making a loud klunk sound and knocking her out, then chibi-neko Yumemi pops out of the tiny, brown, fuzzy green fruit, and cheers "aaaaaand it's done! Let's all go home!"

The green-haired shrine maiden raises an eyebrow, and asks "wait, what? But the ships haven't crashed yet! How can it be the end?"

The tiny cat person rubs her chin while thinking and sighing some "nya"-s, then says "you're right. Time to fix that."

The chibi-nekos have prepared a ridiculously complicated grey cannon on the shrine's front yard, while Ail and Sanae, both in casual outfits, eat some rice balls with tea and casually watch.

The cannon is normal, has a normal sturdy base, and all around it there are wooden beams making what looks like the skeleton of what should be a wall, though there's no reason for it being there. Really!

After a quick hammering from chibi-neko Damien on some sort of wooden/metal beam, he looks back at chibi-neko Ran, and smoothly says "this baby is ready to end the chapter in a glorifying bang of robust proportions."

"HUN-HUN-HUN", hums the nodding blonde little neko thing while holding the back of the cannon, as though eager to shoot it already.

Chibi-neko Miko jumps out from inside the cannon's mouth, crashes on her stomach on the ground, and desperately shouts "SHOOOOOOOT!"

The cannon fires itself, and Suwako is now flying through the air, screaming as she is forced to cruise at insane speeds.

She screams "THIS WASN'T PART OF THE PLAAAAAAAAAN!" while flying straight toward Miko, who is tied up from the wrists and ankles by four separate ropes that cling to nowhere.

The trapped saint screams in terror while watching that goddess cannonballing toward her, OMPHS hard when the blond crashes against her stomach, then they turn to Tojiko, who continues cannoning toward the Human Village, screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUU~" as she flies away.

There, she is caught by a suspiciously branded bathtub, the tub falls on a pair of skates on a metal platform, it rolls down a slide next to the platform, loops, spins, rinses, then crashes against a stop sign, and now Kaguya falls toward a giant cake bowl that's in top of the Suspicious Keine's school and shop. So suspicious.

A giant, Nitori brand, cake mixer appears from heaven, crushes the screaming, leotard-clad princess, then starts mixing the cake mix, which inexplicably fills the bowl now.

The mixer explodes, sending the mix to the air, where it slips off Futo, who looks around herself in despair, then anxiously asks "wha? WHA? Where's the kitchen? This is not our kitchen!"

She crashes against Damien, causing an explosion in mid air, then Nue rockets forth, going straight at the S.S. Glass Leotard, screaming "NUUEEEEN~! THIS MAKES NO SEEEEEENSE!"

Meanwhile, at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri, Yumemi and Mima are on their backs, wearing simple white, red and blue bikinis, taking in some Sun in peace, when the surprisingly round-butted blonde sighs "such a peaceful day, even without my Lucky Charms."

Momiji, Hatate and Cirno are staring at their captain's butt as it jiggles when she speaks, then the crow girl snaps a picture, drools, and says "you know Chiyuri-sama, you should consider wearing tighter pants. E... even Willie wouldn't be able to mess with you if you did."

Snow falls on the ship, making the bikini girls screech in pain, it explodes with great force, then the S.S. Glass leotard is pierced by the screaming Alice, it falls straight on the Palanquin's deck, said ship creaks as it heads straight toward the Unnamed Ghost Ship, meatballs rain on the Scarlet Demon Ark, and somewhere in Gensokyo, Kyo is engaged in a swordfight against G*non**rf for the freedom of Luna.

Meanwhile, under the exploding ships, Medicine is walking by, taking the things that fall from said ships that interest her, and even though large chunks of wood and glass fall on her, they all just veer away from her body, and land either on top of another downed girl, or safely on the ground.

She looks toward a specific spot, Su-San flies out of hiding, several washtubs fall around them, then the larger doll youkai says "heh, that's right. I stay safe, so does your precious stick. Now, let's see what that Sanae wears under her skirt."

With that, the evil blonde disappears through a magical door that leads straight to the Moriya Shrine.

What's awesome is that I didn't call her Purple Mist this whole time, and she didn't notice. Don't tell her, please.

Anyways, while bits of ships and girls rain down on to the ground, Alice is somewhere at the Youkai Forest, moaning as she gets off the ground, and rubbing the massive, steaming bump on her head.

She winces after a jolt of pain hits her, then she opens her eyes, looks around, then says "but I wasn't even part of this chapter. Why am I here? And who is that Suspicious Keine? Oh, that's right, I have to returns Patchy's ero-"

Chibi-neko Sanae jumps out of a bush, strikes the blonde out of consciousness with a paper fan to the head, then sweetly says "mmm-nya. You should not read those naughty books, darling."

That night, at Mystia's new, Unnamed Night Restaurant, set near the eastern exit of the Human Village, Chiyuri is sharing a drink with Murasa, Yumemi, Yuyuko and Byakuren are mingling on one of the tables, and for some reason, Shou is trying to keep herself hidden from Nazrin, who is looking around with a very menacing glare.

Reimu and Marisa are sharing some quiet time, drinking sake on a table, while looking at the large moon from the window, while Dark Rika, whom is currently scolding some humans for leaving an order without eating, is SUPPOSED to be picking up another bottle of sake for her mistress and friend.

The adults Remilia and Flandre, and Koakuma, all in sexy casual outfits, are sitting at the bar, hitting on the young men from the village, and using their charm abilities to 'convince' said males to join them for the night.

Meanwhile, on a nearby table, Patchouli sits in front of the maid Meiling (Maidling), whom is feeding the tied up Sakuya, who cries "I really gotta go~. My lady, please forgive me already."

Meiling coos sweetly, then says "I'll take you to the bathroom, Sakuya-san."

The chief maid in tight ropes cries twin waterfalls, and after a sob, she whimpers "this is so humiliating."

At the table closest to the entrance of the new restaurant, Mai sniffles and whimpers while trying to cover herself with her arms, and failing yet again, while Yuki pats her shoulder and Luize rubs her back, attempting to cheer the girl up.

She looks at her blonde sisters, sniffles, then says "but I'm so exposed. I need my cover."

While all of this happens, the chibi-nekos Sanae, Yumemi, Miko, and Ran, run around the restaurant, taking the prepared orders to their customers, while the little Damien works with Mystia in the kitchen.

Unknown to all, in the restaurant's separate room, a suspicious client is suspiciously eating her suspicious bowl of ramen, which she suspiciously acquired without having to pay a yen.

The Suspicious Keine takes a VERY suspicious slurp, while Mokou takes a normal slurp from her bowl, and says "hey, why am I blending with the background? Didn't even get a proper presentation. No fair, you're the suspicious one after all."

The suspicious woman chuckles very suspiciously, smiles, and says "Moko-tan, you say the cutest things sometimes."


The door suddenly opens up, and the chibi-nekos Damien and Yumemi make their way inside.

Both cats make their way to the Suspicious Keine, offers a thick envelope, then the manly cat with his suave voice, says "here's the payment for the materials and the cannon."

The chibi Yumemi smiles all cat-like and says "nyan. that excessively overly complicated cannon was marvelous. We ended the chapter with a really impossible bang-nya."

The Suspicious Keine grins with a chuckle, suspiciously looks toward a fixed point, her left eye glints very suspiciously, and she suspiciously says "too bad Medicine still has that USB Stick. If it weren't for that, the poison blast would have made the ending all better. Oh well. Let's just hope the author finds a way to mess that chick up, before she sells my panties on JBay."

Mokou casually slurps on her soup, then looks inside the bowl and says "ah, I found the eel. Yum~"

The scene slowly shrinks as I make my way out that suspicious door, keeping my eyes on that suspicious woman that keeps staring at me like some sort of hungry ero-predator, then chibi-neko Ran appears to the right of the scene, and nods while rapidly humming "HUNHUNHUN!"

To be continued... suspiciously frightening.

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Luna, Budou, Kimi, Jumy and Ayalina were created by Willie G.R.

The chibi-nekos were inspired by Carnival Phantasm Anime (for those still wondering, for some reason)

Rika and Suzaku were created by Snapshot 2010

Suwako's Ero-Eye suggestion by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

Referenced stuff belongs to their proper owners.

MAR 19 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.


Ok... this was crazy, but there's something missing. Something that should have made it far more random than it is. Will I find out what it is next time? Wait... why is there a suspicious letter in my room? Um... did I do something wrong?

Hmm, you know what? I wanted to mimic the last boss fight of Metal Gear Solid 4, BUT I haven't beaten the game yet, so I decided to put that on hold, for now. Until next time!